I had gotten with my love in August 2005. We did everything together. Many of our firsts were together, movies, dances, cars, jobs. Our love life was perfect. Never argued, and always communicated about everything. Recently, she started hanging out with old high school friends. And I guess they washed her mind, or peered pressured her. And now she's not the same girl I fell for. She's totally not my Donna Mae, she seems like she's OK without me, when she promised she couldn't live without me, and I trusted her. It was me and her vs the world, basically. And now she doesn't even reply to my text messages. We both knew we were meant to be. But she started using drugs. First shrooms, then ecstasy, then I heard from friends she did Zantes, and the horrible, heroine. I am so mad and dissapointed in her, it makes me cry to see that she absolutely doesn't care for what we had for the past 4 years together. But I know it's the drugs controlling her. I miss her so much, I can't sleep at night thinking where she's at, what she's doing, or who's she with. I wish I can yell past the drugs and into her heart, to remind her about me and the love I have for her. I wish she can snap out of this hypnosis, and wake up to our world. What should I do, try and help her (which she doesn't let me) or simply try to forget about her?
I want to tell her parents to please talk to her about drugs, but I can't be a burn out like that.

Can I ask what ages you both are?

People have to want to help themselves-nobody else can change their minds for them or save them from themselves.

It's tough on you to know this is going on and that what you have is lost.

Are there any local support groups for people in your situation that you could get in touch with?

And what sort of relationship do you have with her parents?

If she really felt exactly as you say, she'd be with you.
She isn't, so move on.

Just because you know she has a problem, doesn’t mean that she is going to see and admit that she has a problem. It’s possible that her life is controlled by her next fix – the drug has become her main focus, and there is a possibility that she will not be ready to admit she has a problem. She’s too busy concentrating on getting her next “medication” to even think about your relationship.

We tend to think we can help a drug addict stop doing drugs, when in reality, a drug addict isn’t going to stop doing drugs until THEY are ready to admit they have a problem in the first place.

I know you love her, but you have to do one of 2 things. You can either walk away and move on (which may be healthiest/best thing to do) or talk to her family members to see if they would want to plan an intervention with her. SOMETIMES when concerned friends and family members get together and sit down with the person, express concerns about their problem, they will admit the problem and be ready to seek help. Good luck!

Helping her, would be telling her parents what you know of her drug use. Likely they know something is wrong. They need to know.

She may be one of the lucky ones, and if this behaviour is relatively recent, early intervention might turn her around. I'm not going to make the assumption that she is an addict, that is not anybody's call to make.

I don't know how old she is, or how long the drug use has gone on, but clearly she has chosen at least drug friends, a different way of life, and experimentation. Without you being in direct contact with her, you really have no idea how far it has gone.

Another good reason to visit her parents, and tell them your concerns.

Holding this information back, is not the right thing to do.

Good luck.

1) Educate yourself first with experts who deal with this everyday, you can find them through your local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotic Anonymous, or Alanon, a support group for people who live with the same problems as you.

Unfortunately the addicted person has to want help, and until she sees this as a BIG problem, by losing all that matters to her, including you, she will not change!

Its on you to leave her alone and not be dragged down trying to help her unless she takes the first step herself. None of her lies, and promises will be sincere, unless she takes that first step herself, and does what it takes to get help.

I urge you to contact Alanon before you do anything, because in my experience this is something you cannot do on your own, despite the love you have for her.

You will need a lot of help yourself. So get it!!