MY boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 months now. In the beginning, everything was good, we fell for each other quickly and have been so happy together. Well into out 2nd month of our relationship, we started arguing constantly simply because I had to move an hour away to be with family. While arguing one night, he had been drinking and decided to throw the ex-card in my face. He told me he loved his ex, and she was there for him whenever he needed her. This made me feel crappy because I had to move (temporarily, I'm back in town now) and couldn't be there for him as much as I wanted to. All the arguing we did made it harder for him to communicate with me about his problems. He told me she was his first love and he was always going to love her. It all boiled down to "if she tried hard enough she knows she can have me back" and "we both know we could have each other back if we really wanted"... We broke up immediately. Over the next couple of days, he says he worded some statements wrong and he was just drunk and angry. It still lingers in the back of my head. It hurt so bad. I felt like a rebound. He agreed not to talk to her, only until I worked through my own issues. Now I've been back in town for about a month now, we got back together and worked through some things. Everything was going great. I was putting the past in the past and leaving it there, then out of nowhere I got burned again. He went out to drink with his friends and the friend he was with invited the ex over. When she was leaving my boyfriend gave her a "friendly" hug and "kiss" on the cheek? She called the next day and I put her on speakerphone and while standing in the room with my boyfriend I listened to their conversation back and forth. She had to tell me not my boyfriend. He said he planned on telling me but we were having such a good day and I had other things on my mind, he didn't want to be a buzzkill. I got upset and asked him to leave, we broke up and he kept calling apologizing and telling me he didn't want to lose me. He loved me so much that there wasn't any room for anyone else in there and she didn't have any place with him anymore. He has asked me to quit smoking, quit hanging out with my guy friends and quit talking to my obsessive ex and I agreed and kept my word. All I asked was that he not speak to her until I work through some things and he couldn't put forth an equal amount of effort. I love him with everything I got, we plan to get married in a couple of years. But the thought of her still haunts me. I can't be with him wondering if he's still thinking about her. What should I do about my own insecurities?

Well I only read the first few lines and have read enough!!

Basically your situation is simple and here is what you do -

You finish with your boyfriend he has no respect for you and by his own admissions he still loves his ex, this basically means you relationship is dead in the water!! What you need to realise is that you live only once and you really don't need this sort of in your life, I would never dream of treating or saying anything like that to someone that I was supposed to love and respect - RESPECT being the key word here!!

Get this waste of space out of your life and find a guy that will treat you right and love you and make you happy!! Lets be honest you aren't happy and that 'i still love my ex' admission is something that you will never get over trust me, don't waste your life and move on!!

Peace

Kick him to the curb.

It sounds to me like you might have been a rebound as well. He doesn't know what he wants and is WAY to hung up on his ex to continue a meaningful relationship. You are better off without him.

EDIT: Just for the record, 3 months in is WAY too soon to be arguing. You should still be infatuated with each other.

The reason why you are arguing 3 months into the relationship is because he is not over his ex.. He said it himself... Why are you still with this guy?. I know your a smart girl.. please put your brain 2 function and leave him... for your own good.. if you stay you will be misserable, and if one day his ex decides 2 get back he'll leave you.. this guy is not for you, let him go and you WILL find someone who's not in love with his ex, someone who will appreciate you.. Ur waisting your time here... For your own good let him go!

As much as I hate to say it.....you need to try something new.

This is an immature and painful relationship.

Commitment makes him feel uneasy, so why fight it. Every time you run, he will chase because you are now technically unavailable... then, when you are back he needs to feel free.

He wants you to change. You want him to change... maybe neither of you should change - and just be alone - as yourselves - for a while.

It's time to say, "So long and goodnight"! (My Chemical Romance)

Is it too much to ask him to block her number? So we can move forward?

She also has been calling me asking my permission for him to go to a family reunion with her? He's not a piece of property

S he knows that he has feelings for her and knows he hange up over her, and if any oppurtunit she can have him. Why would she wants him to go with her to her family reunion, don't she have someone? I guess not and she knows she got him around her finger.

When some people are drunk it sometimes gives them the courage to say and/or do things that they wouldn't when their sober. It oblivious he still love her and if you moved that should not have been a problem.

It seems that you make all the changes you have to make him happy and he can't do the same? If he told you what he did while he was drunk can you even think what he was telling her we they were together at his friend house.

