After a year of relationship I discovered he lied and cheated on me. But I know he loved me. He is from Cuba, I hear that Cuban guys often act like that. I forgave him inside myself, but he thinks I am still broken and he doesn't get in touch, as I think he has some respect and wants me to move on. Let's me to move on. He told me this is his style of live and he likes his freedom. Can I call him to talk to him? It has been a week now and I really would like to understand better. Should I wait a little bit longer, call him now or just forget about him forever? We were very close emotionally.
It is not like I want to go back- I don't. I just want to let him know that I am fine and we can still, hopefully, in the future be friends. Is it worth it?

He lied to you and cheated on you,he told you this is his way,I know a cuban man and I can tell you,that's not a cultural thing,it's a cheating lying your ex boyfriend thing!

He likes his freedom and has told you so,he has made no contact,I would guess because he wants you out of his life.

YOU feel you had a good emotional connection,he felt the need to cheat and lie.

Your hurt now,stay no contact,it's the most quick and best route to recovering.

Don't contact because your hurt,it will only make you needy and desperate.

No contact is for you,to empower you..

He'll be feeling guilty on his act... you just try to back on the track.. just you are the one who can bring him back nobody can't brought him back expect you.

I don't think you should call him nor attempt a friendship-you may think you have moved on,but I think you need longer to heal from the breakup.

He lied and he cheated,let him go live life according to his lifestyle and busy yourself living your own life.

Stay no contact and read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for good advice on getting over a breakup.

I know that all what you say make sense. I guess maybe it was me who was really attached. But when he was with me, he was there 100%. I never had any suspicions, we were planning holidays together etc. I just can't understand why somebody can live a life like that.

I know that all what you say make sense. I guess maybe it was me who was really attached. But when he was with me, he was there 100%. i never had any suspicions, we were planning holidays together etc. I just can't understand why somebody can live a life like that.


I don't mean to be flippant but sometimes that's the way it goes.

I understand your hurt and confused, but there are nice guys out there who will treat you right...

Take time to recover from this,learn from it.

I guess I will learn a lot. Thank you for your contribution. It is so much better to hear advice from outside, rather then from your own emotions and feelings. In these situations, unfortunatelly, they let people down. Thank you again, All the best.

You're very welcome.
Take good care of yourself.

I guess I will learn a lot. Thank you for your contribution. it is so much better to hear advice from outside, rather then from your own emotions and feelings. In these situations, unfortunatelly, they let people down. Thank you again, All the best.

amicon suggested reading the relationship stickies,there is really helpful advice in there,and I also recommend reading them.

As much as you think you loved him, don't you think you deserve someone who loves you that much? Unconditionally, completely, from-the-heart, shout-it-from-the-rooftops, your one-and-only, committed, dedicated, truly yours ONLY?

You have gotten wonderful advice here - I can't say anything more.

All I can say is you deserve so much more than someone who lies to you, cheats on you, and doesn't care if he breaks your heart.

Hold out for that man.

Best of luck.

Emotions are fickle when you are going through a break up, it seems one moment that all you can or will ever feel is pain and that he must know what he has done... in fact you should ring him and tell him...

Ten minutes later your remembering the good times and the 'emotional connection' you had...

These emotions, although real are misleading follow your self worth and stay away from a guy that would lie and cheat to you.

It's most definitely a NC situation here.

Best of Luck.

It is not like I want to go back- I don't. I just want to let him know that I am fine and we can still, hopefully, in the future be friends. Is it worth it?

No its not worth making a liar, and a cheater your friend. It only keeps the hurt fresh, and the wounds open.

You can still be friends in the future, after your own healing, and if he has changed his lifestyle. Right now your healing takes priority, over keeping this cheater in your life.

Then you can make better decisions based on facts, and not just emotions, and hurt feelings.

After he cheated on my and lied to me, we broke up. He called me to ask if I was OK, saying he was worried. I told him how hard it is, what an arsehole he is and that I will go over it soon. Then I regreted what I have said( Why, oh, why, did I regret?? ) and I texted him that "I have always had great time with you and I will miss it a lot. I always loved you. Don't be such an arsehole again :-)" I know I have made a mistake. Can I fix it? How do I get my pride back? Can I still let him know that he is a cheap bastard? I feel like he thinks I am pretty OK with what happened after my last text. Any advice? Please!

Go back and start no contact again.

Nc is hard,and we do slip up,but you can gain ground again by realising it made no difference to him and start again.

There is a great stickie by friend4u in the relatonship thread,there's quite a few actually.

I suggest you make a cup of tea,sit down and read them,by the end you will be pointing at the computer screen and shouting oh my god,that's me!

Start No Contact again and try harder to keep it intact this time.

Its your healing at stake here, and only you are responsible for it. Not him, no matter what he does, or says.

You go back to NC,you stick with it and that will allow you to get your pride and selfrespect back.

