Here it is, I am in love with my ex and I can't get her out of my head. To me she is the most amazing person in my life, and as much as I have tried to be her friend for nearly a year now I still can't get her out of my head!
She is everything I ever wanted and I ended it because I was stupid just turned eighteen year old who wanted the single life. I don't deserve her back because of how I threw it all away but there is nothing in my life I want more than to be with her.
I know deep inside me I could make her the happiest she could ever be, and she has been hurt by guys for a long time now, her ex boyfriend was a nasty guy to her and cheated on her and I feel sorry for her, she deserves the best, and I think that I could be the best to her now and I am mature enough for a relationship with her but I have told her how I feel and she says she wants to be friends and she does like me but not enough to get back together but I can't get the thought out of my head that maybe one day it could happen again and everyday I am going slowly insane with the thought of not being with her everyday. I get on great with her family, even her amazing dog meg loves me!
I just want her back and need to talk to someone about it all but my friends are good to me but sometimes would be better to talk to someone I don't know so well.
So if anyone can help me as I sit at my computer typing in tears then please message me and let me know, because in a million years I could not be an ounce as sad as I am now, my job, car, family means nothing to me if I am not with her and it is killing me. I saw her last night and we went out for a drink with a few mates and it was a big smile on my face all evening and I told her if she ever needs anything from me I will always be here for her and then it hit me, I am only a friend and I am never going to be more unless I try, and I am going to try my hardest to get back with her!
Am I going insane? Do we stand a chance? Please help
TOM x

I am sorry to say this Tom, but it is unlikely that you will be able to turn this back into a relationship with her. She has made it clear to you that she likes you but only as a friend.

You need to make a decision here, is it best for you to remain friends with her when you have such strong feelings for her that are not reciprocated?

You could end up pushing her away as a friend if you in any way put pressure on her to try and give it a second chance (which is unlikely to happen under the circumstances)

I think you need to distance yourself from her, even as a friend for a while so that you can sort through these feelings. It is not only fair on her but also fair on yourself. Unreciprocated love is almost unbearable if you are constantly in the company of that person.

By giving yourself distance away from her, you can put these feelings into perspective and sort through them. You have a process of grieving to do here (even though you were the one that broke it off) and you can only start this process if you give yourself this distance.

I know what you are going to say... "but I can't because she hangs around with my friends, so that is just not possible"

It is possible and you must do what is right to protect yourself from any more emotional pain. Don't beat yourself up for making the mistake of giving her up. Everyone makes mistakes and falls short of perfection and life is a long process of learning from a succession of mistakes.

You have already made the first step by understanding that you made a mistake. There will be other Loves in your life and someone will turn up again, you may have to meet a few before you get to the woman you are really meant to be with..

Anyway, I hope it all works out for you mate and it will, IN TIME!

Welcome Tom, you've come to the right place. The people here (like Geoff) give excellent advice, that is, if you choose to take it.

Distance yourself from her. Being friends with someone you desperately want to be more with is an extremely hurtful experience. The friendship will suffer and fail because one of you doesn't really want to be friends.

Get away from her, focus on yourself and making a better you, and come at this when you aren't so infatuated with her. This isn't easy (I sort of know how you feel, but not exactly), but it is essential for the grieving process.

@Geoff
I wish I could be as eloquent as you!

bloodbomb,

I could never add anything that would even come close to Geoff's advice. It is perfect.

What I do want to say is I am so sorry for your sadness. I wish there was a majic wand that could take it all away. But sadly, one hasn't been invented yet.

Please stay in touch, the folks here, truly do care.

By the way, letting your emotions out is a good thing, and you always have us and I am sure some true good friends to lean on.

My best to you.

Look, I dated a girl for 6 years (HS, college, after), expected to marry her, it fell apart. Didn't date again for 2 more and took longer to get her out of my head. So I get the "woe is me" bit. Sucks to be you. It happens. Happened to me.

You don't get to choose for her. She says no. its done. You are obsessing.




...there is nothing in my life i want more than to be with her...

...I know deep inside me i could make her the happiest she could ever be...

...i think that i could be the best to her now and i am mature enough for a relationship with her but i have told her how i feel and she says she wants to be friends and she does like me but not enough to get back together...

...but i can't get the thought out of my head that maybe one day it could happen again and everyday i am going slowly insane...

...my job, car, family means nothing to me if i am not with her and it is killing me...

TOM x

Again... you've got some hard work to do, and it has NOTHING to do with winning her back. You need to suck it up, suffer a little, and move on. You have not moved on. It'll be ugly for some time. Then one day you realize it doesn't suck so much. Then one day it's a hell of a lot better.