It easiler said then done, but leave him and let him have her or whoever else he want. What is he going tell you the next time he drinks? He not ready to move on and give himself completely to you so you shouldn't give yourself completely to him Be careful who you give/open your heart too.
You tried and it didn't work so move on, remember it takes two to make it work not one.You already communicated how you feel regarding this issue what more can you, sit around and hope.

is it too much to ask him to block her number? so we can move forward?

she also has been calling me asking my permission for him to go to a family reunion with her? he's not a piece of property

Yes! And you can say to her 'he's all yours!'.

He is not worth your time.

Whatever you decide don't be mad at her because he allowing this to happen. He gave her the ball and she running with it while your left looking at the sidelines. She probulary laughing at you with her friends about how foolish you are and doing it to make you mad so your can agrue while he goes back to her and whine. She has it all planned out, believe me. Listen to everyone and leave before he leaves you.

He gave you list of demands and you did them. Does that make him controlling? Maybe, but it mainly means you're malleable. That's not the norm, and you have no reason to expect the same in return. None.

You can't put demands on a b/f and just get hurt when they aren't approved. It's crazy.

You are dating to discover who they are, not make list of things that need to change. Of course you can talk about the things you aren't liking, you simply can't require they change.

Your choices are to live with the things you don't like (while pointing them out calmly, occasionally), or move on. THAT'S WHAT DATING IS FOR.

What should I do about my own insecurities?
I feel very strongly if you get rid of the drunk, two timer in your life, you will not be so insecure, or sad, or disrespected. A three for one trade you might say.
You have already put too much in this relationship, and what do you have to show for your investment.

Misery and pain, drama, and confusion.

My boyfriend and I have had some problems concerning his ex. There have been a couple of incidents, one of which he thought he could give her a "friendly kiss-on-the-cheek" and a tight hug after i asked him no to talk to her, then she had to tell me he kissed her and hugged her or whatever. He was trying to hide it but he says he was "waiting for the right time" to tell me. He told me nearly 2 months ago that he still loved her and she was his first love, blah, blah. We've broken up a couple times b/c of her. I was pregnant recently and had a miscarriage. There's a lot going on. I'm trying to be happy with him and not stress over his ex. But things he said about her in the past and the way he talked about her keeps running through my head. I keep replaying situations in my head and overanalyzing everything and questions come to my head. I make myself mad over it. There's something that i can't quite put my finger on that bothers me so much. He tells me he's not going to mess up anymore. He said he's quit talking to her. He is with me as much as possible. He said he doesn't want to lose me and she's not worth losing me over. He wants to marry me and we're trying to get pregnant again. I'm happy with him but i still think about her and previous incidents constantly. I asked him today if he loved her and he said "he thought he did but i have his whole heart". He's perfect for me in my eyes, he's not perfect at all and he's messed up but this relationship isn't going to end over one young lady. He's not the type to cheat at all. That's not what i'm scared of. I just don't know whats going on with me. I think too much. I'm hurting. I make myself mad. I think about her and him everyday. I just wish I could let go of it, but something isn't letting me. He says i'm so good to him, and i know he really does love me, but if he did then why'd he have to do the things he did? Am i making a big deal out of nothing? How do i let go of the past?

First thing is first. Stop trying to get pregnant off a guy you don't know how the future will turn out with.

He has made it clear that he is in a transitional period in his life as he still thinks he loves his first girlfriend. He may be the man for you but in the short run getting pregnant will not make things better or more secure. Let some time pass and let the relationship between you two develop more as, in my eyes, he still needs to earn your trust.

If you can't let it go, then that's probably the best indication that this situation is probably not the best for you. I don't think your making a big deal out of nothing, in fact I think it is a very big deal that he is not over his first ex and that impinges on your relationship. You say that he isn't going to talk to her any more but on previous occasions he has already betrayed that trust in my eyes.

You should probably step back for a second take a deep breath and reevaluate this relationship as it might not be the end all be all for you or it might, but that's for you to decide.

You say you think about the two of them every day and no matter how hard you try you can't let go of it so... TRUST YOUR INSINCTS If you feel there is something not quite right you are probably correct.

But I am unable to act on my instincts? I'm doubting myself because there are serious emotions involved here.

Exactly why you need to step back from your situation and re-evaluate what is going on here and if it is the best thing for you in the long run.

I've tried. I asked for time away just so I could get my head back together and he got so upset. He sayd we don't need a break and if we took one he'd lose me, or grow apart from me. He just doesn't think a break is what we need.

Idk how to persuade him that it's only so I can get myself together. He thinks it's the most awful thing to do.

Then he doesn't care about your feelings as it does take two to make a relationship. He might feel like you don't need a break but from what you are writing it certainly sounds like you do.

