My best friend and I really really like the same guy. Only thing is, I kind of told him not to flirt with me anymore because it was an online thing and we hadn't met. He had, however, met my friend. Well me and him met in person yesterday, and I have strong feelings for him, but my friend thinks that I have no chance because I told him I didn't want to fall for him. Now we're flirting a lot. He is super sweet, and keeps telling me I'm really pretty and calling me cutie. And I know more about him than my friend does, and I really like him. I don't want to screw up our friendship, but I'm REALLLy into this guy, and he's exactly what I need. Oh one more minor issue... he's 21 and we're both 17... WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Guy is 21 I am 17... legal age of consent in MD is 16, so it is legal for me to have sex with him, right?

Unfortunately yes it is legal.

I know you're going to do whatever you want so I'm not even going to bother discouraging you from having sex. Just at least use protection and make sure you both have a clean bill of health BEFORE you have sex. I'd hate to have you back here next month asking "am i pregnant?" or "do i have an std?"

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/best-friends-liking-same-guy-447355.html

Wait a minute... is this the same guy as the other thread? If so, what the heck are you doing even considering sex if you've only just met him?

Is this the same guy? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/legal-447472.html

Run for the hills, run as fast as you can! This guy sounds like a pervert. He only wants a piece of fresh meat and that's you!

Yeah same guy, but my friend posted this... she used my log in for some reason..

So you both like him. But she's already thinking of having sex with him?

Apparently.

Threads merged (for obvious reasons)

You need to get out of there. If your friend is stupid enough to even be interested in a perv, let her have him. But warn her first, of course.

The best thing you can do is stay away from him. If he is 21 and if you are only 17 it may be legal but it is also dangerous. How much do you know about this guy? I would suggest finding out something about him. Think with your brain instead of your hormones. Think about AIDS and all the other STDs you could get. Think about getting pregnant and having a baby! With the two of you as parents, that child wouldn't stand a chance.

You need to get out of there. If your friend is stupid enough to even be interested in a perv, let her have him. But warn her first, of course.

Ok, lets tone it down a bit. We don't even know if the guy has asked for sex yet! All we know is that (allegedly) the friend used the OP's computer to ask if it would be legal. Also 21-17 is not really perv status.

IF he has asked for sex at this point in the relationship with either girl, then he would seem to be a predator, not necessarily a perv.

It did help and I do get carried away sorry ScottGem.

I agree. Okay, if the guy didn't ask for sex, I would still stay away from him when it comes to relationships until you know more about him. Even if he doesn't want sex, he is still sending the same "signals" to two girls at the same time, which doesn't look good.

You haven't met in life yet, only online. How do you know that he is not a rapist? How do you know that he is not a kidnapper? How do you know that he is really 21 and not 56?

Don't do something this foolish.

Thank you for your concern everyone, and thank you ScottGem for toning this down a bit.
As of now we have met in person, twice. Once with friends, once alone, and everything seems to be safe. I just want the advice on what I should do about my best friend liking him. Turns out, she also likes a couple other guys (no surprise with her) . But she still gets mad every time I mention this guy. Like I'm even considering not telling her we hung out today.
Please help me with THIS issue, and stop calling him a perv/predator, because believe it or not, even though I am only 17, I am very cautious about who I get involved with. And for the record, No he has NOT asked for sex.

I had a friend just like that. Key word is "had." she called "dibs" on every guy, like they were her property and only she was allowed to like them. There was a guy that we both liked (although she didn't bother telling me that she liked him until after I started seeing him) and he liked me so we started seeing each other. After lots of drama from her, our friendship ended. That was actually how most of her friendships ended, she'd get jealous of another relationship. It didn't even have to be someone else's boyfriend. It could just be an ordinary friend. You two have to decide if you're going to let a guy come between you two or not. If you can work it out, great. If you can't, well, shows how close of friends you are.

Today she told me he visited her at work. She was all happy. I told her that I also saw him today, she got mad and told me I don't care about how she feels about this issue. So let me get this straight... its okay for them to see each other even though id be disappointed if they became a couple, but its not okay for me and him to see each other... I'm lost.

In her eyes, that's how it seems to be. What I don't get is, who does he like? If he knows both of you, is visiting her at work, and also seeing you... is he leading you both on?