So you broke up. You may never get her again. Here's the thing... she's NOT likely to make the mistake you are making... thinking obsession is the healthy basis of a relationship. Someone who finds no meaning in life other than to be with another person isn't necessarily on the fast track to getting a stable relationship. Having a "butler" might entertain her for a while, but not likely long term.

So... I'm not being mean, I'm being truthful... again, I wasted a couple of years trying to work my head into the right place... or maybe it wasn't wasted at all... it just took a lot of time and a lot of frustration to get to a better place... but you need to be with NOBODY but yourself for a while.

Until you can find happiness in your life, job, family, etc on your own you are not likely to find it in a relationship. Then, when you get yourself back to a stable place, well maybe shell be interested, maybe not. Sometimes it works out when people try again. You just can't count on that being the cornerstone of your happiness.

Yes... everything IS better when you are in a healthy relationship... but you are saying right now she is the only person who can save you, and that you are the best person to save her... I'm guessing neither of those are true.

Hi Tom,

Probably not as wise as some of the people here, but would add to the above that, if by some miracle you did get back together with your ex, it would never be the same as how it was before.

Maybe, you might feel the same way about her, but the fact that you dumped her will probably mean that she will never be able to get back together without the fact that you rejected her sitting at the back of her mind, which will make things really difficult for her. She won't be able to fully trust you which is not the best thing to have in a relationship. This might be why she doesn't want to get back together with you and if you care about her your respect her wishes.

This is my opinion from my experience as dumper and dumpee. Then again, I know friends that have split up with their longterm boyfriends/girlfriends of 2 years + and have ended up back together.

So, I agree with the guys/girls above on one front, you should distance yourself from her and get over it. This will do you and her the world of good in the long term and eventually you may even become friends again, you'll probably never be best friends, due to your history. I went out with a girl for three years and we were head over heels for each other, then when we were both were 20 we both went to university. We were near enough to each other to remain together but we split up, she did the splitting and despite being heart broken and seriously unhappy on an epic scale, realized that it did make sense.

We remained in contact and luckily I only saw her during the holidays, It took me a really long time to truly get over her, went out with other girls but she'd always pop into my mind ( less and less the more time past). We did even have another crack at it at one point, but it wasn't the same and I as mentioned didn't fully trust her or trust myself with her, so I broke it off. Eventually, a while later we started to see each other again as friends and although we don't see each other all the time mainly due to it sometimes upsetting some of our current boyfriends/girlfriends , it's always fun when do do meet up as we both know each other so well, have always got on really well together and can always reminisce about the shared a chunk of our lives.

Anyway, I'll stop waffling, the point is, you'll be able to get over her, and may be able to still be part of each others lives in some way. But imagine this won't happen if you see her all the time harboring these feelings.

Hope it all goes well!

I have had this type of relationship,my boyfriend betrayed me,and I could not take him out of my mind,its pretty hard to forget some one really ,yes but ITS ONLY GOING TO YOU ,WHO HAS TO COME OVER WITH IT ,YOU WILL FIND SOME ONE MORE LOVING THAN HER ,SOME DAY .

Some one out there is still waiting for u!

U said you are mature ,but I think you are not mature enough,since you have had the best part of your life and you wanted to be single and enjoy being a,one and bachelor, hehehehhe


But something I can tell you for sure ,is that God will someday make you meet a girl ,who is made for u.just wait ,and please at that time don't think again that you want to be alone,unless you really don't want to.

Gudluck

Hey Tom, dude I'm in exactly the same situation as you my friend, I to left my girlfriend because of reasons and now I realises I want her back, or do I?

Im mean its been what nearly a year now and I see her everyday.
Her ing new boyfriend drinks at my work place.

I could go on forever but bottom line is dude, your not alone

You got to keep your chin up, and I afraid to say its over man.

So have your cry, get it all out, you've hit rock bottom. But you can't go lower, no ones asking you to be sad, no ones asking you to be happy, just do what you have to do to get by each day. Just survive each day until YOU want to pick up the pieces.
Im only just about doing it man so I'm in the same boat.

Ways I found helpful to ease the pain was/is:

-Music
-Hobbies
-Weights
-Work


Just keep your mind off her, and I know its hard but you've got to try.
And you've got to try staying away from her, to save your feelings getting hurt, it kills me every time to have a chat with my ex then her boyfriend texts her.

TIME WILL HEAL THESE WOUNDS, PATITENCE IS THE KEY.


Your not alone bro


=]

Well sadly I can't help you with this but id just like to say that you are not the only one lol I dumped my boyfriend about 3 weeks ago but I still have strong feelings for him and I know he feels the same , but he also wants to stay friends, I really need to know how to get him back!!