Him not letting you sort out your feelings is very selfish and immature on his part. He is using threats to keep you with him. Does that seem like what a good trusting relationship is built on?

What does he say you need? Is he pressuring you into having a baby?

That's what I was thinking, that it was selfish to not let me have my own time. He says we need to talk about it and work through it together. I get quiet whenever I'm deep in thought and he tries to pry it out of me. I asked him to let me come to him when I'm ready to talk. No he isn't pressuring me into having a baby, I wasn't even planning on it the first time. I think he tried the first time. Now we were planning on it but I am unsure on that right now. Just because I feel like we should work things out completely before we make any life-changing decisions.

i feel like we should work things out completely before we make any life-changing decisions.

Well trying to find out what is wrong is the guys way of trying to deal with a problem, you have to make it clear to him that what you are going through cannot be solved the way he wants it to be.

Right now its not about us its about me and my feelings. You have been very forthright with how you have approached this and made your needs clear, whether he respects your needs or not is another issue which could very well hinge the success or failure of this relationship.

Also if you weren't planning on your first pregnancy but he was trying to get you pregnant without talking to you about how you felt about it, don't you think that's a problem?

You hit the nail on the head. You owe it to yourself and your children to have a healthy relationship for them to be born in.

My fiancé and I had a dilemma a couple of months ago about his ex. I felt betrayed and in a way it kind of put my trust for him on the line. I've been in a few bad relationships. I was one of those bitter girls that thought all guys were the same until I tried something different. Kind of like switching your dating scene from football players to skaterboys? I guess because cheating and being hurt was all I knew I expected it from every guy. "They're all the same", you know? Anyway, my ex whom has cheated and lied and hurt me numerous times calls or texts me every now and then. (we hooked up for a long time after we broke up) One night he called and I let him come over, we hooked up that night. I cheated on my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have had our problems but we try our best to forgive and look past them into what's important. We love each other very much, I am very thankful for him in every way. We're engaged and are not going to be getting married until October of '09. I feel awful even though this happened about 4 months months ago. I would never do it again. I didn't think he'd become my husband one day. If I could go back in time and take it back then I would. I read in an article that telling your partner you cheated on is selfish because it makes them feel horrible yet making yourself feel better and less guilty?Teen Advice Love Lady: You Cheated Should You Come Clean? (http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/LL_Cheating.htm) I want to tell him just because I'm ready to spend my life with him and I want to be faithful to only him, start on a clean slate I suppose? But I'm so terrified of losing him. The deal with his ex, she still loved him and wouldn't let go. They've kissed while we were together but that's not as bad as sex. This article did sound reasonable, I don't want him to hurt, and I wouldn't dream of cheating on him again in the future. We've been through so much together and are extremely close. That's the only secret I have from him. Everyone carries a secret that can shatter you. I don't know how to tell him? I want to, I don't want him to hurt and I don't want to lose him. I don't want our relationship to change. Unless its progressing. It didn't bother me at first, I was cool with eveything. I know that sounds bad but I didn't care for him as much back then than I do now. I love him with everything I've got. It just started bothering me today randomly. And I never thought it'd bother me so much. So I brushed it off and moved forward with my boyfriend. A lot has changed for us in 4 months. Please help. I had insecurities to work through and now I'm content with my life and everything, I want to tell him but reading that article,. I don't want him to hurt. I don't know what to do and how to do it?

You question is how to tell him? Sit him down and say "Hunnie I made the worst mistake of my life, I cheated on you with so and so about 4 months ago" Then pray he forgives you and looks past it. Expecting your relationship not to drastically change is wishful thinking, it will change and change drastically.

I really have mixed feelings on whether he should be told or not in this situation. It seems to me that you would tell him mainly to make yourself feel better. You were selfish enough to cheat and now you are selfish enough to make him feel pain. Wow, sounds like me a long time ago!

Glad this is your choice and not mine. I will say that cheating sucks. I cheated on my fiancé and I told her. Well she suspected and I confirmed her fear. Like you it was only once. She did leave me. Cheating is horrible for the person who has been cheated on. Outside of a marriage I am not convinced that telling a partner about a solitary incidence of cheating is the right thing to do. I guess if I were in your situation I would not tell him. Just make sure it does not happen again. Making amends to a person is fine but be careful of your motives. Telling him what happened just so you feel better is wrong. Of course he may find out eventually anyway (like my ex fiancé did) but that is a fear I think you should live with.

