Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But he's like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he won't talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do??

Hi SingleDad,

How old is your son and what are some of the incidents (problems)?

Is he being bullied at school? Vision problems? Any learning or comprehension problems? A parent would want to think of something like that first. A nonparent's first question would be,Is he on drugs. I would hope not,keep us posted.

Hello,
Please post your question again with more information as to what is going on. At least tell us the age of your son and what type of behavior's he's displaying. Has he always been this way or what?

He is reacting the way he is because he is getting some kind of reward out of his actions. I may only be the fact that he is making you miserable or it may be that he does not have to work in school. The one way that I know to handle this type of behavior is to have tough love. Instead of him receiving a reward for the way he acts make him pay a price. And the first one I can think of is to take away his music. Be prepared for more bad actions but for any actions make him pay with something else, maybe taking away a cell phone or a X box, I am sure you could find something. If it get bad enough there is always the choice of him leaving home if he can not act like a human being.
You need to talk to someone that can guide you on how to handle him, and if you don't do it now it is very possible that you will be attending his funeral soon.

Ok, obviously the first thing you need to take away is his music, and he sits there because you let him, make him do chores around the house.

And so he won't talk to you, so he may tell you he hates you ( for that moment) parents are not their best friends, they are the parents.

Have you also talked to his teachers and/or the school counselor

Are you sure he isn't suffering from depression perhaps? It's not that I disagree with what others have said, but the fact that he doesn't eat much could be worrisome. Again, it could be another control tactic -- but it would be worth inquiring of teachers and counselors as to his relations with other students.

I am wondering the same thing Thomas is. He lost his mother, did he not? Has he been in therapy at all since her death?

Hes 16 his mom died when he was 2 I didn't think he would need therapy.
Anyway if this was why he was doing this I would have tought he would have done this sooner (he hasn't done this before).
I don't think he's being bullied he has loads and loads of friends.
What do you mean I could be at his funeral?
Hes not on drugs I looked in his room.
He seems to on the computer a lot when Im at work then rushes 2 turn it off when I come back.
I caught him in his room with a girl having sex.
I already tried taking away his music but took my keys and got them out of the drawer.

How about some counseling for you both? There is no shame in seeking that sort of thing -- you've both been through the wringer.

He is acting up, which needs addressing and you have only him, which needs addressing.

How can he NOT be lost when you are lost too?

Sorry Valinors_sorrow but I don't have a clue what u mean

I do. He has spent a lot of time alone and has raised himself. The effects of you working and no supervision over the years has led to a situation where you know nothing of your son other than he is there. Counselling may reverse this and is worth a try.
If you can't name his friends...
If you don't know where he spends his Internet time...
If you don't know why he is angry or what to do about it... Seek help from someone who knows what to do. A professional

Okay here it goes. Who is the parent here? The first time you allow your child control he/she will take it and run with it. What are the consequences for his actions? What boundaries are set in place? What rules are set in place? Just what did you do when he took yourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr keys? Are you afraid of him? Let me repeat this again. Any person on earth will treat you, me and anyone else the way we allow. For whatever reason you have given your son the indication that he can do whatever it is he is doing. What rules do you have about girls being there when you're not there or about him being on the computer when you're not home? There's only 100 kabillion (LOL) things he can be doing on the computer and for him to get off so quickly tells me he is up to NO GOOD. Take his music away completely until he knows how to act. Don't allow people in your home when your not there. If you can't control that, don't give him a key to the house and if he have one, change all the locks, put you a mini refrig in your garage (if you have one) so he can have food to eat, put a chair out there so he can have something to sit on a possibly a electric heater (the kind that just blows and not light up). This way he has access to food and shelter until you get home. If he needs to go to the bathroom, go to one of his many friends house. Children are easily persuaded by peer pressure, they think we are ancient and out of date as parents these days, because we want the best for them and want them to do right. You be what you are--- THE PARENT. That is what's wrong with many parents these days, they want to be their children's friend, well that don't work. You can't do that and expect for them to respect you as a parent too. Many children are not mature enough to do that. So you must have boundaries and let there be no doubt who is the parent (not for one second). Put your foot down and be the parent. At his age it could be a million things, but don't be fooled into thinking just because you didn't find drugs he's not experiencing with them. Not saying he is, but just don't be naïve to the possibility. His mom's death really may not be a factor (two was so young to remember), but the fact that he has no mother (period) could be one thing that bothers him. Also you have to look at yourself as a parent. Do you spend the needed and necessary time with him (quality time is very important), pick a night just for quality time, it doesn't always have to involve spending money. Make him responsible for things around the house, no debating and have consequences in place for him not doing them. Praise him on things he does well, support him in things he enjoys or wants to do. Do you yell at him a lot etc. There are so many things that could be going on, however, the bottom line is you're the parent. We all go through something yet, in the midst of going through, you let him no that YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE disrespect and defiance. You run your house. If you feel that you have lost control then you seek outside help. I can go on and on and on about children (yes I do have 2 and they are 19 & 20 and I guarantee you they don't disrespect me, ever, that's because I wouldn't allow that and now we are good friends, but they know I am still momma and that momma don't play). I've never ever cursed at my children, yell (oh yeah, I won't lie) but, I learned not to do that, because I wouldn't like it if someone yelled at me (although they can make you so teed off sometimes) it still gives no right to yell. They have never seen me do anything disrespectful to them or myself. Did they like my rules and consequences when they were in my house (no way, no how) did they have to abide by them any ways? You bet your bottom dollar. I didn't tolerate tantrums, telling me what you're not going to do or what you don't want to do, no talking back, no slamming doors, NONE OF IT. I handled my children respectfully but firmly and they knew momma was serious about whatever she was saying. I know this isn't about me, but I just want you to know that to be a parent, you have to lay down the law. Blessings to you and your situation.

