Me and my boyfriend broke up badly a few days ago. Today was the first day we've spoken in a week. We decided to stay friends and to see how we get on. We've given it a 4 month time limit if after the four months we have been getting on well and were both ready wel give it another go if not we will leave it at that and move on. Also we are not allowed meet other people during that four months until we sure. Is this the right thing to do?

I wouldn't have agreed to the "we are not allowed to meet other people" rule. The whole point is to find out if the two of you are right for each other, and dating others will help you decide that.

I don't know, how long have you guys been together? I think that if you were to date around and meet new people, if you did wind up getting back together it would lead to insecurity. If you are like me, it won't last four months. Probably not even 2 days before you want each other back so bad it hurts. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

I don't know, how long have you guys been together? I think that if you were to date around and meet new people, if you did wind up getting back together it would lead to insecurity. If you are like me, it won't last four months. Probably not even 2 days before you want each other back so bad it hurts. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

We have been together just over 3 years.ya I think that's why I don't want to meet other people because if I heard that he was with someone else the insecurity would kill me! He agreed to this no problem and we also agreed that we wouldn't sleep together until then

we have been together just over 3 years.ya i think thats why i dont want to meet other people because if i heard that he was with someone else the insecurity would kill me! he agreed to this no problem and we also agreed that we wouldnt sleep together until then
Back in the '60s, my boyfriend of SIX years and I always left it open to meet new people, just in case. Um, we never married, aren't married to each other today.

I'm not sure I understand this. You are broken up but aren't allowed to see other people. How are you two technically broken up then? I just don't understand how you can try to remain friends with the sole intention of hopefully getting back together. Isn't the point of taking a break to do without one another for awhile to see how it works?

if i heard that he was with someone else the insecurity would kill me!
Was this "friends" thing your idea? If so, why?

Back in the '60s, my boyfriend of SIX years and I always left it open to meet new people, just in case. Um, we never married, aren't married to each other today.

So are you saying that not seeing other people is the right decision?


Was this "friends" thing your idea? If so, why?
No it was his really


I'm not sure I understand this. You are broken up but aren't allowed to see other people. How are you two technically broken up then? I just don't understand how you can try to remain friends with the sole intention of hopefully getting back together. Isn't the point of taking a break to do without one another for awhile to see how it works?

Well we had spoken an we said wed finish on good terms then as we got talking more it ended up at this decision! This was more or less his idea though

so are you saying that not seeing other people is the right decision?
I'm saying (which I said in an earlier post in this thread) that meeting and dating other people is what you DO when you are just friends and not being exclusive with each other.

I'm saying (which I said in an earlier post in this thread) that meeting and dating other people is what you DO when you are just friends and not being exclusive with each other.

Wel both of us don't want to be with other people. I guess it just some space without other people being involved. We decided to be friends as in we would meet up every now and again and see how we get on. Not all the time though

wel both of us dont want to be with other people. i guess it just some space without other people being involved. we decided to be friends as in we would meet up every now and again and see how we get on. not all the time tho
Then you are exclusive with each other, not dating others. Nothing has changed. A husband and wife are friends too and "meet up every now and again and see how they get on, but not all the time" since they have lives apart from each other.

Why can't you work together and just get through this without a "break" without these silly rules?

Thats not a break, its holding each other hostage.

Then you are exclusive with each other, not dating others. Nothing has changed. A husband and wife are friends too and "meet up every now and again and see how they get on, but not all the time" since they have lives apart from each other.

So should I say this to him so? That this means we are exclusive if this is what we plan to do

Why can't you work together and just get thru this without a "break" without these silly rules?

Thats not a break, its holding each other hostage.

Because I think we got a bit too serious a bit too quick. Would a bit of space not do us good?

would a bit of space not do us good?
Space? What space?

Space? What space?


We were together 24/7, just give each other time to do other things besides be together

we were together 24/7, just give each other time to do other things besides be together
Then you are still exclusive. You two "broke up" and are now back together again. "Being friends" has nothing to do with it. You were friends before, and you are friends now.

Then you are still exclusive. You two "broke up" and are now back together again. "Being friends" has nothing to do with it. You were friends before, and you are friends now.

As far as he is concerned though we are not together (and me before talking to ye) how do I set him straight now

as far as he is concerned tho we are not together (and me before talking to ye) how do i set him straight now
If he thinks you are not together, he will date other girls.

I think the two of you need to make sure you are on the same page: together or not together.

If he thinks you are not together, he will date other girls.

I think the two of you need to make sure you are on the same page: together or not together.

