Hello, half a year ago I met the most wonderful girl at a church dance.
We became great friends really quickly and two weeks later were dating.

We'll call her Fox McCloud (Not her real name)
Fox and I were always on the same page, we became friends together, we became possibly more together, we fell in love together. We had a connection. I could feel how she was doing even when I wasn't with her.

Eventually, a week before Christmas (After talking to her about marriage and getting the go-ahead blessing from her mom (Her dad's in prison) I proposed to her. She took the ring, said that she prayed and got a 'yes' and we scheduled it for May 22nd. We were going to be married on March 10th, but after my dad having back surgery (We live on the east coast and they live on the west) we had to push the date back so that he could take the plane to come to the wedding.

Then it happened. She kept coming to me telling me there were problems.
At first I just talked to her about it and we were able to resolve the issues. On the fourth time I noticed a pattern. It was only happening after she had talked to her family. She would go over there, they would lecture her about it for three to four hours, and then she would come to me with the pressing concerns that she hadn't had when I'd seen her at lunch earlier that day. She was scared senseless.

I reassured her multiple times. It got so bad that I started dreading the 'We have to talk' messages she'd send me while I was at work.

Everyone in my family loves her and this same sort of thing happened to my brother (Who now has a happy marriage).

Her dad did some pretty bad stuff to his family, so when I remind her of him at all she gets scared. I feel like she's just been looking for a reason to break it off because of the uncertainty of the future. When she goes to her family they tell her "What are you doing? Why can't you see what you're doing? Everyone sees it but you." and "If you love him you'll leave him."

I went over to her mom's house to talk about finances and she basically put me down about the credit card I have. Fox didn't say anything. I was subject to the same manipulation she's been subject to but I didn't take it. I got angry, but stayed very polite. The mom told me to let it go and that I get to choose to be happy or not. I chose to be happy later after Fox and I left.

The mom then told Fox that "If he acts that way when he talks to his own mother in law, imagine how bad it'll be when you try to bring finances up".

Aside from that, she made Fox leave to find an apartment so she could 'grow up' before she got married. Fox used to work for her mother and once she started dating me the mom fired her because she 'couldn't afford to keep her'. That she couldn't afford it may be true, I don't know.

This left Fox with a rent payment, no job, and no support from her family.
Another thing the mom is doing is telling Fox that she is having promptings from God that we should break up and that she's making the wrong decision.

They wouldn't give Fox a ride to make a payment on the wedding dress she picked out from a pawn shop. I did that (And was grateful to) on my lunch break.

I believe the mom is afraid because she's alone and living in a twenty-somethings three room basement because they'll let her stay if she can't pay rent through her self-employed business.

She let Fox go because she still had her youngest son living there but now that he's moving north to Maryland for a job it feels like she's trying to pull Fox back to her with all of her might and doing everything she can to make Fox feel bad.

Her family doesn't include her and tricks her into going over to be with them to do things she loves (Like play guitar and sing) and ends up doing the aforementioned two to three hour lecture.

Well, Fox kept breaking it off and trying to leave but she'd always be so upset about losing me that she would stay up all night crying because she thought she was losing me. I could be wrong, but that's what it seemed like to me.

I would dread her call after she talked with her family every day, not realizing the level of manipulation. One of the times I came to talk to her and she was seated in a chair with them all around her standing up. It looked like an interrogation!

We have everything in common including beliefs and religion. The only thing we don't have in common is that she likes to play video games and I like to rock climb. She really doesn't like rock climbing, but we came to an agreement that if she won't force me to play computer games with her family then I won't force her to rock climb. I still like playing the Wii with her, though.

I realized the manipulation when I was almost having panic attacks at work from her texts. I'm not sure if she's doing this on purpose to make sure I'll stay or of it's the pressure from her family not supporting her.

Every time she'd talk to her family she'd pray again to make sure it's what God wanted and every time she'd come back.

The mom says she's so poor that the only way she can help with the wedding is through making brownies for the reception.

Fox and I were going to have to come up with the money for it ourselves.
I think this is stressing her out, though as far as she knows family is paying for part of the wedding (More on this below).

Then suddenly, two days ago, I got the text. Her sister is bringing her to my house and she wants to talk.