How about some counseling for you both? There is no shame in seeking that sort of thing -- you've both been through the wringer.

He is acting up, which needs addressing and you have only him, which needs addressing.

How can he NOT be lost when you are lost too?

I agree with Val. It's hard for most any child to grow up with only one parent, whether it is due to loss or divorce. I myself have two step sisters and a step brother, who as well lost their mother at a very young age. My brother was almost too young to remember her. And though they are all now in their 40's and 50's, it still continues to effect some of them in very subtle ways. They have all dealt with it quite differently.
The older sister married, started a family of her own, and has done quite well for herself. The younger sister deals with things through continual therapy -- acquiring one diagnosis after another -- a multitude of support groups, and crusading for the speechless in a vast myriad of causes, almost to the point of being militant; sometimes even mistakenly accusing others of actions they did not commit.
My brother has typically been very troubled lifelong. Though he has done well enough in caring for himself, his social skills in many ways are very lacking. Most notably, he exhibits an almost abject lack of empathy for others, to the point of notably bordering on sadistic at times. He seems to largely see relationships as nothing more than give and take situations, almost another form of business transaction. In recent years, he has since cut himself off from the family entirely.
It may not seem like it now, but is it bound to be something that will inevitably shape his life in some way. It is encouraging that he has many friends, but remember, it is possible to be in a crowd of people and still feel completely alone.

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????
You might try dealing with him on his level. I mean if he is not responding to punishment you might try taking him out somewhere he would like to go, like an amusment part or vidoe arcade, miniture golf, etc. and ride the rides with him and play the games with him. Don't just take him to the place and drop him off. The idea is to get on his good side and try to have some fun. Once you feel like you have won him back over then slowly begin to work into some of the problems you are having with him, one at a time. Don't rush things. Even if he doesn't begin to show improvements in school right away, he can always repeat the grade. Just a note. If you feel like this might be something that is drug related you might try going to his guidance councelor and see what they suggest. It may mean signing him into drug rehab to get him straightened out, but at least you will succeed. I hate to say it, but that is where this sounds like it is stemming from. I know most parents don't want to admit to it, but the truth hurts a lot of time.

I guess I do yell at him sometimes and curse to but only 4 very bad things he's done.
I would take him places if there were any around here I'm from Ireland there no amusment parks or vidoe arcades.
Hes really not on drugs I could tell if he was.
I'm not afraid of my son.
When he took my keys I sort of lost my temper.
I have talked about the girls he just don't care and I can't really do anything about computer cause he has his own laptop so he uses that instead now.

Gee Dad, you sound helpless. Before you can raise a child, you have to be grown yourself. You should seek help for yourself. Who babysat for you when he was younger and you had to work?

Try spending more time with him. Do something that is enjoyable for both of you. If you can connect with him he will open up and speak out.

Dad, about the computer, you can set parental controls that only you have the password to.

