Slept with my best woman friend.

Why is that a problem, or is it?

Congratulations! *High Fives* But seriously... is this a question or are you just gloating? ;)

I wrote up a whole post but when I went to make some edits I accidentally deleted it. I just don't feel like typing it up again.

Lol funny thread

I wrote up a whole post but when I went to make some edits I accidentally deleted it. I just don't feel like typing it up again.

Excellent , problem solved ;)

Congratulations? Or is there a weirdness there now?

Coming from a guy who had a similar situation you should defiantly ask yourself these questions, then get in touch with your friends and see how they feel.

A. Do you feel it was a good thing or a bad thing to do in your opinion?
B. What does the friend think about what happened?

C. And how do you move forward, friends, more than friends?

Hope this helps:)

I dated my best guy friend of 10 years for 2 years.. we aren't best friends anymore... we're actually enemies It wasn't worth it now I lost my best friend..

Here's the broad strokes:

Really good friends for ~10 years. Also close with her parents.
Went out with her. Got drunk.
She told me she loved me.
We slept together.
I spent the night.
Went out for lunch the next day.
I left without saying anything.
Feeling guilty ever since.
Haven't spoken since (~4 months)
I miss her.

So why don't you call her,tell her you're an idiot and can you talk.

Take it from there.

Yeah, red's advice seems to be the most fitting. I felt like an idiot when I last saw her, and I still do. The problem is that I haven't directly said that I wanted to speak to her about that night. I just asked her if she wanted to get together. Once she was out of town and she said she would call when she got back, and the next time she had already made plans. I told her to call me whenever she was free, but I haven't heard a peep out of her.

I know that she's with someone (last I heard) and this complicates issues, but nevertheless, it was still her who came on to me and my reasons for leaving without saying anything to her was out of respect for her current status. Stealing a woman from another man is not all it's cracked up to be, and I know this. I don't want a woman who can be "stolen". I'd want a woman who wants to be with me and makes a decision based on her thoughts and opinions of me. It's so confusing because at the time I wasn't in a place where I thought I could be in a relationship, but things are changing for me, and because of this I think about her all the time now.

I'm just wondering what it is that she could be thinking. I've reached out with no success so I'm thinking that everything is ruined. Friends, lovers, everything. I don't have a clue as to what's going on in her head.

I really think if the only reason you want to contact her now is because your hooked on her maybe you should let her be , particularly if she has a new man in her life.

Maybe just send her an email explaining how you feel and let it go from there.

I'm not hooked on her. I'd just like to explain myself to her and whatever she does or says is fine by me. It just feels like there's too much history between us for it to wind up like this. I don't want her to think that I'm a jerk.

But, maybe it's too late.

You may as well give it a go , what have you got to lose if you think it might already be a lost cause?

Anyway I hope it all works out for you.

I agree. After such a long friendship, and one mistake, she will more likely than not, be willing to put it behind her.

I think she's probably feeling the same way you are. My guess is she misses you very much as well.

But, I also get the impression that once that line was crossed, you might be seeing her in a different light, more of a possible girlfriend, than just friend. Perhaps the two of you sleeping together, with her initiating it, was what she was trying to move the relationship past the friendship stage? Trying for a g/f b/f relationship?

Don't waste time worrying about appearing to be a jerk. You could very well miss an opportunity here that you will never regret.

Yeah, we've crossed the line I think. Because of that, I definitely do see her in a different light. It's strange really, because I'm torn at the moment. I'm not 100% sure if I want to be in a relationship at all, but on the other hand going from friends to lovers is supposed to be something, that when done right, is supposedly amazing. I definitely see how it could be, because I felt the excitement as well as the calming familiarity of it all that night. It was so nice.

I'm just really concerned with what may happen if it doesn't work out. She's been the one female constant in my life for almost a decade and it's been great to know that she's there if I need her and vice versa.

She's not just "any" girl. This is the problem.

Its all well and good to talk about what ifs but you will only go around in circles until you find out what she wants.

I would advice not to have the 'relationship' talk unless you know you will make a concerted effort to make it work,if she is not just any girl she deserves your honesty and truth from the get go.

Its going to be different in a romantic relationship with her,if you think you can't handle it,don't go there.

To sum up... first you have to find out what she wants,and even if she is willing to try and be friends again.

I agree with you, red. I think that what I really want to do is talk about that night in particular and what it means to her. I know it meant a lot to me, but the difference is that I'm single and she isn't.

My dilemma is that I'm not totally wanting to be in a relationship right now. But if I did turn the corner I would want it to be with her. I can't tell her this of course, because it would be like blackmailing her or holding her as a hostage. I'm pretty sure that unless it's me that brings up what happened she'll just act like it didn't even happen and basically we'll drop off the face of the earth as far as both of us are concerned.

After my last relationship, I don't want to be responsible for breaking up somebody else's. That she cheated on her man with me. If she was any other random girl my opinion of her would not be favourable. The fact that it's her doesn't change my view of her, but I don't want it to begin this way. I have morals, but I've obviously bent them in my favour this time.

