Well could do with some advice again, I've been seeing a girl now for a couple of months. Things have been going great, just casually dating once a week to start.

The last couple of dates we have been on have gotten fairly intimate, didn't go all the way though. We have a mutual friend who introduced us, the mutual friend has told me that at times she can be insecure about herself,she's told our friend she really likes me, and is enjoying going out with me.

We made arrangements to see each other this weekend, then the night before we are supposed to meet up I get the we need to have a chat message.

Well we got chatting about work an stuff, then the subject of us came up. She proceeded to tell me how much she fancies me, likes going out with me and we have loads of fun when we are out.

But its brought up memories of her ex and she is questioning whether she is over him.they split up over ayear ago. And doesn't want to mess me about but she fancies me loads. Then she said oh being silly at the moment I don't know why I'm like this, maybe it's a self defence mechanism so I don't let people get close.

And that she has done this before but didn't fancy them like she does with me, and in a while we may end up together. When I said well to be honest that never really happens she started saying why not, I've done it before but I didn't fancy them like I do with you.

Then she said she didn't even think I fancied her, when I said I did fancy her and she was very very wrong on that and that I don't want to rush anything she said that's good to know. She then said she wants me to stay in touch with her and I can borrow the dvds from her that I wanted. And when I mentioned about changing gyms she said she's got a day pass for hers so I can come with her and check hers out. Well I taken her up on the offer so I went to the gym with her, and I decided to change gyms, but I'm going to one near my house which I informed her a day later when she enquired.

Since this has happened our mutual friend who set us up has spoken to her about the situation, she told her more or less the same as she told me, this was before going the gym. Then a few more days pass the mutual friend asks her has she seen me and has she spoken to the ex, she told her I went the gym with her, and she has told her ex never to contact her again.

At the moment this is very confusing.

I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give advice, as I'm going through something somewhat similar.
She sounds as if she isn't really sure about you, as she doesn't want to get hurt again. She's sensing old emotions re-surfacing (which is a good thing in a sense; at least she cares about you), and isn't really sure how to reconcile them to her ex. Maybe she's subconciously comparing between the two of you? Either way, she's confused. I'd suggest giving her some space and waiting a few days to see how things unfold.

Yeh its very confusing to say the least, even her friend said she is confusing herself and everyone at the moment.

It's a confusing time when you meet someone so, so, so alike someone who's broken your heart. This is a very confusing time for her, too. She likes you a lot, but maybe that's a part of her that wants the last guy she was with, but this time he's actually interested. I would also say give her some time, don't pressure her into anything. Make your feelings known but let her ultimately decide, otherwise you may end up getting hurt.

For her it's confusing, for you it's not... Give her some time and space to be sure, without a doubt, that she wants to date you. To do this shows respect for her and her feelings, and maturity on your part. The last thing you want is her going into a relationship with you, with doubts and thoughts of her ex going through her head. Give her enough time to work things out herself. Simple as that.

Yeh that's what I'm doing at the moment, I'm just keeping my distance and seeing what happens. Shame if we don't go out again, lots in common, get on really well even she says this to. So lets se what happens.

Good idea. Keep it as a friendship for now. Having things in common, and getting along well is awesome, but remember- it doesn't mean that you are meant to be. Just keep an open mind, and go with the flow.

I agree with jaime, give her some space and time to sort her head out. You've let your feelings be known and there's not a whole lot more you can do.

Would just like to say your maturity, understanding and respect for this girl are commendable and there should be more out there like you :)

That is very good advice jaime and neverme gave how is she doing anyway?

Well she has contacted me out of the blue, saying that she isn't forgot about the dvd's I wanted to borrow. And that I can pick them up if I wish. Well I arranged to pick them up on a night she said she was free, she was OK with this, even told me what time, then the same night she cancels again, then texts me very late on asking can we make it on another specified day.
This girl is sending me all kinds of mixed signals lol.

Confused.com lol.

Her signal's are not mixed, its just not what you want to hear, or maybe understand. Its simple, she told you that she wants to date you, but doesn't want a commitment, or a label to be put on it just yet. That's more than fair after only a few months of knowing each other. Not only is it fair, and honest, but the recommended way to date, going slow, and taking time to get to know each other, and have fun, doing it.

The problem is you want more, right now. Doubt if it works if your impatient. I guess her experience has taught her to take her time, and be sure, and I think that's great.

Question is, can you hang?

Well I think your wrong talaniman, I was going very slow, she intiated all the intimacy.
Even to the point of me saying I wasn't expecting this just yet. Also she told the girl that set us up that I am her boyfriend. That was news to me, nothing had been discussed about that, I was not at that point, I was just happy going out and having fun and getting to know her more an more.
Plus I pointed out the fact that I didn't want to rush anything, or give her the idea that I'm after one thing. So in this case I think you may be wrong.

I may well be, but facts are she is giving you just enough to keep you coming back. And you do. So despite what she tells her friends, she is certainly setting the pace.

Now that's what I'm thinking, I think she wants to be the one in control. Big mistake if she thinks I'm running after her, not a prayer!

When relationships are so complicated this early, it usually leads to misinterpreting the actions of another. You either step back, and pay attention to facts, and not feelings, or the gossip of others, especially her "friends", or you don't pursue at all.

Whatever your choice, the important thing is you being honest in YOUR words, and actions. Doesn't matter what her motives are, she clearly is locked into her own decisions. Me, I don't push anything except a good time, and only if she is worth it! I go along with others here, she may need a lot of time and space, or this will be confusing, and I would not want her doing a lot of pursuing right now.

But that's just me. Nothing wrong with friends, just don't get carried away, to soon. If you can't keep it under control, you will pay dearly.

Good advice that, I'm cool with being friends, she has told her friend she fancies me, we have loads in common have good fun etc. I just don't know what to do, whether to ask her out to hang out or just leave it really.

I think she is testing you. She want's to really know your degree of interest before moving forward. She is going to accomplish this by having you chase her, however if you chase too much she will run away.

I would give her space, tell her "look, I really like you and I could see us together for a long time, however I am sensing that you need to sort a few things out, so I am going to let you do what you want to do ad I'll see you around sometime."

If you chase and beg she will probably run, but if you are aloof and calm, she will sense that you are confident in yourself and she will want you more.

Or she may simply not be interested. I'll never figure them out.