OK, so here's the problem, I am a guy, and I love my guy best mate, we have been mates for over 2 years now, and I fell in love with him fairly quickly, we have slept round each ovas house, he trusts me enuf to get changed in the same room, we do loads gay jokes and stuff when we are working together, and well that's all there is gay jokes, I don't know how to tell him, I know he is straight, he thinks I am too as me and him have both had sex with girls, and we normally talk about it, like what moves we have been trying blah blah blah, normal guy stuff, whenever I talk about it with him, all I can do is imagining him doing those things, I want him more than I have ever wanted anyone, its not just for sex, its for having him as me and him, him and me, I can't deal with this on my own, no-one knows I am gay, especially him. I have been wiv a few guys and its just been sex nuffin else, they (2) of them are in the closet so they won't say nefin.

Any suggestions? I hate the feeling of me not being with him, and I just can't stop thinking about him, he's my last thought at night and my first thought in the morning.

I find myself drinking and smoking just to try and calm myself and chill out about the whole thing, please someone has got to be in the same situation, or been in the same situation. It really does hurt

I'd suggest writing in English and not chat-speak.

Other than that, I'd say its quite unlikely he'll react well let alone agree to be a in a gay relationship with you.

You could also come out to him and speak to him and explain the situation calmly, it will at least set your mind at ease.

It might create a permanent life regret so consider it VERY CAREFULLY.

How old are you?

Hey thanks for the replies, sorry about my english JK191, I don't want to loose him though no matter what, even if it means I don't say anything to him.

Synnen, I am 18, and have been pretty much in love with him since I have known him

Any help please!!

This is a really difficult situation. You're gay but you haven't told anyone (least of all him) and he's straight and makes jokes about gays.

So, telling him you're gay will be a big thing, but telling him you're gay and that you love him will probably blow him away. I imagine he'll feel like he doesn't know you at all and he'll be rethinking all those times you were getting changed in the same room.

I don't think there are any happy endings here. I doubt that you will go riding off into the sunset with him if he's straight. (Of course I could be wrong!)

Perhaps take it one step at a time. Tell him that you're gay and see what his reaction is. See how it affects your friendship. If you can maintain your friendship after this you may just have to accept that your love for this guy will probably be unrequited and unconsummated.

It's a choice I guess - a good friendship with a straight man that you love, or no friendship at all.

Thank you for your advice gemini54, that's the one choice I can't decide upon. I don't know whether I could risk losing him if I told him, I know it would send him off the wall, the gay jokes aren't like spiteful they are just me and him messing around, like when we are at work and home. I know he is straight, a part of me wishes I was, I don't think I want to be gay, which is the one thing stopping me from telling anyone, I told one of my parents that I was gay when I was drunk, the next morning they said you don't look gay so don't be stupid. Nice eh?

The things that makes me want to not be gay are the fact that when I am older I want a wife to come home to after work and have kids and have a family home, and family holidays, but I can't ever have that if I am wiv any guy let alone the guy I have been in love with for the last 2 years of my life. Even if I was him, I wouldn't be able to have any of those things.

Girls still make me want to sleep with them, like I have been with a few girls, not many (4), and if I was gay how come I could have sex with them? Surely if I was really gay then I wouldn't be able to sleep with them? Could it be just this one guy I love? That manages to want him more than a girl?

Thank you for your advice gemini54, that's the one choice I can't decide upon. I don't know whether I could risk losing him if I told him, I know it would send him off the wall, the gay jokes aren't like spiteful they are just me and him messing around, like when we are at work and home. I know he is straight, a part of me wishes I was, I don't think I want to be gay, which is the one thing stopping me from telling anyone, I told one of my parents that I was gay when I was drunk, the next morning they said you don't look gay so don't be stupid. Nice eh?

The things that makes me want to not be gay are the fact that when I am older I want a wife to come home to after work and have kids and have a family home, and family holidays, but I can't ever have that if I am wiv any guy let alone the guy I have been in love with for the last 2 years of my life. Even if I was him, I wouldn't be able to have any of those things.

Girls still make me want to sleep with them, like I have been with a few girls, not many (4), and if I was gay how come I could have sex with them? Surely if I was really gay then I wouldn't be able to sleep with them? Could it be just this one guy I love? That manages to want him more than a girl?

I am thinking your bi - sexual. You can be with both guys and girls and can have feelings and sexual relations with both.

The thing is if your confused and not sure where your sexuality is, you need some counseling. Non - Judging counseling that will work with you and help you work through your insecurities about your sexual orientation.

It sounds like a major crush, infactuation to me. Meaning that I honestly do not think any relationship would last no matter what.

Your living a lie, and this person will find out about it eventually, do you not think that the later this person finds out about it the harder it will be.

You do need to make the decision on your own whether to tell anybody you feel like your gay or not.

The thing is if this guy is completely your friend, he would except you no matter what as a friend. Whether gay or not.

I honestly do not think he would have any kind of relationship with you that you want so would not even put that out in the open.