There must be someplace he would like to go do something.

How do you know you could tell if he were on drugs. Many moons ago I was able to hide it from my parents.

Why did you leave the keys in the house where he had access to them in the first place?

I agree with Tal, you sound helpless... You need to stiffen up that backbone and be a father. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are just giving excuses for your son's behavior.

He will always be like this if you continue to make excuses for him.

Sorry Valinors_sorrow but I dont have a clue what u mean
What I meant is that there is family counseling for families in trouble and I hear yours is. That is not a slam of any kind, just an awareness of the reality. You've had a hard time of it, no doubt with the loss of your wife. I also see evidence, as do others here, that its possible you may be more a part of the problem than you realise. I know that may be hard to believe just now. Its okay. If you can't see that, then maybe you can see that we see... and allow yourself to go find out if we are correct or not? It won't hurt anymore than what you are already experiencing, I promise.

And besides, its just plain paternally supportive to be willing to do the very thing which you ask of your son too. If this is important to you (and I am hoping and trusting it is) then it needs some action from you and I don't believe there is an easy way out or some quick tip that will be posted here that will turn the tide for you and your son. I also meant that what all is going on, even if it was just your son, is beyond the scope of what is possible on a Q&A site.

Or you can consider it all too far gone and do nothing but I have to tell you honestly, I see kids later on who started down the wrong path like yours is and they are messed up on an even bigger scale. And so are their parents for looking the other way when they should have been doing something about it. Your son is in trouble and if you can't help him, at least get him someone who can. This doesn't just go away.

Is that a little clearer then, SingleDad?

First, I want to say, I know this doesn't help, that you have one hell of a problem. In my opinion, I honestly think counseling would be your best bet. When I looked at your situation, there was no immediate quick fix remedy that could be given, I believe someone mentioned that earlier, val I think. The problem with counseling, is that your son might end up resenting you for it, and there are problems going that way. As for being a more "stricter dad", I see that working but not without counseling. You could set in place stricter rules, but let's be honest your son will find a way around them. Shut him out of your house, and he might end up just staying at a friends all night. Or he might seem to agree to your rules, until you slack off, and then he will bring them crumbling down. I do believe you as a person need to get a stricter backbone, but let's face it, you were all alone in raising this child. You couldn't be the one who spoils and the one who enforces, you had to choose and usually it is the one who spoils. At the time you lost your wife, you probably, either consciously or subconsciously, were looking for affection, and treating your kid with less rules, more treats, toys, etc. was the easiest way of attaining that. I personally think you are a good parent just put in an extremely hard situation. Know, however, that you can fix this. As far as my advice goes, I don't believe you need to just place more rules down on him, I think you should go to counseling, develop a stronger sense of self not only for your kid but for yourself, and then you can put rules in place. But he is old enough now, that I think it might be possibly to confront him like an adult. Tell him what you don't want going on and try and work it out. Like I said this is a hard situation, and I am not a professional, and a professional is really all that can help you now. Good luck.

I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.

Personally, I think this sentence speaks volumes!!

You do realize that eventually there will come a day when you have to be alone. He will grow up and get married and move out.

I think you need some intense counseling, both you, alone, and family, with your son.

Are you trying to be his friend rather than his father so that you can keep him around? Dangerous mix if that is the case.

Sorry but you can't really blame me I have a 16 year old son I didn't even want and I'm only 32.
Im not trying to be his friend I'm strugling just trying to be his dad.
Noting can get true to this kid I could beat him up and he still wouldn't care.
The only reason he was born was to make my life hell and the last line I wasn't thinking he can leave I don't care he's already messed up my life he can't do anything that would make it worse!
Intense counseling is not want I need its him to leave!

With that kind of attitude I'm amazed you came here in the first place to better your situation with your son. If you truly don't care about your son, then give him over to someone who does, the world has enough apathetic parent's as it is, and it really upsets me that you think your son is nothing but a curse upon your life, and if so YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM. I refuse to help on this thread anymore, I can see it's just a major waste of time seeing that you are just counting the days till he packs his bags...

Sorry but u can't really blame me I have a 16 year old son I didn't even want and I'm only 32.

A 32 year old half raised brat, trying to raise a teen-ager.

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????
How old is he?

