Multiple threads merged

We've been snail mailing for 1. 5 years and we've gotten closer. We mail often and I feel she's really nice. Even though I haven't met her or talked to her. But I feel like I like her, I even told her.

But I don't know.. Even if she said yes, we live far away so it's kind of stupid right?

How far apart do the two of you live?

How old are the two of you?

Japan her . Me USA

I'm in my early 30's. She 27

Do you have the ability to visit each other? If not, it's probably best you find someone in your own area to have a relationship with.

Threads merged

Although there's some things that are present in a culture that make women be different, I still feel that all women are the same.

For example I'm shy and quiet, and most American women hate shys.
I thought at first that Asians from asia would like shy men but no... whenever they want an American boyfriend, their ideal is a talkative loud confident American.

Same with Mexican women.

You're generalizing women too much. There are, roughly, 3 billion women in the world, with 3 billion different things that attract them to someone.

Would it be fair to say that all men want an outgoing partner? It has less to do with culture, and even gender, and more to do with personal preference. Some people are attracted to outgoing individuals, some to wallflowers. Most prefer something in the middle, which is true in all cases of extremes.

There has to be something that draws their attention initially. If you spend most of your time trying to be unnoticed, that's probably why girls don't seem to be attracted to you. Just think, are you attracted to girls who try to hide and do nothing to draw your focus, even for a second?

Work on being a little less shy, and more confident. I'm not saying you have to change who you are, or go out of your way to be noticed. Just find something you're good at, and feel good doing, and go from there. Once you become secure with yourself in one area, it's a lot easier to project that confidence in other situations.

Don't try to force it. Coming off cocky or dull or yourself is just as bad as not being noticed at all. Just become more comfortable in your own skin.

You'll probably end up attracting girls who are a little shy, themselves. No matter what the adage says, opposites so not always attract.

In fact, if you spend a little time noticing the shy girls that are already around you, you may be surprised. There are probably several girls wondering the same thing, why guys just seem to want the outgoing girls.

I agree with J_9.

Relationships used to be started by writing letters; therefore, they "can" work. But, both parties have to be committed to trying to make a long distance relationship happen... and, in your case, it's a REALLY long distance relationship!

I would ask her and see if she would be interested in trying to see where this would go. I've lived in China (spent 2 years as a professor) and know the intense friendships of the Asian people. She will probably be overjoyed to hear that you're interested in her for more than a friend. But, you must understand (and I"m sure you already do, I just feel that I should say it!), if you decide to "see where it would go" with this girl, she will be "in it for the long-haul"... don't play with her emotions. Having an American pen-pal is a source of pride and a huge achievement...

I guess what I"m trying to say is that if you're not committed to really trying to see if this could work, don't play with her heart. If you don't have a plan - i.e. a plan to visit her in Japan - don't pursue this.

But, if you have a plan, I'd say try and see! Ask her what she'd think, then propose a way to make it happen.

Best of luck!

I don't think you should generalize about culture clashes. Every person is different.

If there's no chance of meeting face to face, then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Long-distance relationships are not completely hopeless, and they are not stupid. I did it for a year. 3 of those 12months were spent with only letter contact, and I'm engaged to the guy. He's currently gone across the country for 20 days and I'm alone here. It takes a lot of effort, but if it's done right, it can make for a healthy relationship, especially in the future. Since you are creating a relationship that isn't based on physical presence, or physical contact, you are strengthening a healthy bond. At some point in time though, you will want to meet her, and also you will want to establish other contact aside from letters, like social networking or phone calls. My future father in law chatted online to a woman from Thailand for a couple years. They were physically together for a year before they got married. So, my point is, healthy, serious long-distance relationship aren't unheard of.

If she says yes, and you need some help keeping up a long distance relationship, I'd be happy to help.

Thanks. She's a nice person. She also said she wants to keep in contact for a long long time

Why don't you email and even get video message on the computer

Why after a year and 1/2 has there not been any phone calls

Nothing is impossible , just do it!! Let time prove it , good luck !

That's how my relationship started, then we met irl in Paris. That was 7.5 years ago. We now live together in the EU

Nm

I study japanese and I'm interested in the culture and language so I have tried to be friendly to people from that country and try to meet them in busese, bus stops, etc.