To err is human, to forgive is devine and every human makes mistakes that we have to learn to live with and learn from.
OK, so you were both human beings doing the normal dating thing, sometimes one or both of you went back a few steps instead of moving forward.

You had a fling four months ago. Were you officially engaged then? No matter what reason you had for accepting, you now feel stronger towards him than you did then - You've grown and bonded.

I think that if you have 'shared' enough of your past histories and still want to spend the rest of your lives with each other - that you both have outgrown your 'wandering' days.

If I were you, I would not purposely place myself in a position to be tempted again, and if you both can be true to each other, communicate about all other things, have a wonderful time with each other then nothing should stop you from having a chance at happiness.

So, if this keeps you faithful to him until October of next year - don't tell him... wait twenty years down the road after you have achieved your goals, i.e. family and marital bliss, I'm sure that he will forgive you and not be hurt.

After all, we are only human and do make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. I would not go through guilt trip because there are people out there that cheat just 'one more time' the night before the wedding (which I would not do, but for some it's the norm.) But if you do get the urge to wander, then it's time to be truthful to yourself as well as to him - and if the urge is gone, then go for it and be happy.

Good luck dear, and my best wishes for the dreams of your futures. We all deserve them.

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EDIT-
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=2962098
Given your short history together, I would think you would tell him now, as opposed to later, if your serious about wiping the slate clean. Soon as possible as a matter of fact.

If you wait until later, all that progress you speak of will be one big waste, and he will feel much worse.

I won't give you a reddie Chery, as I have much respect for you, but I disagree with that. It seems(and only seems that way not saying you are) telling her wait until he is already fully committed to the relationship i.e. Kids and marital bliss and then tell him? To me that is going to the outside effort of making him feel guilty and stay because of the kids. I am a firm believer in coming clean, I also think it would hurt her spouse a lot mor if she waited longer to tell him than if she told him right now.

Thank you Rome.. I did in a sense suggest that she wait.. but only if she was not officially engaged then. That's why I asked if she was already engaged at the time.

I believe that when one goes that far in a relationship and makes a promise to be exclusive, one should not make a mistake like that, tempted or not. I never even looked at another guy while just dating - always broke up before looking for another partner because I thought it only fair.

But I also believe that we have choices only we can make depending on our beliefs and morals... and I try not to force people to see only my point of view or judge.

In the end, it's the original poster who has to make the choice and live with it.

Even though I don't always agree with you, Tal, and some others, I still respect the heck out of all of you and share the belief that we all have a right to our opinions - and posters the right to their choices - whether we agree with them or not. That's what is so unique about this great site.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_11_7.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSYYYYYYMXDE)C.U. on the forum...

We were not engaged at the time I cheated

we were not engaged at the time i cheated

Thank you for letting me know the answer to my question...

No matter what you decide, you know we will be here for you, so keep us posted, and good luck dear.

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My fiancé and I have been together for a while. Recently we've been fighting a lot. We have our differences and some I can't quite overlook. I'm in college and plan to be successful with everything I do, I'm very determined and hard-driven. I know my life is going to be what I make it. He, on the other hand, barely got through high school, has no interest in going to college to better himself or accomplish any goals. He doesn't want to do anything. He's a mama's boy and doesn't know how to do small household stuff. It makes me insecure (I'm older than him) and I feel like I'll be the only one carrying weight around here. I moved all of his things out of my place and he wants to work it out. He says we're going to stay together. I love him and would be more than willing to work it out he just needs to grow up and tell his mom to cut the umbilical chord. How can I keep my foot down and not take him back? How can I move on?

If you love him then I don`t suggest you to leave him or something... You two can work this out. Just tell him what you think of him and he will understan but in the other hand guys don`t like to be changed

The only way to heal and move on, is to disappear from his life, and live your own, if that's what you really want to do.

You to don't sound to well matched for marriage, or a future, to be honest.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=3544375

Your only 18 and have a lot experience. With all the lies, cheating, lack of communication, etc this was doomed from the beginning.

You two aren't on the same page and don't know how to work with one another. Relationships take work and it won't work if only one person is on board. Marriage won't change this.

It's good that you see the signs now because marriage is easy to get into but hard to get out of.

Right now you can only let go and learn from this relationship because you did some hurtful things too.