He agreed to not being with other people too! He said he would hate to see me with someone else and there was no way he would be with anyone. So do you think he was lying

he agreed to not being with other people too! he said he would hate to see me with someone else and there was no way he would be with anyone. so do you think he was lying
Then the two of you are still exclusive.

Then the two of you are still exclusive.


Guess I got to tell him that then?

guess i got to tell him that then??
I guess you'd better. If both of you agreed not to date others, you are exclusive.

I guess you'd better. If both of you agreed not to date others, you are exclusive.

Thanks loads

OK we came to a decision and decided we would stay together because we both don't want to be with other people but to just give each other some space as we lived in each others pockets before this! To just have fun together, make more time for our friends and stop acting like a married couple. Good decision??

to just have fun together, make more time for our friends and stop acting like a married couple. good decision???????
I don't know if it's a good decision or not. It sounds reasonable and much more emotionally healthy. How does it feel to each of you?

I don't know if it's a good decision or not. It sounds reasonable and much more emotionally healthy. How does it feel to each of you?

Well we've both agreed and are happy with the decision! Were both still only 23 so maybe we should just relax a bit more with each other and enjoy each other.

I think if you just balance yourselves with other things besides each other, you stand a better chance of bonding, and having fun, and not burning out.

I think if you just balance yourselves with other things besides each other, you stand a better chance of bonding, and having fun, and not burning out.

You I think that was happening we were starting to burn out

Any other tips on how to keep each other on track?

any other tips on how to keep each other on track?
Here are a few ideas --

How To Keep The Love Alive In Your Relationship (http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/11-1-2005-80330.asp)

How often should we talk in a week? Should I let him contact me first the whole time

how often should we talk in a week? should i let him contact me first the whole time
Isn't this a mutual decision and a 50-50 proposition? Sure, call him. Some weeks you might talk with each other several times a day, and other weeks, only twice a week. It depends on what is happening in your lives. Short calls are more intense and enjoyable than long ones that can get boring real fast.

Isn't this a mutual decision and a 50-50 proposition? Sure, call him. Some weeks you might talk with each other several times a day, and other weeks, only twice a week. It depends on what is happening in your lives. Short calls are more intense and enjoyable than long ones that can get boring real fast.

Yes it is a mutual decision but I don't want to be too forward either

OK I'm confused! Had planned a night of bowling with 2 friends last night!he rang me at work and said oh its snowing bad let the lads know!I said OK but if they can't go will I just call to you anyway and he wouldn't give me a straight answer just kept saying I don't mind. I felt like he didn't want me to! Eventually we al ended up going bowling together had a great evening and he was all lovey dovey with me! When I asked him about it later that night he made an excuse that I thought he was lying about it snowing and that's why he kept saying he didn't mind! Did he want to see me or what like

In light of the outcome, I fail to see why this is a big deal. Maybe I missed something here.

If it's want you want, then go for it my girl. What do you have to loose anyway


how often should we talk in a week? should i let him contact me first the whole time


Yep let him contact you first, don't contact him

In light of the outcome, I fail to see why this is a big deal. Maybe I missed something here.

I'm just confused on whether he wanted to see me or not! He was acting all cool on the fone but when he saw me he was all lovey dovey


If it's want you want, then go for it my girl. What do you have to loose anyway

Confused on whether he wanted to see me or not

Don't start getting all worked up at this point, as his actions were what you wanted right? As you get re- acquainted with each other you will have to develop honest communications with each other, and that can be a slow process. Don't get carried away by the small stuff.

Don't start getting all worked up at this point, as his actions were what you wanted right? As you get re- acquainted with each other you will have to develop honest communications with each other, and that can be a slow process. Don't get carried away by the small stuff.

So what you are saying is relax and give it time?

He hasn't contacted me all day today so should I just leave it and wait for him to contact me

At least let him watch the NBA games and the Olympics. Its Sunday after all.

What do girls do on Sunday, while the guys watch sports?

At least let him watch the NBA games and the Olympics. Its Sunday after all.

What do girls do on Sunday, while the guys watch sports?

Well before all this happened we spent every Sunday together! So I should just leave him and wait for him to text?

I text him eventually just asking him how he was and how his day was and no reply!! I feel like a fool now

Aw, that's so unnecessary to feel that way. Geez to all young people walk around waiting for a return text? On Sunday? Sports Sunday?

Don't feel foolish, just do something beside worry about him.

Aw, thats so uneccesary to feel that way. Geez to all young people walk around waiting for a return text? On Sunday? Sports Sunday?