Al I'm trying is to be friendly. And then I ask them if we can be friends, they say yes, they give me their email and phone.. Then I write to them, and they never answer OR answer and gradually stop emailing and stop contatct. And also they never show interest in meeting again.

Moreover some of them say "I want to be your friend too".. I've had many of these experiences. It seems they always lie.

Maybe they already have enough friends in their ESL class or their homestay parents etc.. So they don't really need more people.. But then, why do they lie to me?

I'm age 30 and a nice quiet person. I'm not a player

I think it is pretty obvious why they don't contact you, or if they do, it is very short lived.

It's creepy! If I were Japanese, or Hungarian, or Cuban, or what have you, and a 30 year old man approached me and wanted to be friends, I might be polite, but I would not be 'friendly' with you. You are a stranger, and it is a strange request.

You are far better to read, or watch video's, or visit a library than approach total strangers with an odd request to be friends.

I don't think they are necessarily lying, they are just responding in a polite way, which is more than what I would do, which is to completely ignore such a request if you approaced me out of the blue.

Yeah, that's pretty creepy. If someone (man or woman) approached me on a bus or at a bus stop and out of the blue asked me if I wanted to be friends I would be kind of creeped out.

This is the sort of thing that kindergartners do.

Friendships develop over time. You have to know someone for a while, be around them, etc. for friendship to sprout.

In asking for email and phone numbers, you are asking for some very personal information. Why should someone who doesn't even know you give you this info?

You may be studying Japanese - but you clearly don't know anything about the culture.

The girls that say they'll be your friend are being polite. Notice I said the word POLITE. They are not lying - they are simply, in their cultural terms, being respectful and not wishing to embarrass you by openly telling you that you're sleazy freak and asking to f**k off.

Japanese cultural norms tend to focus on 'saving face'. The girls you're approaching are telling you they will be your friend because they don't want you to 'lose face'. They are not lying. Clearly their silence after your first approach is telling you that your attempts at friendship aren't working.

Good grief. You're 30. Isn't it time you stopped lying to yourself and learnt from your mistakes ?

Whenever I've found male japanese friends, they've always been nice. But females are a different story. They stop answering emails. They ignore me, ignore phone calls.

Do japanese females think all American guys are rapists and stuff like that?

I'm in my early 30's. They're usually in the age range of 18 to 30.

You are 30 years old talking to a female who is 18? May I ask what the purpose of these conversations are? Is this a serious question?

Maybe you need to analyze your own behavior before generalizing a group. Are you on an online dating or social network? Is this how you get their email, number and other contact info?

I think this is more of a vent than a true question. You are making generalizations.

Reading this thread you started gives some insight to your problem. You are creepy and have a stalker-like mentality.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-many-japan-girls-ignore-me-lie-me-about-wanting-friends-436998.html

Wow, that is very creepy.

It might just be the way that you're coming across to women in general. Not "Japanese women," but all women.

I am a 30 year old woman and would never, ever consider hitting on an 18 year old boy, American or not! That, in and of itself, is creepy-stalker-ish.

Sounds like you need to start looking for women your own age.

On a side note: I lived in China for two years and have only had wonderful experiences with Japanese nationals. They are a pleasant, wonderful culture. Some of my dearest friends are Japanese.

A few months back( about 2), I met this girl in my city. A foreign student in america.
They say they would keep in contact( she and her friend) with me and they did for a little. Then they dropped me. I guess they lost interest.

Well I found one of them today in Skype. I didn't realize it until the end when she gave me her email address and I saw that it was the same address I had in my notebook from the time she gave it to me in the bus when we met.

She ignore me in real life.. but when we met in Skype today, she was excited and happy. We even agreed to talk later and be friends..

Hehehehe. And she doesn't know it was me.

When I tell her next time, I wonder what she will say

Hunnn, maybe she'll realize how much she truly likes the real you! Lol. Obviously she missing out, and don't let her get to you if she doesn't act the way you expect or want her too.. lol. Sometimes us girls can be jerks, lol. Just move on if things don't work out.. :DD

Hope I Helped,
MandyMarie

It could just be that she got busy with things in her life and lost contact with you. After awhile she probably just didn't know how to reconnect. If you didn't really know each other very well, then she most likely figured that you had lost interest, as well.

