Threads merged

PLEASE HELP - this A little long but I am so confused and need some objective opinions, any help is greatly appreciated!

My girlfriend and I were together for about 2 and a half years, we are both 24 years old now. We fell madly in love with each other and literally got along amazing, had so much fun together, and really could not get enough of each other. We met in school and she made a huge sacrifice by staying in the state I am in after graduation, away from her family, to be with me over the past 2 years. We always discussed the future and moving in together when I relocate for a job in the fall.

The problem is that over the course of the relationship she would randomly discuss how I don't express myself enough emotionally to her. That she knew I loved her and did everything for her, but didn't verbally express that she was the most beautiful person or show her that I fully adore and appreciate her. She is a very emotional girl, and I admit I am on the colder side with my emotions and this is my first long term relationship. I am assuming this kept building up because I did not change in her eyes to the point where she got very upset and mad at me about month ago. She felt hurt and bitter about it from the gradual increase. We discussed this and I took time to full understand the issue and we talked about working on it. She said she couldn't take it anymore and asked for a break about 2 weeks ago because she said she could not work on it with her feelings as is (I am not sure if there were any other guys in the picture or any hidden motives). Three nights ago we met at her house and I told her how I could not do this break anymore and we needed to solve this.

Bottom line - she told me she thinks I am amazing and even said she would be happy if we got married.There are so many things about me she loves and needs in her life and she knows they are very hard to find, but her need that is not being met is this deep passion and she does not know if I will ever have that to the level she desires. We broke up last night, but she said she will take some time and would like to stay in touch here and there and maybe see me again in like 2 weeks. Her goal was to try to get past these bitter feelings to the point where she would want to try again, but let me do my own thing in the meantime because she realized leaving me hanging is not fair.

I stayed no contact these last few days and changed my Facebook status to single. She messaged me saying that I shouldn't have posted that to the world. Also, a girl I am flirting with wrote on my wall about hanging out, and she messaged me telling how she was surprised. I didn't respond

What do you guys think? Is there a chance that this can work out in time? Or is this girl hurt and out of love with me that she really just wants me as a close friend and nothing more and stringing me along? Is she looking around and thinking about settling with me because I have a lot of great qualities and a good job/money? I love her and would love to try at it, but I also know I should not keep false hope and should attempt to move on with my life. Any suggestion or past experience will be helpful.

Thanks

I guess you realise that nobody can tell you what the future holds.
Meanwhile,move on with your own life-keep busy do the things you love doing.

Have no contact with her.
This will allow you to get the perspective you need on the situation.

I am kind of surprised at how you handled yourself here. You knew your girlfriend, or ex, was deeply hurt yet you decided to worry about your own image rather than fixing a fundamental problem that needs to be fixed. I'm not saying it was you who screwed this relationship up, but it is apparent that your lack of experience in dealing with the feelings of others is hindering this process. It also almost sounds like she is someone who craves attention... I'm a lot like you in that I don't show a lot of overbearing emotions, so it's a hard match.

Take some time to consider whether you even want her or love her because it sounds to me like you wouldn't mind playing the field for awhile as it is - and there's nothing wrong with that. You really need to be cautious about using Facebook at a time like this as it can hurt people more than you know. For now, to keep her out of your personal life, I would simply avoid Facebook communication with others and do your own thing.

You probably must be hurt though you're not showing it. NC is a good idea and you should really stick to it. Don't rush though into a new relationship, but dating is OK. The thing is she is leaving you hanging and that may lead to false hope. Are you losing your time with her? I don't know the type of girl, but from past experience and from reading posts here, there is a high chance of that.

Now is your time to take care of yourself.

Hi, Thanks for the help, here's a little more information to help with responses.

First, I did want to try to change and discussed how I finally realize the magnitude of her feelings and that I always felt those things but did not express them. She only got mad about this saying how I took her for granted for 2 years and told her I would try but didn't until we are breaking up. She said she didn't want those things from me right now. I also found out that she lied to me once about going to sleep and she really went out with friends. I don't know if she has cheated on me.

I guess I acted with Facebook and those things because I didn't know what to do and thought it would get a reaction/ jealousy - probably dumb. But it did get her to react. I have not hung out with her since the break up (1 week) and the only contact was on her end asking about the Facebook stuff.

I really do want to try with her - not sure if I should message at all - or keep it NC now after my Facebook stuff

NO, no no and no. You need to keep NC and take care of yourself. It is excruciating hard but NC is the only way.

It is just too typical of all relationship problem in this site. If you read other's thread you will see a pattern. Let her be, don't give yourself hope and move on with your life. The sooner you do that, the better you will feel.

She told you that she's missing passion in the relationship.

If you got back together, for her the same "hole" will eventually rear it's head. That is, if you can't do anything about expressing your undying love and affection that she so desperately craves.

So yeah, she doesn't feel enough affection from you.
Move on.. . If you can't give her what she desires.

Hey guys I have been lurking the board for a little while now and think everyone is amazing with their advice. I have seen you help people get through being dumped and survive no contact. I can use your help right now. I AM READY!

Quick recap of my situation: 2 and a half year relationship with my girlfriend - she is 23 now and I am 24. She is my first true love and she had 2 long term b/f's before me. She stayed in my state after school for the last year, away from her family, and we planned for our future and to move in together in a few months when I finished law school. Everything was perfect until a month or 2 ago. She started to get distant and explained how she wasn't feeling appreciated and didn't feel the same anymore and she has been trying to get me to address this for some time and now is bitter (similar to the usual stuff I see on this board). I actually have a gut feeling she cheated on me with her older, rich boss from work, but have no proof and I won't get into that. Anyway, we have been broken up for about 2 and 1/2 weeks or so. I was basically in denial - I never contacted her, however, she would text me here and there and even called me once. I would answer her contact but it was pointless. But now I realize she was stringing me along and this is hurting me more. We have had no contact for the last 5 days whatsoever, BUT I can't stop checking her Facebook page/email or feeling the urge to call her. There has not been much on there, but I am addicted and know I need to stop. She was out of town for the last week and returned a few days ago. She didn't contact me since she's been back and I think that was what I needed to realize it's time to be serious and move on.

I would love to have somewhere to turn when I feel weak and want to contact her or check - or if she contacts me which I think will happen, to ignore her. I am strong enough now to do it and I would love to post to you guys and let you give me the strength to move on. I know I will be fine in time and have the world going for me. I am about to start working at a big law firm and am young. My friends all support me and want me to move on and truly believe I deserve and will find someone better - But obviously I love her and am crushed and my heart wants her back - BUT I am finally seeing that I don't need someone who doesn't appreciate me or who I can't trust! - So let's do this!!

ALL SUPPORT IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! I will be updating for a little while and hope you can help!

Thanks so much

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Check out my signature concerning all threads relating to NC.

Just remember, NC, is a healing tool, not to win her back.

Why did my threads get merged? I wrote a whole new update just looking for help and support through NC and it got erased?

Your thread didn't get deleted, it got merged. Please refer to #8. You will see that your request for help and support is all there.

By the way, how is it that she was 24 years old in your first post, but now she's 23?

Thanks "I Wish", I get the merger now. My ex is 23 right now - her birthday is in less than 2 weeks (another issue), she will be 24.

I appreciate the response and I am just looking for somewhere to vent. My friends have had enough talking about her and I see how much support has been achieved by others on this site.

