My husband and I have only been married for 6 months. We've had a fairytale romance. Everything about us has been great. His ex-wife has custody of his 2 children and we get them one night every weekend. My problem, well first, his ex-wife and him talk all the time. He says it's always about the kids but they talk anywhere from 3 to 4 times a day. She is remarried and calls to ask my husband how to fix her furnace or to tell him what pants his daughter wore to school today. If I mention it to him I feel like I am being insecure even though its not that. I just find it strange, and he also talks about her to me more than I like. As far as his children, they are good for the most part. They have no concept of please and thank you and just generally have no manners. I have taken over the part of correcting the bad behavior. Instead of "get me a drink" I make them say "can I please have a drink". It has been a full time job, and if I mention any of this to my husband I am told that I am jealous of his kids. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like he has this weird obsession with his kids. They can do no wrong and if I say something, well, I am just jealous. The new issue is a tough one. I am 3 months pregnant, this is my first. I am so excited about it but I feel like I have no right to be. We have discussed that when I'm in the hospital delivering I would prefer since this is my first, to make it special for him and I and asked if his kids could maybe come over after we got home. Not go to the hospital. It turned into a 8 hour fight and it was pretty much come hell or high water his kids WILL be there no matter what. After this argument he talked about how he is getting depressed and how hard it is to be a good father to his kids when they went through a divorce and how he sometimes thinks about what he "could of " done to make things easier on his kids when they were going through his divorce. That conversation was followed by a great story about how him and his ex-wife were getting along so great until he screwed it up and he feels so guilty about it. I am now feeling hurt and confused and wondering how important me and this baby really are to him. I need advise

He has them one day a week, so that is for him, (*my guess) suppose to be a all fun day, since he has only that time for his entire relationship.

As for the ex, there are limits and lines, if it is too much for you, then it is most likely too much, and yes, there is no need to talk 4 times a day, he needs to talk to the kids, not the ex.

I would suggest counseling so that he can learn what he is doing to you, with help of a third party

It's never easy when you are with someone who has children from a previous relationship, because the mother willl be in the picture whether you like it or not! Although you should have boundaries about mentioning her, he should at least respect your wishes as you are the one having the baby, but I'm sure he was offended as I'm sure he would like the children to see there little baby brother or sister.

Maybe you two need to sit down and talk about it! You shouldn't be feeling this way especially when you are pregnant. Maybe explain that he should to be sensitive to your needs at this time.

I was always taught that pillow talk helps.

He married you and remember all parents feel guilt when a marriage is over. Kids are the ones who suffer the most. TAKE CARE OF YOURSElLF. I would almost bet you and your husband will work all of this out and you will have the love of his children and yours. When the baby comes the kids will be so happy you'll see a difference. My prayers are with you.

You must be feeling pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don't blame you.

There needs to be some boundaries between your husband, and his ex wife. While a phone call even every other day, to discuss what's up with the kids and anything else going on with them woulnd't be too unreasonable, 3-4 times a day is absolutely ridiculous.

It seems he is keeping two marriages on the go.

If he had full custody of his children, I can see where they would be welcomed at the hospital.

But, this is yours and his first baby together, and in my humble opinion, this should be reserved for the two of you. Offering to have his children over when you get home from hospital is reasonable. We aren't talking six months here, only a few days.

Your husband seems mixed up to me. He maintains an unusually close relationship with his ex wife, and in so doing, you are not feeling secure enough to face the wrath of telling him your own opinion. That he will not compromise, is something that needs to be worked out, for everybody's sake.

Please insist on marriage counselling to address all the issues, particularly in light of the impending addition.

I see your point, but I think Somerlisa has nothing to fear. I think her husband is anxious about his kids and worried about her. I do agree the phone calls between the ex and her husband are too much. She (SomerLisa) shouldn't be getting all upset especially when she's pregnant. After the baby is born she should start talking to the ex wife herself and including herself in the conversations.

I actually do get involved with his ex wife. She is by no means ugly to me at all. She is remarried. She sent my husband an emsil about a year ago stating how she wished they could be back together. She wasn't married then but living with her fiancé. I have thought they had inappropriate conversations which my husband said has stopped. After checking our phone bill he is only talking to her on the days him and I are not together. By talking I mean anywhere from 3 to 6 phone calls and about 10 to 30 texts. If I were to bring it up he would say they were talking about his kids. It just seems extreme to me.

