Me and a girl dated for a short time (never had sex) in high school before a combination of things separated us. In that short time though, I developed real feelings for her, and I believe that she liked me just as much. She was the only, well actually, still is the only girl that has ever inspired/motivated me. [I say this because I’m pretty intelligent: I soak things up like a sponge, can pretty much do/learn something if I feel like it, and get bored a lot with things that a good amount of people would find challenging. So male or female, it’s rare that someone other than myself can inspire/motivate me. But she has and that just lights something up inside me.] At the time I figured it was just a high-school romance, but as time passed and most of those moments she was on my mind, the result is that I came to believe she is one of my, if no THEE soul mate for me (I believe people have 6 soul mates total).

Well recently, as fate would have it... Seriously, there are a million other places I could have been and wanted to be, but due to a series of "happened-to-" circumstances and decisions, after graduating college I ended up back in my home town. So recently, as fate would have it, me and my ex happened to cross paths at a big party. (This was the second time we crossed paths within the last 2 years; and she is the only person from high school that I’ve ran into more than once, if at all.) We talked for a few minutes, and wouldn't you know it, the spark/vibe was still there like it had never left. And as a result of the conversation, she’s even tried using her employee leverage to help me get a job at the company she works at. I had and still have the same good job (don’t like it, but who can be picky in this economy) but I am looking for a new job. Thing is, the job at her company has nothing to do with my career.

Since then, we’ve went out for lunch once. Now I've seen stuff online already about female’s secret signs of attraction and such. During lunch, the common "touching" sign seemed to be in play right by the book! We were leaned in close a couple times looking at a something on my phone and pretty much our shoulders, thighs and legs were touching for a moment. Now me, my heart just about started racing and I was almost on cloud 9! Hahaha! I can’t say what she thought of the physical contact, but she didn’t move away, so the “touching” lasted for a decent length of time. But, I'm not one to base my whole stance just on a possible sign like that alone.

But besides that, we keep in touch regularly now. Sometimes we chat via email at work. Talk via phone/text sometimes. But we instant message (its just more convenient) each other almost every night. We discuss serious things, funny things, news, music, money, clothes, relationships, sex, personal stuff, pretty much whatever we happen to talk about. We joke around all the time too. Recently she's been telling me and getting my input on what she wears to work; she sent me a picture of one outfit where she looked amazing.

What has me posting my situation on here is this though:

Like I said, we talk regularly and joke around. Well, sometimes we joke around and make various comments about being with each other. One time we can say how great one of us would be for the other, another time we can say how we could never be together because of some harmless trivial thing. We also joked about me dressing up in sexy boxers for her birthday.

I've been in love with her for a while now, always find myself thinking of her no matter if I'm single or in a relationship, and know my life would be complete if we were together. I'm a believer in fate and think that things will play out the way they're meant to sooner or later. So I'm not trying to do anything premature or jump to any conclusions.

So, my question is:

DOES SHE SHOW REAL EVIDENCE OF LIKING ME, LOVING ME? OR AM I JUST LETTING MY OWN FEELINGS AFFECT/EXAGGERATE MY PERCEPTION OF THE SITUATION?

Thanks!

Dd

Ull never know until you ask her. I wouldn't give up the chance if I'm in your position. For me, I don't need to be 100% sure that she feels the same way towards me, I just need to be 100% sure that ill regret it if I don't try. But its up to you. If u can take the possibility of failure, then go for it.

Nobody can tell you how she feels except for her.
If you are both single,why not ask her out on a date?

Sorry sorry sorry! I reread my post and realized a paragraph was missing. (I work on several different computers and sometimes things get lost in-between switching computers). Darnit.

But we're both in relationships. Yes, I know this puts a whole new spin on things; again, I apologize for the error.

My relationship is on its last leg. I won't go into detail (that's an entire story in itself) but in a nutshell, after being pushed away and disrespected constantly, I can't take much more. Her's, from what I can tell, is ok; typical ups and downs, but no huge problems.

I guess I might as well elaborate on this aspect now.

Personally, I feel kind of bad for being in love with her while we're both in relationships, and I imagine she feels the same (assuming she does love me). And that makes me think that it's the reason we (me for sure as I can't speak for her) may be hiding our true feelings behind the fog of humor and "slipped-under-the-door" hints.

We don't entertain the thought of a physical affair (before it's mentioned, I admit an emotional affair could be present). Not all! Not a "innocent" kiss, anything. That wouldn't be right, and if we did end up together, that wouldn't look good on our resumes. We don't want to steal each other away (even though in essence I(we) do). But the care for each other is definitely there, it's just a matter of how deeply rooted the feelings are. And it's not a matter of her trying to have her cake and eat it too. I don't do anything for her beyond what a good friend does, and she reciprocates.