And I note, I am NOT trying to get back together with my ex anymore. I was in the first post. I am now ready to move on, and thus the update.

Good choice-NC works.
Stick to it and come back whenever you need to.
Best of luck.

Thanks a lot. I have read those and I have also read the stickies this past week. They have helped and have allowed me to realize what I need to do. But it is clearly easier said than done and I have not been true NC until now. It's the first time my heart was broken and writing about it does help me.

Thanks Amicon - I have been reading many of your posts in the other threads and you are truly a great person with wonderful comments and support. Your help through this time will be much appreciated.

You could also keep a daily journal for yourself at home,recording your feelings and how you progress.

I have tried that and it helps slightly. But I think am the type of person who will benefit more from talking with others who have been there before (that is why I came to this forum). The stickies have been invaluable but now just venting will help me, I know it.

I am probably hurting more now because it finally set in that this is 100% over.

Also, any suggestions for how to handle rough mornings. It is the hardest part for me. I dream about her every night and then wake up depressed and have trouble eating breakfast. I usually snap out of it by lunch when I am into my daily school activities and then go to the gym.

The key for me was the stay as occupied as possible, so that you don't dwell on the situation.

Hanging out with friends and deleting the other person's contact were the two most helpful things for me. But everyone needs to find their way of coping. That's why I created a poll in my thread, to show everyone that we all have different ways of helping us cope more easily.

As for the dreams, it's how you deal with the feelings that count. Dreams will pass in time. You need to be patient with yourself.

Try re-reading the stickies and the responses in the stickies a few more times. I'm sure you'll discover new insights every time you read it.

Don't stay in bed going over your dreams.
Get out of bed the minute you wake up-shower-coffee-breakfast.
Make sure you keep as active as you possibly can.

Yea I know, thanks. Though, I find it that even when I am keeping busy (i.e. at the gym) I will still be thinking about her even when I try not to. I am assuming this will fade in time.

I am also trying to shift from the mindset of wondering what she is doing and why she doesn't care about me to the mindset of worrying about myself only and not caring about what she is doing. This has obviously been VERY hard.

It is also hard because she hardly has any friends here, since she stayed solely for me. This makes my mind wander to who she is hanging out with. I know this is all just self-torture but you can understand why it is hard.

I guess my trouble is that I know there was more to this breakup than she admitted. Thus, I was left in pure wonder and not full closure. I am still coping with getting past that and not caring.

(VENTTTT haha)

You're doing well and you seem to have a good grip on how to handle this.
It boils down to making your mind up that you're going to stick to it and then do it-never mind how much it hurts.

It's a learning and growing process,once you're through it I think you'll feel really proud of yourself for having done it.

RB: Almost every break up ends without full closure. I'm not sure there ever is "full" closure and that is what makes it hard.

You're doing a great job so just try and continue to vent, exercise and do other things to occupy your mind, otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts.

Thanks KC - I have also read many of your posts in various threads and your story. You have been a great help to countless people on this forum and I thank you for any of your support with me through my situation.

Thanks KC - I have also read many of your posts in various threads and your story. You have been a great help to countless people on this forum and I thank you for any of your support with me through my situation.

No problem. I'm always here for you, we all are! :)

Update - Hi, I need some quick advice.

I haven't talked to my ex in a week including the 3 days since she returned to town. However, this morning I wake up to a text asking me if we can hang out this week.

I obviously know I should probably ignore it, but I want to see her so bad. I have not seen her in 2 weeks and we both have no idea how each other has felt during our time apart. The few times we talked we never discussed our feelings at all. What should I do?

I would politely decline, especially if you aren't comfortable ignoring her, otherwise you can choose that option as well.

It is never a good idea to "hang out" with an ex when you are so emotional, it sets you up for failure and leads to confusion. Be strong and explain to her that right now it just isn't a good idea.

Thanks, I know that is probably the smart move. Question KC, do you think there is a possibility that any good could come from meeting up again (like maybe her feelings are different), or it is 99% a surefire setup for more hurt on my end?

Feelings change often so there is always a chance she could be feeling different at the moment but that is clearly not a guarantee it will stay like that. When it comes to these "meetings" it is just best to take the high road and politely decline. It will also show her you are strong and mature about this.

If she wants you badly enough, she'll find a way to get you, trust me. Keep your heart protected for now.

This is very hard to send the message, because I really do want to see her so bad obviously. But I am about to man up and write - "I would like to but I don't think that would be the best thing for me right now"

What do you think?

Just be polite but tell her you are busy.
Remember your thread says you're finally ready to move on.
Don't fall into the trap of more drama or gameplaying.

You guys are such a great help. Without this forum I would have definitely caved in and accepted the invitation to hang out - which probably would have led to more pain in the long run.

Instead, I took the advice and told her I don't think it's a good idea. She obviously ignored me and did not respond. I feel miserable right now (my heart can't believe I passed up the chance to see her, make things better... blah blah) but my head knows this was probably smart.

Words of encouragement please as I sit here puzzled and look at my phone :)

You did awesome! Much better than I did at your stage. You are strong and deserve a pat on the back man! Seriously, well done. I am really proud of you!! Way to stay strong.

Well done.
Now get busy doing something other than sit and stare at your phone!:-)

Haha, thanks! I am going to get busy now - Have school in a little while anyway. It's just very difficult right now, I will obviously be thinking about this for a while. Every day I wish that she would want me back and call me, then she finally does call me, and I blow her off. Smart: probably yes; but insanely hard: yes!!

Btw, if we are meant to be together (I'm not being a dreamer just questioning) was this still the right move


BTW - I know I am major venting right now, but I figure better here than in any other medium (aka to her)

Your moves now should be for YOU,not for some future that no one can foretell!
Have a good day.

You can't force life. If it was meant to be, it will be, no matter what. Just go have fun and experience life, and vent all you want.

Another Update - I just received this message back a few hours after I told my ex we shouldn't "hang out" (above):

"Hi, well it's up to you. I would really like to hang out but if you can't I will have to understand. I just miss hanging out with you"

I have ignored it for the last hour. What does this mean and does this merit a response?

Don't worry about what it means and don't reply.

Doing NC means you ignore all texts and stop worrying whatever they might mean.

I know I know - just very hard because this is the first time she has made any contact in a while and it weirded me out - I am venting here instead of replying to her.

Clearly a big part of me wants to hang out with her and it kills to say no and ignore her - that's why I am here for support

Vent on,I know it's tough,but you'll benefit from it in the long run.
You are doing very well,trust me.

I'm suggest you take NC a step further. If you see a message from her, avoid the urge to read it and just deleted. That will prevent you from analyzing what she says.

You can even ask someone you trust to help you delete the message so that you don't get tempted.

Good advice - I also know in my head that when I deny and then ignore her requests to hang out (which probably is to be friends/string me along even more) - the contact will probably stop for good. And although that is what I need and realize is what is necessary for me to move on - it is a horrible feeling right now.

These feelings will go away-it's one day at the time at this stage,but it gets better.
Keep your mind focused on the end goal-NC to heal from the breakup.

Thanks for your help today guys - Today was a rough day with the contact on her end but I made it through the pain of getting her texts and now feel OK and in control again. I am going out with the guys tonight for a few drinks and going to enjoy myself.

I will continue to update as you guys are great in getting me through this. I am feeling positive again that this is the right move and I am on my way to healing and leading a better life :)

Great job! We are rooting for you! Tell us about the great times you have been having!

