My son died today. I just found out late tonight when his girlfriend got home from work. He died while he was taking a bath, home alone. He was 32. The police asked me to have someone drive me to his house to meet with them and someone from the coroners office.

I'm sick from grief. I felt that I knew my son was going to die sooner rather than later, but this is still a shock. He had a brain tumor and status epilepticus seizures. He almost died last November from one of those seizures, even though he was already at the hospital when it happened that time, still he almost died and was in a coma and on a respirator for 3 days. This is my second son to die. My first son was killed from an accident at work in 2001.

:( I'm going to be sad for a long time. I feel so sick right now. I can't sleep. Just what I don't want to do, I have to have a funeral for another one of my children.

No question really, just a lamentation...

RIP Nathan 32 yrs old 9-3-1977 ~ 2-20-2010

Please know that I am praying for you. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, unfortunately I don't.

May God give you strength and peace at this time of tragic loss.

I am so sorry for your loss, I have no words to express how I feel at this moment. Please rest assured that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord give you strength and peace.

Thank you both, I am going between being numb and bouts of crying with extreme sadness.

I hope you have some sort of support around you.

Bless you.

Sorry for your loss. You just don't expect kids to die before their parents.

I'm so, so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, and how you're going to feel when the numbness wears off.

There doesn't seem to be any sense to life sometimes does there? Two sons. You don't even look old enough to have a son in his 30's in your photo.

My heart goes out to you, as there are no words adequate enough at a time like this. Please continue to post, if it helps.

We are hear for you, I am so sorry for your loss

I was a teenage mom... I'm going back to my son's house in a little while. I think I'm going to have my sister drive me.

I was with my son for a little over an hour before the coroner's official got there. I asked the police cover his privates, then I sat on the edge of the tub, stroking his arm, looking at him, trying to hold his hand, crying, stroking his hair... Most of the water had drained from the tub and he was so cold, and stiff, but soft. He looked like he was sleeping. No external injuries.

Big sigh...

I'm not going to make arrangements with a funeral home till after I talk to the coroner. I don't want to call the coroner today, I don't want to do ANY OF THIS!!

I am very sorry for your loss(es), this isn't something I am good at:(

I will surely be there if you ever need a friend to unload on,a sympathetic ear, any reason..

Be strong.

Please know that he is at peace. No more headaches, no more worries, no more pain at all. Sometimes God takes the good ones too early. We never know what His plan is or reasons are. We are just left to live with the joy of having known them, even for just a short while.

My heart is hurting for you.

As I tucked my own two sons in for bed tonight, I prayed for you again. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and suffering that you are feeling now. I only can offer you the deepest of sympathy and love right now.

Surround yourself with support and love.

May God help you through the worst of times.

I'm sure your son would want you to be strong, and celebrate his life and his love.

Thanks for your kind words. I can't even begin to describe how horrible I feel

No one can begin to feel what you are going through This, never. It is so personal, know that we care and we pray for you.

I almost lost my son when he was 23 years old to testicular cancer. After the operation the surgeon came out and said that he just didn't know. He felt that he got every bit of the cancer but he was waiting for the test results. He came back and said that the test showed some concern as testicular cancer jumps around in the body so they had to go back in and remove all his lymph nodes as they indicated that the cancer may be there also.

No one felt like I did at that time, I went outside the hospital and dropped on my knees and prayed, no child should pass before their parent. I cried so hard that I couldn't breath.

I was blessed that Bryan survived, God gave him (and me) a second chance.

Prayers do help, I know this. May God hear your and our prayers for you This. And help you in your sorrow dear.

Stringer

How are you doing today?

I hope you managed to get a little sleep.

More importantly have you got friends or family that you can be with? Is his dad around to help?

You already know this, but having people around you is really important. You can't do this on your own.

Although I don't know you and neither do any of the other posters our love and prayers are with you. I know the angels are watching over both you and your sons.

Oh my gosh, this is so sad. I'm so sorry. We love you.

This just sucks. :(
Blatant but honest, it sucks, and nobody ever wants for something like this to happen, especially to someone they care about. I'm thinking of you.