Counseling, working on telling the truth about your sexual orientation and if not then you need to live with yourself keeping it to your counselor and people here.

That's the thing really, I am unsure if I could live with myself being gay, and out in the open, because I know if I was out then my dreams of being able to have that family life would be over, I couldn't ever go back and be a dad, a dad isn't gay, or hasn't ever been gay, a dad is someone that is stable, and I don't think I can be stable if I were to come out and the say I am staright and have a wife, how would my wife even deal with that? If I ever got one.

The thing I would like most later on in life is to have a family and have a wife, a family to come home to at the end of the day and I wouldn't want to trade that dream to come home to a man. But then I do really love him, I only feel this way about him, I mean I have had sexual feelings towards other guys before but they don't match what deep gut wrenching feeling si have for him.

At the end of the day I want to be happy, is there a quick cure? I know I am only young, but I know these feelings really are what I do think, they aren't ones I have dreamed up over night.

Jesushelper76 - where would I get counselling from? If you think it might help me, but again if I get some I need to do it when people think I am at college or sometime when people aren't going to wonder where I am as I can't turn round and say I was at conselling, that would lead to too many questions!

What do you mean, that a dad isn't gay? There are PLENTY of gay men that are dads! Are you insinuating that gay men can't be stable? Frankly, compared to many of the OTHER guys I knew in college, the guys that were openly gay were MORE stable.

Give up on your guy friend. He's your friend, and he's not EVER going to be more. Learn to value the friendship, because I'm sure that you're right and that if you came on to him, that your friendship would be over.

Love is love is love, though. You don't have to come home to a WIFE to have a family.

I personally think you need to get counseling to deal with your sexuality and to deal with getting past stereotypes. Your college counseling office or student services would be a good place to start.

As far as the TIMES for counseling--why do you have to answer why you're going to counseling? It's none of anyone else's business, and you don't have to talk about it with anyone else. If you get questions, just say "That's between me and my counselor, and I don't feel it's any of your business".

No no no, I really didn't mean to insult any gay dads, its just the thougts in my head are is that if I was to become a dad then it wouldn't be my dream that I am a dad that has been gay, you know what I mean? By no means do I mean to insult any gay dads!

Although that me being like that to anyone that asks, I have friends (the girls mainly) that would get stroppy if I wasn't able to talk to them, the guy mates I have would be OK with it I am sure.

I don't think I have a problem with steriotypes I know that families come in all shapes and sizes these days, I know that one for sure, my parents are divorced, I've got half siblings, step parents the whole lot, I am not complaining I am lucky I think to have such a big family. But the reason as to why I think of myself coming home to a wife and kids is because that's the future I have always thought I would have, its hard to consider something which you have wanted to have when your older and the one reason you can't have it is because you choose another option

Please I want to make sure I haven't offended anyone, in my idea of what I want when I am older I am not a gay dad, just a guy with a loving wife and kids, I am sure there are many more stable gay people than I am aware of, and I am sure that anyone that is gay and has got kids can offer them everything a hetrosexual couple can, please my intent with the last post was not intended and I cam across wrong.

I really do think you need to see a counselor to help you figure out your sexuality, hon.

You can then have REALISTIC dreams based on what's actually RIGHT within you, rather than what you've "always" dreamed of--for example, from the time I was a child until I was in my 20s, I'd "always" dreamed of being a teacher. By the time I was in my 20s, and in education classes, I KNEW I wasn't meant to be a teacher. That doesn't mean that I don't have a different version of my dream, though--I now work in the education field, but as an administrator.

Don't close your own doors until you've actually figured out what's really going on with you--sometimes what you've "always" dreamed of isn't as good as what's actually going to make you happy.

How do you decide what is right for you? As in the end nothing really matters, I am having such a head for the last few days, haven't been able to think, I can't really come to terms with anything, I feeel like burtsing in tears every time I am on my own, I can't take this much more, I feel like . My best mate, OK I accept I can't ever happen, but I can't deal with my sexuality, I met up with a guy last night, it felt so right, but waking up this morning in a more sober state I felt like , what's going on? Honestly I am having emotions and feelings I can't deal with and I just don't know

How do you decide what is right for you? As in the end nothing really matters, I am having such a head for the last few days, haven't been able to think, I can't really come to terms with anything, I feeel like burtsing in tears every time I am on my own, I can't take this much more, I feel like . My best mate, OK I accept I can't ever happen, but I can't deal with my sexuality, I met up with a guy last night, it felt so right, but waking up this morning in a more sober state I felt like , what's going on? Honestly I am having emotions and feelings I can't deal with and I just don't know

Touching and kissing this guy last night, it made me feel right, like I had a reason and a purpose of being with someone, it wasn't just going to be some one night thing, I wake this morning and think what have I done! What can I do, I feel so overpowered by , its unbelievable

Hi ben,

Your totally confused over your sexual genda.

In my opinion you have to be bi-sexual at the very least, I know a few people who are bi-sexual, who lead perfectly happy married lives.