Ok well quick update on how I am feeling right now - I am in a much better mindstate right now. Yesterday was a rough day because I got messages from her asking to hang out and telling me she misses hanging out with me. I got weak and broke NC by responding, though declining the invitation.

The good news is. That breaking NC yesterday made me realize that it was only hurtful to my progress. The contact back just made me have more questions and be more upset. Today I am angry at myself for answering her. Which I guess is a good thing. I will not answer her anymore if she tries me. I am part of the usual group of dumpees that broke NC, but now I would like to be the one who learned his lesson and sticks to it.

Thanks for your help guys!

Now you have learnt that lesson.
Tomorrow's another day.
NC all the way.

The good news is. That breaking NC yesterday made me realize that it was only hurtful to my progress. The contact back just made me have more questions and be more upset.

Its great that you have come to this realization! It's the first step. Think about it Every time you get an urge because every time you make contact you reset the pain. Thinking about this helps as a deterent, at least it does for me.

Update - Today is day 4 of STRICT no contact. It was a rough last day and a half - but I have survived so far. Last night my friend told me he saw my ex out at a place that I usually go, but luckily was not there last night. She doesn't usually go there and it was surprising because she knew I might be there. She texted me at 2am asking if I was out. I was out somewhere else but didn't respond and had a great night.

Today, She has texted me twice and tried to call me also twice throughout the day. I have ignored everything. This is the first time I have not responded to a full day of repeated contact. It feels weird and I obviously am dying to respond, but I am staying firm. I am going out again tonight with a friend, somewhere she will definitely not be.

Needed to vent and keep up the NC!

Vent away. Sounds like you're doing great. If you ever feel tempted to contact her, just come here.

Furthermore, I suggest that you not get updates from your friends, so that you don't need to think about her.

Finally, I also suggest that you delete her text messages before even reading them. More power to you.

You're doing very well.
Stick to it.
If she keeps contacting you, I suggest you change your number.

HELP... Update (5th day of strict NC) - Well I made it through the weekend, but it was far from easy. My strict NC got a HUGE rise out of my ex. She called/texted me well over 10 times in the past 2 days. I was strong and did not answer her once! She obviously persisted because this is the first time I have totally ignored her for a decent period and she was confused.

The problem was that I feel like crap now. I read the text messages she wrote (I was not strong enough to delete w/o looking, nor did I truly want to do that yet). She was writing how she missed me and asked why I was ignoring her and she didn't get it. She didn't leave any voicemails.

I know that I am moving on and that is the point of this NC and this thread, and I AM doing well since I started NC no matter how hard - BUT honestly, I sooo badly wanted to answer one of her calls or text her back to see if she felt any different or why the sudden interest. Please tell me that her contact was just due to me ignoring and to continue to ignore is the right thing!

This really got my feelings going again and I feel miserable. My heart wants her back so bad but my head knows that I should continue to heal and move on. I am much better now than I was 2 weeks ago or so, but these past 2 days were hard. Please reassure me that ignoring is the right way to go, and that if she TRULY wants to change something between us that she still could even if I am ignoring.

Thanks

Think of her as a puppy. She continues her bad behavior until you just ignore her, otherwise, if you react, you will only encourage and justify her behavior to her.

You did awesome. You are VERY strong, a lot stronger than I was at your point. Well done, WELL done!!

Thanks KC - To get through the weekend I just kept telling myself how bad I felt last time I answered her texts. It got me nowhere and left me more confused. Also, if she had something very important or different to say (I,e, "I made a huge mistake and want you back") that she would find a way to tell me (like leave a voicemail) Do you agree?

I know this is just more of a game on her end and since I continue to think that I know I did the right thing. It's just hard because I am a very nice and standup guy and to ignore someone I care about is so abnormal to me.

I agree. If she wants you bad enough, she will come get you. You continue to be strong. You get an A in my book man! I am truly proud of yourself control.

Don't buy into the gameplaying.

Here is a mantra for you:
Delete without reading and ignore.

OK Robin. I'm also on NC with my ex right now and I'd like to help others.
I have a question: do you really want to forget her?Not that I'm doubting but you know sometimes when you really love someone you say you want to forget him or her but truth is you secretly want him or her back.Does it please you to see she is calling you over and over?When she will stop how will you feel?
I think you should do a huge work on yourself to answer those questions.
Before everything, it is really important for you to understand and admitt she is part of the past not the future. So then you'll be able to live your life.

Misty - Well I definitely have those feelings inside often, that I want her back and miss everything we had. But now I am smart enough to see that this is not a realistic option anymore. I want to forget about her and move on because I have to. When I see her calls I do get excited. But I think clearly and realize that her agenda in the calls is not to get back together. This allows me to ignore her. I also WILL probably be upset when she stops calling. What do you suggest to help me move on better. It has only been three weeks since our breakup.

Oh! You know I'm not an example I broke up with my ex like 2 weeks ago I'm also on NC like I said but before we used to break up then make up... I regret it and I don't want it to happen to you. What really helps me is that I definitely stopped thinking it could work again or he could change. I changed he didn't.So please don't talk to her anymore take time.Take a break from her. Think that you can't change what is already done.LOVE YOURSELF.that's what I'm trying to do.

Well after ignoring her 10+ calls/messages yesterday - it resulted in 0 contact in any form today. I didn't realize how much it would hurt. I guess I really did enjoy getting the attention from her for the last few days and now feel rejected again. The truth is I think I do want to move on and am doing the no contact but I guess in the back of my mind I was doing the NC partly as a way to make her miss me too. When it kind of worked (her messaging me) I kept the NC going and now she stopped the attention. I keep questioning if I should have answered one time and explained my feelings(clearly that would have broke NC).

Please tell me that this simple ignoring I was doing was the right move and had no actual effect on the big situation. I have these weird thoughts that she was starting to think things through and the continuous ignoring her made her pissed off and say forget him. Somebody please ground me and tell me that this all means nothing and she is playing games!!

I know this NC IS the right thing and I must know inside because I would have never been able to ignore so much if I didn't.

Sorry big vent - It's a real bad day, I am thinking a lot today even though I have kept busy. I am really hurting am truly wondering if I have been doing this right.

Please tell me that this simple ignoring I was doing was the right move and had no actual effect on the big situation. I have these weird thoughts that she was starting to think things through and the continuous ignoring her made her pissed off and say forget him. Somebody please ground me and tell me that this all means nothing and she is playing games!!!



If she gave up that easily on you and got "pissed off and said forget him". Is that someone you really want in your life?

If she meant it, she would have communicated about it better.

Thanks Carrot,

I know I agree. Just helps to hear others say it. I keep telling myself that if she actually cared to get me back she would have or will get through to me without me answering or responding (i.e. she could always leave a voicemail if something is important).

This is just games and if so I am so glad I kept NC

Thanks Carrot,

I know I agree. Just helps to hear others say it. I keep telling myself that if she actually cared to get me back she would have or will get through to me without me answering or responding (i.e. she could always leave a voicemail if something is important).

This is just games and if so I am so glad I kept NC

Sounds like you're at the step where you shouldn't pay attention to the details. Who cares if she is thinking about you or trying to play games with anymore. There are no more ifs, buts, ands anymore. You've made the decision to NC, and part of the healing process is to keep your mind occupied with other stuff so you won't think about her as much.

Keep up the good work buddy!