Going by your other threads,I wonder if she gave the email on the BUS after a few minutes chat just to be nice, she ignored you in real life, and as you say,does not realise its you on skype..

She may just ignore you again once she finds out.

Your 30,I'm just wondering what age this girl is?

I'm a guy. ANd most guys love sexy beautiful girls. WEll, I'm looking at her pic and no matter how many times I look at it, she doesn't have that hot look that I have dreamed about. I mean, it's OK but it's just kind of disappointing.

And I'm wondering if I should stop getting too close to her so that I can look for my idea girl.

By the way, we're just friends, in fact penpals and we haven't even met

By your other posts, I think you need some serious help... more than we can give here.

Let me guess, this is an 18 year old Japanese girl, right?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=6063043

Is this a Japanese girl?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=6063043

I wouldn't waste her time.

Before the picture were you interested?

Hot sexy beautiful wonderful lovely is in the eye of the beholder.

Looks fade,the wrinkles set in and maybe a few pounds,humans get heads colds and don't look so pretty then...

If your ideal is for ever young and beautiful how will you ever fall for perhaps not so perfect,but perfect for you.

I'm a guy. ANd most guys love sexy beautiful girls. WEll, i'm looking at her pic and no matter how many times i look at it, she doesn't have that hot look
Are you a handsome, buff guy? Hot too?

If so, why are you wasting your time looking for a girl online? Real-life ones should be throwing themselves at your feet.

If you are that shallow, that you would ignore everything else just because she's not a supermodel, then you need to leave now. She WILL know if you have those thoughts and feelings around her. Women can tell if someone is forcing themselves to be with them, and it doesn't feel good.

Leave now. Go find someone you find more physically attractive, but less interesting and compatible, and stop wasting everyone's time. She deserves someone who isn't 'disappointed' by her appearance.

J_9 that link doesn't work
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search....archid=6063043
When I tried to click...

Dang, it was a link to all of his questions asked. They all center around young Japanese exchange students.

Just click his profile and you will see.

Even though people always want to say that "looks don't matter" they really do. Physical attraction is big in a relationship. If you aren't physically attracted to the one you're dating or the one you're interested in, there is something wrong, and you shouldn't even bother.

You need to get real. Do you want to mess with a girl's emotions, or are you looking for a serious relationship? If you really are 30 years old, you are extremely immature.

After reading everything else, I really think you need to leave these women be. Please.

Why do you keep asking these questions?

You're 30 but you're acting like a 13 year old. Leave the poor girl alone, I imagine she'll be horrified when she finds out it's you.

Everyone has told before and I'll say it again - move out of home, get some professional help, grow up.

Stalking Japanese girls on Skype is no way to live your life.

Wake up and grow up.

I doubt from your other posts that there is any girl that has the hots for you.

You're 30, live at home with your parents and spend most of your time on the internet.

Have you told your 'disappointing' pen pal that?

If you are really 30, live at home and spend most of your time on the internet, you need to grow up and get real. Sorry, but that's disgusting. If you continue in this way, don't expect to find a woman who will seriously want to settle down with you, it won't happen. Sorry to be so harsh, but honestly...

Let's see, you are 30, still living at home, and hurt your HAND and your TESTICLES at the same time, with a self described "menial" job,where women "laugh at you", a rat in your car... I think you should jump at ALL offers of interest.

I'm sorry for being so harsh, but when you throw some shallow as hell question like this one out there, you should have a slap in the face of what it is that YOU have to offer.

The most beautiful people in the world are the ones that wouldn't care what one's physical appearance looks like.

Go rent the movie "Shallow Hal". Enlighten yourself.

Go find out how to love yourself, and do things to help others in need.

How do you know she isn't asking her friends across the globe, if she could continue to write to someone like you? If you enjoy having correspondence with this girl, then you should continue to do so. Regardless of how she measures up to your impossible standards.

Good luck on all the rest.

Let's see, you are 30, still living at home, and hurt your HAND and your TESTICLES at the same time, with a self described "menial" job,where women "laugh at you", a rat in your car...... I think you should jump at ALL offers of interest.

