She said she needed closure, and to know she was ready to move on with me. He said he would only move on and leave her alone, if she gave him a second chance. Am I just stupid or what? I am at home puking my guts up so worried while she is off with her ex for the weekend. She calls and texts pretty regular, and tells me not to worry. Say's she loves me, and that she misses me so much. I can't help but feel like a fool. Anybody in the same boat, and can you give me any advice?

A breakup is just that,a breakup.. you don't need a weekend to have a brief conversation...

How long does it take to say,its over,I've moved on... certainly not a weekend.

Its too late to say you have a problem with this,you just have to trust her.

But from my point of view,if an ex asked to spend the weekend with me and I was with someone else,ill tell them to go to hell.

I would feel it's a little disrespectful to you.

From your post I'm going to guess he has another agenda for seeing her.

Can I ask how long ago did they split up,and how long you have been together?

This is an odd situation. She should have had closure before even getting involved with you.
In any case, if she wants to be with you as she says, then you need to stick out the nausea and trust in her when she returns that she is done with him.

I don't understand the reason for a weekend away to have a conversation saying that she's got a new man in her life. It doesn't sound like she considered your feelings much when deciding to see him. How long have you been dating her? Just doesn't sound like a solid way to get your relationship started.

And personally, I don't care if she is calling/texting, it still seems inconsiderate to go shack up with her ex for a weekend. That'd have me reevaluating the relationship.

I would honestly never put up with this type of behavior, NEVER!! There just ain't that much love in the world to accept a partner spending a week end with an ex, for any reason! Sorry, but if closure takes a weekend together, you got the wrong guy waiting for you Monday. That's what I would have told her, and then disappeared from her life.

Talaniman Rule-Never, And I do mean NEVER do you get involved with someone that still is involved with an ex.

Talaniman Rule-If it smells like crap, don't step in it.

Talaniman Rule- If its bad behavior, don't do it, or put up with it.

Talaniman Rule- Accepting bad behavior, will bring more bad behavior, so don't accept it in the first place.

That is how I would be, talaniman.
Some people or different in the way they handle things.
Since this guy is even asking what he should do, it suggests that he would stick around.

We have been together for about 4 months and she was very fresh out of the relationship he was attempting to cheat on her if he did or not who knows but he was texting another woman and planning it out. Well 2 months later she finally forces him to move out because of me she had been telling him to leave and packed his things for him but he just would not leave supposedly.at least that's what I am told. And I believe her she is a very good woman and an awesome mother she just doesn't want to hurt him. But he brought this on himself and she is hurting me by catering to his feelings. He says he is going to kill himself and all this crazy stuff if she stays with me and she falls for his BS. I know she cares about him and his wellbeing but I just don't know how to continue to support her and stand by her without stressing and worrying and not to mention getting angry.

She's supporting him and you're supporting her?
You don't have to support someone in something you don't believe in.
It's your call.

Have you considered the possibility that you are the rebound guy?

I may be totally off base here,but there was no break after the last relationship,which looks like it not really over.

I'm sure she s great,but she has a lot going on right now and you're the middle guy not THE GUY.

Well I mean he was not even in the picture for 2 months until he found out about me now she is the love of his life and she says she loves him but she is not in love with him and I stay with her some through the week I mean we have a great relationship until he pops up while I am at work and feeds her head full of bs and then she has doubts about us

She claims this weekend is just so he will leave her alone

You said she was texting you not to worry. Now she has doubts about you.
Please, do yourself a favor and avoid an awful lot of heartache. Move on. She may be moving backwards. And as said above, you are not that guy.
She is causing you pain and possible leading this guy on too if that's not her intentions to be with him.
You may both not be the guy. She is playing both of you.


she claims this weekend is just so he will leave her alone

She is an overall dishonest person then. Game playing. Get out before it is too late.

So you don't think its possible that she is just trying to nicely make him leave her alone?

She could have stood up for your relationship,she could have told him to go to hell,she didn't,she went and spent the weekend with him,however you dress it up,she is not committed to you,she is not over him.