That's what I was trying to say in the last posts. You say that you want to move on but you seem to keep thinking there's a future for you two.You should'nt because you have to definitely close that door! I'm not saying it is easy but it is the way to go.
Think to yourself: I tried my best it didn't work I'm not going to be her toyand waste my time.
She calls when she wants and here we go again.Have respect for yourself!Have faith in yourself.Close that door and don't look back.

Yea, I understand. My mind flip-flops. Because I know in my head I AM moving on, and I do feel better about the reality most of the time. But then I'll randomly get that miserable false hope (like when she's calling) even though I stay in NC. I am working now on completely shutting those thoughts out and trying to think like you said.

Like in the stickie, my strict NC brought her snooping around, there's nothing more to it than that and I will continue to move on.

It's been just under a month, and at times I'll feel happy that I can see myself as a strong single person again, but then again there's many times where I just feel miserable. And I also think about her soooo much, even when I keep busy. I don't know how to control these emotions yet.

Who cares if she is thinking about you or trying to play games with anymore.

Personally, I try to get a good laugh if she plays games. Kind of reaffirms my decision:D

I don't know how to control these emotions yet.
You don't control your emotions, you accept them as yours, and cope with them, with thought and care, but never with impulsive actions, or words.

They usually pass, and can be changed by positive actions, and physical exertions.

Thanks guys - just had an amazing workout and 3 mile run outside. Feeling much better right now. Working out really does help with your emotions and lift your spirits.

Going to try to keep this positive mood for the rest of the day. One day at a time! - I'll be back when I need you.

BTW - this forum is awesome, you don't know how much it has helped me through this so far. I would have caved and crawled back like a puppy so many times without your support!

Enjoy the rest of the day!
Thank you for your kind words and come back when you want to!

HUGE UPDATE - I can really use all your help and support now!!

What I thought was an innocent day turned out to be a monster. She called me like 5 more times in a row a few hours ago (after 15 ignored on the weekend) - I couldn't take it anymore and answered and broke NC

Long story short - we talked for a little but I was able to tell nothing changed and confirmed to myself that she was just stringing me along. She just was pissed or confused that I wouldn't answer so kept trying, there was no change of heart or feelings - So I told her I will not be friends with her and that if her feelings weren't different to please stop contacting me and let me move on. I am almost positive now in my mind that there is someone else in the picture and that is why she didn't know how to handle me.

We needed to exchange keys and a few other items and I wanted it over with - so I drove down the street to do it and get it over with - she came out and I stayed in my car, we exchanged and she tried to talk a little - I just said I would appreciate if you leave me alone and don't contact me now, she started hysterical crying and walked away and I drove off

I feel miserable right now as you can imagine - but I seriously think I needed it - although I don't know the truth I know I have closure and did all I could. Now it is time to move on with my life. I realize that although I started this thread a little while back it is not until now that I am "ready" to heal.

Please give me some help/support here - I am alone and heartbroken

You already know what to do. NC, yet you refuse to do that and continuously break it. There will always be an excuse to break it and if you don't stop that you will never heal.

So long as you allow yourself to break NC and buy into her gameplaying,you are going to make yourself feel miserable.

If you can't resist picking up the phone-change your number.

Nc is tough,but you can do it.
You're doing this for your own healing's sake,so it's time to put yourself first.

If your really ready to heal, you make a plan that doesn't include her.

If it helps see this as a death of this relationship and mourn, but life does go on. Make a choice to go with it.

Thanks guys I agree - BTW, the main point of my last post wasn't that I broke NC - it was that I know now for sure I won't do it again. My ex now knows that I do not want to talk to her at all on a friendship level (she did not know this before ) and I know that she wants nothing more than that. That is closure to me. I am able to close the door behind me and no longer have false hope. As hard as it is I needed that.

Now I will act as if she has disappeared and will do my own thing. Thanks for the support - from now on my updates will only be about how I am improving and what is good in my life. Also, I will come for kind words when I feel down and need some motivation!

Thanks again

My ex now knows that I do not want to talk to her at all on a friendship level (she did not know this before ) and I know that she wants nothing more than that. That is closure to me. I am able to close the door behind me and no longer have false hope. As hard as it is i needed that.


It is unfortunate that we have to wait in limbo sometimes. Glad you got the closure you needed. Sounds like you are doing good. Stay positive! Just do the right thing and you'll feel better with time. One door closes and another one always opens.

Looking forward to happy updates!
Take good care of yourself.

Update - Well its been a few days since my "actual" start of the healing process. My ex has not contacted me and the good news is I have not felt the urge to contact her. I also have held my willpower and didn't feel the need to look at her Facebook or any of that other stuff. I can say I am doing pretty good right now.

I obviously have my sad moments and am thinking about her/"us" still all the time, which is hard. But I am starting to realize it will get better with time. And everyone's advice is spot on - much easier to move on when she is out of sight, out of mind. When I see myself thinking about the past or see something that reminds me of her, I take a second and regroup my thoughts and actively try to do something else.

I think I do realize that we will never be together again, and my heart is slowly starting to accept that fact. And in all honesty, I do not think I am so scared or upset about never getting back with HER, I realize I am scared of the UNKNOWN and change: starting this whole journey over and be lonely and nervous until I find someone new.

I have been out of the game for almost 3 years and it makes it hard to even remember the beginning with my ex. I have been going out with friends to bars, but I think I am different than them. I am not the type of guy who wants to run home with any girl possible. I like to have more meaningful contacts and it is hard to do that at the bars, or when you are looking for it. But I know it happened and it WILL happen again. I need to regain my confidence I had before her. I am only 24.

Thanks for reading - needed to vent a little - any perspective or advice from those who have been there is appreciated. Starting over is so scary to me right now, and I do feel very lonely.

Write down your favorite activities and things you like to learn, and make a plan to participate in them.

I think the best social life and the healthiest is the one that you enjoy, and look forward to. Good clean, adult fun.

Personally I have found volunteering for causes and to help others very rewarding to the soul, and a great way to see how others cope with problems they had no say in.

The point, get a life that you enjoy, with people, and activities, that make you happy.

Then you will attract other happy people, and have something good to bring to the table and share.

I do not think I am so scared or upset about never getting back with HER, I realize I am scared of the UNKNOWN and change: starting this whole journey over and be lonely and nervous until I find someone new.


Sounds like you are on track. Its hard at first but time is on your side being only 24.

Talaniman always says, "whats the friggen hurry?"

I myself am just 26, and have been broken up for 4 months now. I am still not completely over it but I can tell that I am making progress and have taken enough time to reflect. Take it from me, slowly but surely you will regain the confidence you once had and that special someone will come. I have been dating recently and its fun, but its not. It takes work and patience.

One thing I did learn from the last relationship is what I don't want. I want some one that will be there for me no matter what. Someone who will ride for me. I know that person is out there its only a matter of time before I find her. You will find yours too.

You have to think, where was I before I met this person? What was I like as a person? I've changed because of this person but not in the way I had imagined or thought I would. Get the old you back!

I think you are doing well and you have a good mindset.
I can guarantee you will find someone more compatible,just take your time healing,starting to enjoy being single for a while and you will know when you are ready to date again.
As for feeling lonely,all I can say is,that feeling will pass as well.
Live in the present and plan for your future.

