My out-of-work son, pregnant wife and grandchild came to live with us last year because a pedophile (a relative) was living close by and we didn't want to expose the grandchild to the possibility. Our new grandson was born in January of this year while they have lived with us. Plus the daughter-in-law has 2 sons that she relinquished custody to the dad because they could not support them, who come to visit every other weekend.

We set up guidelines as in they needed to save the money they earned to be able to afford a 1. place to live, 2. vehicle to drive and just the necessitite of life. In the year they have lived here, what is ours has become theirs and what is theirs is theirs. Tools are missing and the daughter-in-law's main concern is soap operas. I decided to take a tax course and provided for the daughter-in-law to take it also, so that she would have something to fall back on. She rarely offered to buy gas, but I believe she did manage to pay us back the $100 for the course.

They breezed through the tax refund, plus now that my son is working, they manage to go through that money also. They buy no groceries, no money to utilities, do no maintenance on the vehicle we have provided for him to go to work in, help out little around the house, have not provided the first diaper for the new baby. We bought them a van for $500 and asked that they pay us back for the vehicle and get insurance. So far the van has not been started up nor has insurance been gotten.

The only reason it has gotten this bad is because we feel the need to provide for our grandchildren and the parents are parasites along for the ride. Am I wrong for feeling like we are being taken advantage of?

It needs to be framed with the complete picture. You are also letting them get away with it by buying into the ransom-- which by the way isn't a good lesson to be teaching those grandkids. It really does take two to tango when it comes to these kinds of arrangements and its important that you see your enabling side of it too.

Here it is in black and white:

If providing for your grandchildren is that important to you, then it comes with what it comes with -- both good and bad.

If the bad is bad enough to need it to change, then plan on it needing to end your support of the grandkids too.

Its your choice but the third one-- where you get to support your grandkids, give your kids time to get their act together and you all come out happy at the end is not on the list and now that you know that, you need to act accordingly and choose one of the above. This is simple, but definitely not easy.

Set up a rent for them to pay now he is working,

( OK, save that money back and then use it to help them move out)

If you have the money, help them with deposit and first month rent and move them out.

They are doing this because you are allowing them to do it.

This is a bad situation which will only cause them to be less and less responsible over time

When I was a child and worked I had to pay room and board to my parents. It was cheaper than rent and they also made me pay 20 dollars a week into a fund to get my own apartment. That was many years ago but I was glad they did that. Over time I had my down payment and my new place. Maybe they should do the same thing a savings account that every pay check x amount goes into for their own place either to rent or buy. I used the same formula to purchase my house I put 75 dollars every week into a savings account and also my tax returns went into that account along with anything I might have won on the lottery which usually was 10 dollars or so. The state I live in has a refundable bottle law and so every time I returned my bottle and got 5 cents for each that went into my account. Also many of my friends started giving me bottles to returned when they found out what I was doing for they would just throw them in the trash. Some times I would have 50 to 100 dollars in bottle money going in. It was a pain cashing in the bottles but 2 years later with all that I had 22,000 dollars in the bank and bought my house. The system does work but it take self control and some financial suffer to save. 5 years ago I bought the house for 180,000 dollars now valued at 425,000 dollars what an investment. I am glad for those values my parent bestowed in me when I was young.

So I guess to sum it all up< tough love, kick them out unless they do better.

Also I will note that any home in the US has a sex offender within about 6 blocks of it. Most a lot more, in my little town of Mayberry USA where they still put up the flag every morning and have manger scenes in the court house square, we have a registered sex offender about ever 1/4 mile.

I ran my wife's parent home on the registery and they had 15 within 1/2 mile.

So no home is safe from people around you, and most sex offenders actually travel to play grounds, schools, and then many work in areas where there are children,

My out-of-work son, pregnant wife and grandchild came to live with us last year because a pedophile (a relative) was living close by and we didn't want to expose the grandchild to the possibility.
You mean they probably got evicted. Hey lets be honest. You wanted to help your kids , that I can understand but you forgot about laying down the rules, so what you got is chaos, and feeling used up. I can't blame them, but they do need to go. Sit them down and give them their 30 day notice. Ask for nothing, just get out. Sorry grandparents give when they want, and are not responsible for raising kids anymore. Tighten up the reins for their sake.