Yes that's what I don't understand as well. According to his formspring the girl he likes is well aware that he likes her, therefore, I know it is not me. =( But ill get over that, I guess. But I don't know if its my friend who seems somewhat confident that he likes her. Also, he refuses to say who this girl is. If they know they like each other, and she's so special, why can he not publicly state who she is? My thooughts, he's playing us. So as much as I like him, I'm just going to let him go. Maybe be friends. But just let him go and be happy.

Good idea redhead1992. You don't deserve a guy that plays mindgames. He's definitily not boyfriend material. Good luck, hun!

I don't know if this is the right section for this. But I have recently realized, I am completely addicted to guys in the military. And all they ever do is charm me then break me. What do I do?!

Your interest is your true self. This may suggest that the type of guy you like is a military man, a manly, courageous and handsome. Why not look for the way you want?

Hi, redhead19921

Charm you and then break you? What specifically do you mean by that, please?

Thanks!

Well don't give in so easily next time, make them work for your affection. Make them put a lot of effort in, so you can see if they truly are wanting to pursue you. Guys love a challenge, if you give in too easily to there charm, they just might lose interest.

Everyone has certain things that attract them to someone. That does not make it an addiction.

Some people are attracted to facial hair, clean cut guys, long legs, big... well you get the point. Uniforms is only another box to be ticked.

I think what you need to look at here is your speed in giving away your heart. Take it easy and take your time with these guys. You and your heart are very special and should not be given away so easily to people who have not proved they deserve it.

I am engaged to a military man, so I have a little know-how when it comes to military guys. Firstly, you are stereotyping when you say you are addicted to military men. There are so many different kinds. Not only are there several different branches, but I know very handsome military men, some very heavy military men, skinny ones, um less handsome ones, tall ones, short ones, etc. It confuses me when you say you are addicted to military men, you cannot possibly be attracted to ALL military men. These guys were civillians once too. Anyone in the civilian world who can pass the requirements can join the military. These men are just like everyone else, aside from their job and their lifestyle. But I highly doubt you are attracted to their job and lifestyle.

Firstly, you need to be very, very careful who you give your heart to. Every time you "fall for a guy" you are giving a piece of your heart away. By the time you meet your husband, how much of your heart will be left in tact for him? Probably very little. Be friends with guys before you begin a relationship with them. Be very, very cautious.

In the early stages of a relationship, guys (and gals) like to hide or downplay their negative qualities, and play up or make up the traits that they know girls love. They'll romance you, charm you, enchant you, etc. until they get you to fall for them, then, suddenly they become an argumentative jerk... In truth, nobody can hide their true colors for very long, which is where friendship, and patience comes into play. It can take months or years of friendship with a guy in order to find out who they truly are, and whether they are worth getting into a relationship with.

I am friends with military men, and as I said earlier, I'm also engaged to a Marine. When you date someone, you really need to be in it for marriage... If you're not going to get married, you're going to break up, plain and simple. You have to be sure that you can handle a lifestyle like the military lifestyle, if you can't, you shouldn't even bother. Long distances, years of being alone with him in harms way, and very, very long work days. On top of that, you have to remember that these men are "married" to the military, it demands their full attention, and the last thing they need is a needy, naggy woman to become jealous.

Military men are some of the crudest people I know. Not only do they sit around and chat about sex every chance they get, military bases are full of strip clubs, and bars to pleasure these guys.

The military is a job and a lifestyle. I don't think you're attracted to the "military man" per se, it's probably more like, a strong man, or a responsible man.

I understand you.. but its definitely not just the strength or the uniform... it's the fact that he's willing to die for his country... its super super attractive. And yeah I know there's diff types of military guys, and no I don't like them all. But I don't even give civilian guys a chance, and a guy seems to have a much better chance with me if he's in the military.. its superficial I know, but I can't help it.. but every militry guy I've been involved with, or my friends and familyt have been involved with caused a lot of emotional pain. I can handle the "married to the military" thing.. I really can.. but I don't know how to stop just looking forguys in the military.

Threads merged

So me and this guy I've talked about in other threads have gotten to know each other better. He and my friend (who also likes him) are also getting to know each other quite well. My friend is under the impression that they are going to date. But he told me he's interested in both of us, but she's his main focus. He later told me that he doesn't want to lead her on. I don't know if he's playing us or not, because he doesn't have a player personality (ithink). I just don't know what to do, I don't want my friend to get her hopes up, but I also don't want her to win. Even though I will get over it and be happy for her. What should I do.