Don't feel foolish, just do something beside worry about him.

You but he always texts me back!could I just ring him to put my mind at ease


Rang him he out drinking all day he was fairly drunk!

See, all those emotions, and he was just out being a guy. Sometimes you have to give a guy space, and not be so insecure.

See, all those emotions, and he was just out being a guy. Sometimes you have to give a guy space, and not be so insecure.

You I guess! A friend told me last night that he was out last weekend and was looking very chatty with this girl! She said that they looked very close but nothing happened with them! Should I be insecure about that??

No!

No!

OK thanks. I just can't seem to relax I'm just afraid of getting hurt again!

ok thanks. i just can't seem to relax im just afraid of getting hurt again!

What else do you do besides sit and worry about him? I know you must have a life, right? Make yourself busy and active, as he does, and stop worrying about things.

What else do you do besides sit and worry about him? I know you must have a life, right? Make yourself busy and active, as he does, and stop worrying about things.

Yes I know I should be doing that but recently I got put on part time at work so I have nothing to do all week only think! All my friends work all day too and I don't have a car

Volunteer... read... pick up a new hobby... something surely can be utilized to help your idle mind. All this worrying sucks (been there before) and it can drive you insane if you're not careful.

KC is right, you have to have things to do that you enjoy, so you don't just sit and think of him, and what he is doing. We tend to think the worst when we have nothing else to do. To have a healthy relationship, you have to be able to have fun on your own, and not depend on someone else to entertain you, and make you happy all the time, or when you get bored.

OK earlier this evening my sister and my cousin pulled me aside, they had both heard that he was chatting up a thirty year old just divorced trying to get her number at a house party last week! Of course he denied it! I asked him why he doesn't text or want to talk anymore and he said that's what all the fighting did! I said that if he keeps acting like that with me that we will never get back to normal! He started getting all short in his messages and made up an excuse that he had to go play soccer! But a few minutes before that he said he was taking a shower! When I asked why he would take a shower before going playing soccer and he said oh to freshen up! I ended it hoping it was a good move

Please let me know what you think

I think if you have made your decision, then stick to it, but its too soon to advise you on anything given the rest of your thread. This is clear out of the blue.

How do you know if what he is accused of is true or not?

I think if you have made your decision, then stick to it, but its too soon to advise you on anything given the rest of your thread. This is clear out of the blue.

How do you know if what he is accused of is true or not?

Its not even the fact on wheather if its true or not! He has been accused of being with other people behind my back before! And I gave him the benefit of the doubt but I am hearing too many things about him now! Even if I didn't finish with him I would still be very insecure and paranoid the whole time

Then stick to your guns, no regrets.

Im confused, now.

How about talking again. Sounds like everyone's confused.

What's this break about?

Oh, yeah. Got it.

Im confused, now.

How bout talking again. Sounds like everyone's confused.

Whats this break about?

Oh, yeah. Got it.

What are you confused about??

What's the best way to move on from this? Should I change my number so he can't contact me any more

I think for now you do nothing. I had to go back, and review this thread, and there was not a hint of trouble from the past that would lead to your being insecure, or paranoid.

I mean none, so now you leave me very confused as to where this is all coming from.

There is a lot more to this than just a simple break to give each other space, to him being some kind of lying cheater. That's one hell of a stretch in a little more than a week after a 3 year relationship.

Hard to give someone any advice without a lot of facts.

I think for now you do nothing. I had to go back, and review this thread, and there was not a hint of trouble from the past that would lead to your being insecure, or paranoid.

I mean none, so now you leave me very confused as to where this is all coming from.

There is a lot more to this than just a simple break to give each other space, to him being some kind of lying cheater. Thats one hell of a stretch in a little more than a week after a 3 year relationship.

Hard to give someone any advice without a lot of facts.


OK about 9 months ago there were rumours that he was sleeping with someone else and he was calling to his ex girlfriends house he denied it all and I gave him the benefit of the doubt! It made me paranoid and insecure but we both got through it at the time! Now that we started having a bit of trouble again there are more rumours making me paranoid and insecure again! I'm not saying for definite that he is a lying cheater because I have no proof that he did it or not but he is puling away from me

I am trying still to figure out how people can know so much about what a guy is doing, that rumors can be taken as fact.

I am trying still to figure out how people can know so much about what a guy is doing, that rumors can be taken as fact.