It doesn't matter what he thinks,its about you and how you handle your own healing now.
Stay strong.

Exactly, it doesn't matter what he thinks the way you can get yourself respect is to start being selfish.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing. You need to start forgetting about him and what he thinks and start caring and listening to yourself. You are what is important here! Not him.

Start NC again, as everyone has said. It is the road to being happy again in yourself.

Best of Luck.

After a year of relationship I discovered he lied and cheated on me. But I know he loved me. He is from Cuba, I hear that Cuban guys often act like that. I forgave him inside myself, but he thinks I am still broken and he doesn't get in touch, as I think he has some respect and wants me to move on. let's me to move on. He told me this is his style of live and he likes his freedom. Can I call him to talk to him? It has been a week now and I really would like to understand better. Should i wait a little bit longer, call him now or just forget about him forever? We were very close emotionally.
It is not like I want to go back- I don't. I just want to let him know that I am fine and we can still, hopefully, in the future be friends. is it worth it?

This guy did you wrong!! I don't think you even understand it you spend too much time thinking of what he feels! You need to take a break and think that you are not the reason for all this:HE IS.
He is Guilty!He should be the one wondering what YOU think of him.
He cheated on you and now wants to know if you're OK? What the hell was he thinking about when he did this?That it would make you feel good?You know this does not make sense.
So take a break please calm yourself use your brain!
I know it is hard but please use your brain not your broken heart.
Don't contact him.

It is so terribly hard. Thousands of thoughts going through your head. He promised "forever", he was so affectionate and loving. I know that he has been through s in his life, he is almost 40 now and I am just 27. He feels like I have life in front of me and I guess he used to get jelaous about it. But I never let him feel that way. We had such a wonderful time, but I grew suspicious after he spent less and less time with me, not picking up his phone etc. I can't believe he carried those two relationships at the same time with such perfection! I hate him so much but the same time love him to death. I don't want to go back, I know there is so much more for me waiting in the future, but it feels I wasn't ready for this break up, I wasn't ready for him to cheat and lie all the time. I am so heartbroken, I wish he could feel me, at least for a while. I will do my best to stick to NC rule. I need to be strong. You are all fantastic and helped me so much! Thank you,

Don't tell yourself you'll do your best, tell yourself you'll do it.

You may fall off the wagon again and there is no shame in that but without belief in yourself you'll have learned nothing from this.

That's all it can be now, a learning experience.

Best of Luck.

I had the same type of relationship with my ex.I'm 22 and he's 34.He should be the one who knows what he wants because there is not much time left for him to find the one.He should be faithful he should be able to choose you instead of playing games!You chose him you were mature enough to know what you wanted(like I was)Who would like to be with an immature 40y.o baby. Enough is enough you deserve a Grown man( that's what is say to myself and it works).

I had the same type of relationship with my ex.I'm 22 and he's 34.He should be the one who knows what he wants because there is not much time left for him to find the one.He should be faithful he should be able to choose you instead of playing games!You chose him you were mature enough to know what you wanted(like i was)Who would like to be with an immature 40y.o baby.?Enough is enough you deserve a Grown man( that's what is say to myself and it works).

Thank you for your post. Much appreciated. Yeah, I guess with his lifestyle he won't get too far. I don't think he can create a true and loving relationship ever. I can't wait for the moment when I will feel it is all over, far behind my back. Oh, LET THE HEALING COME!! :-)

YEH I feel you! I can't wait( I'm also healing).Time will bring the end of it.
Be strong!

Oh my Good, he begged me today to talk to him. He says he didn't know what he was doing... What a liar! I want to be strong... please help me be strong! It is my lat chance, and I don't want to let him ruin my life again. Should I just listen what he has got to say and reply... Thank you for your precious time, now let me move on?

Be strong and ignore him.
No contact at all,it's much the best way and also the least painful.

He came to see me after work to talk about things, he begged me to stay and he said he will prove, everyday from now, how much I can trust him. I told him I can't do that. We finished the converstation in a pretty friendly mood. When he left, he called me baby, wanted to kiss me and said he will call. He did this morning, like everything is normal!! He tells me that things will get better, that I should think things through. I do I let him know that it is all over? Should I text him, meet him, or tell him over the phone when he calls? Please help. I know he suffers!

Tell him its over,you do not want any more contact.

You know he suffers!

Was he suffering in the arms of another women while you were crying?

Was he suffering when he said he wanted his freedom?

Suffering my bottom!

You're the one who is suffering,let this guy go,the sooner he is out of your life the sooner you can move on,heal and have the kind of relationship you deserve.

I believe you don't need to tell him it's over.
You don't need TO because when he decided to sleep with another he made it end!
Don't contact him!! If he talks like everything is normal it's to make you think what he did is not that important, like he is still the same man you used to love...
But truth is he is still the man who CHEATED and if you go back you allow him to do it again.
STAY AWAY FROM THIS TOXIC MAN .