It could also be just a phase the boy is going through. Did you think of that? Somewhere between 10 and 18 they begin to get smarter and have a tendency to push to see just how much they can get away with. My son who is now 24 went through such a phase from around 11 through 15 or 16. We had one heck of a time with him and a lot of it stemmed from his mother and I breaking up. It takes a toll of kids. They are not as adaptable as adults and instead of reasoning out a situation, they tend to retaliate and most of the time it is not pretty. Get the boy some counceling, but go yourself first and talk with the councelor and explain everything that has been going on. My folks sent me to one when I was 11 simple because I was doing some unethical things, such as stealing and lying. They discovered with me it was just the fact that I had been the baby for 7 years and then my mother had my younger brother and all the attention was then on him. I retaliated by misbehaving. Give it a shot. All it can do is fail.

Sorry but u can't really blame me I have a 16 year old son I didn't even want and im only 32.
Im not trying to be his friend im strugling just trying to be his dad.
Noting can get true to this kid I could beat him up and he still wouldnt care.
The only reason he was born was to make my life hell and the last line I wasn't thinking he can leave I don't care hes allready messed up my life he can't do anything that would make it worse!!
Intense counseling is not want I need its him to leave!!

You have a 16 year old son you didn't even want! You think he does not know this? Well, I am sure he does. I am sure he knows you didn't want him every time you are mad at him.

The only reason he was born was to make your life hell!! I am sure you have told him this before too.

With an attitude like this I am not surprised he is acting up!!

I was trying to stand behind you and help, now I see the real person coming out. You need some serious therapy to help deal with the loss of his mother and how to be a father.

I am beginning to feel sorry for your son if this is the attitude to take with him.

how old is he?
:mad: I am sorry that I tried to help you now. If you have this type of attitude, then it is not the boy that needs help. It's you! You need to grow up and realise that that boy had no control over his coming into this world and it is your responcibility to raise him. He has no means of support and also needs adult guidance through his early years and obviously he's not going to get it from you. If you feel this strongly about not raising him, then you should have thought about that before you had unprotected sex with his mother. You do know that is what happens when you sick IT in that little hole, don't you?? Grow up!

I have found that when people don't love their own flesh and blood, it's a very good indication that they don't love themselves. I suspected from the start that this so-called Dad had issues with himself that had nothing to do with having a teen aged son. While I recognise that teenagers are frustrating, it is also very exhilarating to watch them get to that young adult stage, and when he offered nothing but the worst and never mentioned his love for his son, I knew this kid would be at risk for misery and pain because the one who was supposed to raise nurture and love him would not get off his dead and get help for himself, so his son would not have to suffer. What a shame , and to think he came here for advice? He is looking for a way out where there is none. He needs help and lots of it, to stop the cycle that he probably had to go through... Not knowing how to love.

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????
Do you have a religion? Catholic, Christian? Take him to church have someone pray for him! Im a kid too(even if he's not a kid take him) and when I have a problem I go to my Church since Im Christian and, I have someone pray for me! When someone prays for me I just feel loved and beautiful! All of your problems just go away, but you have to keep on going! In church you can scream, cry, laugh, and just express all of your feelings, it feels good! I may only be a girl but I know this works! Even with one of the toughest people in the WORLD!! Pick a day of the and take him every week!

I really didn't mean to say what I did.
But my son was brought home by the cops at 4.00 in the morning.
Don't worry I never ever said that to him I couldn't.
I tried not yelling at him when he came back so every thing I wanted to say I wrote on page 2.Sorry

Well I don't know how much help I will be able to be on this topic.. but I can definitely give you a new perspective...
For I.. Am a 17 year old guy who spends almost every waking moment in my room with the door shut and the music on. I am essentially, your sons best friend lol.
I don't know what you can do, because how ever much my mum reaches out I just seem to go furthur away... something that I'm sure of already if he is anything like me, he opens up a lot when he is with people he is comfortable around, the girl you found him with perhaps?
He probably feels that its stupid to open up to you and would be embarrassed.. I know I would
Taking away his music is definitely a bad move, music is a huge part of a teenage boys life... if my music was taken away probably after no more than a day would go by and I wouldn't be able to take it. It's a release. A saviour.
Maybe there's nothing you can actively do to change the situation, believe me if I could think of anything then id say so, maybe you need to focus on preventing the bad situations, preventing arguments and fights, try to concentrate on giving him his own space and not intruding with things or making him feel like he shouldn't be doing things, and at the same time try to give him hints that you want to spend time with him, go grab some good movies and some fast food and ask him if you got any movies that he wants to watch with u, sit down and watch it and try not to go furthur and start reaching out to him straight away, the more good time you have the furthur along the road you will be to a healthy relationship
Let me know if I helped at all
Good luck!