What does her husband think about all this? Does he worry? Please don't get yourself upset. We're here for you.

That is extreme. What they have, is a relationship, and it is inappropriate.

Some couples I know exchange a monthly calendar with events to do with the children. Other couples will exchange a notebook back and forth with the kids with any concerns, events etc. Good ways for everybody to be on the same page.

Why he maintains this level of communication with her is odd. Almost like the kids are an excuse to communicate with each other.

It would upset me as well, and it isn't necessary.

Also a problem is that you cannot communicate with him because he won't listen, and that puts a wedge into the marriage.

He has to be willing to compromise somewhere, and take your concerns into account, and balance it out.

I'd try counselling if it were me. Just to set some boundaries.

I'm not too sure he knows. He seems soft spoken and keeps to himself. She works during the day which is when everything is going on. I was actually thinking about calling him about it. But its none of my business. I just feel like I will be going through this pregnancy by myself. We have been fighting for 2 weeks straight.

YES it is your business! Go with what you want to do. Just think and remain calm and tell your husband or tell the ex you need this time with him.

Well I wanted to give everyone an update. I just suggested counseling to my husband and he agreed. We both think it would help our situation... until I suggested pulling phone records and taking them into counseling. At that point, he flipped out and said absolutely not. He is not going to account for every time he talks to his ex wife or his kids. He got very defensive and we ended the conversation.

It seems what was easy then, is difficult now. Now every small issue, or insecurity is in the way. Look, YOU have a good relationship with his ex, so tell her your feelings about giving birth, and let her handle the kids.

What's he going to do, go get them on the way to the hospital? I doubt it.

Another thing is he only has them one day a week, so what's the chances of them being there when you go into labor?

For now your making a lot out of what ifs that may never happen, but he should know that about a pregnant female, and understand, and go along with you.

That's how guys do it when the woman is pregnant, and they need pickled tacos at 3 in the morning.

We don't argue, just say, yes dear, and go hunting for pickled tacos at 3 in the morning when nothing is open, but the all night gas station.

Your husband has a lot to learn about pregnant women, which is odd that he has two kids already.

Forget counseling, get an older male to straighten him out. Send him to me, free of charge.

Like kitkat22 says maybe you should take care of yourself and talk to him about it when he is in a good mood

OMG, I so feel for you! This is my first time marriage, my husband has been married before and has two daughters. If I could do it over again - I'd shout from a mountain top for woman to not marry someone who's "been there - done that!" I was SO thrilled with the birth of our son, and my husband didn't seem to get as excited as me. Just the little things, like does he have all his fingers and toes, oh my gosh, I'm a parent now, what does that mean... etc. etc. All these "firsts" he's already experienced with someone else. He once said, "well, it's my first with you..." to try and smooth things over, but even now, when my son's 2, I have hard feelings about it. Now, 6 years after my husband's divorce, his ex wife is taking much of his time with stupid crap in court! I have to continue to ask myself - what about me? What about my son? My entire day is spent discussing child-custody strategy with him and documenting the stupid drive bys that continue by his ex or her stupid friends.

I wish I could tell you to leave the guy your with, that you deserve his undivided attention. That you deserve better. But I'm in a similar boat. I don't see myself leaving my husband, even though I could certainly do better and perhaps even get someone without a bi-polar, stupid, ex in the picture. Now that I have a son, and am in my mid-30's and not 20 and single with no kids, the playing field has changed. I feel trapped in a way. Put up and deal with it I suppose.

Best of luck to you!

I think you should sit down with your husband and talk your feelings through with him...
He needs to realise where you are coming from with regards to the birth of your child as he may have taken it personally as you rejecting his existing children.

I would also be annoyed with the constant calls from his ex wife and so can understand where you are coming from, this may be a hard issue to tackle however and something you might just have to grin and bare with.. Good Luck..

Congrats for the baby too.xxx

Give us an update on how things are going.

I think your husband and his ex are behaving in a selfish and inappropriate way.
I would suggest you two take this over with an impartial third party maybe then he can see why this bothers you, it would certainly bother me. But the fact he is being so pissy about it, pretending he does not understand tells me he knows he is in the wrong.