I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now. We have two wonderful children together and on the outside everything seems great. Its not. I am currently living in his hometown which happens to be on the other side of the country from where I grew up. When I first moved to this city I was single and had a ton of friends and great social life unfortunately after being with him for so long and having the kids I seem to have lost myself. I literally have zero friends in this city now and absolultley no support system. My boyfriend works out of town the majority of the time and his family doesn't really help out all that often... maybe visits with the kids once a month. I work from home so my time is spent with my toddlers... which isn't a bad thing, because I love them so much, but I feel like everyone needs a break now & again.

My boyfriend & I got engaged 2 years ago and have finally set a date. I've been planning it for the last 6 months and last night he 'asked' me if I wanted to push the date back. Please understand that for the last 6 months the kids & this wedding have been my focus because I really don't have anything else. I said that it was fine, but that I would not be setting another date because to be honest I just don't want to deal with this anymore.

He is a nice guy but I feel like I am sacrificing so much to have my children be with their father that I am missing out on a life of my own. We never go on dates or do anything fun. I miss my family & friends and want to move back home, but can't bring myself to leave him. My kids would literally never see him and I feel like I can't do that to them...

I don't really know what my question even is... I just feel like I need to hear what other people would do in my situation. I'm 31 now and can't imagine my life staying this way forever...

Have you talked to him about your feelings? Does he know that you're unhappy? Rather, does he know why you're unhappy?

Have you thought of getting involved in a Mom's Day Out type of program? YMCA's, community programs, and churches offer these types of days for Moms - to reconnect and have time for themselves.

What about the gym? Could you try joining a gym? A lot of times, you make friends by doing things together; and some gyms have babysitting available.

About the "pushed back date..." Did he give you a reason why he wants to push it back? Is it because he knows you're not happy?

I'd recommend sitting down and having a serious heart-to-heart talk with your fiancé. Tell him honestly what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, and what you think you need to do to get "you" back. It's a very lonely feeling when you feel like you've lost yourself; it is a feeling that you don't have to feel.

Please be honest with him. Honesty, trust, and communications are the pillars of a healthy relationship.

Honestly, I feel like I've tried over & over again to tell him how I feel, but he just gets defensive. Somehow I feel when I have a valid feeling or something to say he can manipulate the conversation so I seem crazy and my points don't seem as valid as they once did. Its very frustrating.
He did tell me a reason he wanted to push it back, but the funny thing is that at the brginning of the planning I asked him if he wanted to wait and he said absolutley not... so I do find it strange that now all of a sudden he is the one saying the same thing. The wedding really is the least of my problems. I don't think it is at all smart to go get married if I am at all unsure about the relationship...
I know the friend part of the problem is my own. I should be out there trying and at one time I did. I joined a gym, but after going for a few months I just gave it up. I feel like I've been home so much that I don't even know how to begin a conversation... like I have nothing interesting to talk about, if that makes sense.

Oh and our conversations usually happen over the phone as he is usually out of town for a couple months at a time & home for a few days...

Then I suggest that you sit down and really talk this through the next time he is home.

Getting married the way things are now sounds like a bad idea-you need to communicate properly and try to resolve your problems or decide to go your separate ways.

I joined a gym, but after going for a few months I just gave it up.


You can't just give up on yourself, as getting out, and doing things will add a touch of variety to your life, that insures your happy, and balanced.

Maybe now the kids are very dependent on you, but trust me, as they grow up, and start school all day, you will have a lot of time to do your own thing, and enjoy it, so hang in there, and don't quit on yourself.

You are responsible for your own happiness, so be creative.