I really didnt mean to say what I did.
But my son was brought home by the cops at 4.00 in the morning.
Dont worry I never ever said that to him I couldn't.
I tried not yelling at him when he came back so every thing I wanted to say I wrote on page 2.Sorry
You certainly do manage to miss the point, don't you? You might not have meant to say what you did... but you do mean the sentiments. And kids have a way of picking up on even the unspoken stuff. It is plain as day on this thread that if you don't fix you, you aren't in a position to affect your son. I will presume that since you claim you are such a helpless victim and readily blame outside uncontrollable circumstances as your rational to do nothing, that he does the same. Like father, like son.

He will wear his hurt as some sort of badge of honour -- both the genuine parts and the trumped up parts he added on himself. "Its not my fault"-- will become his loophole and his motto. This will guarantee him a life of slow failure and ever growing deeper confusion. His life will be painful to live, attracting other bad stuff along the way. Should he live long enough and fail often enough, he may hit bottom and then find his way into the care of someone like me. By then his life will be a total trainwreck, he may have even considered suicide and he won't have anything to lose by trusting me, finally. And so we might begin the long challenging road to recovering the life he was supposed to have. If he is lucky and lives. And here you thought I was talking about your son! I was but this could probably be you too, and perhaps your father before you even -- it is how its handed down, generation after generation.

Consider this, a picture from the "ghost of the future", when you brush it all off as nothing that you can do anything about, okay?

There is no shame in not knowing what to do, we all go through that at one time or another. The thing to do, if you don't know, ask, and then go about doing it. So in your case you have asked and the question has been answered, so what's the excuse going to be now? If your son doesn't get some sort of professional help he may becoming another statistic of a failed life as Val has pointed out very well.

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????
Try doing something together that he likes... something constructive where both you and him can be equally engaged and then this will cause you two to start building a relationship... or start interacting and maybe some mutual understanding will start to form!

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????
Pray If he is a teenager Pray, if he not a teen ager pray with my 14 years old this is what I found work is pray--Believe me it works...

Hes 16 his mom died when he was 2 i didn't think he would need therapy.
Anyway if this was why he was doing this I would have tought he would have done this sooner (he hasn't done this before).
I don't think hes being bullied he has loads and loads of friends.
What do u mean I could be at his funeral??
Hes not on drugs I looked in his room.
He seems to on the computer alot when Im at work then rushes 2 turn it off when I come back.
I caught him in his room with a girl having sex.
I allready tried taking away his music but took my keys and got them out of the drawer.

Family counselling seerms to be indicated.

Good luck.

M:)

Am... I know I couldn't be more messed up then I already am but I found out I have Cancer.

Am....I know I couldn't be more messed up then I already am but I found out I have Cancer.

I as well am very sorry to hear about this, but perhaps this is your body's way of telling you not to harbor resentment, and to make an effort toward reconciliation? In such a case, it will be imperative to both your own long-term survival, and perhaps your son's as well. It certainly gives you moment for pause.
If you really want help and support, it is available, here and elsewhere.
Good luck. Take care.

Am....I know I couldn't be more messed up then I already am but I found out I have Cancer.
More the reason to get your act together and give your son the help he needs.

I'm sorry but using cancer as some sort of sympathy plea or an implied excuse for your lack of personal responsibility is just plain tasteless and gives every patient who has cancer and all the survivors of cancer an implied bad name. Either the cancer was there all along, and if you thought it was a legitimate part of the problem, it should have been mentioned up front with the rest of it or you just found out about it and it had no bearing on the problem being discussed here at all. Or it isn't even true. In any regard, it reads as a manipulative tactic in my book and it made me feel jerked around and disappointed. I don't think you are capable of receiving help for your problems at this juncture. If and when you are prepared to quit playing games, take responsibility and follow through with some actions, I'll be happy to help. In the meantime I wish you well and quietly unsubscribe to this thread as there is simply nothing to be gained from further discussion.