To regain some self confidence you can start by doing some shopping and maybe go to the hairdresser and get a new haircut I know it sounds superficial but people will notice and tell you how great you look and then you will feel good!
Also do not rush into a new relation!
Be proud not to be a guy who wants to run home with any girl possible!That proves You Have some respect for yourself and also for women!You're mature.
That's great!

How's the nc thing working for u? Did u give in?

Hello - well I am happy to say that I have kept up my full no contact since my last big update - going on a full week tomorrow. What's even better is this includes me not even checking her Facebook or online pages as well. This is a must because I used to be hurt by things I would read. I can tell I am improving.

I also thought that after I told her I won't be friends and to not call me she would listen. But you guys are right (like usual) and she sent me a text message 2 days ago asking how I am and what I am up to. It actually made me laugh and I immediately deleted it and ignored it.

As for how I am feeling. I still feel pretty bad and think about her all the time. But I am starting to see time heals. I've been going out with friends, which is fun, but it also makes me see so many girls I would have no interest in whatsoever. I also went out on a sort of innocent lunch date yesterday with a different girl. I didn't end up being interested in her but it was therapeutic to hang out with a female and just talk, laugh and have a good time etc.

I do often have low times where I feel lonely and find myself thinking about the past. Often at night or in the morning, or when something reminds me of her (which happens a lot). But I am hoping this will fade more and more as time goes on. I know I am still scared about the difficulty of starting new with a future person and really can't imagine getting to the same level of comfort. BUT I KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN, and I am positive. I also talked to another friend who went through a big breakup recently - and it made me realize it's just a fact of life. And EVERYONE thinks they were going to last forever.

Thanks all I will keep you updated! You are a great help and I find myself looking forward to posting here, either when I have accomplished more time of NC or when I am feeling down

You've got things in perspective now-and you are on the right path!
Keep ignoring all attempts at communication,the hint will be taken-somewhere along the line.

Great job and I totally feel you on the different emotions you are going through, I've been in a break up going on 7 weeks starting the new week today.The constant thinking of HOW someone we love could reject us like nothing,that hurts me. I had to temporary delete my Facebook so I don't keep looking at his page, because he adds a new girl weekly and it hurts.But time will heal, hopefully soon...

Hello again - so the good news is I have continued NC and completed an entire week (on day 8) - very happy about that. This is the first time I have gone this long without knowing what she has done (I haven't checked her online pages) - It feels weird to know I am completely losing her, but I haven't been hurt more which is awesome.

The bad news is that for some reason today I am in a funk thinking about things. I woke up and found myself thinking about all the many signs that my ex was cheating with her boss. I had this gut instinct through the long breakup period and there were these signs that added up to it, but she never admitted it and I couldn't prove it. The funny part was that I wasn't thinking I want to run and get her back, it was more of an anger for her thinking she pulled this over my head and that she left me with me not knowing anything about her possible infidelity.

I know you guys will say "Stop thinking about her and the past", and I know it's true. AND I have been doing a great job at blocking out past thoughts. But I felt very hurt today, worst day in a while, and wanted to vent it out, and I am trying to move on from this feeling. It is ironic, because a few weeks ago I would have loved to send a text or email or respond to her text saying please come back. But today, I want send her a message or respond to her next attempt with sort of a message saying "F*** off, I know the truth and you're a cheating liar"

I guess this is an anger stage LOL, I hate her thinking she was smarter than me on this one. I don't know - maybe some kind words of encouragement or personal experiences of healing will help me today!

Thanks

It's a rolercoaster my friend. You will have your ups and downs for the weeks/months to come. Im glad you are doing well with NC. Keep it up and keep venting, it helps. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not the only one going through this. The more I realize that breaking up is a part of life, the better I feel. The more at ease I feel knowing I am not alone. Life is about change and everything happens for a reason. You may not see it now but you will come out a better person having gone through such change.

Yup ,I think you're in anger mode-again normal and that too will fade with time.
Are you keeping a journal for yourself?

That will make interesting reading after a while!

Thanks guys - I am keeping a journal, it is not daily but I have many entries since this all started. I also have this thread on the site to look back on.

It is so difficult because it's my first time for all of this, my first long-term relationship (2.5 years), my first breakup obviously, my first time getting dumped, and the first time probably being cheated on. These feelings are all so new to me and its like an emotional overload.

What I have been doing is following the advice of everyone who has been there before (the forum, family friends). So much of it seems wrong at the time, but a little while after I realize it was the right thing to do. Many times I don't even know if it was the right move, but I guess there is no right moves.

It is such a sad occurrence in life to have to literally and immediately block out a person who has been your everything, your best friend for such a long time. It is like her death, but even worse because there's no finality. Who knew I even could experience such inner feelings.

The pain I have been feeling makes me wonder as well. I don't even know if I miss her so much because my love was "that" strong, or if I am more missing the comfort and the loss of a best friend/companion. Probably a combination of all. I am no longer living in the memories of our past. Now I am working on learning about this whole experience so I can improve and take it with me. And be able to know my feelings more as I move on to new relationships.

This whole experience has really made me question life and myself. I don't think I have any more answers at this point, just plenty of questions. All I know is the girl I fell for no longer exists and I impatiently await the day to have a new beginning with someone more special, as impossible as it may seem now.

The hardest thing to do after a break up is learning how to be YOU again. We immerse ourselves so much in a relationship that when it ends we forget who we are. So take this time to learn more about yourself. The someone special will eventually come around, but more importantly now is the time to rebuild your ego and your emotions.

Been a few days since I updated - Good news is today I have made it 2 full weeks, I am on day 14 of NC. She actually hasn't tried to contact me in this period either, like she was doing before. It feels weird and I still have my bad moments, but it is gradually sinking in. And you were right, every day it gets better by the SLIGHTEST amount. I think about her very often still, but it is not in the same "on a pedestal way". It is more in the I lost my best friend way and I can't believe it wasn't forever way. It also feels weird that I haven't looked at her Facebook in so long. I truly don't know what she has been up to and I have to tell you, ignorance is bliss.

I am still upset about the whole situation and clearly adjusting to single life. I am still also overwhelmed about the starting over / finding someone new phenomenon. Very scary. I walk around now with my "eyes open" to the girls around and it is not too reassuring. I know it probably is because I am trying to look too hard or whatever but it still is scary.

My ex's birthday is also on Friday - I will definitely keep up the NC and do nothing, you guys agree? Feels so weird because she was my best friend for 2.5 years and now I will ignore her birthday. BUT she did walk out on me and break my heart. She doesn't deserve my wishes.

I also felt better after talking to a bunch of my friends recently. Turns out they all didn't have the best things to say about my ex. They thought she was mean and that overall I will find someone better. They also said I am only 24 and about to start working as a lawyer and will be meeting a whole new group of females on a different wavelength in all aspects. I am starting to agree.

Well here's to the next update - Probably on her birthday

And for any of you reading this who happened to be going through the beginning of a break up - NC from the get-go. I already regret my few weeks of limbo and limited contact.

You are doing great.
The more you get used to not responding, the easier it will get. It will just become a habit.

The less you know about her the better.
Cause she's no longer a part of you, only the past.

Ex's can't break our hearts & expect to hang out, talk, text or whatever.

Let her live her life and you start living yours again. Except this time w/o any BS, just a new lesson.

Ya know Robin,

Some people paint this idyllic fantasy about what they want their partner to be and get blinded by it. Not seeing reality.

