When a man cheats on you, begs you back and treats you well for a few months and disrespects you yet again, is he worth ever taking back?

No!!

I dated thisman over 20 months, I saw many red flags but wrote them off as paranoid. He was so sweet, fun and we just clicked in so many ways, except he always told me about his exes. Most of them short 3 to 4 weeks. One in particular was about 3 months long and she broke it off with him wth some lame excuse that he believed to be true. He was in love with her. A married woman who lives in another state(where he used to work) and always told him she was not girlfriend material.During our relationship he told me they will always stay in touch , fine, but is it normal to talk to her about what a lousy lover her new boyfriend is , and he brags that their sex was great but no details. Also the fact that until I got fed up he was always texting his exes, some spoke dirty to him and he still did favors for them.I was with him over a year when I had a gut feeling to check his phone.. sure enough he had invited two women over one on wed and one on fri after I left. I called the Friday chick (not mad because it isn't her fault) she told me he said he was in a "friend with benefits " relationship, mind you this man is 47, so am I. I broke up with him, but I didn't get loud , just asked how he could be so untruthful when we spoke about honesty since day one, he said, I wantee to break up anyway, what? We went to vegas the month before and had the greatest time, no indication of him wanting out. So I left, here he came cryinng back that he was so sorry and this was the one and only time he did that(yeah right) he was sorry all right,sorry I caught him.but I forgave him.8 months later he cheated... more excuses of course my fault because I didn't drive all the way to see him on sat when he waS FEELING NEEDY(I LET HIM HAVE THIS WEEEKND w his friends who came in from out of town, and he was needy? I saw him that Sunday, he slept with her on mon. and told me a lie... I broke it off, he was so mean and rude about it, 3 weeks lter after emails and begging, I went back... foward 3 months later, webroke up because he was being very disrespectful towards me one night, said he thought we should move on... its been 7 weeks, the subtle texting is starting on his end.. im sick about this whole thing, went through and still going through was it my fault? Was I not enough for him? I can t take blame, I treated him like a king, I was in love but he did nt deserve it, he took me for granted and now I know he is transferring his feelings to others.. why does it bother me still? Why am I feeling so unsure about the way this whole thing wetnt down, will he do this to others?

I have merged your two posts, please don't post multiple posts on same subject

You ignore him and stop blaming yourself.
He doesn't deserve any chances,he is an emotional incompetent.

Do you really want to wait for the 3rd strike before he's out?

He's proven that he can't be trusted, so stop giving him a chance to keep hurting you.

Find someone that will give you the love and respect you deserve.

Were you not enough for him? Absolutely not. Don't blame yourself for this scumbag. He obviously lacks any sort of resemblance of what I call "ethics" and "morales." You've become nothing more than a booty call to him, and quite frankly that's all the other girls are to him. Not because you're not enough for him, but because he is a piece of garbage. Do not take him back and find somebody that is trustworthy and will respect you.

He might, he might not do this to others question that you need to concentrate on is do you really want him to continue to do this to you? Do you really want this to be your pattern? Is this what life is supposed to be about for you? Taking the short end of the stick and dealing with someone that is treating you poorly? NO. You deserve better than that. Let it go and believe in yourself.

I have also been cheated, just like you. I think you should not give him another chance. Have some respect for yourself. Do you want to spend your life always wondering if he is not doing anything wrong just now? He is 47, at this age, this guy still behaves as he is a little boy. He doesn't know what he wants in his life. I am sure he has low self-esteem (just like you?? ) and finding another women gives him boost of his ego. He is selfish, looks after his needs only. Trust me, he is not worth your time. IF man isn't sure if he wants what he has got, it means that he doesn't want it. You should move on, maybe see a terapist (just like I did), in order to let go of your attachements in life that drag you back to him. Letting of your patterns of thinking, blaming yourself etc. Good Luck

Nope. Move on find someone worth your time and love.

To me, it's strike: Your out.

Because in my experience, whether you try to get over it, it irrepairably damages your relationship. Having said that, I'm sure there are, as always, exceptions to the rule.

Here's something I thought of, I'd pay a lot to see most men, walk past their pride and take a girl back for a THIRD STRIKE?

NO! He didn't deserve the 2nd chance to be honest

How about a 4th chance and a 5th chance while you're at it? I guess you're don't really care too much that he cheated on you, which is why you're willing to give him so many chances.

Dump him! Get yourself respect back. He sounds like a moron.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

He cheated on you once and you took the high road and forgave him. He cheated on you again and you realize that this is a habit.