Frist don't let him sit in his room all the time.nothing good is going to come out of that.
You must be frim with him and let him know you are the father,the head of the house.
You may also want to take him for a drug test.its better to be safe then sorry later.
Make him do work around the house.my father once took my door down so I could not shut myself in my room.I was doing it because I could get away with it.sometimes you have to use tough love.he must know that you want do nothing harsh in fear of being by yourself and he's doing as he please.if you don't stop the way he acts soon it might be to late later.

I wish you the best.

DRUG TEST. I'm 17 years old right now. I did the same stuff your son is doing and my parents didn't know what to do. Then they found out I was on drugs. If he is then you might want to consider rehab. It helped me. I had a lot of things happens with death of parents and friends and being abandoned and I turned to drugs and alcohol. You need to find out if he is. Send me a message if you have any questions...

Kids are smarter than their parents when it comes to hiding things. My parents searched my room many times when I was on drugs and never foung anything. Im telling you for his sake just drug test him. I might be wrong but it won't hurt. I'm really messed up from drugs and you don't want that with your son. Just test him. It won't hurt. Most insurences pay for full screening test which is all illegal drugs, rx drugs and alcohol. It takes less than a minute just to pee in a cup. It won't hurt anything. But you need to know 100 percent.

This is something that most teens go through,even girls. Just let him have some alone time for a while but if you start to see signs of serious depression, than you might want to try some counseling or something. Maybe have someone that he really gets along with talk to him as a friend and see what's going on. Other than that. Don't push him in doing anything. It could just be someone at school he is having a problem with or other personal things he's thinking about. Give it some time. If you force more rules, it'll make the situation worse. Hope this goes OK.

My parents went through the same thing with me when I was younger. My attitude and grades in school fell way off. I was pretty much a jerk for a couple years. The thing that got me more angry was my parents always asking me what was wrong. I was at a point where I thought I didn't need my parents. I'm not saying your son is behaving like I did, but a lot of the people I know had the same kind of attitude through high school. For us we had a good time hanging out w/ friends and having that "know it all" frame of mind. My best advice would be to just give him space. Also try not questioning and lecturing him a lot, that will probably push him further away. I have a good feeling this will pass, it just might not happen as soon as you want.

I was the same way when I was a kid and people tried everything to get me to talk but I was so depressed not only was I being bullied at school but I was just so empty inside and all I wanted was to be by myself... maybe he just wants some alone time you know to clear his head it might take some time but he'll come around


Love Rian

Look being 18 I totally understand where he is coming from I was the same! You reach an age where you think you know what's best for you. He probably thinks that it is his life and he can do what he wants!

He really will grow out of it. As for the sex thing he has to learn from his own mistakes. Having Sex in your house was not a wise move and secretly he probably feels bad for doing it. You just need to be there for him tell him that you are there if he needs you. Set out some rules but you have to Compromise to. He is at the age where everything is changing you do need to be understanding even though its hard. The worst! Thing you could do is send him to Boarding school he will hate you for it. Trust me my parents told me they were going to do that and it made me hate them. I just wanted them to take a step back and let me make my mistakes they did and now I've learnt. I went on to achieve amazing grades in everything and am off to University this year, I also now have a great relationship with my parents!

Well I've tried using the advice some people gave me to help me deal with my son.
But hes like talking to a wall.
I tried taking away his things from him when he did something bad but it all backfired and now he wont talk to me and spends most of his time in his in his room with his music turned up full blast.
He is also falling behind in school work and he hardly eats.
I need help because I can't send him 2 boarding school then I'll have no one.
What should I do????
I think he needs a rude awaking that life brings you ups and downs but you deal with and go on.. Explain to him that it hurts your heart and soul to see him this way. And get him out of that room. Maybe go to the school eat lunch with him.. Let him see that you care.. Take some pizza for him and his friends to school for lunch.. You walk in with that Pizza and the kids see you.. You will definitely boost his confindence in you and with his friends. Then he will start to talk to you again because his friends will tell him.. Man your dad is cool when is he coming again with the pizza. This will also make him new friends.. Then after you boost his confidence with his friends.. You can start taking his friends places (don't hang out with them) just spend the time to get his friends and him where they need to go.Because the way to teenagers hearts at school is their stomach.. And a lot of parents work or don't take the time to do that for their kids.Try it I guarantee it will work. It has worked with all my kids.