Like I said, I imagine we both feel kind of bad, confused, etc.; crazy I'd even say, but love can make you do crazy things. And if I could just break off contact I would, but of course it's not that easy. The feelings would still be there. And either way, I'll be living in regret and speculation until I know.

So yeah, I agree with you "whatislove", but the failure isn't my fear, it's the jeopardizing our friendship. I just want a answer, and if its rejection, well at least I know and can then enjoy our friendship being fully aware of what it really is.

I feel like I'm living the lyrics of that one song: "If loving [her] is wrong, then I don't want to be right."

But we're both in relationships. Yes, I know this puts a whole new spin on


You bet it does as your crossing a line of good behavior, or coming mighty close.

First things first, leave the friend alone, and deal with the relationship in an honest mature way and stop your mind from wandering and distracting you from doing the right things.

If your relationship is on its last legs as you say, then end it and give yourself some time so you can deal with reality in a clear way.

No one can say how they feel when they are split emotionally between reality, and fantasy, especially since she is in a relationship also, and your flirt sessions may be only a way to cope with for you a failing relationship.

I highly suggest you handle the business before you, before getting carried away by the attractions of another.

I'm pretty much going along the path that you suggest. I'm working on handling business before looking elsewhere. Well, I'm not really looking elsewhere. I just like to know things; I'm just an inquisitive person by nature, questioning everything in search of knowledge. And in this case, I just really want to know what her feelings are. And this isn't the first time I've wondered; I'm not interested in the fact simply because I'm having relationship issues. As I had mentioned, even while single the question would be lingering. And when we were both single at times we had the same type of relationship we do now. But various circumstances prevented me from asking or pursuing it further. Now that we're back in touch and so forth, I'm just back to thinking about it more than during a hiatus in communication with her.

But I don't see myself being distracted by being in contact with her. Not to be argumentative, I'm just explaining things how I see them. Like I said, mutual feelings or not, we wouldn't imagine doing anything to hurt anyone, including ourselves. We'd just suck up our feelings before jeopardizing anything. For example, more than once she has helped me with my relationship, and on a few less occasions I've helped her. She actually had a hand in helping me decide to put a little more effort into working on my relationship; and I'd do the same for her if her relationship hit a roadblock or something of the sorts. To put it this way, we want to see each other succeed (even if it doesn't involve us being together). And as I'm a believer in fate and destiny, I'm definitely not the one to try and force something. And I don't do any of the comparing qualities and such between the two to see who is better. So I don't see myself as being distracted, but considering what I've just mentioned, would you still say I'm distracted?

So I guess I could say my goal is to find out her feelings in order to figure out how to address my own and her's. For instance, if she does have feelings for me, I'd re-emphasize that we can't be more than friends for now, but that I do value her friendship. And I'm sure she would say the same to me if I was the only one with feelings. That way any confusion, misleading signs, etc. will not exist.

Now I do want to add that my own personal (uninfluenced by this situation aside from the aspect I mention above) decision that I recently made was to strengthen this last leg of my relationship, and hopefully rebuild the other ones (because I believe in giving chances). But within a year or two, (or sooner if things get worse) if there's no signs of improvement, then I will have consider my own wellbeing and end it, as you suggested. Then, and only then, will I begin to entertain thoughts of pursuing her, and that's of course only if she is available, and after I've had plenty of time to re-energize my relationship reserves (rebound romance is not for me).

Those are my thoughts... What do you say to them? Where do they stand: good, bad, in-between..


PS:


Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to makeyou an option in theirs.

That's what I have been doing the majority of time in my relationship, and now I'm finally finding the strength and gaining the insight to confront the issue head on.

I think you just stay friends, and leave it at that! While your curiosity has you thinking ( maybe to much) I am not sure if acting on it helps, or hurts, the friendship, or the relationship for that matter.

Yeah my mind is always active; sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't! (If life were easy it would always be helpful, right? Haha)

I agree though; I think I just needed to hear it from someone else, you know, a second unbiased opinion. Because out of every option I think of, and as complex of a situation it is, this option usually tops the list, with emphasis on the "not acting on it" aspect. (Usually, because we all have our wishful thinking moments.)

So I guess I'll be sticking to my plan of just letting nature run its course and trying my best not to interfere with what's meant to be. Because there's no sense in making the journey to the destination more difficult than it has to be if I'll arrive at the destination nonetheless, right? I guess I'll just have to enjoy the mystery as best I can until/if the time comes.

Thanks!