Once is a mistake; twice is a habit.

Nope.

Thanku all so much for the tips and views, I have never in my life taken a man back after they did something so sneaky.The first breakup was due to his sneaky text set ups with girls,he pleaded and begged me to come back , said he loved me, and he drove down from the next town where he lives and cried to me. That was unusually different for me so I thought he was truly sorry, then 8 months later he pulls the physical cheating on me. Said he loved me but wasn't in love, then 3 weeks later, begging again, wrote a song and 2 page letter almost wanting to propose.I went back but trust me , I didn't forget. I tried to be understanding, but I always fet like I was giving 150% and he was giving 10.He was a true jekykl and hyde. He is slowly sending me text messages, last weekend I wanted final closure, we made a time to meet at the original spot we met, so he could give me my stuff back and say goodbye. He text me that morning said "i am not coming down i sent your package. so i text him back ok. 3 days later said , can i ask you a ? i responded hours later with ?. the next day he text"sorry I needed some info. It just appears like he is slowly sneaking in again, but he won't succeed, he is definitely a damaged man. I have had some damaged done to me by all of this emotional crap he has slowly put me through. Ladies it is so easy to get caught up by this type. He is sweet as pie most of the time and bam, he has a mood swing, then nice for 3 months and , cheats.. you think id of seen it coming.

I had exactly the same situation! My ex has been so sneaky! He was a perfectionist in lying all the time, finding ways out of it and coming back to you begging for forgiveness. He only talks but never does anything to prove it! The need constant challenge, they cannot settle down in one relationship as they get bored! They need action, new attention as this boosts their ego! Honestly, I think these kind of guys should actually seek help with teraphist- and I am not saying that because of hate, but because I really feel that way. They have some kind of personality disorder. Great that you share your story here, it really helps. I shared mine and felt I have been supported. You should definitely let him leave your life completely. As you have your stuff back don't even answer his texts. Change your number. Every single message that he sends and he hears back from you (even a ?) means he is getting attention. And this is what he wants. I am sure he will test you hundreds of times. Be strong!! Goodluck

Also these kind of guys are really affectionate and loving. As you said, sweet as pie- This is the cover up! Never really true. As you said, really damaged inside.

Please don't waste anymore time on this manipulative cheater. I was with my ex fiancée for ten years, and he cheated on me every few years. He like yours could be a sweetheart, promising me the moon and stars, and I lapped it all up, but guess what he did? I had a heartwrenching illness/surgery, and during my recovery he was making his move, he dumped me during my recovery, moved in with someone and is getting married. Guess what? He cheated on her too. I held on for years hoping he would change, but in the long run, I changed, and I will never go back again :)

My opinion: NO

ONe thing I did learn about handleing a breakup is to NEVER contact them, beg, plead, or try to convince the ex of anything, I at least every time left with dignity, never contacted him. We broke up dec 20 , he had the balls to send a text Merry Christmas to all. I deleted it, fast forward 5 weeks nothing, now I do have my stuff and will not answer his text at all again, he will regret that he let me go.. He told me nobody ever treated him as great as I did, he said he didn't eserve it, boy is he right.never again from me.

Please don't waste anymore time on this manipulative cheater. I was with my ex fiancee for ten years, and he cheated on me every few years. He like yours could be a sweetheart, promising me the moon and stars, and I lapped it all up, but guess what he did? I had a heartwrenching illness/surgery, and during my recovery he was making his move, he dumped me during my recovery, moved in with someone and is getting married. Guess what? He cheated on her too. I held on for years hoping he would change, but in the long run, I changed, and I will never go back again :)


What the H$$? I'm so sorry, I hope , not to be vengeful, that this type of person gets what they desrve for hurting us.

What the H$$? I'm so sorry, I hope , not to be vengeful, that this type of person gets what they desrve for hurting us.

The only revenge we need is to live our lives in a healthy way, and one day they will see the error of our ways. Our advantage to all of this, is that we gave with our hearts and souls 100%, we will never have to ask ourselves if we did enough, we in fact did too much. Hold your head up high, move on, and be happy. That is all you and I need in order to get the last word! Good luck!

Don't do it because in his mind he's thinking you don't care what he does to you as long as he treat you right for a while and I hope that's not what your saying @ all. That's just my opinion I am not an expert or anything I make mistakes just like everybody else GOOD LUCK.

do you really want to wait for the 3rd strike before he's out?

He's proven that he can't be trusted, so stop giving him a chance to keep hurting you.

Find someone that will give you the love and respect you deserve.