I'm sorry for being so harsh, but when you throw some shallow as hell question like this one out there, you should have a slap in the face of what it is that YOU have to offer.

The most beautiful people in the world are the ones that wouldn't care what one's physical appearance looks like.

Go rent the movie "Shallow Hal". Enlighten yourself.

Go find out how to love yourself, and do things to help others in need.

How do you know she isn't asking her friends across the globe, if she could continue to write to someone like you? If you enjoy having correspondence with this girl, then you should continue to do so. Regardless of how she measures up to your impossible standards.

Good luck on all the rest.

I forgot about the testicles post - it's all so absurd that I'm thinking he might be a troll!

I think the real answer to your questions, all of them, is to get out on your own, so you can learn about the real world. Nothing like experiences, good or bad, to make you a real man, who knows how to handle himself. You can't do that at home. Not at 30.

I've been thinking this ever since I was in College. And also now that I'm at a company.

Most people in COllege were from other cities. They were just in my city for college.
And at work now, most people are from out of town, they just come to work here.

So if I had been able to make a girlfriend in college( which I did't) we would have ended up with a long distance relationship cause she's not from here, she would eventually leave.

Also, even the ones who were from my city, most college students always plan to move away from their town after they graduate.

And at work, if I were to find a girlfriend there.. most likekly she would be from out of town.
Only like 3 girls are from this city.

HOw do people find gf's who live in the same city anymore.
It seem hard to do.

Only three women in your entire city? Have you tried classes or events through the community center? Public places like the grocery store, coffee shops, or parks (although, you should be careful how you approach women in these settings. Be careful not to come off as a creep.) you could also try internet dating, and narrow it down to women in your city. Basically, you've just got to get out there and meet people.

You live in Chicago, you could also try speed dating.. lol. But if you honestly feel for the girl that's leaving, try a long distance relationship, lol. I'm currently in one right now, my boyfriend is in a different state for college, and I am just out of my senior year of HS, he's a year older, lol. He left around our 6 month, and we've been together a year and two weeks.. lol. It's a possible situationnn, aslong as you're willing.. lol. But like said above, get out there.. THERE'S OTHER FISH IN THE SEA! Lol. Especailly in Chicago, lol. BIG townnn, lol. Go fishing, lol. :3

OP, I like how you generalize women based on their cultures they are coming from!

Answer me what would an Asian woman who lived in Asia, US, Brazil, Singapore and Sweden likes to date? Complicated, right? LOL

I forgot about the testicles post - it's all so absurd that I'm thinking he might be a troll!In this case it might be a troll or it might be something more along the lines of a psychological issue. I've refrained from answering these posts because I think it's the latter.

You find women in your city by going where the women are... hint: it's not at home in front of your computer. You need to get out and socialize. Also, there is nothing wrong with a long-distance relationship. Remember that absence makes two hearts grow fonder. Distance also allows you both time to connect emotionally instead of physically. If you're going to "fall in love" or find "the one" you want to make sure that even if you couldn't SEE, HEAR, or TOUCH, her you would still love her... Long distance is a good way to confirm your love for someone.

I've used Dating websites before but it seems most women don't like my picture. Also, they seem to want guys who have a great career and life. I'm just a shy guy with a simple not so great job.

In the dating sites I've been to there's a feature where you can IM people online. Well, I always got ignored.

I'm 30 but even if we didn't see each other for along time, I would be willing to wait and promise her that I would commit to her. Well, to me, seems that dating sites are filled with beautiful people( or liars who post pictures of other people) looking for similarly beautiful or successful or outgoing people.

I've used Dating websites before but it seems most women don't like my picture.
I've looked at guy's photos and bios before on sites to "scope out the competition." Most reek of no effort and are poorly written. If you don't like your photo, get one taken professionally and dress up. Your profile is your ad for you. Nobody sells anything with little or poor advertising.


I'm just a shy guy with a simple not so great job.
Both those things are fixable if you decide they are characteristics that need to be corrected.


there's a feature where you can IM people online. Well, i always got ignored.
IM'n is like fishing, you cast a lot and occasionallly something will bite. It helps if your message sets you apart from the hundreds or thousands of messages the women on these sites get from every horndog on the planet.