This guy who you are in love with is definitely straight, you are very good mates by the sound of it, working together also socializing, generally having a good time, if you tell him you are gay and that you fancy the pants off him, you will totally (in my oppinion) ruin what you have together, that's not to say that maybe in the future something could develop between you, after all he could also be bi- sexual.

I think you have to play safe as far as telling him how you feel at the moment, hope an opening will arise where you can casually slip in that you are bi-sexual or you could say that some times you also fancy blokes... adding does he.

You will have to be very careful to pick the right moment.

You are however still very young,who's to say that in a couple of years time, when all of your hormones have sorted themselves out,that you may just end up doing a complete turn around .

Is there any chance the hormones can hurry and sort themselves out now? So I can then sort out myself?

The guy that I was with last night, said he would text me and he would come round tonight, this I think is the start of the end with my fixation on my best mate, however maybe it's the start of actually being gay? I always thought other people were gay and that's cool, I just never thought I would end up gay. I don't know how much more I can deal with right now, loads of crap is happening, and I don't seem to be able to sort any of it out. I can't seem to control any part of my life at the moment, and I feel like I can't sort out any of it because of the fact I am not controlling any of it. To make matters worse, one of my close girl mates has told me they have been in love with me ever since we met, I don't know how to tell her I am not interested, not because I don't think your pretty but I am actually gay...

I really REALLY think you need to see a counselor.

You are overwhelmed with everything in your head and with all of your emotions.

A counselor will help you sort them all out.

I have to agree that you need to get into counseling to deal with your sexuality.

I am a bi-sexual woman and by no means have I taken having children off the table.

Having said that, I haven't taken not having them off the table. Life is going to take you where it will and decisions about having a family are a long way off.

One of my dearest friends is a bi-sexual man who has had long term relationships with both males and females. He is now 34 and has two beautiful little girls. He decided that the family life was for him and got it. His partner, a female, knows about his past and is fine with it.

There are no definites in life. You can be gay and have a family, you can be bi-sexual and have a family but first you need to sort out what you are and be OK with that or you will never be contented in yourself.

There is no point lying to yourself. You say you don't know if you could live with being gay (or bi-sexual) but you are. Not admitting it to yourself or others won't make it go away, it will only eat away at your soul as it is now.

As for this guy, you need to make a decision: Can you be around this guy with the feelings that you have for them and not act on it and be ok with it?

If you can then stay as you are, if you cannot then you need to move on. He is straight and would not be interested in a gay relationship. End of story. That is not to say that he won't accept you should you tell him that you are gay/bi-sexual. That is yet to be seen.

The last thing that I will say is that I know that this is not easy. In fact it is one of the hardest situations, coming out, that I have ever been in and I've seen some dark days. There are, and really always will be, some people that won't accept you. The only person that has to accept you and be ok with who you are, IS YOU. Once you have established that, once you truly accept yourself, the other pieces of the puzzle will fall into place.

How can you decide what you are? Is there a set way like OK here's ten questions if you say yes to all of them your gay, if you say no to them then your straight? Why can't things be that simple?

Thank you neverme, your response has helped, I know kids are a long way off, but its just something I have to deal with to start with to accept that kids might not be a possibility one day. But I spose its easier to accept what you've never had to what you have had and lost right?

How did it feel to come out? My biggest concern above all others is that I am going to loose my family and friends, my family is probably a tad homophobic, well when I say a tad my brother has threatened before that if I turned out gay he would never speak to me again! These sort of things are stopping me from saying who I truly am. I don't think I would be able to be happy without my family and friends, and I think I would loose some if I came out.

As for my best mate, I can only say he and I will be mates, and if anything ever changes in his sexuality he will have a little compartment in my heart, I really do care for him, but this guy I met last night has made me realise lifes too short to stop everything and never move anywhere.

Everything is such a head !!

I've never thought that anyone is 100% ANYTHING sexually. More like there's a graph, and everyone has more of one tendency than another, or is truly happy with both sexes.

There is no "right". There's no way ANYONE but you can tell you what the right thing for you to do is.

But I REALLY really think that you should talk to a counselor, even if only once, to get some ideas on how to get your thoughts clearer to YOURSELF.

Ahhhhhh ing hell, everything is the biggest pile of . I am yet again crying my ing eyes out, I can't deal wioth these feelings alone, I need someone I can physically talk to, I just can't deal with this anymore, I am completely out of thought space in my head, the guy I met up with last night was spose to come over tonight, he knows I am not out and I was so ready to talk to him and tell him about everything, and now I spose the morning after, after he has sobered up he doesn't want to come round, I have been waiting for a test all day from him, I would text him but I only gave him my number, I didn't take his, I wanted to leave it up to him. Which I spose serves me right. I just can't deal with this anymore, I am literally balling my eyes out on my own, I can't take this e anymore. Somebody has got to care that knows me. Thank you all so much for your responses.

Why does everything have to be so hard, all the time?

It's not hard ALL the time.