She is leading him on which will make matters worse.
I don't understand how people think lying to someone helps.

This just makes him think she wants to be with him in turn he won't leave her alone.

It's common sense, not rocket science.

so you dont think its possible that she is just trying to nicely make him leave her alone?

no.

No reason why she needed a weekend to do it,if he was saying he was going to kill himself etc,the most she could have done is suggest a therapy,or tell his family.

You're the boyfriend,but she put his feelings above yours.

If she comes back and says that's that's,I bet he won't be happy,and still chase her,and she will need another conversation...

Can I ask,is this something you would do to her?

Hell no I wouldn't do it to her and we have discussed it but never the less I can't let go and just walk away I know its not right what she is doing but I know she is better than this she is a good woman I have known her for a long time and nobody can say anything bad about her till now. That is if they knew but they are not going to hear it from me that's why I am venting outside of my family and friend I just really needed yals non bias opinion and thank yal so much

You have mine, dump her because she is not as good as you say, or your blind, or good at ignoring the obvious. She put him before you! That's a fact you cannot escape, and she had better options than spending a weekend with him.

Closure my azz!!

Its up to you at the end of the day,all the opinions so far are just that.

But if hell no was your answer,why do you put up with it from her?

Why is she any different?

Because you love her and she's a good person.

The problem won't go away when she comes back,you need to talk to her and be honest about how you feel and how you felt about the weekend.

Well she just text and said she is on her way home and trust me I am going to do just that. She said if this didn't work then she would get a restraining order and block his number. Even though I think that's what should have happened to begin with

However she did make sure another couple went with them and shared a room not that, that makes it any better but at least they were not alone.

however she did make sure another couple went with them and shared a room not that, that makes it any better but at least they were not alone.

Two couples away for the weekend,I thought she went for a serious closure weekend?

I'm sorry to say but that sounds like a fun weekend.

however she did make sure another couple went with them and shared a room not that, that makes it any better but at least they were not alone.
That was some useful info that you conveniently left out of your original post! :confused::mad:

Well it was meant to be fun not a fight she just wants him to leave her alone without it coming to uglyness and the law getting involved or he and I fighting which has almost happened a few times already

You said it yourself in your very first post -

Yes, you are a fool; yes, you are stupid.

Sorry to be so blunt but you just aren't getting the message.

Yes, this is not closure, it is renewing or remembering. This is not what they do, they may have exchanged a email, they may have even meet for coffee for a hour,

A weekend is an affair,

So yes
You are a fool if you don't see this for what it really is, and you are stupid for being there when she got back

You don't go away for a weekend to get closure with a guy you may consider taking out a restraining order against.
You ignore them and if that doesn't work,you go for the restraining order if necessary.

Are you kidding me? If anything, all she is doing is draggin her ex along. He will never leave you two alone now, because the ex thinks he has hope with her. I would dump this her ASAP. Why would you want to be with a girl that would do this to you? Or think that this is OK? Be strong, don't let her tag along!
Her ex will never ever go away if she doesn't tell him to get out of her life and leave her alone, especially taking a so called closure trip!
All your doing right now, is trying to convince yourself that this was OK, and that it is for the best! But that is all that is happening! Get out now while its a lot easier!

Ok I can't believe this one, I have to post again! DUDE wake the heck up! She is telling you everything that you want to hear~! WHy ? To play you! SHe is saying another coupe was there, why? To put you at ease, she is saying its to get him to leave her alone? Why to ease you! I don't know about you, but for me to get someone to leave me alone, I don't go away on the weekend with them! Get your head out of your butt! Don't be that fool. Your relationship is never ever going anywhere starting like this. Best thing is to end it now. She is not a good person like you say. A person you want a restraining order on, you don't go away for the weekend. Leave her to dust, even if you like her a lot, abviously she is confused, so just leave her and let her think it out! DO NOT BE STUPID PLZZZZZZZZ , You will regret it! Mark my words