I'm 30 but even if we didn't see eachother for along time, i would be willing to wait and promise her that i would commit to her.
Translation: I'm desperate. Let's seal the deal. Now. Pretty please?

If you're an over-eager-no-questions-asked-sure-bet women will be feeling zippo for you. A puppy at the pet store has more intrigue.


Well, to me, seems that dating sites are filled with beautiful people...looking for similarly beautiful or successful or outgoing people.

Yep, all the "ugly losers" give up and remove their profiles due to their "I can't" mentality.

Next why would you want to "wait" and how can you "commit" fully to someone you are not having a real relationship with. Online is nice if they don't turn out to be another guy, or have lied to you.

There are plenty of dating sites that offer dating in your own area. Yahoo, craigs list, eharminy and others.

I am a old man, over weight, blind in one eye and walk with a cane, guess what, I could find dates online for almost every weekend, often a couple a week. If you are not finding someone to date, there are other issues, a date is just that, no long commitment, no talk of future on first dates, just dating.

Next real life, people at the market, people at stores you shop at, friends you know, there are lots of people to ask out.

Forget trying to find a girl to be with. Just be a fun loving guy, and get a social life. Make friends. Do things you enjoy, or try things you have never done. The girls are everywhere.

When you start concentrating on the obstacles you forget why the finish line is worth getting to, get me?

Go out and a good time. Live life. Stop looking at probabilities and statistics.

Everyone is attracted to fun loving confidence. Boost that, not the woman to man ratio!

Women are beautiful and hot . And many women are attracted to women even if thery're straight. So they could easily choose to get Girlfriends. In fact, most women are BI.

So why do they keep dating guys when they could date and have relations with beautiful sexy women?

It's friendship but it's kind of bordering in BF/GF. I don't know if she likes me but I think she does cause she seems to write to me a lot and we even exchanged gifts. But I don't know if this is something I should continue since it's long distance and I ( and I'm sure she would to) would rather have a girlfriend I could meet in real life. I don't even know if she's my type.

But if I decide to end it and just go back to being FRIEND type of penpals.. she might be hurt if she had been thiking of our future.

HOw can I end it without being rude?

I'm shy and I don't try talking to girls. But I have tried a few times.
For example I've tried to talk to girls in Bus.. or even girls who are walking in the str eet.

I asked a similar question before, and people say it's creepy.

But why do they say that,. if I don't try anything then I won't have anything?
Is it wrong to talk to people in the s treets?

Then if it is.. how and where do I talk to girls?

I'm in my early 30's and have never had a girlfriend before.
No women at work, and I don't really meet any girls anywhere..

Ok how did you 2 become pen pals, and how old are you?
I would say maybe stop exchanging gifts and if she is implying in her letters(or whatever) that she wants to be your girlfriend, tell her your not interested in a long distance relationship. That isn't rude at all, its just telling the truth.

If some guy started talking to me on the bus or on the street, yes I would find that really creepy!
Try meeting women through your co-workers or through your friends, friends of family etc. Or I suppose you could try a dating site (although I do believe meeting in person is better). And when you talk to women forget your shy just be yourself!

Yep a little more info here would help...

I thought my current boyfriend was a creep at first. He was super shy. But mutual friends set us up and my friends pushed me to get to know him. We've been dating for over a year now. Sometimes friends are the best way to get to know other people.

If it is bordering on g/f b/f but is still a friendship, then why the need to tell her anything, or break up at all.

Be honest with her, and let her know that you're going to be on the computer less, and having a social life more. That would not damage a friendship.

If you are getting direct comments that she is interested in an exclusive relationship with you, then speak up, and tell her that won't happen.

But to lose a friend by guessing isn't being fair to her, or you.

You've had some problems with your impressions of women, judging from your last posts.

I just answered another question of yours earlier about the penpal, and I thought you were much younger than 30.

You have said before that you didn't have success with dating sites, apparently people don't like your picture.

Why not try that again. You seem to be able to put reasonable conversations together, and your penpal has lasted over 1 1/2 years. Perhaps communicating this way will see some actual face to face dates.