Do you have a close friend you can talk to? I know you said your family wouldn't be much help to you--but are you still in high school? College? Is there a school counselor you can talk to, or a teacher/professor you like and trust?

There is also a national GLBT hotline that you can call--where you KNOW the person who answers will understand. It's a toll free number. 1-888-843-4564.

If you don't know anyone you feel you can trust to talk to in person, then give them a call. They've been there, they get it--they can probably help you figure out what to do next.

Sorry about tonight everyone, been an absolute hell of a day, gone for a walk, and got my together! Thanks ever so much!

I don't really have anyone I trust, my best mate I would tell but that would probably make them hate me due to the fact they are very much homophobic, my god I feel like I am standing at the top of a pin, I just don't know who to turn to, the guy I was with last night I would tell everything to, he said he has just recently come out, which made me feel really comfortable around him. I would tell him everything. Although he was spose to come round tonight, and I haven't heard anything from him all day, I hope he is OK, or I hope he hasn't gone off the idea, we met when we were both drunk, so if he has sobered and thought what the heck. He is really cute, and I was surprised when he came up to me in the club and said did I want to have a dance with him, at which point I said no because I wasn't gay, although about an hour later me and him were kissing in the toilets.

If he did want to get to know me do you think he would have called or texted me by now? I really do feel like I could just tell him everything, although if I said all these things in a short space of time would I scare him off?

I would call that number, however I don't live in america, I live in the UK!

Sorry about tonight everyone, been an absolute hell of a day, gone for a walk, and got my together! Thanks ever so much!

I don't really have anyone I trust, my best mate I would tell but that would probably make them hate me due to the fact they are very much homophobic, my god I feel like I am standing at the top of a pin, I just don't know who to turn to, the guy I was with last night I would tell everything to, he said he has just recently come out, which made me feel really comfortable around him. I would tell him everything. Although he was spose to come round tonight, and I haven't heard anything from him all day, I hope he is OK, or I hope he hasn't gone off the idea, we met when we were both drunk, so if he has sobered and thought what the heck. He is really cute, and I was surprised when he came up to me in the club and said did I want to have a dance with him, at which point I said no because I wasn't gay, although about an hour later me and him were kissing in the toilets.

If he did want to get to know me do you think he would have called or texted me by now? I really do feel like I could just tell him everything, although if I said all these things in a short space of time would I scare him off?

I would call that number, however I don't live in america, I live in the UK!

i dont really have anyone i trust, my best mate i would tell but that would probably make them hate me due to the fact they are very much homophobic, my god i feel like i am standing at the top of a pin, i just dont know who to turn to, the guy i was with last night i would tell everything to, he said he has just recently come out, which made me feel really comfortable around him. i would tell him everything. although he was spose to come round tonight, and i havent heard anything from him all day, i hope he is ok, or i hope he hasnt gone off the idea, we met when we were both drunk, so if he has sobered and thought . he is really cute, and i was surprised when he came up to me in the club and said did i wanna have a dance with him, at which point i said no cos i wasnt gay, although about an hour later me and him were kissing in the toilets.

if he did want to get to know me do you think he would have called or texted me by now? i really do feel like i could just tell him everything, although if i said all these things in a short space of time would i scare him off?

i would call that number, however i dont live in america, i live in the UK!

Ben, don't let your confusion cause you to do things you know aren't safe like hooking up with a random person (of either sex). Have more respect for yourself than playing games in public toilets.

Here is the GLBT National Help Center website: GLBT National Help Center (http://www.glnh.org/index2.html)

It has on-line services and information that may help you.

I think you need to slow down your thinking. You seem to be doing the mental equivalent of sprinting in a marathon. Your best friend will probably always be just that. You seem to be seeing the infatuation for what it is. However, it isn't any better to jump from a friend to a stranger. Get to people before you start making out with them. It will save you some self-esteem problems later.

This stranger that I met, I am getting to know him now, we are getting on really well, I am looking forward to talking, seeing him, although he doesn't seem to be able to ever commit to coming round or going out somewhere. Please can someone tell me am I rushing into things? I have known him for 3 days and have developed these strong feelings for him, he's cute, he even thinks I am cute, that makes my stomach surge and I can feel adrenaline kicking in every time I think about him.

Never the less I am still crying my eyes out on my own, in my room, unable to stop it, I just don't think I can talk to anyone about it, could someone who has come out please tell me either how good or bad it feels to do so, and tell me the reactions they got of their mates, family etc?

Thank you

I just thought I should add, the new guy he's my age (ish) by like 2 years, he's called sam, he's really cute, but I think he like another guy... tad/masszive head f*uck

Hon, found a UK version of the GLBT organizations here in the US.

Broken Rainbow (http://www.broken-rainbow.org.uk/)

There's a number on the website to call where you can get support, and there seems to be a great online community there.