He is able to play you both because you don't communicate with each other. You want him, so you don't want her to get him, no matter what you say about being willing to move on, how very big of you, and disingenuous.

If she were really a friend, or if you were hers' then you would be talking and listening so neither of you gets played.

Trying to keep it toned down, as Scot Gem says but you two are friends in name only, or are to selfish to see he is quite comfortable filling both your heads with the standard player lines, because all you both can see is " Oh please choose me, and screw the other chick, just get me"!

Your both just young girls playing with the older guy to make yourselves more mature.

To bad the fantasy isn't true. You both get together, and kick him to the curb, and get over this petty jealousy, psycho, needy crap!

I'm not being disingenuous. I will move on. I don't want to, but I will I've done it in the past, and ill do it again.

Secondly, seriously, I'm not trying to do it because I want to seem more mature, no I really like him and his personality. And I really believe he's a good guy, but he's been pretty honest with me... and she and I actually have been communicating, I just don't think id be able to tell her that he told me he doesn't want to lead her on. Because a. there's a teeeenyy tiny part of me that doesn't know if he meant it b. I don't want to see her sad again.
And please don't call me selfish. I ALWAYS put her and all my other friends' feelings before my own. Just once I want to get my own way and be happy. Is that really such a sin?

and she and I actually have been communicating, I just don't think id be able to tell her that he told me he doesn't want to lead her on.
If he meant it? Isn't that something she NEEDS to know? And why haven't you told HIM he is leading her on? Your quest for happiness will come with a cost, for sure. My point is why are you allowing him to come between you, and a friend, and not being honest in your communications with your friend? Shouldn't she know he is putting the moves on YOU?

Tell him, " You can't talk to my friend, and me too!"

If he had class to going along with being cute and honest, he would have made his intentions clear. To you both!

Wondering who is really leading who here?

I DID tell him he's leading her on. And last night I decided to tell her he told me that. She took it kind of hard, but said that since Wednesday evening she's felt a weird vibe from him. He hasn't been flirting as much. This would be a change in him toward her SINCE our conversation about him leading her on.

What does that mean? He's obviously not trying to lead her on anymore. And he's still being pretty much the same with me.

And what does she say about him hitting on you?

Well she doesn't completely know quite how much he's been hitting on me, but what she does know she doesn't like.

But it doesn't matter anyway. I think we are done with him, or rather he's done with us. We invited him over and he said hed let us know, and hasn't called back yet. Its been two hours. So we got blown off. He's done with us. I guess we should force ourselves to be done with him. No matter how hard thatll be.

OK here is my opinion. Let him pick. If you or your friend is unhappy with his choice, do you have any say? NO so don't let it hurt you.

Threads merged



So lately I have been dealing with a lot of unwanted unnecessary drama. And I am taking AP classes in school. Its my senior year, and I'm starting to feel really burnt out. My stress level is skyrocketing as due dates come closer and I am not quite prepared. Worst part is, my parents aren't understanding this at all. My dad yelled at me and told me that I don't know the meaning of stress. Yes, while his stress is different from mine, I don't enjoy being told I'm not stressed. Even my chiropractor has said that I must be stressed considering how many knots are in my back. Oh and I barely sleep anymore. How can I try to get back on track, and get my parents to understand and STOP making me feel like crap constantly? I have a speech due tomorrow that has to be one hundred percent memorized, and its NOT memorized. I've been working on memorizing it for hours and my mom yelled at me for wanting a break. How do I ease the stress? If I don't get an A on this speech tomorrow, I won't get an A in the class. I have a B right now but I'll get a C at best... does anyone have any advice??

Relax. You need to calm down and stop stressing out. Your parents don't sound very supportive to me so you'll have to be your own support system on this one. You need to take your time with these things and you need to stop stressing. Being stressed is the worst way to get studying in or sleep for that matter. And sleep is going to be the most helpful. Get sleep even if you have to take a sleeping pill. (try melatonin for no morning drub hangover) All I can say about school is that you may have taken too much on and you are going to need to tough through it at this point. Rest as much as possible and rejuvinate your mind so it is prepared to deal with these stresses

Threads merged



So I was just wondering how I can tell if this guy really likes me or not... He told me at one point that he was interested in both me and my friend, but at the time, was kind of focused more on her. But then a week or two ago, he told me he doesn't want to lead her on, but still has interest in both of us. Recently he's been overly flirtatious with me, but I don't know what he wants for real. I've asked him and gotten answers, but they haven't always sufficed. But I didn't want to get annoying asking him again, to be clearer.. so pretty much what I'm asking is what kind of signs should I look for with him?