Exactly what she said

don't do it because in his mind he's thinking you don't care what he does to you as long as he treat u right for a while and i hope that's not what your saying @ all. that's just my opinion iam not an expert or anything i make mistakes just like everybody else GOOD LUCK.

I don't plan on going back at all... HE is a selfish and narccistic person who has noo regard for anothers feelings.He only transfers feeling from one to another, its all about him. Its just sad when we try to give a person a chance to show love back and they end up hanging themselves.
I wonder if a person like that could ever realize and change, I don't want to be the one and only person he did that too because it would have me questioning what it is about me that would cause that. I doubt that's the casr, I'm thinking I may have been the only one after his ex wife who stuck around too long. His friend made that comment to me one night, wow, you are the ONLY girlfriend I have ever seen him with, u must be doing somethig right.. I don't think so, I'm the only one who bought the b.s.
I guess I wanted to believe he was capapble of being a GOOD man.. I was wrong.The main thing I tell myself here is that my mom passed away during this relationship and I was devastated at the loss, we were soooo close and I think he came into my life to distract me from that loss, although I was crushed and suffered a grest deal.. the be s he put me through sometimes made me kind of forget losing my mom.. I was dealing with my own real life.:(:confused:

He is worthless! You're smart hitting the road on this relationship. They say history repeats itself, so just move on and write yourself a new story with a new man that treats you like a queen.

I dont plan on going back at all...HE is a selfish and narccistic person who has noo regard for anothers feelings.He only transfers feeling from one to another, its all about him. Its just sad when we try to give a person a chance to show love back and they end up hanging themselves.
I wonder if a person like that could ever realize and change, i dont want to be the one and only person he did that too because it would have me questioning what it is about me that would cause that. I doubt thats the casr, im thinking i may have been the only one after his ex wife who stuck around too long. His friend made that comment to me one night, wow, you are the ONLY gf i have ever seen him with,,u must be doing somethig right..i dont think so,, i m the only one who bought the b.s.
i guess i wanted to believe he was capapble of being a GOOD man..i was wrong.The main thing i tell myself here is that my mom passed away during this relationship and i was devasted at the loss, we were soooo close and i think he came into my life to distract me from that loss, although i was crushed and suffered a grest deal..the b s he put me thru sometimes made me kind of forget losing my mom..i was dealing with my own real life.:(:confused:

You never cuased him to cheat on you because there's never a reason why a guy would cheat on you. I'm sorry about your mother, and please find a way to get over that grief and that lost surround yourself with positive people, people who are real and love you, people that care about your feelings and that will make you feel good and warm inside FORGET ABOUT HIM

Let him go and try not dwell on it. That's the only advice I can give.

Thanku all again.. I am moving on and it does hurt... that he does nt really love me.

I'm glad that you are ready to find someone who will treat you with respect.

Don't even give this guy another thought.

Go be happy.

Hope you stick to your word.

Hope you stick to your word.

Me too

I know I may be tempted if he keeps testing but I won't fall for it this time, unless it's a cold day in hell though lol

If you feel tempted get on da web n here to talk to us even if we don't know each other we can still talk because we're here for you

Thanks who the heck needs a real therapist we got this group thing going.

thx who the heck needs a real therapist we got this group thing going.

Lol yeah we do

The groups on all the catagorys are great. They have helped me through some pretty dreary days and I've only been on this site for a little while. God Love All Of You!

hi to all who were so honest. And kind enough to help me keep my focus straight. I'm back to talk about some deep feelings I have about the breakup. I guess since its going on week 8 I am still missing my ex. Last text I got(wed) was "can i ask u a question" in which an hour later I text back "?", (the next day)he replied "sorry i needed some info" I did not respond... I still don't believe it was about info though ,maybe just a way to keep me kind of hanging.Its really painful realizing its over with us, although he was an A^%% sometimes a part of me wishes I was still with him, everywhere I go there's something that reminds me of what we had, I know he has to rememeber stuff too.
I failed to mention the first time around, this man drinks alcohol everyday although its not to get drunk, I still believe it's a form of self medicating and another reason he had personality changes every few months. He also had a porn problem(in my opinion) and I believe when a man drinks all the time and looks at porn(both different forms of addiction)they are desensitized to women and have fantasies w almost each one they look at. I noticed at times when we would go out, a bartender would smile(duh they r supposed to) and he would actually feel like it was some type of invite.. I knew this just by observing his reaction. For one he was very upset that she forgot his order twice, what a shot to the EGO.. I guess I'm on here now because I still have sad days where I wish he'd come back like he did on 3 different other breakups, and beg me and promise to change and go to counseling and really do it this time.Im having such a hard time imagining he is distracted with someone new and what if he ends up marrying them.. I shouldn't even be thinking about him at all with all the pain he has caused me, what the hell is wrong with my emotions.