Maybe too it is time to take a good hard look at yourself. If by age 30 you haven't had a date, there is probably room for improvement somewhere. Have you talked to any of your male friends for advice?

This like your other posts tend to sound so desperate to me so let me repeat some previous advice to you. No matter what it takes get to be independent and stand on your own, as a 30 year old guy has no real business letting an Internet pen pal situation get out of hand.

Time to be truthful and realistic and tell this pen pal you need to tend to your real life and put some boundaries on this long distance friendship.

To let it go any further without the truth would not be fair or honest.

A lot of lesbians, and bisexual women go back to the supposed "human default sexuality" of being straight, mostly because it gives them more sexual satisfaction. The reason why women like men, isn't exactly a mystery, just ask the women, maybe it's because they are not women, and they are very cute! On top of that, there's the whole subject of reproduction, and the pieces fit.
It's possible for women to chemically create sperm, fertilize themselves, reproduce, and rule the world... I wonder why we're all still just sitting around ;)

Being straight is more acceptable in society. They may like women but they don't want to be a misfit.

Talking to random people in public is a little creepy- not only that, but you're not about to hit it off with a girl on the bus, and be dating her the next day. Go out and socialize in smaller, more private settings- parties and gatherings. Be casual in your conversation- chat with girls you have just met, just like you would chat with guys you have just met... Ask them what their job is, what they do for fun. Don't try to be "impressive" or "win them over."

In fact, most women are BI.

This is another one of your silly posts... what a ridiculous thing to say.

And, since you don't have any experience with women (being 30, living at home and stalking Japanese girls), I gather you're suddenly the 'expert'?

Where is your evidence that most women are bisexual?

I suspect you may actually be totally misguided regarding how to approach people in general.

Your social skills are clearly lacking - I've said it before, you need to get out and socialize with lots of people and you probably need counselling.

I agree with the above, you need to socialize, and not stalk young Japanese girls. Just from your posts, I can tell that you are a creeper, who has no desire to care for and provide for anyone like a real man. What kind of woman in her right mind is going to marry someone who is living at home with his mom? You need to prove that you are able to care for a family and be a mature adult- which you aren't. Sorry to rain on the parade, but I'm only 19, and I can figure this out... You're 30, honestly. You need a swift kick in the pants.

Wow jaime, glad you said something. I hadn't read his other threads.


Cozo, I don't think the problem is that you're shy. I think that it's, like others have said, your approach is stalkerish! Do you actually understand what it means to be in a relationship? I'm asking this seriously. It's much more than just answering your phone and returning calls and emails.

And there's not generally a conversation if you're going to be friends with someone. Friendships have a way of just happening. It's being more than friends that usually requires a conversation. I've never had to talk with any of my friends, male or female, about "i want us to be friends" unless it was after a major fight and we were making up.

My first thought on this post, is why a 30 yo has never had a girlfriend before. There's more to this than wshat's posted. I agree, you can't meet people at bus stops, etc.

Heck, go to clubs with some buddies. People might be a little more open to talking to you there, and you'll feel more confident if you have guys there to support you.

All your threads were merged, and they show a pattern of inexperience that can only be changed by independent learning.

30 year old shy guys who live at home are not very attractive, and are seldom taken seriously.

Sorry guy, but all your threads point to a need to change something's about yourself, and only through a process of honest self evaluation will you ever identify those changes.

It starts with getting out in the world, making mistakes, and growing, and learning.

There is no substitute for experience. You can't grow without it!!

I've been noticing this a lot. Not just with me, but with many fellow nerds, or even guys who are not nerds.

There's many attractive women around, and I like them. Always, I 'm really attracted to them. But they are never attracted to me

Is there a theory why this happens?

Maybe You're attracted to the wrong kind of women. Here's a thought, get to know them if they let you, and then decide whether you like them or not. Just an FYI, most of us have brains to go with the stuff guys look at. I hope you're not that superficial though. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but I still think That's decent food for thought.

Does this have anything to do with the Japanese exchange students you meet at the bus stop?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/why-male-japanese-exchange-students-usa-nicer-than-females-440587.html

Does this have anything to do with the Japanese exchange students you meet at the bus stop?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/why-male-japanese-exchange-students-usa-nicer-than-females-440587.html

HAHA! I noticed that. I think he just needs to work on his social skills in general.