Its funny, my ex used to find fault with me for no reason, make me feel like crap as I was bending over backwards. Sacrificing and ultimately giving to the point where myself was gone.

She would say things like "I want us to be a such & such couple" or " I want I bf thats this and that"

My guess is that my ex is now busting someone else's nuts.

Im sorry for that guy.

Haha - thanks Van. I feel that I was facing the same situation with my ex. I believe she had these unrealistic expectations about what she deserves or will find in a partner and she thought that I was an amazing person and she showed her feelings throughout our whole relationship, but she thought I was "not good enough", or not her ideal mate.

I have a feeling my ex has this ideal picture of the guy she wants that fits more into a Disney movie than in reality. Honestly, she had it pretty damn good with me. She may never be satisfied and may move from person to person looking for this mystery man. She also probably won't regret leaving me because she is stubborn and will drill it into her head that I was not perfect. I also found out at the end how materialistic she was becoming and how money was really sooo important to her. She just was different than who I thought she was, and as the time goes on I am seeing it more and more.

I am praying that some time from now (hopefully not too long) I meet a someone who makes me feel amazing and I realize that her leaving me was the best thing that ever happened to me

You sound pretty well adjusted.

Sometimes its takes this heartbreak to realize what we already knew, but denied for one reason or another.

You will for sure find someone, but not with looking. It will be presented when you least expect it.

Just have fun fun & live your life for yourself & the people that truly matter to you. The ones that show love & respect without question.

I am praying that some time from now (hopefully not too long) I meet a someone who makes me feel amazing and I realize that her leaving me was the best thing that ever happened to me

You need not pray to meet someone. It is coming off as a desperate ploy on your part that you want someone so badly in your life. You DO NOT need anyone to be happy. First learn to be happy by yourself - learn to make yourself feel amazing. I think the issue is starting to become that you rely on someone else for this sort of non-self fulfilling happiness. That isn't how life works and no relationship you ever have will survive if you base it upon that.

Stop, breathe and just take it one day at a time. Fill your life with your own happiness.

KC - I agree with your last post. I do not know why I am thinking I need someone else to fill this void left by her leaving. This was my first long term relationship, thus, I lived for 22 years without the support of another person and was very very happy and content with myself. I need to remember this feeling and get back to being happy alone.

I know the common advice is to get happy about yourself and eventually you will meet someone again when you least expect it. I just am having a very hard time adjusting. I keep thinking that finding another girl who shows interest will make me see who is out there and move on.

Do you guys have some advice on how to transition quicker to loving myself, by myself, and to not feel I need another to fill this void. My head knows the truth, my heart says I need someone else. Will just time and keeping active eventually allow me to feel this?

Will just time and keeping active eventually allow me to feel this?
Yes it will, especially if your doing positive fulfilling things for yourself. AND leaving her alone!

Exactly.

You know, all of the fun things you did before.

Forget the notion that you "need" someone to be happy.

Just live for those moments that make you feel good & create more of them.
As many as you can.

VERY UNEXPECTED UPDATE... PLEASE HELP!!

So, tonight I was out with some friends and we ran into a mutual friend of mine and my ex (more her friend) . I haven't see her in a while and we never discussed the break up. I told her how I was trying to stay out of her life and moving on, etc.

HOWEVER, I was very drunk and she said she needed to tell me something. So I was dumb, when I should have walked away but I listened and this dumb situation literally pushed me back to day one. For some reason I am crushed right now.

Well here's the deal, what I always had a gut instinct feeling about was that things with us went sour partly due to my ex having this thing for her rich boss who was a scumbag. This guy is 35 (she's 23) and he is out of control rich, BUT he has a wife and 2 kids. I just always had this fear and feeling in the back of my mind that he was trying to get with her, but not knowing was great.

WELL - The friend told me that this boss paid well over $5k for the two of them to go on a trip to Europe for my ex's birthday (which is in 2 days)... All of my fears have come true. I no longer have my ignorance is bliss feeling. This is sick.

I guess I never actually knew this girl. The same girl who badmouthed cheaters and homewreckers etc. SHE IS THAT GIRL. She is a disgusting goldigger and I cannot believe this is the girl who I loved for sooo long. The only good thing is that I guess this came out now and I got away when I could.

They say everything happens for a reason, so better to get away now then let this drag on and then her true self finally come out.

OK WELL - I am done venting - this night went totally sour fast as you can imagine. Please guys, give me some responses to this, I REALLY CAN USE SOME WORDS OF COMFORT.

Though this was not technically contact, I will continue on my way towards healing. This actually made me just hate her even more, I do not want reconciliation as I now know who she is, I am just upset that the past 2.5 years was with "someone else"... Goodnight guys, I will be back tomorrow.

Well its good morning from me here in England-ok-so alcohol is not a great mate-and you allowed yourself to be the recipient of gossip.

I don't think you are back on square one, see it as a moment of folly and a minor lapse.
Tomorrow is a new day.

When you sobered up a bit you realizes that it was you who put her on this pedestal in the first place, and drunk or not at some point reality was going to smack you with truth.

Shake your head, and keep it moving, as you were blind before, and now you can see what you avoided. Your feeling got stirred up, but just like a hangover, you deal with it till its gone, and this is only a big crisis, if you make it one.

You will get drunk again, and maybe hear, or see more of what she is doing now, so what, its her problem not yours, and doesn't affect you unless you let it.

That's your answer to news about her, so what!!

Hey guy, so I am sober again and it's a new day. I am still upset about what I heard, but I guess I am back to my original mindset. It was only a matter of time until I found out the truth (her and the older guy). Just shows that you guys should usually go with your gut instinct. I just can't believe you are best friends, lovers, everything with a person who you think you know with all your heart for over 2 years, and in an instant you find out they are someone different. Guess it's my first major life lesson in love. It's the betrayal that hurts.

WELL, I have made up my mind that I will not sit and dwell on this, though easier said than done. I realize that no matter what she does now, I am not involved and probably not even thought about. So I will try to pretend she does not exist again, and I will continue as I was doing before I heard this news.

The amount it hurt made me also realize I am FAR from over her, though it has only been about 5 weeks. I have been "sweeping my thoughts under the rug". I know this will take time and I was hoping it would be over quick I guess. Clearly I will need plenty of more time.

Well here's to continuing healing and not paying attention to her. Thanks for the support guys.

AND - It is by reading through many of your past stories of those who were hurt even worse than me, and have gone through this pain and healed and then ended up sooo happy in the end with a new mate, that keeps me moving on with strength and excitement. :)

October 2008: KC was doing awful. A truly low point in my life for a long time.

February of 2010: KC is living it up and having the time of my life.

I know your pain and all I can say is that it will get better. Good luck!

Also, just to inform you, it has been a LONG time since my breakup, but even now some information I hear about my ex can have an effect on me. That is natural, so no worries.

Robin,
Everything you say is true. So glad you realize this BS.

Even though it hurts. Its not worth worrying about those rejects. They don't give a rats a$$ about anyone but themselves. Users. And she's young. Lots of growing up to do. But also doesn't have values or respect. Just what floats her boat.

Sorry you had that altercation. That's the closure. On both ends.

Never ever waste your time on someone like that. Be aware of people & signs.

The reward in all of this is that you became a better person. She didn't.

Thanks Van - your post definitely helps keep things in perspective. I know the truth but hearing others write the truth also helps me allow it to sink in and continue to heal.