Your over-analyzing which is very normal at this stage of the breakup. Just remember the pain you've already gone through and say to yourself do you really want to go back to square one and have that pain all over again??

He won't change , but he may tell you he can , like he's done before.

do cheaters deserve a 3rd chance?


Not in my book.

It happened to me years ago and I thankfully don't have to contend with it at 55 but I think it would still be a deal breaker,unforgivable.

I don't know for certain what I would do but I think if I loved myself enough I would really think twice as to why I was staying in this relationship.
Clearly there is a reason you stay,does it outweigh anything else ?
Highly doubtful.

Which part am I over analizing, the new relationship(if any)

I guess one of the reasons I stayed as long as I did was I have never had to work so hard in a relationship and it was like I wanted to prove something to him, like I matter and am worthy of loving, he said to me he loved me but wasn't in love with me, how could he be if he was gawking at every woman that walked by, not just looking, I don't mind that, but actually staring to the point that when I was speaking he didn't even hear me, that hurts

I am sorry about the things you're going through. It's hard letting go of someone we have loved and who has proven themselves to be the kind of person we never thought he could be... The warning signs, the drinking, the porn, the pills, they are HUGE red flags that tell you he is not the kind of person you need.

It is going to be lonely for a while , but don't let yourself think you can fix him, you can't. Please do not take this man back, he is troubled and the only thing which will fix him is him wanting help. I am very troubled for you and I hope you take the advice the experts on this site have given you. God Bless








["Let's face it, so many of our problems are caused by people who take advantage of us, misuse us, or are jut plain hard to get along with "... Rev. Billy Graham/QUOTE]

I hear a lot of people say, the love I seek does not exist thts a disappointment if it is true

i guess one of the reasons i stayed as long as i did was i have never had to work so hard in a relationship and it was like i wanted to ptove something to him,,like I matter and am worthy of loving,,he said to me he loved me but wansnt in love

I have loved people who I was not in love with and I have fallen out of love once with someone who I believed I truly loved so it can happen!

Many times with young people they confuse lust with love and the lust tends to run out with some people at the two year mark.
This is a time when many young men lose interest.

You ARE WORTHY of loving and you need to not just say that but believe it and know that no one verifies that for you because it is real,it just is.

Stop over thinking this and torturing yourself.It serves NO purpose.You may never know what happened.Life still goes on :)

It is time to move on ,enjoy these young years ,they are gone so fast you have to get out and have a life!

The right guy is out there. Give yourself time to heal and when you're not even expecting it you will probably meet him.. Blessings

He is 47 now what? I noticed he posts his self on singles site as age 35 to 40, I know he is hating getting old, how long does that last.. his insecurites leaked into mine( I had a little of my own without his help) due to abuse I had endured from my first husband. Now I'm feeling even more insecure, I'm 47 and I feel like men our age want youg girls, I don't want a young guy, I have nothing in common with them even though they are young hotties, big deal

Know what I think? I think you are wanting someone who will tell you to give him a second or third chance and I feel you won't get that advice!

There are woman in this world who like the "bad boy". Those women think'"I love him and I can fix him", WRONG. Don't you see a cycle here? First husband abusive and now a boyfriend who is just as bad. There are people on this site who are very intelligent who probably have PHDS and Masters degrees. Listen to them and listen to the ones who have been where you are.


Please listen to this. You cannot fix him. He is only going to keep on manipulating you because he sees you as just another one of his objects. His porn and his pills, and his drinking and cheating should give you a clue that he is damaged. You know what the next step will be if it hasn't happened already? Abuse pyhsical and mental, although he's already emotionally abused you. Let Go. Move ON and Thank you're lucky stars you're rid of him.

No, not loking for anyone to tell me to give him anymore chances, just venting my feelings, I know I continue the tortureby going on my Facebook, I removed him as a friend right after we broke up , and I still look, he keeps adding new women, almost like to show me he has game.I don't know he is damged and its sad because I know his damage will ruin lives, it almost ruined mine.I wish these women the best, but I'm thinking they will; recognize things quicker unless I taught him to hide things even better. The truth will come to light eventually.. I need to stop looking at his page.. it makes me sad for a minute but then I remind myself, if he had of loved me, he would not be behaving like this.He is lost.