1.get a safe or a safety deposit box to put stuff in so he can't get it back.
2.put a password on the computer so he can't get on.
3.I would recommend having a PI follow your son around to see what he is doing in his free time
4.if he drives take away the car keys.
5.his room isn't the only place he could hide drugs. Look around the entire house.
6.definitely make him see a counselor.
7.he could be depressed. Has he tried committing suicide?

HELLO he is a teenager! And they do love to have the music up as loud as possible! I have 2 teenage sons and a teenage daughter and I can understand you being concerned but try to be more involved with him in his interests and his music as hard as that can be! Is he rude to u? Is he talking to you at all? Does he stay out late? Does he have friends ova? Does he have a girlfriend? Try try try so hard to get on his level and understand that these are the teen years and are never a walk in the park! I hope that this is all it is and there's no more to it! Maybe you should seek some advice on tough love (dealing with teens) but what ever you do don't let him slip away you love him and you guys need help you have had a sad time stick together. Please keep us all posted and GOOD LUCK>>>>

Man I have a completely different take on this than most. First, he is in rebellion. That is tough. What you have done so far hasn't worked.

Maybe try sitting him down and asking if he knows why he is angry at you. Possibly with a professional counselor as you are, thankfully, still in charge as he is only 16.

I heard a sermon once when a man had a daughter that continually came home way after curfew and was usually drunk. The father had argument after argument with her, and no change. One day, while in prayer for the daughter's situation, he felt God saying, "Why don't you love her?" He replied, "God, I DO love her," This was responded to with "Why NOT love her?" Then the father got it.

He waited for his wayward daughter when she returned home with a cup of coffee to sober her up, a warm hug and the words,"I adore you, sweetheart," He would then tuck her into bed and say prayers for her aloud. This he did, time after time. As time went by, the daughter began to change. She started to respect the curfew and she changed friends and stopped getting drunk. She was blessed by her father's loving actions and therefore was blessing her father right back.

Always, love finds a way. Blessings to you and yours. Keep in prayer... never cease.

I am not saying this in a mean way at all! Stop trying to be his friend and be his father. Use your authority and take away the luxuries.

Maybe he needs to get a job,maybe something outside,physical,then maybe he would have more to do than think of himself,and the physical activity would maybe give him a new direction,if he is just sitting in his room,listening to music,he needs more to stimulate his mind.

He could possibly be depressed or it might just be his age.
I did the same thing to my mom. I'm also 16. I did it partly because I was depressed and partly because I wanted her to notice me because she was never home. I know stupid way of getting attention but I didn't want to do something drastic. I admit it

Try talking to him as a parent or a friend. Ask him if he would voluntarily go into therapy, if not don't push just say OK and let it pass.


But also try talking to his teachers/guidance counselors [as other people have said] to see how he's doing and what his school behaviors are.


Hope some of this helps!:D

I'm sorry about all that's going on, but there is something that parents just don't seem to get and I know this because I'm a 17 yearold male. When your around the age of 13+ you change a lot all the time. I know because not only have I changed many times in the past years but so have many of my friends and exfriends. I spend most of my time in my room because I'm IMing or texting to friends. FRIENDS are our number one right now not parents. We want to go out and have our own life.

About his school work. Stop caring... really no joke, just stop. It doesn't hurt you, the only thing those bad grades will affect are him. This does work. My mom did it to me and because I didn't have the extra pressure from her I did better in school on my own.

Looking through his room is only going to make things worse. If you do that and he finds out there will be no trust and he will act out even more cause he'll think you don't care about giving him his rights as a human being. And also most of the things he doesn't want you to find, you won't. Why? Because kids talk and when someone's parent finds something in someone's room all the kids go hide their crap some place else, that or he just keeps it with him.

And why does every parent think their child isn't eating any more? Just because you don't see him do something doesn't mean he doesn't do it. That goes for more than just food. And its true he might be starting to eat "less" but that's just because we have better things to do.

kids do stuipd sh*t all the time. Its true. You can't stop it, its just something we all go through.

To tell you the truth there isn't a whole lot you can do that will make things easier right now. Let him know you love him and that will never change. No matter what time the cops drop him off, or how drunk he is when he comes home after the party, or any of that. This is a hard time for a lot of teens. Trying to find who they are and who they want to be.

If there's anything else and you want a 17 yearold boys opinion you can pm me or e-mail.