My ex and I were engaged and we've had a few problems and a couple of miscarriages along the way. His ex wouldn't leave him alone in the beginning and he was getting pictures of topless 'friends' on his e-mail which he never uses, I just happened to stumble across it one day while checking an order online that we used his e-mail address for. We were devastated when we lost our babies, there were 2 preganancies that miscarried so we tried and tried for so long to conceive again. Well back in January we've had a big run-in w/ his family, (he's a momma's boy) and it just kind of tore us apart. His family and I were in a feud and the fight broke a lot of trust and loyalty between us. We began fighting and pointing fingers at each other, you did this you did that and I did this and I did that. It was horrible. I've learned to just let go and pick your battles. Our fighting grew intense, he never hit me or anything but it'd start getting physical. He'd try to restrain me and take my phone and keys away so I couldn't leave and then I'd get so frustrated and extremely angry that I'd push him back then he'd push me. As the fighting continued, things picked up he eventually started choking me and slamming my head into walls and the last time he slapped me really hard because he heard I was taking pills. That was just a one night thing. He's not a bad person. His biological father was abusive to his mother. Breaking her hands and kicking the life out of her, they split when he was 3 his dad was a bad alcoholic and drug addict so wes was never raised around him. I fought back a couple times in the beginning but I only saw it make things worse so I never fought back afterward for my sake. Back in April, we had yet another fight. This was after I had reconciled and forgave his family, things were really getting better, we were working together on the fighting and getting things straightened out then we had another fight, not as bad as any before. But we ended up breaking up for good. He moved out and I gave his ring back, we said our goodbye's. The first 2 weeks were really hard, I made a complete fool of myself, but he just wouldn't budge. He said he was scared of what he could do to me, and feels bad for putting his hands on me and he didn't want to hurt me like that anymore so he wanted to figure where alll this anger was coming from. SO I left hima lone, I understood. Then I found out he had ed a girl in between the times me and him had slept together, didn't use a condom or anything. So then it turned into, I want to experience more and I want to see what else is out there. I'm the second girl he's ever slept with. I felt sdisgusted. Come to find out I was pregnant also. Which later led to an abortion, which I deeply regret. Now his mom, aka God, hates me. His brother and sister-in-law are very close to me, aftert he termination they took care of me and helped me. I miss him and I want to talk to him so bad, we were so crazy in love and about each other and it just hurts to see how we ended up like this. I've seen him around and I haven't been anything but civil and nice to him but he gets so angry w me, he's done damages to my car over little stuff such as shirts, shoes and an iPod. I don't understand why he gets easily ticked off by me now, he wasn't like this before. I mean he'd get angry like that when we started arguing but it's take a good long argument before he got upset likke that, now I wave or say a simple yes or no answer and he gets in my face and throws up old and always says, 'thats why I left your '. Just hurtful things and I'm so confused. Idk why I set his temper off like that, it hurts and I feel like I'm the reason he's so mad, so maybe it is best he stay away so he won't be angry. He told me when we first broke up that the only time he got mad like that was when he was around me. I just wonder if it's a bad idea to miss him? Will we ever be able to bounce back after all this? After his family hating me and the abortion and everything?

Damn.. this message has red flags ALL over it. Do yourself a favor and start to move on from this guy as fast as you can. Will he ever stop being angry/abusive? Who knows.. that is NOT for you to figure out and stick around to find out. You already mentioned he become physical with you... bad bad. I'm a bigger guy, if I hit a girl I'd probably kill her.. is that what you want to happen?

You do KNOW there are guys out there that are nice and wouldn't ever consider laying a hand on the person they love right? Get the f out of this nightmare that you consider a relationship and find someone that is WORTH your time and energy. Oh.. getting along with your significant others family is great and all.. but this is currently the LAST thing you should be concerned about..

He is a child and he will get what is coming to him someday.. destructive people do not go far in life.