I have college degrees as well, I never set out to find a BAD boy, who the heck sees them coming, yes we can see some flags but who knows what a person is really capable of, if you notice I did say I have dated some great men, so it is not that I am looking for anyone to fix, but unfortunately when you love someone you feel helpless when they are lost.Im just compassionate but its not healthy for me and I do not want to fix anyone.They need to see they have a problem.He has promised to change, but its all talk, he is so used to sneaking around w o getting caught, he was married 20 years and his wife short from saying, kind of warned me that he was not a good dad and that he had exposed his son to a lot.

Good For You... You keep telling yourself you are worth more than this guy. Start building yourself up and get your confidence back.. Be Strong and remember, you have friends . Bless You

when a man cheats on you, begs you back and treats you well for a few months and disrespects you yet again, is he worth ever taking back?

NO. There is no such things are second chances. With the experience I have with dating. HISTORY repeats itself. Just look around you, nothing will ever change, countries will always fight over the same thing over and over and over again. There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. People don't change. If they do, they will slowly go back to the way they where before because that is who they are, its in their genes. Unless a person changes for themselves, there is no hope. If a person changes for you, they will eventually turn right back into the same person. Sure it might take a couple months, maybe even 20 years later, but at some point in their life they are who they are. ONCE a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. ONCE a thief, ALWAYS a thief. Its like when you lie, once you know you can get away with it, what makes you stop? Can someone only tell one lie in their whole life? Once you cheat, and get away with it, would you never cheat again? These are questions you have to ask yourself. Save your dignity and leave with your head up high. Not only having a good life will be the biggest revenge but showing the other person that you could careless what they are doing is the best revenge you could ever have. No go, you know what to do.

I agree with artlady. Some people can change and sure the world might seem a little screwed up, but we have so much to be thankful for. The guy we are talking about has treated unsurenow horribly. It's up to him to change. There are wonderful people in this world who have turned themselves around and have made contributions to the world. This guy and porn is one who is very questionable.

I think so too, I think the reason my ex is a troubled man is because he has crossed other boundaries thathe knew were wrong, like messing around while he was married thou he denies it was during the marriage, other things he has said were contradicting, messing I the neighbors wife because she said she was going toleave her husband and when he finds out theyr still married he continues the friendship with her? Selling her viagra soshe can use with the new lover? Somany weird things I had to put up with(well I didn't HAVE to) I DID put up with.. what if the new girl he posted on Facebook gets the MAN I wanted him to be, thhat sux.but I guess I had something to do with his new behavior? NOT he isn't going to change anytime soon.he will get bored again and continue

HE IS A PLAYER! Let these women find out for themselves!. With all his cheating aren't you scared of an STD? Be thankful you didn't have children with this man.

Heck you, but I always had check ups and I'm clean, so maybe he didn't do it more than he one time with me.. I was just asking my friend if she thought that the new girl could win him over, like several books say, if she made him wait a while for sex, it took us a month and a half and it didn't make a difference , but catch him and keep him says, you have to be an unforgetttable woman for a man to stop and think, I'm not sure that after he has dated so many, he bragged about, that one woman could win him over.. I guess I'm still wondering why not me? I know the answers, they just hurt.. the truth hurts but will be what saves me

NO. There is no such things are second chances. With the exp. I have with dating. HISTORY repeats itself. Just look around you, nothing will ever change, countries will always fight over the same thing over and over and over again. There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. People don't change. If they do, they will slowly go back to the way they where before because that is who they are, its in their genes. Unless a person changes for themselves, there is no hope. If a person changes for you, they will eventually turn right back into the same person. Sure it might take a couple months, maybe even 20 years later, but at some point in their life they are who they are. ONCE a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. ONCE a thief, ALWAYS a thief. Its like when you lie, once you know you can get away with it, what makes you stop? Can someone only tell one lie in their whole life? Once you cheat, and get away with it, would you never cheat again? These are questions you have to ask yourself. Save your dignity and leave with your head up high. Not only having a good life will be the biggest revenge but showing the other person that you could careless what they are doing is the best revenge you could ever have. No go, you know what to do.

And who are you to make such blanket statements?

" There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. " This couldn't be more wrong.

People CAN, and DO change every day. I would be a little more careful advising someone to "apply" such negative nonsense to their "daily life".

I am not telling her to stay with this cheater, I am just shooting down your theory.

There are "changelings" on this site.

I am one of them.

And who are you to make such blanket statements?