I wish I could be of more help :(

this stranger that i met, i am getting to know him now, we are getting on really well, i am looking forward to talking, seeing him, although he doesnt seem to be able to ever commit to coming round or going out somewhere. please can someone tell me am i rushing into things? i have known him for 3 days and have developed these strong feelings for him, he's cute, he even thinks i am cute, that makes my stomach surge and i can feel adrenaline kicking in everytime i think about him.


Okay, I am going to jump in here. You are infatuated with him right now. Honeymoon phase of the relationship. There might be a healthy dose of lust in there right now too. Enjoy it.



never the less i am still crying my eyes out on my own, in my room, unable to stop it, i just dont think i can talk to anyone about it, could someone who has come out please tell me either how good or bad it feels to do so, and tell me the reactions they got of their mates, family etc?

Can't help you here. There has to be a GBLT support line in your community or online. They will have someone to talk to.

Knew it! Too good to be true! He has got another boyfriend. Bloody hell... ended everythin immediately, don't want anything else to do with him, and now I am back in the same place I was on Tuesday evening, in my room alone, hurting not because of him, well maybe a little bit, because he actually did give me a adrenaline rush. Honeymoon period was over quicker than I thought it would be.

The main reason I feel like I am having a blunt fence post being shoved in my chest for the last few days I think is because I feel like I can't sort my S**t out, I can't pick myself up again after quite frankly the biggest head F**k I have had for a long time, the biggest one since my parents divorce, I am stuck in a rut and I can't deal with it.

Thinking about what I have done recently, the gay things I have done with other guys, that isn't me, I don't think I could feel comfortable sat round my friends and family with them knowing I am gay, the amount of gay jokes I have picked up on recently that my friends and family have been saying hurts, you know?

I feeel like I need to get into a state of mind where I am not constantly feeeling like crap to be honest. I just don't know how to get there.

After sam saying something else is going on in his life, I think I need to get my act together, my immediate reaction was great, now I don't have to tell anyone, I can be straight again..

I think the time has begun to think rationally, one way in which I am going to do that is by deleting every guy I have been with, kissed, felt a connection for, phone numbers no more, msn no more (well with the guys ) that I have kissed, been with blah blah blah lol

I have begun to think about what I want, and what I really want is someone that makes me feel great, and if that maybe in the future a guy or girl then I can only hope for the best right?

Am I too young to be dealing with these adult emotions?

You want someone to come in and save you... but they can't.

You need to get your head sorted first, if you don't know and love who are no one can love you.

Talk to a counselor. Either at an LGBT group or on your own.

You are not too young to be dealing with these emotions, that's why you have them, you are an adult.

Seek help, and soon!

All the best.

I have been thinking all day about what neverme said last night, I would love someone to come and save me, but I think it's a guy that I want to save me, I need someone that gets my adrenaline going that gets the same rush as me.

I came out to my mum a little while ago, she replied to me that I should stop talking nonsense, and I should go out with a girl she knew I had slept with.

I can't stop thinking about what I want, and sam, has ended it with his near boyfriend, I got a massive rush when he told me, I want him, I would come out for him, but how will my family be? All I can think is that they will be disappointed in me.

When ever I get the chance to talk to him, that fence post that gets rammed into my chest, that gut feeling, where you just feel your going to explode with excitement, thrill and passion, all I want to do is be with someone, is that too much to ask? I see it everywhere, granted not in my own family, but films, friends, school and college. I just want the same, I think that is with a guy, I feel like I have now fully accepted my sexuality, I just don't know where to go next??

I would recommend clicking on the link in my last post, and contacting someone there who has gone through it.

They can help you find a way to accept yourself and a way to deal with your family.

Aside from that--you will find support for the times when you're doubting and angry and trying to deal with too much.

Hello,

I clicked on the broken rainbow link, this website it says is for people that are experiencing violence in there relationships, thank you for your help though!

Of course you got a massive rush when he told you this, everyone wants to feel special and loved. There is nothing wrong with that. You are special and can be loved by the right person but you need to believe that you are good enough for that.

Do not come out for anyone else. This is all about you and will be if he leaves you. YOU need to get the strength that IS inside you to deal with this situation. Coming out for someone else only allows the responsibility to fall on them. This is you, this is yours. Be who you are. He is (and this could have been anyone!) that gets your pulse racing. He is the one you are attracted to, accept this and deal with what comes with it. You are good enough, gay, bi or straight, you are a good person who deserves love from whoever you deem worthy of being in a relationship with. Anyone with a problem with this, has a problem with themselves. You are who you are, good bad and indifferent.

Finally I'm going to address the statement you made about wanting to be with "someone". First of all, you are not alone here, the majority of people that are not in a relationship feel this way. Moreover, a lot of people that are in a relationship feel this way! Second, you deserve someone that is better than just anyone.. and it seems that is all you are looking for 'anyone'. If you don't believe this, no one else will.

I would still strongly advise talking to a counselor. Can you afford one? If not where in the UK do you live? If you do not feel comfortable saying it here you can pm me and I will find a organization close to you that can help.

hello,

i clicked on the broken rainbow link, this website it says is for people that are experiencing violence in there relationships, thank you for your help though!