It really sounds like he is after sex. If a guy is into you and only you, he wouldn't say that he is into you and your friend.

Men will say things to get you into bed.. be careful

Why can't you see he is playing you both against each other? When a guy tells two friends he likes them both, he is probably testing to see how good of friends you really are, and how can he exploit it. It's a common thing that older guys do when they must divide and conquer, because you both have shown him interest enough, and basically not communicated honestly with each other to compare notes, and see his game.

Your looking for signs of interest from him, well you already have had those signs, and they are warning you both his game is beyond you both, and he has his own agenda for you young girls, and the one that falls for his okey doke, will be the big loser.

You both are letting him play you, because your own feelings have you blind to what this adult is doing to you kids who want to be grown.

Sorry to be harsh, but reality, and real life, are harsh on those who don't listen.

He is not some lovesick confused teen ager. Don't you be either.

Yeah, I know this, and I'm starting to see it. But I still don't want to believe it. I mean, one of our mutual guy friends talked to him for me (I was present for the conversation, but the boy I like doesn't know this) and it def seemed like he's into me. But I'm not sure.
And the other thing is my best friends is pissed at me because me and the guy made plans to hang and I didn't run it by her. She doesn't run her plans by me, so should I run mine by her? She is truly blowing this whole thing out of proportion.. other people have even noticed her acting oddly and saying they can't believe how she's being with this whole thing. She's not acting like my frined at all, and I am being upfront with her about everything, so what if I hang out with him without telling her. He's my friend too.

You all say he's playing me, us. The answer I want is what signs do I look for to prove that either yes, he is playing us, or no, there might be more? This is the question I want answered, please, with out other input about the relationship

Threads merged



Graduation is coming up and over the course of the past couple weeks, it seems like all of my friends are suddenly changing into attitudy mean people. My best friends doesn't even talk to me as much anymore. She just stopped being herself toward me with no warning. But its impossible to talk to her about it. And on top of this, I've been feeling so alone and empty for the past couple months. This time last year, I entered a relationship that majorly affected my life, but ended ugly. Could that be what is adding to this feeling of depression? I've just been crying constantly. At everything. What can I do?

You are leaving HS and about to embark on a new phase in life. That makes you edgy and all of your other friends who are graduating are probably feeling the same way.
You are leaving what you have known for the last four years and moving on to the unknown. It is perfectly normal to be feeling this angst.

Threads merged



I know at the end of senior year people change a lot. And I understand why. But I thought id have and keep my ''bff'' through all of this, but she has shown her true colors, and I am done with her. I'm done puttin up with what I've put up with in the past. I'm one hundred percent done with her immaturity. So the hard part comes when I tell her she can no longer stay at my beach place for senior week. How do I deal with losing my best friend? And how do I tell her that she can't come anymore? She hasn't given me any money or anything yet, so I feel that its perfectly acceptable for me to make this decision seeing as I want next to no drama for senior week. (btw for those of you who don't know what senior week is, it's the week right after grad when all the seniors go to the beach to party and such)

Just be sure you want this friendship to end forever. Friends on each get on each others nerves.

Have you considered she may not have the money to go? If she has hurt you badly then do what you think you should, but do it with compassion.

Maybe there is something going on in her life that has made her change. How long has she been
Your friend and how did she show her true colors?

We've been bffs for four years.. pretty much all of high school. But she has always been super immature and this past month it seems like she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore. She convinced me to go to prom by saying that she needs her best friends at prom to make it the best night ever, well we got there and she has an attitude I saw/spoke to her for about 5 min if that and she wouldn't make eyecontact, then when I called this treatment to her attention after prom, she acted like I was crazy, but my other friend was on my side. Eer since we haven't been a hundred percent, and she's treated me like an outsider. And we graduate in two weeks, and she's acting like a 5 yro talking about me LOUDLY when I pass so I hear her. Then she talks bad about me in class. Our mutual friend even told her she's being immature and is on my side about this.