I'm not taking them as fact, I don't know what to believe when my own family are telling me this. But is there a point in being in a relationship where I am insecure!

wel both of us dont want to be with other people. i guess it just some space without other people being involved. we decided to be friends as in we would meet up every now and again and see how we get on. not all the time tho

Hmm it's a hard one. The whole friends thing can confuse things more. Its like, you both don't want to commit to each other, yet you don't want anyone else to have each other, and you also don't want to lose each other.

In my experience the 'friends' thing only leads to jealousy and a break up of 'friendship' when one of you does find someone new (chances are one of you will! You may not think so hence the 'no other people rule' You are both scared the other will find someone new and you wont). OR you will just sail back into a relationship with the same problems as last time, possibly more. Yet you'll be more afraid to break it off.

I think you both either need to be together. And give it a REALLY. GOOD. GO. Like, discuss everything, communicate, enjoy each others company etc etc. and see how that goes for a few months. OR just cut ties for a few months. Or this will just darg on for longer and get harder. Trust me!

hmm it's a hard one. The whole friends thing can confuse things more. Its like, you both dont want to commit to each other, yet you dont want anyone else to have each other, and you also dont want to lose each other.

In my experience the 'friends' thing only leads to jealousy and a break up of 'friendship' when one of you does find someone new (chances are one of you will! you may not think so hence the 'no other people rule' You are both scared the other will find someone new and you wont). OR you will just sail back into a relationship with the same problems as last time, possibly more. Yet you'll be more afraid to break it off.

I think you both either need to be together. and give it a REALLY. GOOD. GO. like, discuss everything, communicate, enjoy each others company etc etc. and see how that goes for a few months. OR just cut ties for a few months. Or this will just darg on for longer and get harder. Trust me!

Wel if you read on the situation got more complicated! So I finished it!! I think it for the best

sorry! I didn't read it! Will remember to do so next time =o)
Hope you are feeling OK though anyway...

sorry! I didnt read it! will remember to do so next time =o)
Hope you are feeling ok though anyway ...

Thanks not feeling great but hope it is the right decision! What you think of the whole situation?

The thing is are his actions making you insecure? Or your family's feeling toward him that keeps doubts, in your mind is what's doing this? I would certainly get facts before a decision.

If I were in your boyfriends shoes (and innocent), I would have my doubts about you.

What's most evident is a lack of communications and whether your family likes him or not. So whats the problem between them?

While I agree that to many rumors is a red flag, it's the source of those rumors I would look at.

Yes this level of insecurity is not making you a good partner, as the trust issues are enormous it seems.

The thing is are his actions making you insecure? Or your family's feeling toward him that keeps doubts, in your mind is whats doing this? I would certainly get facts before a decision.

If I were in your boyfriends shoes (and innocent), I would have my doubts about you.

Whats most evident is a lack of communications and whether your family likes him or not. So whats the problem between them?

While I agree that to many rumors is a red flag, its the source of those rumors I would look at.

Yes this level of insecurity is not making you a good partner, as the trust issues are enormous it seems.

My family don't have anything major against him they all get on great with him but they just don't like the way he is treating me and don't want me getting hurt! When I confronted him about the rumours and he said they weren't true so I said fine! I didn't argue with him over it or anything. Its not just because of the rumours I finished, it's the way he's acting with me lately he's pushing me away the whole time! He's fine when we together but moody and distant when we not together! So yes his actions are making me feel insecure too!

Hi chick,

I think you've done the right thing for now.
It seems to me that the trust has been questioned in your relationship which has rocked the foundations.

Even though there is no proof of his infidelity, people are chatting which is causing you to doubt how trustworthy your boyfriend is.

Sometimes you can make the pieces fit even if they are not true, you need to find the source of the rumours and deal with them face on if you want this relationship to work.

Yes it may be painful but at least you will know for sure one way or another.

The trouble with getting things second or third hand is, every time a story is told by whoever a little bit more gets added on, so eventually the original story is nothing like the one you are hearing now.

Ok you have both decided not to see anyone else for a bit, but that doesn't mean that you still can't go out with a group of friends and have a good laugh.

You need to fill your time and not spend too much time dwelling on what may or may not happen.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

Ending it is the right decision, just follow through and cut the drama from here on in.

Yes that does mean cutting all contact, and moving beyond all this.

I need help dealing with this break up! It hurts but I know its d right thing to do

i need help dealing with this break up! it hurts but i know its d right thing to do


Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp

What's going on?

Sounds to me like you don't want to be together, nor do you want him to be free.

What's is it you want? Cake?

It may be the best to not have a boyfriend for a while. Figure some things out.