You're correct--I completely apologize. I just saw that there was GLBT support there, and missed the "domestic abuse" part.

There HAS to be a GBLT support system in the UK. I'll try again later to locate them online.

From the Broken Rainbow website's links:

A London based organization for 13-19 year olds: Mosaic Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Youth Centre (http://www.mosaicyouth.org.uk/)

From Mosaic's website, their list of links: Mosaic Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans Youth Centre (http://www.mosaicyouth.org.uk/links.php)

Well... that has got to have been probably the SH*test week in history of my life since my parents divorce.

Sam, doesn't care. He still wants his old boyfriend. I was so ready to tell everyone, I planned what I was going to say and when I was going to say it. I can't stop thinking about sam. I know he was just some guy I met, but it was more than that to me, he approached me, he kissed me, he held my hand, he came and slept next to me, he held me, no one has ever done that to me before, wanted me in that way, that purposeful way where someone actually makes a move towards me, not always me chasing them or trying to date them, or hint to them.

I spent most of the week on my own, couldn't face college, family or friends, well not that any of those were actually bothered about it. Is it wrong to feel so attached to someone so quickly, he made me buzz, still does, and he won't return my messages... have tried to be very restrained and only sent the one as I don't want to make him think I am some young teen who needs to grow up. (he is older than me) he seems to be living his life how I want to be also, happy, proud and able to do anything I want, within reason of course, I am not meaning I am going to go out and kill someone or do something daft.

I feel like this massive weight is stuck on my shoulders, I drunkenly and stoned told my brother the other night he said if I ever said that again I would have a limb broken... what kind of fecked up sh*t is that?

There is, I feel, something very wrong with me, some gay guy asked me was I gay the other night, someone I hadn't even met, someone I would never see again, I replied no I am straight sorry mate. If I can't even tell a stranger, how will I tell my friends and family when the reception so far has been so bad? I tried to recover the next day by just saying sorry about last night bro that was some strong weed I was smoking. He nodded and said it better have been.

I am alone once again tonight, my friends are busy with their partners, I am happy for them, really I am, but when I am alone all I can here is myself thing, I wonder what sam is up to now, or I wonder if I sent sam a message he would come online and let me talk it through with him? Even if he didn't want me, I would have someone that remotely knows me, and someone I could tell everything to, would this scare him off?

I also can't seem to stop thinking about when I am in lesson, I turn around and look at peoples faces and imagine if they knew I were gay would they still treat me the same? Would I still be ben to them, or the end of gay joke?

My best guy mate, I kind of feel would be very uncomfortable about the whole thing, I wouldn't ever tell him that I liked him but I would probably come out to him, if I had a boyfriend.

I would have last week, happily come out for sam, I spent one night with him and he made me feel so sure about everything, he made my heart pump, and everything we did, I felt was electric, brilliant and so right.

How does anyone get out the slump of "oh crap its not going to happen, i really liked them but they dont like me back"?

I may have message him, he came online, we started talking, he got mid conversation and then went... argh, fag, vodka and bed me thinks...

Look, you're obsessing in general.

That's not healthy, gay OR straight.

Contact the GLBT support group closest to your area. You REALLY need someone walking with you through all of this. Just the fact that you're obsessing about a guy that's pretty much told you he's not interested--and that you were DEPENDING on someone ELSE to be able to come out tells me that you need to seek counseling about this.

Thank you, fair point, reading back on what I said, that did sound very obssessive, I think it was just a few days where I was fixed on him, I would like to apologise for my stupidity! He was just a guy that wanted me, and then changed my mind. By it now, its all good I know its not going to happen!!

I have recently been in contact with someone from the GLBT support, I don't know where there is one in my area, but I am just finding someone to talk to atm. Thank you all so much for your help with my problems, I will let you know how I get on.

I just want to live my life in happy way, enjoying everyday, and I want to be with someone I am comfortable with, I am gay, I want to be gay and I like the idea of being gay. Thank you for helping me come to terms with this.

I would just like to say, it would appear my best mate is very homophobic as he found out I kissed a guy and now doesn't want to speak or see me anymore, I tried talking to him, he blanks me at work, and has started telling people, I fear I may be thrown out my home soon...

Hello :)

Hello, I don't know if anyone is still on this feed, I hope someone is! I have managed to cover up my gay kiss by using the fact saying I was drunk and on mephedrone, my mate kind of came round, me and him are cool now, although now he thinks I am a druggy!

The reason I thought I would see if anyone is still on this feed is because I spoke to someone on GLBT desk, we talked and nothing really made much sense, the people that have been replying to this feed have given me genuine heart felt responses which I really appreciate because I guess I kind of feel happpy I can talk to people openly about everything on here, although I know one day I won't be able to stay like this forever but I just need some advice.