I just want to know how the best way to uninvite her would be, and ps, I know the money thing is not a factor because shed only have to pay 100 dollars, and she has a job and her family is well off

Oh and why are these threads merged?? This situation has nothing to do with the prior one

oh and why are these threads merged??? this situation has nothing to do with the prior one

I think you should just get her by herself and tell her how you feel. Face to face. Ask her what has happened to make her treat you the way she has. I'm with you about her talking behind your back and making rude comments. Friends don't hurt each other that way. Good luck and have a great Senior week.:) I suppose the threads were merged because in your prior thread you talked about you both liking the same guy. Maybe this is the problem>

oh and why are these threads merged??? this situation has nothing to do with the prior one


Because it's important to know your history in order to answer your questions - which basically do pertain to the same problem(s).

Is this the same girl you let a boy come between you two?

I think you need to leave the 21 year old who played you both, alone.

Is this the same girl you let a boy come between you two?

I think you need to leave the 21 year old who played you both alone.

I agree with Homegirl. This guy is playing you both and it has ruined a friendship. Guys like him are a dime a dozen, but a friend is supposed to be a friend for life.

Well the whole situation with that guy ended a couple months ago, we both realized where we were wrong and kicked him to the curb. So as far as I know, that should have zero influence on this situation since we worked past that. Besides, this guy has a girlfriend now who he cares about a lot, so even if she did want him still, she wouldn't have a chance, and it wouldn't matter to me

well the whole situation with that guy ended a couple months ago, we both realized where we were wrong and kicked him to the curb.
Some take longer than others to process things from the past, and reconcile them.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.
You may have gotten over it, and she says she did, but their seems to be lingering resentment and hard feelings. Just because you cannot see how events are related, doesn't mean they are NOT!

well the whole situation with that guy ended a couple months ago, we both realized where we were wrong and kicked him to the curb. so as far as i know, that should have zero influence on this situation since we worked past that. besides, this guy has a girlfriend now who he cares about a lot, so even if she did want him still, she wouldnt have a chance, and it wouldnt matter to me

Still, didn't that cause the rift in the first place? Do you really want to let a friendship end like this? Please talk to her. Get together and just say what you feel and let her say what she feels. Friends fight, but they get over it. I don't think you or she has worked past the situation with the "guy".

He's moved on both of you have stopped being friends and it hasn't affected him in the least. He was and still is a player. He led both of you on and now you have lost a friend. Try to patch things up. Be the bigger person and you'll see how much better you feel. Good Luck and be safe on your trip.

I'm going to get in my Mom mode, here for a moment and tell you just as I did my own kids. Don't go anywhere alone with someone you don't know. Don't drink anything a stranger may give you. Don't let your guard down and watch out for the smooth talkers. Let us know how you enjoyed your trip. Have a good time young lady:)

He has moved on but you still allowed the rift in your friendship and it may take her a while to move on.
There are consequences to every action and just because you have forgotten about what you did, it does not mean she has.

He has moved on but you still allowed the rift in your friendship and it may take her a while to move on.
There are consequences to every action and just because you have forgotten about what you did, it does not mean she has.

I have to agree with Tal and Homegirl. She is probably hurt and her actions though not very nice, is her way of showing she is hurt. Good Luck

We all react differently to emotional pain. I wouldn't doubt she has probably been as stressed over senior year as you have.

We all react differently to emotional pain. I wouldn't doubt she has probably been as stressed over senior year as you have.



You took the words right out of my mouth.. but you say things in just the right way Tal.

I think what you guys don't realize, is this guy is long gone. Like we both still chat with him occasionally, but seriously we've both moved on and found new guys. I know that has nothing to do with our current situation.

i think what you guys dont realize, is this guy is long gone. like we both still chat with him occasionally, but seriously we've both moved on and found new guys. i know that has nothing to do with our current situation.

Thanks for the reddie... I didn't merge the thread! The mods do that when they see threads from the same person that are on the same situation. You need to read the rules before you decide to vent.

You guys are about to embark on a new phase of life and that stresses a lot of seniors out. She could be going through the same thing you're going through.

But the previous incident can be applicable because what a lot of seniors do with their friends and their parents it think of things go back to old hurts to make them angry, subconsciously thinking the break won't be so hard.