Just know something, he's at peace, and he won't have to worry about seizures or tumors where he is in his part of heaven. There's nothing but love and joy and happiness. I'm sure he's smiling on you, just as my grandmother is for me, sending you all of his love, and telling you that he's okay.

Good luck. We're here if you need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. I wish I could do more.

Dear thisisit!

I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm praying for you!

May you find Peace and Comfort!

I also lost a son. It is not like any other grief because it's against nature that the parents outlive the children. I understand some of what you are going through.

I'm sure you know grief is a long road but it doesn't have to be a lonely road - post away!

I am sorry for your loss and you are in my thoughts.

Thanks everyone. I have not made any arrangements for my son yet. I did go down to Juvenile Court today and file for visitation and companionship with my grandson. I'm not very functional. I am crying a lot and can't think straight half the time. The coroner has no answers yet.

I'm so sorry for your loss
Stay safe
Hugs

thisisit,

There are no words that I can say to ease your loss,a feeling I know very well, only that try and remember the good times you had together, times that will always be yours to hold close to your heart.

They say time is a wonderful healer,so give yourself time,draw comfort from those who love you and don't be afraid to ask for support and help in your time of grief.

I hope you are with somebody at this sad time,having people around does help, even if there is no conversation, it doesn't matter, they will be there for you, if only for a hug or shoulder to lean on.

Please have a word with your GP who may give you something to get you through this, perhaps something to aid your sleep.

thisisit, please look after yourself which is what your son would have wished.

I send you many huggs across the miles and pray for love and support for you and all of your family.

May God Bless you all xx

My doc is calling in for a prescription to ambien. I have appointments scheduled for Thurs, oncology, and next Thurs. with my regular doctor, then later next month with the GI doctors.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, everyone.

I feel very emphatetic to you. Hope you have somebody around you to help you go through the hardest time. Hope God gives you strengh and peace to pull through for your grandson. My prayers are with you that the legal proceedings don't last too long. My strong prayers are with you and I'll pray for God to give you strength while He took the liberty to give pain.

So, how are you doing now, thisisit?

Thanks!

Not doing to well... I guess that's to be expected. I've had constant pain in my chest and diarrhea since I heard the news. Got a preliminary report from the coroner yesterday and made funeral arrangements. His cause of death is: Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome. Final autopsy report won't be done for 4-6 weeks. I'll be having a private showing tomorrow, with services next week after all the out of towners can get here.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

:(

Oh my, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what to say, other than I just said a prayer for you. Please know that you're supported, loved, and thought of during this horrible time.

Hugs.

Not doing to well.... I guess that's to be expected. I've had constant pain in my chest and diarrhea since I heard the news. Got a preliminary report from the coroner yesterday and made funeral arrangements. His cause of death is: Sudden Unexplained Death Syndrome. Final autopsy report won't be done for 4-6 weeks. I'll be having a private showing tomorrow, with services next week after all the out of towners can get here.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

:(

I will continue to pray for you and yours, thisisit! I wish that I could be there for you! But, this is about the best that I can do!

You've been there for me many times on this site. It's much appreciated!

You'll be okay. Just keep living and trying! It's the best any of us can do!

Thanks!

So, how are you now and what's been happening, thisisit?

I'm very concerned!

Thanks!

Thanks Clough! It has been very hard, to say the least.

This is the second time one of my sons died. My oldest son was killed in a work place accident in 2001. Losing a child already does not make it any easier the second time around. I have been afraid my son is going to die like this for a little over a year now. I even told him, at least a dozen times, I was afraid he was going to die of sudden unexplained death syndrome, because he had a brain tumor and seizures that were not well controlled and he took 2 or more kinds of anti-seizure meds, plus chemo. I just had this feeling. He almost died back in Oct. last year while he was in the hospital. He was admitted just because he 'felt' weird, like he was going to have a seizure. After he was already there, and in front of the doctors, he had a seizure that was so bad he was in a coma for 3 days. They called the seizure a status epilepticus. They almost lost him even with help right on hand, so imagine if he had that happen anywhere else. People who have seizures and need to take more than one kind of medication are at a greatly increacsed risk of suddenly dying for no apparent reason. So, I knew, and I felt this is how he is going to die. It doesn't make it any easier. The pain is overwhelming and comes in waves.