" There is no such thing as change and this can be applied to your daily life. " This couldn't be more wrong.

People CAN, and DO change every day. I would be a little more careful advising someone to "apply" such negative nonsense to their "daily life".

I am not telling her to stay with this cheater, I am just shooting down your theory.

There are "changelings" on this site.

I am one of them.

BLAH. I guess my posts are a little angry, but that's just because I am not in the best of moods right now. ;)

Aw I'm sorry your not in the best mood right now, I get that way too.. we just lose faith in people sometimes

How did u change yourself Jm? Did it take long?

Don't worry about his new girlfriend. Start fresh and start feeling good about yourself. I've given you all the advice I can so take care and seek out old friends. If you are a Christian read your Bible and ask God's help.
He will help you get through this... If you aren't a Christian but you believe in God seek his answers.

BLAH. I guess my posts are a little angry, but thats just because I am not in the best of moods right now. ;)

I am not going to steal this thread but maybe you can start a new one with your problem.
Lots of people here to listen and care.

BLAH. I guess my posts are a little angry, but thats just because I am not in the best of moods right now. ;)

That's understandable. However, people sometimes come here for advise when they are at the end of their rope. To tell someone to give up all hope of the person in question making a change for the better, is almost as bad as telling someone to simply quit trying.

These answers are on here for all to see. Will you feel the same when your mood changes? If so, use caution. Please.

And the "genetic connection" ? I would like to see facts on that assumption.

I am not going to steal this thread but maybe you can start a new one with your problem.
Lots of people here to listen and care.

Artsy... Psssst ;)


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/sometimes-life-can-confusing-what-do-443973.html

I am just going to point out that most advice here says exactly what Adapa has said, heal, and move on.

We all know people can change, but how long would you live with them in misery before they do? We also know that people have to want to change, so how long do you wait for that to happen?

Come on guys, even though this was said in anger, this is what we tell others all the time, don't wait, and hope for change, go No Contact and heal.

That's because after people heal, and can see things a lot clearly, they can make better decisions about how to proceed with their lives.

Not to hijack this thread, just to point out the real message, and not get caught up in the negative emotion it was delivered in.

I have worked with children who have been brought up in some of the worst circumstances imaginable. Their mother and fathers have been alcoholics, drug addicted. Some of them had mothers or fathers who lived with a boyfriend or girlfriend in atomspheres that were to say the least unacceptable. These kids pulled themselves out and now are teachers and lawyers and servicemen and women. So saying something bad like drug addiction and alcoholism is passed on genetically is very far fetched. Also I have seen parents who have gone to AA and have beaten their addiction. They are still alcoholics they don't drink, because they know they can't. The people who are pedophiles who prey upon innocent children and woman who murder their sweet little children, I think they are unredeemable and They should be given a death sentence. God will judge them and give them either justice or mercy.. As for me I believe in justice. I also believe they aren't born this way. Ted Bundy said porngraphy was the reason he turned to the life he led. I don't know if he was telling the truth or not. I do think it's one of the worst things that has happened to our society. We all have to make choices. We also have to live with the choices we make.

Healing is possible especially when I visit this site, its so hard to have questions in my head and not know the real answer, but with all the nswers I get on here , although we don't know it all to be facts, we can onlu go by the most obvious, thanks for being so supportive , this almost feels like I'm writing in my diary and my diary has many friends in it that speak back to me, so in a sense it is better than having a lifeless diary.. this is the living diary yes !

I have worked with children who have been brought up in some of the worst circumstances imaginable. Their mother and fathers have been alcoholics, drug addicted. Some of them had mothers or fathers who lived with a boyfriend or girlfriend in atomspheres that were to say the least unacceptable. These kids pulled themselves out and now are teachers and lawyers and servicemen and women. So saying something bad like drug addiction and alcoholism is passed on genetically is very far fetched. Also I have seen parents who have gone to AA and have beaten their addiction. They are still alcoholics but they don't drink, because they know they can't.

OH wow, I am SO SORRY. I didn't want to come off sounding like that people are who their parents are and its in their genes. I meant to sound say is that once you are who you are, then there is really no changing yourself. People can change, but they have to change for themselves first. I meant to say is that if someone changes to be with you, then they will slowly go back to the way they were.


healing is possible especially when i visit this site,,its so hard to have questions in my head and not know the real answer, but with all the nswers i get on here , although we dont know it all to be facts, we can onlu go by the most obvious, thx for being so supportive , this almost feels like im writing in my diary and my diary has many friends in it that speak back to me, so in a sense it is better than having a lifeless diary..this is the living diary yes !