WELL - today is kind of rough as it is my ex's birthday. It feels very weird to ignore her, but I have done so to this point and will not message her at all. So, instead I will wish a happy day to all of you guys. You all have been so supportive and genuine and all have great hearts. You deserve my well wishes. She doesn't deserve anything else from me and will not get it.

Here's to a great rest of the day and to me getting past today and continuing on the healing process.

You're doing all the right things.

Her BD or any other day no longer involves you. You no longer need to offer your heart, only for her to decide. Screw that.

She's her new BF's problem now. Hehehe.

Thanks for your sentiments & know that this is a godsend. Congratulations.

You rock, buddy.

One thing to realize is that 2.5 years is a bit.

It takes time. Be patient, strong & good to yourself.

Its been 9 or so months for me after a 5 year one with a selfish narcissist.

A mind screw, I wish I could take that time back in a way, but Im also grateful for what Ive learned about that & myself. I worked my butt off to do so & I still am.

Been battling insomnia lately & woke up after a crappy & vivid dream about my ex. Haven't had one of those in a while. And honestly, it shook me. Even after a good day before.

I guess what Im saying is this is a process. Be cool & proactive.

Its different for everyone. At 24, or any age, the world is your oyster.

NC is SOOOO hard! I know how you feel...

Hey guys - just got back from a night away with a few of my guy friends. They knew it was my ex's birthday so that took me out of town for a night to go out, party and stay over at a hotel. Overall it was fun, though a little sad at times because we were at a lot of places I used to go with my ex. I guess that is going to happen after being together for so long, we went everywhere.

But despite being sad and it being her birthday I successfully did NOT contact her at all and managed to have fun.

SOOO the UPDATE is - her birthday was Friday, and tonight (Sunday) I get a text from my ex. First contact from her in almost 3 weeks. It simply said "Are you telling me you did not wish me a happy birthday".

This MADE ME LAUGH and then ANGRY. Like are you kidding me lol. I ignored it. Some nerve. She's deserves sh#* from me! O well I wanted to vent and tell you guys so I don't answer her haha.

Have a good night all, I made it past the birthday!

Fantastic, buddy!! Congrats.

Feels good to be in control, huh?

She's a user & abuser, just like my ex.

What a laugh.

Robin,

I can relate so much to your story.

The thing to keep in mind is that not everyone is wired the same way.

We both got with selfish snakes.

Can you possibly fathom dumping someone while obviously deceiving way before, then wondering why no birthday love?

Just imagine her lying in bed w/her new boyfriend texting that one.

As if.

Some people are sick & twisted. Get with the good ones.

Read up on narcissism. Or better yet run.

Well done you!

She sounds more and more like a textbook narcissist,so good riddance to bad rubbish.

Have a good week and be good to yourself.

Thanks Van & Amicon. I have read some past posts relating to narcissim, but have not really learned about it. Maybe I'll check it out when I get some free time.

Anyway, I feel good that I made it past her birthday, her text, and now almost 3 full weeks of NC. Van, a funny thing is that you asked me if it felt good that she texted me about ignoring her birthday. The truth is that it DID feel good to get a text from her showing that it affected her, but the weird thing is that I felt kind of bad. This is because I am a very nice guy and it is abnormal for me to be mean to a person who I cared sooo much about.

BUT I know it was the right thing to do. And now I realize that all she did at the end was TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. Everything was about what I did. I didn't appreciate her, didn't tell her she was the best, didn't do this, didn't do that.

But you know what I didn't do, I didn't shatter her heart in a million pieces and talk to other guys and lie to her for the past month before dumping her - SHE DID ALL THAT

It scares me to see you are 9 months in and still not 100% healed. I am about 5-6 weeks in (3 NC) - and I can't take it anymore haha. I still think about her much too often, even though I am trying not to and to move on. I am hoping time will heal. We all know she isn't thinking about me, I shouldn't be thinking about her. Wish it was that easy.

Oh well, here's to a new day, and a new week of NC. Let's hope time continues to heal, hopefully quicker!!

You have reached some valuable insights in quite a short time,and NC is working wonders for you.

We all heal at a different pace-if it helps I can tell you that it took me about 2 months to get over my ex.

Just got another text from my ex. I didn't respond to the first message commenting that I ignored her birthday. This time she just writes "are you ignoring my message".

UMM YES - haha. I am ignoring you from my whole life, I disappeared and you have "passed away" in my book. It is actually funny. She is like annoyed that I actually did not address her birthday. It truly confirms what you guys have been saying.

She doesn't want me anymore, but can't stand the fact that I am not sitting around and still there for her to do things such as wish her happy birthday. It's pretty sick.

Oh well, back to the grind. Thought it was humorous/confusing and wanted to vent/post

Nice.
Keep up the good work.

Pat yourself on the back.
Let her sit there and be sick.
You're lucky to be rid of her!

Well the ignoring of her birthday and her texts afterward must have "woke up the beast" haha.

Just saw my ex was trying to CALL me this time. First attempted phone call in quite some time. I guess she is getting desperate for some contact, or curious or whatever. I am smarter now though than I was a month ago and I canceled her call and ignored it immediately. I will not respond.

Very, very weird. Was this brought on because by ignoring her birthday she doesn't feel in control of me anymore?

Whatever it is I will continue the NC - had to vent!

Now delete & block her number & email address.

Yup, she thought she had you pegged & you would come running. Then give you false hope, relieve some guilt, get her jollies, then skate away.

Haha.

You're the one in control now & she doesn't like that one bit.

Oh, well...

You blew her theory of being a friend who would chase her for more, and be her emotional tampon, clear out of the water. Keep NC, as next she will be really PO'd that you're unavailable for any further misery from her.

OK UPDATE - PLEASE READ the message below and provide some feedback.

My ex was very close with my older sister and with my whole family in general. I mean really close. But They stopped talking completely about a month ago shortly after we broke up. Today after trying to text and call ME, my ex sent a Facebook message to my SISTER. The message is below. My sister will clearly ignore her and I told her to delete her as a friend (she didn't even realize they were still friends) - Please tell me what you think of this.

"
Hi
I wanted to give you guys some time/space because from messaging you a few weeks ago I knew you certainly did not want to be mean because you aren't like that. However, the point was well made that you had a wall up against me.
I want you to understand fully that there are always 2 sides - I know in your case there really was only one side that you had access to and so that was very painful to you. However, there are close to a million great things about your brother, but from a relationship standpoint there are of course amazing things about him, his stability, trustworthiness, a whole lot of amazing things. However, there are many things you never know about a person unless you are dating them. I was with the least appreciative person I had ever dated and on top of that, he is emotionally unavailable.
Since I felt the emptiness for so so long, I thought if we took a break it would help us - he soon decided we should totally break it off because it was difficult I guess for him to take advantage of a break or see its advantages.
I know he is your brother and no matter who what where why how he is hurt. He is hurt. I have no idea how hurt he is because he won't talk to me. But there's no way I am OK either. And I am certainly not OK with how you guys probably feel about me and that became apparent when none of you wished me a happy birthday.
I thought giving you guys a little space/time to cool off and have ahim be back towards his old self would help and from txting with you I decided that could be a good idea.
Your thoughts would be appreciated. I think about you guys all the time


- is she just psycho. FYI, this is not affecting my NC at all - I know it doesn't even matter BUT it is just pretty amusing how ridiculous she got after her birthday ignoring and I would like your take on this.