Do they know YOU like them?

First you need to show an interest!

Its natural to be attracted to females, that doesn't mean they will like you back. Or that you will still like them after you get to know them.

Not every girl that you like will like you back... that's a given. But you have to remember that you haven't met EVERY girl yet... So show some patience.
(plus, my fiancé is a HUGE nerd- star trek, magic the gathering, movies, final fantasy, etc.) And so am I... So don't think that nerds are hopeless when it comes to relationships =)

I'm meeting a girl at a café. Thing is I've never really gone. I never go out so I don't know what people do.

Yes I know people talk but don't the café people expect people to buy cofee or something to eat? Or is it just a place for people to hang out ?

Hi.

I"ve never realy gone out. I don't do the "hang out" thing. I'm not social but I'm trying it and I met a girl online and we're going to meet. She said she wants to hang out with me.

Ok, but what can I do? Usually when I'm alone and I go out. I just go to library, park and maybe bookstore. I don't think that would be any fun for her.

So any tips?

Buy a coffee for you and your date. Sit and talk about what you like and what she likes. Easy as pie.

Ooh. Pie. Buy some pie. :)

I thought you met a girl at a coffee shop and you're going out with her?

How many girls are you trying to date?

No but after cofee shop, we going to do more stuff.

no but after cofee shop, we gonna do more stuff.

And? What stuff are you going to do? Why can't you do it? What's holding you back?

Just have fun, be yourself, it really isn't that hard.

Most American girls are talaktive and confident. Well most that I've ever seen in my life.
And they think quiet guys( quiet shy) are loosers. So, where do we find women that would be nice, and how to meet them? Where?

At work, all the women ( 40 employees total) are loud talkative and although I talk to them softly and slowly, they are not interested at all. It's always been like that not just in work but all throuout my school life. Most girls just hate shy guys.

How many times does this have to be explained to you? Not all women hate shy guys. I don't think its fair to even say most girls. You keep lumping all women together and using racial (offensive) stereotypes. What if you actually made an attempt to get to know a girl before assuming that because she's a certain race or because she's more social than you that she's going to hate you? In general, if you're nice to people, they'll be nice to you. All you have to do is be friendly. Nothing extra special. I don't really recommend dating co-workers, but your could practice your conversation skills with your female co-workers. Questions like "how's your day going?" if they have kids, ask how their kids are doing. Ask how their family is. A lot of times, when you ask someone about their kids, they'll go on and on. Al you have to do is pay attention to what they're saying. For example, if they mention their kid has a big soccer championship the coming weekend, the next week when you see them, casually ask how the team did. Make friends with your male co workers. If you start talking to them, they're likely to invite you along when they go for drinks or dinner after work. Or maybe if they get together on the weekend. You've got to gain some confidence in yourself. You're your own worst enemy. Stop worrying about dating right now. Focus on learning to socialize. Even if you meet a woman who loves you, she'll want to introduce you to her friends and family. She'll want you to attend parties and other social functions with her. Unless you want to be alone forever, which I don't think you do, you have to learn to socialize. And no more stereotypes. No more at all. None. I can't emphasize that enough. No more making unfair assumptions about an entire race.

If you love her and she loves you there should be no problem, you can make it work.

No, really all of the people I know are married, with kids. But you merely get out of it, what you put into it, if you are shy, then you will not BS with people.

And if you messaged a 100 people you don't know and 4 answered, that is actually very good odds.

i tried facebook and i tried mailing people who live in my city to see if they want to be friends, but not many of them respond

I wouldn't respond either. I don't respond to people I don't know, as a matter of fact, on FB I don't add people I don't know.

Why are you so hung up on asians?

So you go out in person, and meet people, or use actual dating sites, Facebook is not a real "dating" site,

I only add people to mine to be neighbors on farmville or farm town and have many I don't know but we merely help buidlign the game.

So a person like that, after perhaps a few months of working on a game, you may chat ( but not trying to date, just chat)

If you want to date asians there are dating sites that can let you pick that out.