I hope you feel better, and I hope that you can understand what I was trying to say. This is your diary! And guess what, I want you to make a promise to me. Okay? Because I want you to come back to this site, and see all your pain you went through, and when you have finally gotten what you wanted out of life you're going to come back here and see all the pain you went through and you're going to inspiration for everyone on here, even me. I too will come back to this site when I am fully healed from my exp. And we can all laugh about it, how we have grown and see how our lives are now. We will both think back and think, "why did i care so much?"

Everyone and their uncle has told me, "Everyone goes through this at some point in our lives." I believe that God/Jesus does this to us to test our faith. I believe that these things have to hurt, that God/Jesus makes us hurt so we can learn to love someone even better. I promise you that your next love will be the best, and everyone after that it will get better and better and better, and God/Jesus is doing this to us, so that when we finally go over to the other side we know how to love everyone. He wants us to know how to love because he loves us.

May god bless you and your choices in life, and always remember that I, and everyone on this forum cares about you. If we all hold hands, anything is possible.

Love you,
Adapa

healing is possible especially when i visit this site,,its so hard to have questions in my head and not know the real answer, but with all the nswers i get on here , although we dont know it all to be facts, we can onlu go by the most obvious, thx for being so supportive , this almost feels like im writing in my diary and my diary has many friends in it that speak back to me, so in a sense it is better than having a lifeless diary..this is the living diary yes !


ABOVE ALL Believe in yourself!!

I am just going to point out that most advice here says exactly what Adapa has said, heal, and move on.

We all know people can change, but how long would you live with them in misery before they do? We also know that people have to want to change, so how long do you wait for that to happen?

Come on guys, even though this was said in anger, this is what we tell others all the time, don't wait, and hope for change, go No Contact and heal.

Thats because after people heal, and can see things a lot clearly, they can make better decisions about how to proceed with their lives.

Not to hijack this thread, just to point out the real message, and not get caught up in the negative emotion it was delivered in.

That is an excellent question... How long will you live in misery with someone? I did it before ,won't do it again!:eek:

(I'm Guessing ) At one time in our life all of us , men and women have come across the "charmer" . The handsome man or beautiful woman who made you feel as if you were the most wonderful, person in the world. Then you marry him and a few weeks later he shows his true colors. You are shocked because you are nineteen years old and you've never seen you're dad hit your mother or any male in your family being disrespectful to their wife or any other women. So you think . "I'm doing something wrong" and you stay and cry and hope and pray he'll change. Three years later you finally get the nerve to fight back and you do fight back because you have a small child who is going to have to live in that hell with you. You fly two thousand miles back home bearing bruises and scars. Then you are home where you feel safe. He calls a thousand times swearing he'll change. I didn't fall for it. I had had enough.

He didn't change, he is still an alcoholic, still abusive and has been to the three wives after me. Thank goodness God blessed me with a strong family and he gave me the wonderful man I have been married too for so many years and my daughter calls him Dad cause he is really the only Dad she has ever known. I'm sorry (maybe TMI )but I agree that some don't change. As for me, I don't think we should clump all those people together in one group. It's hard to feel sorry for these woman you see in your work place or on TV who have stayed with a man who abuses them mentally or physically and they say , "I love him so much, or my children need their father". THAT IS BULL! Children do not need to be in that situation. One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch.there are wonderful men out there. Thanks for letting me vent! I love all of you

So today is another day, things still flow through my mind, but I find myself quieting those thoughts, because I know HE is not good for me. Like Tina Turner said "Whats LOVE got to do with it?"

What's crazy is, I have an ad on a singles site not that I can't meet men traditionally because I do... these men are relentless.. first saying they can't find a woman who wants a committed relationship, that all they (the women)want to do is have sex and play games, followed by the question, so, do you have a nice butt? Wth who is the real game player here? Red flaggs! It crax me up though and this clown called me a sexy cougar, another red flag.. please Lord not this again, I hate dating!

Love doesn't seem to have much to do with your single's site either.. .
Once you've healed from the cheating waste of space, I'm sure you'll meet a decent guy.
There are guite a few of them out there.

Singles sites, some of them are dangerous. Don't jump out of one horrible situation into another. Spend some time with your feelings and find yorself.. I don't know what else I can add, so good luck.

Oh I ve been on them on and off for years, and I have met some pretty good people a lot of them are friends now..

Good luck... Gotta go now.