The guy that I kiss and slept next to, the guy I was willing to come out for, pretty much do anything for, I saw again soberly tonight, god I want him, I would come out for him, then as we were talking, laughing and flriting I might add, some guy came over and kissed him, right in front of me, he then introduced his boyfriend to me, I tell you now the gut wrenching feeling hurt like , I drove home so stupidly fast just to try and sort myself out by taking some frustration out, I listened to some crappy cheesy music and feel even worse, I feel like I haven't gotten anywhere, in the last 2 months I have just had so many emotions and hormones I think go through me, I haven't got a clue where to go next.

I have been asking my friends about what would they think if someone was gay, and they all seem to be cool with someone turning gay, they say its fair game and you can't do anything to change who you are. However what happens if I am just gay with some guys, not all guys?

I need to sort out my life really, I am making decisions that I just don't know why I am doing it, bad things and some very good moves like uni - maybe or an apprenticeships. I feel I can't truly decide what I want to do until I sort out my sexuality. I need help really. I would stop going to uni for him, I would get a job down here, because love or a relationship comes first right?

I'm not attracted to ALL guys, either.

I don't think ANYONE is attracted to every person they run across.

You need to realize that you can't "come out" for anyone but yourself. Period. It's like quitting smoking for someone else--you end up resenting that person in the end, even if it WAS better for you to do it.

You need to be single right now. You're in absolutely no shape to be contributing to a relationship--any relationship you end up in, you're just going to be using that person.

I really suggest you get counseling--and I'm not saying that because you're dealing with figuring out your sexuality. I'm saying that because you seem to be dealing with figuring out who you ARE, in general.

And the fact that you caved and denied a part of who you are for someone else's opinion isn't going to be making it any easier for you.

Can you talk to a school counselor? To ANYONE?

If I was in a relationship with this guy that I am completely infatuated with right now, I would want him the same way he would want me, I would want that relationship, I wouldn't be using him, I would do anything for him, he makes me feel alive and excited and happy, not sh*t and fairly ed up like I do now. I have got into a bad cycle at the moment, pretty much most days I am drinking excessively, I know this but can't seem to stop the next day and am taking some other crap that I know isn't good for me. I just can't get out the cycle, I think he would help me, he would do it for me and I could just go cold turkey with drink and the other thing. I have done before with smoking, I used to smoke when I was 14 and have stopped when I was 17, just stopped.

The college I go to has a counselor but they are only in on Monday lunch times and I don't have college then, it's a possibility but again I would have to find a reason for why I had to drive into college for lunchtime. I really can't speak to anyone, as I saw from the reaction of everyone earlier this month about me kissing a guy I highly doubt anyone would really be comfortable with me being gay. I really don't have anyone, this really quite genuinly is my only source of being able to talk freely about everything I do, because everything I do with people I know is constantly criticised, I am not that much of a confident person, the criticising works, eventually I do the things I think other people want me to do - sounds a bit pathetic now I have written that...

Here's the thing, though: You WOULD be using him, as your ONLY support system. That's not a romantic relationship--that's a counselor/patient relationship, and very very few new romantic relationships can withstand that kind of pressure.

You'd come out for him--and then ALL of your other friends and family would ditch you, is that what you're saying? So again--he's the ONLY thing keeping you sane? That's not a fair burden to put on ANYONE.

You don't know who you are, and you're latching onto anything that will stop you from having to FEEL that out for yourself.

Make an excuse about a study group, or whatever--but see that counselor.

And really--you don't need to tell anyone WHY you are seeing a counselor. For all they know, it's because you're stressed about school, and are getting help.

True its not a fair burden, I don't know whether my friends would ditch me, I know some would, my family would definitely, see there is something else there, I don't think I could hack losing my family, I really don't. Admittedly we have grwon distant but to not see them regularly, that would be a shame.

The image in my head at the moment is me not really using him, or burdening him, to be fair its neither at the moment as he is with someone, and I don't want to get in the way of that really, I may like him but that's not my style. I don't want to ruin there lives that they could have together.

The memory that's in my mind is that I have seen on TV and seen once in real life, two guys got together, one was out, one wasn't, the other came out for him, the guy that came out was thrown out and had to live with his boyfriend, I think they are still together, but did the gay guy consider him a burden then? Even though they are together now, is it not worth that little bit of extra commitment to get someone you want?

I think if I had to leave my family I could, would that still be considered a burden on him?

Would there be anything for example if I got into a relationship with him, and there was this burden that I could relieve it somehow?

Here's the thing:

You don't come out for someone else. You do it for YOURSELF.

Asking someone to come out after a reasonable (think years, not months, here) time is only fair--if you're not letting people know who you REALLY are, then you are acting ashamed of your relationship.

HOWEVER--you do NOT come out for someone else when you haven't been dating for some time. You come out for YOURSELF. You come out so that you are not living a lie, so that you are not acting ashamed of who you are, so that you can BE yourself.

Either way, you need to figure out who you are and what you REALLY want before you try to make any relationship work. You have too much baggage currently to bring into a new relationship.

Your making so much sense, honestly I really do genuinly think I am gay, I haven't been thinking this for like a few months, this has been years probably since I was 14, I have felt different from then, I have always thought that since about 14, since my first ever encounter with another guy.

