One and 1/2 months ago my husband left our home after I received a phone call from the "other woman." When I received the phone call I saw red and a fight ensued and he left. He first went to his mothers to ask to move in and she said no. He went to the other woman.
I knew we weren't communicating, but I thought we could work it out eventually...
I have tried all the things desperate things people do: crying, begging, showing up at his job.. you name it.
I have told him that I love him and need him and I wanted him home and forgive. He has said, how can I go back there after what I did to you? He has also said, I don't know what I want and I need to find myself"
He has told me the other woman is a user, doesn't have a job and is a scumbag (his words not mine). I am confused, I have asked him: do you want a divorce? I got no answer.. is he waiting for me to take the actions so he doesn't have to be the "bad guy" or hurt me again? Or is there a shred of hope? Should I write the letter and tell him how much I love him? And maybe love him enough to let him go? I have no way of calling him because of her, I will not go to his job anymore... I can only contact him through his mother..

No you should have him served with divorce paper work.

Please he has someone else, and you have already made a fool out of yourself, He has made his choice, you need to protect yourself at this point

I’m sorry to hear about your situation, but you need to let this husband of yours go. Not because you want to do this, but because he clearly no longer wants to be with you, and to not divorce yourself from him emotionally at this time is to decide instead to suffer in a more intense manner than is absolutely necessary.

I know you can’t stop thinking about him, and you feel like you can’t let him go, but you have no choice... he’s made his decision and he’s not coming back. You need to start living your life as though the relationship were truly over. Take down the pictures, get rid of the clothing and the possessions that remind you of him, stop making phone calls and putting effort into trying to bring him back into your life. Work on filling in your empty nights with friends or projects, etc. If you start behaving as though it is over, at some point it will be over.

The pain will not end overnight, but you can expect to experience some dulling of its sharpness as you commit to the end of the relationship. Then, slowly over time, as you work through your grief, you can expect that dull pain to fade away. Good luck!

I can understand your reaction to 'the other woman', and can only imagine what it must be like to get that bolt of lightening out of the blue.

It sounds like he went to this woman, because he had nowhere else to go. Now it seems like the arrangement is working for him. Although he describes her as an unemployed user, and a scumbag. That might not be at all true. She could be a very nice person who didn't know he was married.

I see no harm in getting the legal ball rolling here. You need to find out where you stand, what your rights and obligations are, so that you are prepared to follow that path.

It is a good idea that you don't visit his work, text, or email him. Let there be a cooling off period without contact for a few weeks, and see what happens. He needs to decide what he wants to do, and you cannot afford to wait around until he makes up his mind.

Should he want to return home, and you are willing to try to work on the marriage, then insist that while you will consider that, first there has to be marriage counselling in place. Dates and times. He needs to be committed to at least that much, and so do you. That is the only way to put all the hurt, confusion, events, etc. out in the open, and deal with them.

It is possible to repair the marriage, but not until you are in a position of strength, and both of you are working toward the same goal.

Leave him alone and let him lie in his own bed and pay the consequences of his actions.

You get a full understanding of your rights through a good attorney, as nothing like legal papers being served to make the reality sink in for him.

When the emotional dust has settled and your over the shock, things will be clearer, but you need a lawyer now.