There was no evidence that my son had a seizure before he died. He was found dead, in the bath tub, but he had not drowned. He did not have a heart attack, he did not OD, and there was no sign of trauma or injury anywhere on his body. The coroner rule the death "SUDS", kind of an adult version of SIDS.

Sorry, I had completely forgot that you had surgery. I hope you are doing OK and healing well!

Well, you've been there for me. I'm trying to be there for you, thisisit!

It's not ever easy, dealing with death...

Thoughts, prayers, what do we do? All we can do is try...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, thisisit! That's what I have to offer right now. You're not alone though...

Hi Thisisit,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're not doing so well. It's understandable though given your circumstances. Has your son's funeral been held yet?

When you described your son's death, I felt like it's almost as if he decided to pass on, peacefully, and without pain.

I'm apologize if this sounds simplistic, because I know that this does not make it any easier for you. You're the one that's left with the overwhelming pain.

Please know that I've had people close to me die as well (not a child though) and I'm thinking of you and sending you love.

You are not alone, and love is what other people can give you. Be open to receiving it... I'm hoping it will ease some of the pain.

So sorry to hear of your loss.


.

Hi Thisisit,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're not doing so well. It's understandable though given your circumstances. Has your son's funeral been held yet?

When you described your son's death, I felt like it's almost as if he decided to pass on, peacefully, and without pain.

I'm apologize if this sounds simplistic, because I know that this does not make it any easier for you. You're the one that's left with the overwhelming pain.

Please know that I've had people close to me die as well (not a child though) and I'm thinking of you and sending you love.

You are not alone, and love is what other people can give you. Be open to receiving it...I'm hoping it will ease some of the pain.

Yes, I had what was supposed to be a private viewing last Saturday. (private because my son would not have wanted the whole world parading past his dead body) Only family members were invited, but his girlfriend brought about 25 unrelated people, some of whom asked ME for money... (another story) And I held a public funeral on Tuesday.

I'm still reeling from all this... but I'm doing OK. I was at the doctor yesterday for a check up and all my vitals are fine. This is going to take some time to heal from :(

I usually don't get on here however I saw your title and my heart felt for you. As bad as we may think we have it, someone is always going through something worse... I will pray for you, pray for Him to ease your pain and comfort you. No time can heal your loss. Make sure you keep God in your heart and know that even at this dark dark place, it's for a reason and your children are with you always and guarding you with wings... Your friend in your picture? Definitely keep him/her, they are the best companions and know your sorrows and joys.. May you find peace.

thank you both, I am going between being numb and bouts of crying with extreme sadness.

I am so very sorry ! Ihave just lost my Grandson and joined the Gonetoosoon.org it's a really peaceful site where you can chat to people, light candles etc going through the same bereavements , I have met a couple of really nice friends, I'm so very sorry
Thinking of you xxx

Yes, I had what was supposed to be a private viewing last Saturday. (private because my son would not have wanted the whole world parading past his dead body) Only family members were invited, but his girlfriend brought about 25 unrelated people, some of whom asked ME for money.... (another story) And I held a public funeral on Tuesday.

I'm still reeling from all this... but I'm doing ok. I was at the doctor yesterday for a check up and all my vitals are fine. This is going to take some time to heal from :(

Whew, it sounds as if there is a whole other story here!

I'm hoping that now you've got the funeral formalities out of the way, you can focus on yourself. Being fine physically is great, but it's your emotional and spiritual well-being that concerns me.

Keep the people that you love around you and don't be scared to talk and share your experience... kat's suggestion sounded helpful.

Yes, I had what was supposed to be a private viewing last Saturday. (private because my son would not have wanted the whole world parading past his dead body) Only family members were invited, but his girlfriend brought about 25 unrelated people, some of whom asked ME for money.... (another story) And I held a public funeral on Tuesday.

I'm still reeling from all this... but I'm doing ok. I was at the doctor yesterday for a check up and all my vitals are fine. This is going to take some time to heal from :(

You're going to make it, thisisit! You've got a sound mind, courage, friends, and one heck of a good heart!

Thank you for also sharing this sort of thing with us! I know that it's not easy to do that with people that you don't even really know. Although, maybe we really do come to know each other on these online sites...