I really do know I am gay, I am thinking I am coming out for myself. I want to be free of what I have been feeling so badly recently, I want to be myself, I want to feel comfortable, I want to be me. And me is gay, I like men, I know this is really what I am.

Your right, I need to sort myself out now, before I try for a relationship.

How do you even come out though, how do you go up to someone and say "i am gay, please dont think of me differently". I really do think this being out in the open will help me figure out what is next for me.

But how to come out, I am talking soberly, not on anything else, this is me talking and thinking straight, I am gay. Any advice on how to come out? I want to do it, I need to be me, I need to feel happy.

I don't know, honestly.

I think it would be different for every person.

This is where I think talking to someone from a GLBT group would be beneficial to you.

Well I am not sure about the clinic really atm, need to get ready for everything first.

How do you even start telling people, do you have any experience of this? If so how did you talk to someone about it? Who did you tel first?

I'm bisexual, not a lesbian, so it's a bit different for me.

I didn't TELL anyone. I just dated who I wanted to, and let people draw their own conclusions.

Fair enough, I feel though like I have to tell people so they know, because I feel they have a right to know, but now I have written this it seems why do they have a right to know, they can know, I wouldn't mind them knowing but why do I have to go out and tell everyone? I can do what I want, I am my own person, I am so sick and tired of being not me, being what I think everyone else wants me to be and do.

I will date, I have been talking to that guy I met in the club recently, me and him have been getting chatty, I haven't asked him if he is still with someone, if he isn't should I see if he wants to go out sometime, or do you think that's a bad idea, I do really like him, he makes me get excited every time I see him, for example I have seen once every week for the last few weeks down the pub, and I feel that me and him just click!

Any advice is welcome!

Fair enough, I feel though like I have to tell people so they know, because I feel they have a right to know, but now I have written this it seems why do they have a right to know, they can know, I wouldn't mind them knowing but why do I have to go out and tell everyone? I can do what I want, I am my own person, I am so sick and tired of being not me, being what I think everyone else wants me to be and do.

I will date, I have been talking to that guy I met in the club recently, me and him have been getting chatty, I haven't asked him if he is still with someone, if he isn't should I see if he wants to go out sometime, or do you think that's a bad idea, I do really like him, he makes me get excited every time I see him, for example I have seen once every week for the last few weeks down the pub, and I feel that me and him just click!

Any advice is welcome!

Arghhhhhhhhhh ing hell... what the hell is wrong with me? Arghhhh someone who is very close to me just asked because they found out that I kissed some guy whether I was gay, and I lied and said no they were lying. I don't want to lie to my mate, this is making me feel bad about myself. And to be honest its getting messy, I am getting stressed about it all now. I can feel myself getting wound up and stressed about it all, this is my only output... someone has got to help me, someone please just give me an answer, I know I need to speak to a counselor but they aren't here, and I don't feel comfortable talking to someone yet. Argh this hurts so much, its getting so complicated...

arghhhhhhhhhh ing hell..... what the hell is wrong with me? arghhhh someone who is very close to me just asked cos they found out that i kissed some guy whether i was gay, and i lied and said no they were lieing. i dont wanna lie to my mate, this is making me feel bad about myself. and to be honest its getting messy, i am getting stressed about it all now. i can feel myself getting wound up and stressed about it all, this is my only output.... someone has got to help me, someone please just give me an answer, i know i need to speak to a councellor but they arent here, and i dont feel comfortable talking to someone yet. argh this hurts soo much, its getting soo complicated....

Ben, if some one asks, you don't have to give them an answer. You can say something along the lines of 'does it matter'. No matter what sex you are attracted to, you are you. You are the same person who has been his friend. You will always remain that person. You need to accept that as fact so those around you can learn to accept it.

thank you cat1854, that was very helpful. The more I say I don't know, or it doesn't matter, the more your accused, I have tried before, to prevent the accusations I then go and try and do a really staright thing like shag some random girl. But that isn't me, and I don't want to be not me anymore, I need to get out of here, I hate the constant feeling of god what if they know or what is someone going to find out about me next! I feel so trapped, I have tried taking a little pick me up, however its done the opposite and I feel ed, I just don't want to be here any more, I don't want to be me, this isn't me.

thank you cat1854, that was very helpful. The more I say I don't know, or it doesn't matter, the more your accused, I have tried before, to prevent the accusations I then go and try and do a really staright thing like shag some random girl. But that isn't me, and I don't want to be not me anymore, I need to get out of here, I hate the constant feeling of god what if they know or what is someone going to find out about me next! I feel so trapped, I have tried taking a little pick me up, however its done the opposite and I feel ed, I just don't want to be here any more, I don't want to be me, this isn't me.

I didn't mean to sound sarcastic in that reply to you cat1854, I am very grateful for you spending your time replying to me, it is much appreciated

I was just reading your post found it really interesting. Did you ever work this problem out ?