Her mom doesn't have a car, so whenever an errand is done for her she uses her kids and their cars.

I feel the sense of dread again but this time I'm determined.
I'd been beat down emotionally too many times to count and I couldn't deal with it any more.

She says "I love you more than anyone I've ever met, but I have a pit in my heart and I prayed to god and he said 'No'. I love you so much, and I'm sorry. I know you'll find someone special and have a happy life."

She gathered the stuff she'd had at my house and was about to leave. I had her give me the diamond ring back. "Good bye, Keoian." She told me.
"See you." I told her.

She left. My sister in law was over and went out to talk to her. She just kept saying "God said 'No'."

I have reports from her friends that she's been crying ever since for the past few days. I got her a valentine's gift and I'm going to deliver it to her on Sunday.

I can't take the abuse from her family any more but I love her and want her to be happy and if she'll be happier without me then so be it. Who am I to judge what her heart wants?

So far I haven't talked to her at all since then and once I deliver the Valentine I won't after until she contacts me.

My question is, is there something I'm not seeing? Is she just feeling too much pressure, or am I being too much of a 'nice guy' by giving her rides and taking care of her?

Any outside insight would be helpful, just know that putting something along the lines of "NC, don't give her valentine" will be ignored.

Thanks!

I think that she is maniupulative. She is using "God" as a way to justify how she feels. I'm sorry, I'm a Christian too, and I think people are far to quick to say the words "God told me." Think about it, if God said yes in the beginning of the relationship, he wouldn't have just ended it by saying no. when she wanted the relationship God said yes, when she didn't, God said no... This is manipulation. She's trying to convince you. Not only does she seem manipulative, she seems bipolar. She broke up with you and now she's crying. She doesn't love you, she broke up with you! Love is commitment- something that she couldn't do, and she needs to learn this.

A half a year isn't that long at all. You both jumped WAY too fast, and this is what has happened- a break up. Learn from your mistakes. Take it SLOW. What's the rush? I think you really just need to leave her alone. Don't give her the valentine. You both should learn a lesson from this one.

Fox and I were going to have to come up with the money for it ourselves.
I think this is stressing her out, though as far as she knows family is paying for part of the wedding (More on this below).
My family is willing to pay for the wedding but Fox doesn't know it yet. After she left my parents offered to pay for the wedding while I was talking to them on the phone the next day.

Maybe it's because she cares deeply about what her family thinks so she's easily influenced. If it were up to her and her alone, I think that she wouldn't sway back and forth like she's doing, which is why I wouldn't say give up just yet. Her confusion indicates that she's not a strong person, so she's not allowing for balance between the relationship you and her had, and between the relationship she has with her family. Recognize that even if you manage to remain together and she isn't able to stand up for what she wants, her family may pose as obstacles in different forms along the way. Try to help her understand what you see is going on and come up with some suggestions (together) on how you two might overcome them if you pursue a future together.

Do you really want to spend your life with a woman who is so manipulative?
I think God wants people to be happy and she certainly isn't. You need to get yourself out of that situation.

I think she and her mother could use some therapy.

Dude you may think your all in love but it means nothing until she is ready to cut the chord, and be with you.

Blame it on mom, family, or God, doesn't matter because it has to be her choice, and she has to believe it's the right one, without any cards, words, or wishes from you, or else it means NOTHING.

Doesn't matter either who pays for the wedding, and if you think that's a factor, think again, its not because people in love find ways to be together.

You may be a bright light in her life, but not bright enough to forsake all else and be with you. Sorry guy, your mind seems to be made up around your own stubborn excuses, but FACTS are Facts, she isn't willing to take the risks your so ready for, so what's a valentine card going to do? Nada, zip, NOTHING.

Yes you should leave her alone, and not just to heal your broken heart, but to see if she cares enough to take a chance on her own without your influence.

For sure, I wouldn't marry a female I had to convince to marry me. I would want one that WANTED to be with me forever (thats what I got) no matter what!

Seems like you should want that too! But if your mind is made up, why ask the question? Do what you got to do, and I hope it works for you.

Your wasting your time on this girl, she has nothing too offer you. Your trying to make her out like she is this wonderful person. She has problems, and you need to move on, as hard as it is. You have to convince someone to marry you? That's not love. Find someone who isn't so messed up and has herself together.