Thank you guys! I loved your answers. Gave me confindence to say what I feel, although it hurts. IT IS ALL OVER! 2 minutes ago! Completely gone from my life. I feel such a relief. NC now FOREVER!

Ignore his calls, and texts.

This man is a man is a manipulator, stay away!!

NC all the way.

Leave him alone. I think he is a "player", and you're better off without him. If your lonely find some good friends. You will meet the right one and you'll know it by the way he treats you.

Tis better to have loved and lost than to end up with a jerk.

Hey girl now I'm posing on your question thanks for all your tips, no contact, do not boost his ego anymore, that's a cheaters problem they thirst for ego boosters, that's what you will be doing if you call him, why would we want to be friends with these people, they hurt us, they do not deserve our friendship or compassion. I do not contact my ex, its been over 7 weeks now, and like I was saying in my post, he is slowly throwing in his little texts to me, but I will not be sucked in again. My real friends have never done these things to me, so he is no friend of mine.

After he cheated on my and lied to me, we broke up. he called me to ask if I was ok, saying he was worried. I told him how hard it is, what an arsehole he is and that i will go over it soon. Then I regreted what i have said( Why, oh, why, did I regret???) and I texted him that "I have always had great time with you and I will miss it a lot. I always loved you. Don't be such an arsehole again :-)" I know i have made a mistake. can i fix it? How do I get my pride back? Can I still let him know that he is a cheap bastard? I feel like he thinks I am pretty ok with what happened after my last text. Any advice? Please!

We try to leave with dignity and integrity and no hard feelings, but these guys don't deserve "nice" they are a-holes.. do not contact him to tell what you really think at this point because he will think that now you are just mad that he isn't coming after u. like you are being vengeful, keep your dignity. He has to know what a piece of shiot he really is.. lol

This guy is bad news. Going back or letting him come back would be asking for the same song and dance over and over.I feel that you are thinking about taking him back again and I think you would be wise to look before you leap back into this relationship. Could you ever trust him again? Think long and hard.

Oh my Good, he begged me today to talk to him. He says he didn't know what he was doing... What a liar! I want to be strong.... please help me be strong! It is my lat chance, and I don't want to let him ruin my life again. Should I just listen what he has got to say and reply back... Thank you for your precious time, now let me move on?

Don't forget what u told me... they do that, manipulating to see if he still HAS you hanging on so he can continue his self journey and have u as an option just like my ex did.

Thank you guys! I loved your answers. gave me confindence to say what I feel, although it hurts. IT IS ALL OVER! 2 minutes ago! Completly gone from my life. I feel such a relief. NC now FOREVER!

You go girl if u get weak or start thinking again please keep posting and go to my post everyone is helpful here for u and me going through the same B S with a guy who doesn't know love even it it slapped him in the face.. he is too busy trying to fix his OWN agenda, selfish self centered morons (including my ex) no contact is the only way, they are beneath us.. that begging and pleading is an act, maybe deep down inside they want to change but all they do is talk the talk but not walk the walk.. our exes are damaged little boys who need to gro the Eff up!

Men like him will keep pulling your strings, so cut the strings! Be thankful you're not married to the bozo. The right one will come along. I have the love of my life and we've been married a long time. My first husband sounds exactly like your boyfriend. It took three years of mental and physical abuse before I realized he would never change. It helped also when I hit him in the face with a bowl of mashed potatoes. I'm not saying you need to use violence, just common sense. Good Luck

Men like him will keep pulling your strings, so cut the strings! Be thankful you're not married to the bozo. The right one will come along. I have the love of my life and we've been married a long time. My first husband sounds exactly like your boyfriend. It took three years of mental and physical abuse before I realized he would never change. It helped also when I hit him in the face with a bowl of mashed potatos. I'm not saying you need to use violence, just common sense. Good Luck

Was it hard for you to trust your current husband at first? Its so hard to tell who is being honest these days, yes there are some red flags but I'm 47 now and find myself giving men like my ex chances even when they show some signs of damage, maybe due to faith in myself knowing and recognizing the difference after going through it a couple of times.

:):)

My husband and I met through a mutual friend. I had been divorced two years and my daughter was four. My husband and I started as friends and we grew closer as the months passed. We decided to see other people instead of rushing into a relationship . A month later (a miserable one for me and for him)he called me at work and we got together that evening for dinner. We were married two months later. My husband is a gem and listen there are a lot of good men out there and fourty-seven is not old. Keep your spirts up and when you do decide to date again don't go for "I know he has a lot of problems, but I can change him with my love". Wrong! You'll know by the way the right one treats you and the way he acts toward others... You keep saying to yourself, "I deserve the best". Blessings:)

Thank u sweetie I'm happy for u!