Im so confused and lost. A woman that I have been friends with since college got married about 6 months ago. We have been friends for about 9 or almost 10 years and we have been sexually involved on and off. Even before she married her husband I have always been the common denominator throughout all of her relationships. For her I was the safe guard but for me I slowly realized I am the sucker. I am very attracted to her and even though her husband is verbally and physically abusive at time to her I am trying to respect the word marriage. Because I do have feelings for her and would love to take it to another level but I know she would never take me seriously even if she wasn't married. It is as though she hides behind men. Like when she single she won't even look my way but as soon as she in a relationship its like she wants to mess with me then. She even asked me to get a sex change. I truly do love her and she loves me but I don't know how. ITs like I want to know what does she want from me. She even tells me you treat me way better than anyone I have been with including my husband. But my thing is what does that mean to me and she still with them. What to do what does she want? What is she really thinking in her head? That's what I want to know?

She's married... face it. She is off limits... and the best thing you can do is move on, pretend she doesn't exist. Its best for you and its best for her.

Its obvious you can't deal with the reality of the matter. And its NOT your right to cause problems in her life between her and her spouse.

Find someone new who isn't married.

Remember some day... YOU will be that married spouse. Think about it.

What she's doing is dishonest and disloyal. Both to you and to her husband.


Like when she single she won't even look my way but as soon as she in a relationship its like she wants to mess with me then.

You know exactly what the situation is - you've said it yourself, she's only interested in you when she's got another guy. And this guy happens to be her husband.

She's playing with you and playing with her husband. But you're the crummy scapegoat that gets the dregs. She needs a safely valve because she can't stand the pressure of commitment.

Leave her to sort out her own life and get the hell out of her life and her mind. You'll never figure it our, so stop wondering what's in there.

She doesn't deserve your love or loyalty - give it to someone that truly deserves it.

Faith, this may seem harsh, but I really hope you think about what we are telling you.

This is something you need to stop. I don't know what her sexuality is. It obviously isn't openly lesbian. If anything she is using you. She isn't hiding behind men. She is using men for what they can provide for her and you for what you can give her and she doesn't have to give anything in return other than a few platitudes.

If her husband is that way to her, now, why did she marry HIM and what were her excuses in the other relationships. Either she needs to pick better 'mates' or she is playing you like Charlie Daniels plays a fiddle.

We've been over this before (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/straight-woman-what-else-new-415798.html and https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/wanting-witha-woman-crazy-419682.html). You need to find a nice woman who shares your basic beliefs AND sexuality. You keep allowing yourself to be used by other women and that isn't good for your self-esteem.

Get rid of this person who doesn't care about YOU. She only cares about getting herself off. Stop being her sex toy with benefits.

Have you seen her husband abuse her? You are being used! Another Question , Why in the world would she ask you to get a sex change? She's playing you and you need to be careful.