You man I basically agreee with everyone else... why would you have to force someone to marry u? It needs to come from there own free will and agency. You want to find some one that adores you and has there foundation strong in your heart. Not one that has a mushy brain and is easily brainwashed by her mom that obviuosly has issues of her own if she's divorced and her husbands in jail! This whole family needs some counseling! Move on and be strong!

So much of this rings true with the situation I had with my ex-girlfriend. Her parents were far-out-there religious, and constantly said they didn't see her with me, didn't think I was right for her, never helped her with ANYthing money related. Total manipulation to get her to do what they wanted (her mom specifically). So now she's been dropped out of school for almost a year and living at home w/ Mom and Dad. You need to find somebody that will love you and not be so easily swayed. Using God as an excuse to dump somebody is totally bogus. My ex also pulled that bullcrap on me. You need to leave this girl and her whole family alone. Move on to bigger and better things while that family tries to manipulate her into doing what they want for her.

Furthermore, don't you dare put her on a pedestal. She's not the perfect girl you think she is. In fact it sounds like she has way more problems than the average person. Be happy that you got out of that situation, and whatever you do... DO NOT SEND HER THAT VALENTINE. Do you reward somebody for treating you like garbage? NO!

I agree with Clue. Why ask for more hurt and that's what you'll get. She's playing you. I'm sorry you can't see that. Good Luck

Dude you may think your all in love but it means nothing until she is ready to cut the chord, and be with you.

Blame it on mom, family, or God, doesn't matter because it has to be her choice, and she has to believe its the right one, without any cards, words, or wishes from you, or else it means NOTHING.

Doesn't matter either who pays for the wedding, and if you think thats a factor, think again, its not because people in love find ways to be together.

You may be a bright light in her life, but not bright enough to forsake all else and be with you. Sorry guy, your mind seems to be made up around your own stubborn excuses, but FACTS are Facts, she isn't willing to take the risks your so ready for, so whats a valentine card going to do? Nada, zip, NOTHING.

Yes you should leave her alone, and not just to heal your broken heart, but to see if she cares enough to take a chance on her own without your influence.

For sure, I wouldn't marry a female I had to convince to marry me. I would want one that WANTED to be with me forever (thats what I got) no matter what!

Seems like you should want that too! But if your mind is made up, why ask the question? Do what you got to do, and I hope it works for you.
Thank you. I will wait for her to make her decision before I do anything more to advance this relationship.

I think you have already made up your mind about what your going to do. I hope you realize all the advice in the world can't help you if you keep second guessing your decisions. Good Luck

DUDE she made her decision!! If she wanted you... she would be with you now... but she's not!! This same thing happened to me man... don't be ignorant! Move on buddy, I promise it will be healthier!

DUDE she made her decision!!! if she wanted you... she would be with you now.... but shes not!!! this exact same thing happened to me man.... dont be ignorant! move on buddy, i promise it will be healthier!

I hope he listens!

DUDE she made her decision!!! if she wanted you... she would be with you now.... but shes not!!! this exact same thing happened to me man.... dont be ignorant! move on buddy, i promise it will be healthier!

Okay, so an update, I waited and didn't contact her at all.
She called me and we got together and talked for a few hours. We're back together, but don't have an engagement date.

That night her mom left over a dozen text messages telling her how foolish she was being.

She called her mom and they got in an argument about our relationship. The mom doesn't approve and said some pretty mean things to Fox.

Now every day the mom calls and bombards her with text messages. Her mom's best friends (Who she respected) also call to persuade her to leave me.

I'm considering going over and confronting them but I think it would do more harm than good.

I'm sick of seeing her so upset over things they say, but at least Fox is doing what she wants to do and not what her mom wants to do. That's how I see it at least, but I am biased when it comes to this.

I want to be with Fox but having her mom feel this way toward me is killing me inside and I feel like it will be a lot of work to make things right when we do get married.

I think she has ample reason to leave her family, so leave the family alone, and tell her for now blocking, and ignoring them, would be less stressful.

Your right there is a lot to do before the wedding, but it has nothing to do with either of your families. Its between the two of you.