Thumper

[CENTER][B]I've previously posted on this site about my Ex and I. You were all right. Things ended badly. He grew violent. He never hit me, but he did everything else when he'd get into a rage. He choked me, slapped me once, and threw me into walls and furniture. I did piss him off, I'm not saying I am the reason for his behavior. I instigated it. And have slapped him and one time when he choked me and said some real vicious things, I grabbed a belt and hit him in the face. Things were horrible. We were engaged, living together and pregnant at the time. We broke it off, he moved out and I got an abortion. After the procedure was done and taken care of, we had no contact. His brother and sister-in-law grew closer to me after that. They helped me cope, deal with it, and grow. It was hard because that is his brother but I have grown a lot of respect toward him. I continued with my life. Things do get better. Even when I felt like I couldn't move forward without him. I learned about myself and who I was. I saw things in a different perspective, viewed life differently. I leaned on everybody and anybody in my life. I made some amazing friends in the process. Had another boyfriend at one point who turned out to be a douchebag, of course (sorry guys). I questioned every aspect of my relationship with my ex-fiance. Was it real? Who is he? What has gotten into us? What the F@#$ happened?? How did we get to that? I wanted him in my life. I reached out to him a couple of times only to hear him tell me to leave him alone. I had obviously grown and matured more than he. I wasn't going to keep trying to have some sort of relationship with him whether as friends or partners if he was just going to be mean and keep hurting me. This is over a span of 8 months or so. So I focused on myself once again. I wasn't going to let him see me at that low point again. I got my number changed and appplied to a college a couple of hours away.
We started speaking again on New Years Eve. I texted him Happy New Years while on a drunken night out with the girls. Surprisingly, he replied. We began a conversation through the night. Even had a 3-hour conversation into New years Day's morning. Finally, off to bed. We've been talking constantly nonstop since then. From the moment we wake up until we fall asleep, we text. I still went to school 2 hours away. I've been home on weekends to visit friends and family. And him. We started sleeping together not long after we started speaking again. Old habit? Maybe. We've talked about the past. He apologized over and over for his wrongdoings. I felt just as guilty, no matter how many times he's told me I didn't hurt him as bad as he hurt me. I know it took both of us. We've reminisced on how happy we were, Gave each other our opinions on what went wrong and told each other how sorry we were and how we could have done so much better with each other. He told me he was sorry for how he treated me while we were apart. When I did try to speak to him, it was when I needed to talk to him or just needed him for support. I lost my grandma, aunt and uncle within a week of each other. I had a horrible time. He had been my best friend, my partner, my guide, my comfort, my fiancé, boyfriend, he was everything. He is someone I will always want in my life, no matter what. I have a deep love for him and would very much like to be with him again. But when I mentioned this to him him he sais, "I just want to be friends for right now.." Now I am a very impatient person, who analyzes everything and has no self-control whatsoever. Lol. His mother hates me now, he is a momma's boy. She hates me because of the abortion. She was there for me and "loved" me up until I had the procedure done. I regret it. I wish I could take it back. Its what he wanted. He had all this anger toward me and still to this day he cannot tell me why. But its gone. He turned that aggression into Mixed martial arts, he trains with a UFC fighter. He'll be getting into that. And he has changed a lot, he grew as a person. I am thankful everyday to have him back. While we were apart, at first I was miserable. The break-up dragged me through hell and back. Once I had gotten past that period I was so thankful to be somewhat close to happy again. But something was still missing. Since he's been back I've forgotten what that pain, that emptiness felt like. I can't begin to explain how he makes me feel. I am unsure what to do about him? I talked to him about us sleeping together and said I'd be hurt and upset if he slept with someone else or got a girlfriend. Bc he was 'mine'. He said he'd be just as upset and hurt also. We agreed, no more sex. We want a real friendship. We still spent time with each other like we usually do. But he still holds my hand, He still invites himself with me on pointless errands, and kisses me a million times before I leave, and right before I hop in my car and every single night before we go to sleep he says a little 'I love you'. He is always anxious for me to be back home. And its still takes us 30 minutes just to say goodbye. We have the deepest conversations with each other. He tells me how important I am to him. I don't get it. I don't understand what he's doing or why we can't be together right now? He doesn't seem to worried about his mom, or his family "You don't know how badly you're hurting you're mother by speaking to her! That's your own mother!" I never did anything to her. My relationship was with him, not her! My family isn't fond of the fact that I talk to him (nobody knows about anything else). But my mom knows I love him, and she told me if he is what makes me happy, then she's happy too. She's never been involved with our relationship too much, only when she needed to be.

What is your question? If you want to continue growing into this relationship you both need to work on how you handle your anger. You both have anger issues that need to be worked on.

I think you both need to take it slow. With the history that you share, I would look into couple's counseling to ensure that all of the hurt, pain, issues and concerns have been dealt with instead of mentioned and buried. Consider it a 'just in case something got missed' measure.

As for families, they need to understand that it is your life and his life not their lives. You two are responsible for the decisions that you make. I am glad that your mother already seems to understand that fact of parenting.

Good luck.

After merging your threads, and seeing what you have been through, and going through, please let me know when you have had enough. You must be one tough cookie to withstand so much pain (translate: BS!! )

I think you have had enough of a preview of what life with him will be like to make a very informed decision for yourself whether to keep on this path, or run like your life depended on it, AWAY from him.