So, how are you doing and how are things now, thisisit?

Thanks!

O thisisit, may the gods shine upon you and your sons. I'm sorry. We all are here for you to talk if you need it.

I don't know how I missed this thread until today.

I wish there was something someone could say to make you feel better and make this easier, but no words can heal grief. Take comfort in your friends and family, and your pets. Let yourself cry when you need to, but find reasons to smile each day. Eventually you'll get to the point where you smile more often than cry when you think of him.

Nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one. When they're still young it hits all the harder.

Hug you dog. Hug your son. Hug your grandbaby. Hug your sister. Hug everyone you love and care about. Love them all the more for helping you through this time.

i don't know how i missed this thread until today.

i wish there was something someone could say to make you feel better and make this easier, but no words can heal grief. take comfort in your friends and family, and your pets. let yourself cry when you need to, but find reasons to smile each day. eventually you'll get to the point where you smile more often than cry when you think of him.

nothing can prepare you for the death of a loved one. when they're still young it hits all the harder.

hug you dog. hug your son. hug your grandbaby. hug your sister. hug everyone you love and care about. love them all the more for helping you through this time.

Thanks!

I am mentally wandering in unhappy territory as I mourn the loss of my son. I chewed and swallowed the bitter pill. I am so very sad. I cry. I am scatter brained. I am consumed by thoughts of the good, the bad, the ugly, and possibilities lost. I am sad and mad. I guess this is something I have to go through... the alternative is to stop living. I feel like just staying in bed forever, but I force myself to get up and do the basic necessities of life. I think to myself how shocked I am to once again be faced with the agony of losing a child. I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy doing. But, I tell myself, at least I've had a good life. At least my death won't be such a tragedy. I wonder if I'll ever find pleasure again. I'm so sad, but I'm mad too. I'm angry that my sons chose to die before me. I'm angry that I had to spend so much time and energy on *poof* its gone, all for nothing. I feel cheated and robbed. I try to think of the good things, though none of them seems to make up for the bad. All in all, I don't know. I'm so consumed with grief. Some moments are not as bad as others. I laughed last night, watching Tracey Ullman's State of the Union.

I absolutely understand what you are feeling, going through, expressing. I found the "possibilities lost" part of your post particularly touching. When my husband died a friend asked me how I was going to go on - I asked her what she thought the alternatives were. So, yes, you have to keep walking.

Time truly does make it somewhat better - but I'm sure people keep telling you that.

I remember the first time I laughed I felt so guilty and ashamed but life does have to go on. Anger is an easier, more comfortable, emotion than grief, at least for me. It was when the anger passed and the grief set in that I began to heal.

I found great comfort in believing that to everything there is a purpose.

{{ cyber hugs }}

I absolutely understand what you are feeling, going through, expressing. I found the "possibilities lost" part of your post particularly touching. When my husband died a friend asked me how I was going to go on - I asked her what she thought the alternatives were. So, yes, you have to keep walking.

Time truly does make it somewhat better - but I'm sure people keep telling you that.

I remember the first time I laughed I felt so guilty and ashamed but life does have to go on. Anger is an easier, more comfortable, emotion than grief, at least for me. It was when the anger passed and the grief set in that I began to heal.

I found great comfort in believing that to everything there is a purpose.

{{ cyber hugs }}

Thanks for sharing, that helps too

Remember the good times with your son, the thoughts will make him live forever.

How are you doing now, thisisit?

I'm working on ending myself imposed isolation... realizing that I'm still alive and have some things I have to do if I want to continue living.

I am very sorry for your loss. Your son was a great looking guy with a beautiful smile. Thank you for sharing his photo. I'm glad to know you have a sister there for you. There's really no perfect way to go through this - it's not supposed to happen. Just let people know what you need, let yourself accept support. God bless!

I'm working on ending my self imposed isolation.... realizing that I'm still alive and have some things I have to do if I want to continue living.


Yep! Have to continue living! Can be very hard following deaths of relatives and others that are near and dear to us that might not be relatives.

I had a dear friend die a couple of weeks ago. I'm still trying to work through it...

Takes time, and trying to go on...

You can do it! :)

How are you doing? Thinking of you.