I was thinking about valentines day and I will not be sad that day because looking back at the last one with the ex, it's a bad memory, after I went through all the trouble to find his favorite bottle of grey goose and put it in a valentine bag w an I love you balloon tied to it and a card that said happy valentines, w chocolate lips, guess what this ingrate did? He took the bottle out, talked about how feminine the bag was with all the pink, said he hated chocolate and just let me know that it is supposed to be the guy that does this, well why didn't you then? These memories help me heal faster.I wish someone would have gone through all that trouble for me.. wish he would have LOVED and appreciated that someone actually loved him so much.. his loss

I think buying booze for an alcoholic was the wrong thing to do. You need to stop dwelling on this and move on. You have a child and she is watching your life. Be a good role model. Valentines Day is like any other day if he doesn't treat you like a human being all year, it's not going to be any different on any special occasion. Really I have no other advice I can give you. You alone have to to take the path you choose, and the consequences or rewards the path brings.

I don't have a child who is watching , they are already grown, no one is dwelling and I'm not looking for advice, just finding things that I remember that were "bad" is what helps me realize even more why staying away from him is the best thing for me. I am writing my thoughts down as I heal, don't need anyone to necessarily give me advice, maybe this will help others who may be going through a breakup.. not to romancitize the past but to remember things that were nt working. I'm sure you had your ways of healing, this is my way.plus when I bought the bottle I wasn't aware of HIS problem.I only saw him on the weekends.other responders are welcome.

Well its been over nine weeks now, the pain is still very much present. I still find myself crying and wishing he would wake up and see what he has done.Last text I got from him was over two weeks ago, the only thing I did was sent him an email link to a song that made me think of him, that was on Vday.its a song called I AM by Mary J Blige. You should check it out on you tube. He didn't respond and I really didn't want him to. I know my life is better without him, but I can't help but wonder how he can move on after being such an to me. I feel like every time a NEW chick came around, that I was demoted.I still haven't been able to feel happiness within, I'm still going through nightmares and hope in my heart that he will see the light. I know its wishful thinking and that a person like him can not see the light if they don't see their mistakes and correct them.I just torture myself wondering if the NEW girl or girls, are getting the sweet man side and that he won't treat them like he did me, and why me? I was good to this man.I would love to hear from someone who is or has gone through the same feelings and thoughts, really don't want to hear what I know, not to dwell, I am not, just going through the process an need to hear other that know what I mean.

Thx

What you call wishful thinking, I call false hope.

Your expecting a snake not to bite, a bee not to sting. That's not reality, its false hope. See him for what he is a lying cheater who will show his sweet side to fool any he deals with.

That's who he is, and hoping he will change will accomplish nothing. You can change yourself though and must accept he is who he is, and stop letting him hurt you again and again, and that means no more texts or contact of any kind, for ant reason, and you start rebuilding your life with people, places, and things you enjoy.

Your not alone in your hurt, we all have been bitten by a snake and stung by a bee, and lived to find a better way of living than messing with dangerous critters.

well its been over nine weeks now,, the pain is still very much present. I still find myself crying and wishing he would wake up and see what he has done.Last text i got from him was over two weeks ago, the only thing i did was sent him an email link to a song that made me think of him, that was on Vday.its a song called I AM by Mary J Blige. You should check it out on you tube. He didn't respond and i really didn't want him to. I know my life is better without him, but i can't help but wonder how he can move on after being such an to me. I feel like every time a NEW chick came around, that i was demoted.I still haven't been able to feel happiness within, I'm still going thru nightmares and hope in my heart that he will see the light. I know its wishful thinking and that a person like him can not see the light if they don't see their mistakes and correct them.i just torture myself wondering if the NEW girl or girls, r getting the sweet man side and that he wont treat them like he did me,, and why me? i was good to this man.i would love to hear from someone who is or has gone thru the same feelings and thoughts, really don't want to hear what i know,,not to dwell,, i am not, just going thru the process an need to hear other that know what i mean.

Thx

Good Luck! Don't expect him to come back! Learn to love yourself, before jumping into another bad relationship. If he does come back will you let him back into your life? I hope not. It's hard being betrayed bysomeone you love,but you will get over it.
Move on and remember you are not going to find a lasting relationship online or in a bar. Treasure Life! A lot the people on this site may have been through something
Maybe a divorce or a bad breakup, but they got on with their lives. Forget this guy!

I hope you are doing okay. I would like an update. Please update us. I am worried about you. And I am sure everyone on here is too.

Forget about him. As long as you keep holding on to hope , the longer it will take to get over this guy! Lose his number!