Go NC, stop worrying about what he may be doing and start having some good times without him.

Whats going on?

After a break up is just so hard! Feel so depressed

Just realize that as hard as it is. You are the most important person.

If you start removing any drama and start doing positive things for yourself w/o him, you will understand that this is a lesson.

YOU have to figure out what makes you happy before you get into a relationship.

There's no friend zone here. You said you spend 24/7 together.
Now you have to wean yourself off that.

By having fun, hanging w/friends & family that care, exercising, whatever you would normally do before you met him. And more.

No its not that I don't want him to be free I want us both to get on with our lives! Its just hard! We are not in contact and not friends so I guess it's a start! I have holidays and a sky dive organised with friends to get my mind off things! I have been keeping busy and calling to friends but when I come home at night it all hits me again! I guess its just the big change of being eith him 24/7 and always texting to nothing!

Perfect.

So you know that. Nows its just time & living your life.

Good that you are making plans.

If you really want you both to move on, then don't worry about the constant texts & 24/7. NC is walking the walk.

Kind of like love rehab.

Perfect.

So you know that. Nows its just time & living your life.

Good that you are making plans.

If you really want you both to move on, then dont worry about the constant texts & 24/7. NC is walking the walk.

Kinda like love rehab.

What do I do if he does try to contact me? Do I ignore him?

Yup.
Until he stops.

If you really want to accelerate things, delete his numbers, email, FB, whatever.

That will save you from waivering emotionally. Feels cruel & sh$$ty at first, but believe me, it will save you the heartache.

I did it after 5 days, didn't know what the hell I was doing. But it works.
This is all about you healing and getting back to normal. Not about hurting anyone.

Yup.
Until he stops.

If you really want to accelerate things, delete his numbers, email, FB, whatever.

That will save you from waivering emotionally. Feels cruel & sh$$ty at first, but believe me, it will save you the heartache.

I did it after 5 days, didnt know what the hell I was doing. But it works.
This is all about you healing and getting back to normal. Not about hurting anyone.

I just find it so weird being so close with someone to ending things like this! I already deleted his number but know it off by heart! I know I won't contact him anyway though!

Yup its weird. Not for us to question. We feel.

I still remember my ex's. Can't wait until I don't anymore. I have a good memory. Too good.

Good for you chick. (can I call you that? Hehehe.. )

Yup its weird. Not for us to question. We feel.

I still remember my ex's. Can't wait until I dont anymore. I have a good memory. Too good.

Good for you chick. (can I call you that? hehehe..)

oh you no prob! Ha ha! Funny story about a week ago I was ringing one of my old phones to see where it was, couldn't find it and couldn't understand why it was saying the number out of use about an hour later it clicked with me I was dialling an exs num from about 5 years that! How random and weird is that!

Maybe that was a sign. To delete.

If we can't laugh through this, then were crying.

Hope this all made you feel better. You will get through this, I have faith in you.

maybe that was a sign. to delete.

if we can't laugh through this, then were crying.

hope this all made you feel better. you will get through this, i have faith in you.


This was from a past boyfriend I was with 5 years ago! His number was well deleted! Strange I remembered it after 5 years! You I know il get through it eventually! I'm just very impatient and want that time to be now! And yes all this made me feel better thank you!

Yup, I understood that. I was being zen and cynical.

Post and vent away. That's why were here.

Another day, chick... Rock on.

Thanks guys n gals ye all rock!

Ex contacted me after 2 weeks of no contact totally didn't expect it! Kept ringing me and I kept ignoring his calls! Eventually he text saying that he realised that he made a big mistake letting me go!

Keep no contact and delete his text message.

Don't cave.

I got ones too.

Don't mistake "mistakes" for loneliness or guilt.

You are doing so well, don't screw that up. You will regret it.

Be cool. NC


We don't let people break our hearts, then want to come back willy nilly w/a text

Doesn't work that way. Sorry dude.

As if.


Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Especially texts, how casual desperate & sh$$TY? Its more BS. That you don't need.

Delete & block.

OK thanks! Go me!!

Delete and implement NC

You shouldn't plan things out like that..
You both need to give each other space, and see what happens.
Go with the flow and let fate do its part.

Or else things will happen un naturally. And that's never good.

And rules like that contradict what you guys are trying to do here..
Pick one

Would just like to thank ye all for the good advice! I took it all on board and 2 years on I am with the most gorgeous man and blessed with a baby boy! Couldn't be happier! Things really do happen for a reason :)

Thank you for the update and glad everything worked out for you. :)