Anyway, I've reached out. Lets see what she comes back with.

To be honest it may be best to leave the situation with ye to the side. If she is with someone and you don't really want to be with her anyway why make a big deal of something that is in the past?

Why not try to salvage a friendship out of the mess?

Obviously tread the water, if it seems when you talk to her it is an obstacle then talk about it, but if all your trying to do is rid your conscience of acting not-so-smart then don't put her through the wondering what if game.

Lose the guilt, this was a joint venture and maybe you did cross the line, but its done. Back away and see what happens when next you meet.

Most times friends in this situation after consideration, just act like it never happened.

Don't assume facts that aren't there, since you don't know how she feels yet, but don't push.

This is a wait and see thing, but do carry on with your life, and be careful around alcohol.

Maybe that's the whole point behind this adventure, watch your drinking in the future.

Thanks for all your help, you guys.

I'm going to see if we can at least have a chat in the near future. I guess what this all boils down to is that I just don't want her to think I used her. That's all.

I'll keep you posted.

That's fair enough and admirable but remember that she may not want to talk about it.

And a word to the wise: Don't let it be your opener ;)

So, I saw her over the weekend and it was quite strange. She acted like she didn't even know what I was talking about and she laughed about the whole thing. I feel foolish about it now and for some reason I'm embarrassed about the whole thing.

I think she's lying about not remembering what happened but I don't want to deal with it. After seeing her and how she treated the whole thing I don't really think it's worth my time at all.

Whatever.

So, I saw her over the weekend and it was quite strange. She acted like she didn't even know what I was talking about and she laughed about the whole thing. I feel foolish about it now and for some reason I'm embarrassed about the whole thing.

I think she's lying about not remembering what happened but I don't want to deal with it. After seeing her and how she treated the whole thing I don't really think it's worth my time at all.

Whatever.

Don't forget it was 4 months before you to spoke to her about it,she said she loved you,and you ignored that,you rejected her with your silence.

She has a boyfriend now,and perhaps it once was an issue for her,but not now.

You have feelings for her,by laughing it off,you feel rejected?

Instead of an 'whatever ' attitude what did you learn?

Good friends are hard to come by,maybe you both can get back to that.

Her signal is clear, forget about it.



Quote by Talaniman
Most times friends in this situation after consideration, just act like it never happened.



Told you so.:D

I never rejected her, because I replied in kind when she said it to me. Also, she was with her current boyfriend when this all happened. I tried to get together with her a few times in the meanwhile and it never worked out. I'm not the bad guy here.

That she's being nonchalant and acting like it never happened and even surprised by my mention of it. I know full well that she does but I don't want to press the issue.

Women come and go, and in the end it was her who threw herself at me, not the other way around. I just needed to know what she felt about the whole thing. It's not like we're strangers and have hide certain facts from each other. We've known each other for long enough that we can skip the whole preamble. I could try with her and if I don't it makes no difference to me. A lot was said that night so I can't believe for a second that she doesn't remember.

For two people to know each other for so long, and for something like this to happen between them is no small thing. The time between is irrelevant. If she wants to work on her relationship with this guy that's fine by me. However, she did cheat on him right at the beginning with me and this tells me all I need to know about her attitude going in to this relationship.

Regardless of how long you've known her, she's a cheater.

Whether she comes or goes, she's not interested in pursuing anything more with you.

That one night sounds like a one night stand to me.

Yeah. The whole cheating thing is true. But I should have mentioned that it's not the first time this has happened between us. There was a gap of almost a year between the last time and the time before that. She was single the first time we had a night. I should have mentioned this before. It's kind of crucial, in hindsight.

Yeah. The whole cheating thing is true. But I should have mentioned that it's not the first time this has happened between us.

Even worse, this isn't the first time and she's pretending not to remember what happen? Do you still think that she takes you seriously?

What exactly do you want from her? Doesn't she have a boyfriend anyway?

Boyfriend = Off-limits

Do you still want to be the guy that she cheats with (even if you did it while she was single)?

I don't really take it too seriously either. It's just that I'd rather just stay friends with her, in the end. In all the years I've known her I never once thought of her as relationship material at all and this whole ordeal solidifies my opinion of her in that respect. She didn't deny the first incident, but obviously only because she was single and pretty happy that I was newly single as well. This second time is more than likely weighing on her conscience because she's been with this new guy a little bit longer and she feels guilty about cheating. Like I said before, whatever. It's me who doesn't take her seriously in the end. I know her too well, so I can see what it is that she's doing.

I never told her I wanted anything from her. It's not a big deal if I get with her or if I don't. It just doesn't matter. My whole perspective on this is that I've been friends with her for quite some time. Because of this, it would be nice for things to not be awkward whenever we do see each other again.

Just because I told her that I loved her back, doesn't mean I want a relationship from her. It is possible. I could go either way. She's done the same, hasn't she?

If the only thing that really matters is you just want to be friends like before , don't mention it again.

She obviously doesn't want to hear about it and has already brushed it aside in her mind , if she thinks every time she see's you there's a chance of it resurfacing then I could understand why she'd try to avoid you.