Heyy.. I understand what you're saying. It's a hard thing wanting your ex back. Trust me I know. I was going out with this guy for 6 months when we finally broke up. It all ended for a couple reasons like.. we started our senior year and had no classes together. Outside of school I worked and he was in a band (even though I quit my job before we broke up so.. ) but then he started ditchin me when we already made plans and wouldn't really call me anymore. Anyway now I think he's talking to this other girl at my school even though he already has a kid with someone else. My friend told me he's just talking to her because he knows she's easy but it still hurts to see them together. Then he just recently told me friend that he really missed me but it could never work because of my "mood swings" and the fact that he can never know what I'm thinking. I'm really confused about the whole "mood swings" thing though because ever time I was with him I was always so happy? But I do admit that lately I've been acting kind of weird cause seeing him with this other girl and stuff... but I do kind of blame myself for not really opening up to him I just wish he knew like.. I'm so thankful for the fact that he never pressured me to do anything I didn't want to do and that he was so patient with me for the 6 months we were together. My friend told me to sit down and talk to him and tell him I miss him too cause she thinks he still cares since he got me something for christamas I just don't know..

I can just say
Just wait for her may be she will realise ,how good were you and different from rest of the world and she will return to you.

ITS IMPORTANT PLEASE DO READ IT :
MY BF LEFT ME LIKE 6 OR 7 MONTHS AGO,AND NOW HE CALLED ME BACK AT CHRISTMAS TO WISH ME,IT SEEMED FROM HIS VOICE ,HE MISSES ME AND LOVES ME,I LOVE HIM TOO...

So I got a feeling ,may be she will return


BEST OF LUCK

Bro its never too late to get someone back trust!. I was the same way as you everday cry myself to sleeep.. but then you knoe what I did.. I pretended like I didn't want her anymore I moved on bro... I never talked to her at all for like one year... then out of nowhere she calls me and tells me she misses me and all that.. but you knoe what I did I said I'm in love with a new girl.. so plzz don't call me... seee just forget about her she'lll come back!

Dude I got dumped once and I decided to cop it on the chin and couldn't believe what had happened we had a great relationship and all this and she said she didn't feel it emotionally after 3 years so we had a break I stayed strong for two weeks and then when I though all hope was lost she rang and said why don't I come over. You knopw what io thought yeah id love too go over but I said NO what for and she said well thought you could come over for a bit. I knocked her back I wasn't a doormat and this was after a 3 year relationship. I was devastated. So I gave it to the next day and gave her a call and we got back together and it was so great but 6 months later same deal. So brosometimes when its over no matter how great its over once they want that first break its normally they are not feeling it but they miss you when you are gone and then want you. These type of girls do come back in say 8 months time when finally they wake up one morning or I am a big believer of this they are out one night with friends and some dumb A***r se talks to them and they suddenly realise what they had and they go home early from say a party and they call you.

My first girlfriend I had for 4 years she was obsessed by me for years and then all of a sudden bang she dumped me and left I was upset but got over it. I couldn't believe someone could be so into be and then just leave for another of course. Anyway I told all my friends she will realise one day what she had but it will be too late then I met a new girl (aweaome) and as time went on I forgot about my Ex... I used to even think when I was with my new girlfriend my ex will call soon but never did. Then NEW YEARS EVEN 18 months after we split my mobile phone rang I looked down and it was her sobbering on the phone iI MISS YOU , iwant you back... TOO LATE MATE!! Boy Id waited so long for that call I new one day it would come I new I was a great guy and just when I had totally forgotten about her she called. That's how it is when they are no longer on your mind and time has healed you they will be back...

That is a great reason why walking away from the beginning is a great idea let her miss you. She may be back and I hope she does. Ive experienced two break ups in my life and they both wanted to come back so I'm on a 100% strike rate. I have worked this out well GIVEIT TIME

HAY SO how is all this going .
Do update .I will pray!

Why are you quiet ?
I asked you to update me and us all
We want to hear from you and your relation.

When my girlfriend broke up with me back in college I was devastated. My entire life came to a stop and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I knew that I loved her and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I started going about things the wrong way. I was needy and tried calling her/emailing her/ texting her all day. She did not answer any of my calls. I would try to go over to her apartment and get her to talk to me but she just wouldn't listen. I didn't know what to do so I turned to the internet for answers and I found this site: lovemyex.org It totally changed my life and now I have married my ex!

You've had some really good responses here. It may be way too late, but why not try. I know it'd be tough, but try the no contact route. Go out with friends and do some casual dating. Run around with a smile on your face. Tell friends who also know the ex, how happy you are and how great your dates have been, and how you've finally moved on. Your mutual friends will mention it to the ex. If your ex thinks that you have truly moved on, she may realize that she does care for you and wants to be back with you. That will sometimes work, but no guarantees. Who knows - you might try dating and find another lady who really is your soulmate. Good luck!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.