Thanks

Yup, a psycho.

More proof. Let her continue to waste her time. Fishing for love in all the wrong places. BooHooo...

Actually be glad this is happening. Shows you exactly what's she's about.

Good that your family is on the same NC page.

Ewww.. Brings back memories of my selfish, psycho ex.

I'm really beginning to think that there's obviously some type of misunderstanding.Lack of communication to put it mildly.She seems to believe one thing and you another.That right there shows something's weren't clear apparently. I don't think she is a pyscho.I just think u 2 are on different pages.

It is sad to see two people who were aparently in love go down this path.. needs weren't being met and somehow hard to communicate exactly what that meant to either party.This relationship in my opinion isn't so aweful that it could never work,its just a matter of misunderstanding each other, and although you have many opinions here, do you reallhy know WHY its over? She wanted a break, she didn't want to break up you did, since it wasn't what you wanted(a break) maybe you can have a heart to heart with no one else around.She obviously loves you or she wouldn't bother explaining squat to anyone, she is trying to reach out.. the birthday thing was her eye opener, not the real issue. Think about it, my opinion though.

Her actions are what counts. Read the thread.

Planning, dumping and asking for attention after.

Get real. Communication time is way over.

Plus her break means she's with someone. That's usually a nice way of saying its over. (while I explore my options)

The only thing she's reaching out for is to verify what she did was "ok" with everyone.


She's starting to feel guilty and the implications that came with her plan.

She doesn't want to feel that. Nor did she expect to.

Now its coming into reality with the whole birthday thing.

I guess who ever loves her on her birthday isn't enough...

Unsurenow - a little while ago I think I would agree with what you said. But now I agree more with "vanhearts" opinion.

The reason is that I think she had already moved on and was out of love with my by the time the break happened. I do agree she had needs that we not met, but I am not sure her expectations were realistic, and even if they were maybe I couldn't meet them.

I do think the break was a cop out for break up without actually using those words. A heart to heart will do nothing, I put my heart on the line already and she said she wanted to be friends. That's why I ended it officially and went NC.

I believe this message to my sister is her grasping at straws to keep in contact. I do think she loved being around me and having me in her life, as well as the comfort of my family. I think she did not realize she would lose all of this by ending our relationship. She probably believed that we would remain a part of her life and now is realizing the truth.

What you think?

I couldn't have said it nicer.

Exs want those things whether they are a psycho or not. Hehehe..

It's a win-win for them. They get the best of both worlds.
Sometimes when people make a decision like this, foe whatever reason,
They really don't realize the true things they lose. That's why NC is so crucial.

Reality. Realized.

Boston, you got it going on...

She wasted no time did she? But what do you expect walking away from her, and forgetting her birthday? You Cad!

Now wipe that silly grin off your face, just because you were right all along to disappear from her life, is no reason to gloat!

Or is it!!

Talaniman - Sorry, I don't really understand your last response. What did you think of her message to my sister? And what did you mean by your reply to me

OK Robin,
I guess you are the only one here that knows how it all went down, no one else was there.but I don't agree all "breaks" are code for break up.. not true some people just need time to re evaluate things.

Quote by T-man, (#120 on this thread)
Keep NC, as next she will be really PO'd that you're unavailable for any further misery from her.


She is mad and now retaliating on you and your sister. I guess your supposed to take her side against each other.

The rest is sarcasm, and my own humor, and I think you have been shown what a great choice you made to go NC!

Come on guy, loosen up a little. She is PO'd, they always get that way when things don't work out the way they planned.

You forgot to grovel at her feet and accept crumbs for her amusement. Be interested in your sisters take on this one.

Yup that's just what he's doing.

Re-evaluating.

Hell, I have some good friends that got back together after 15 years.

Just like a movie.

HAHA thanks Tal - I thought it was written sarcastically, just making sure.

Anyway, my sister is obviously on my side and knows the whole story and remained good support for me. She has ignored my ex as well and will ignore this message since I told her to. My sister thinks my ex acted horribly over the last month or so and thinks she was not fair to me, even if her needs weren't being met. The funny part is the 2 of them got along so well. It's pretty sad, but its true she is realizing she lost my whole family, who were great to her.

I can't believe my ex wrote that she didn't know how hurt I am and was confused why I am ignoring her. She doesn't know she broke my heart? As if talking to her would change anything?

So what do you guys think? Just continue NC as if this didn't happen and tell my sister to ignore the message as well. Do I ever actually answer her? I am so confused, emotionally overwhelmed and drained today.

THANKS FOR THE HELP, it's been a rough day obviously.

Here's the thing.

Your perception was altered.

Our mates should be close to us & our family. Comes with the territory.

The reality is that she probably doesn't know what that means. Only what serves her.

Don't worry too hard if she knows that she broke your heart. I know, that's a tuffy. I still battle with that one sometimes.

The point is it doesn't matter. Like Tal said, she didn't waste any time.

Think of that as a good thing. I know it's a lot to let soak in with this unexpected contact from her, but just know its desperate attempts for her own peace of mind. Shortcomings from an unadjusted person.

You are not the only heart she will break from being this way.

You're on the road now. The road that avoids people like this.

As far as I'm concerned, throw the text away and keep doing what you were doing. Why Not? What's left to say?

Put all of this behind you, and find something more worthy of your time and attention. This is history. So is the drama!

Yup, haven't heard much about what cool stuff you are doing.

Im all caught up on her birthday. Good drama. Don't wait for the next drama, or perpetuate any.

Im blowing out the candles. I wish you the best.

Haha - thanks VAN.

I know I know, this was all unexpected. But I guess it was only natural after the NC birthday. Well her birthday mess is over and its back to moving on and doing my own thing. I am clearly far from over her and this all brought up so many emotions. I do find it is easier to not answer her than it used to be though - which is a sign of improvement.

I will go back to NC and told my sister to do the same. She doesn't have any straws left to grasp out if my both my family and I are out of the picture. But we will see.

I will update again when I am feeling powerful and back in full NC mode. Though, I will have to post/vent if there are any more pathetic attempts from her. I like how she writes as if I WANTED THIS - haha so manipulative - she caused this, she made the bed so SHE HAS TO SLEEP IN IT - IM GONE :)

After a while my ex stopped. Got the message and thank god.

Post away and vent, buddy. That's why were here.

Yup, a manipulator without people to manipulate. Must be maddening for those types.

Start here:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder at a Glance (http://samvak.tripod.com/npdglance.html)

Never heard much about your ex's background or deal, but this may help you:

Some stuff on narcissists:

The interpersonal relationships of patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are typically impaired due to their lack of empathy, disregard for others, exploitativeness, sense of entitlement, and constant need for attention (narcissistic supply).

Patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are either "cerebral" (derive their Narcissistic Supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) or "somatic" (derive their Narcissistic Supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and romantic or physical "conquests").

Based on a survey of 1201 therapists and psychologists in clinical practice, Prof. Drew Westen of Emory University postulated the existence of three subtypes of narcissists:

1. High functioning or Exhibitionist: "(H)as an exaggerated sense of self-importance, but is also articulate, energetic, outgoing, and achievement oriented." (The equivalent of the Cerebral narcissist).

2. Fragile: "(W)ants to feel important and privileged to ward off painful feelings of inadequacy and loneliness" (The equivalent of the Compensatory narcissist).

3. Grandiose or Malignant: "(H)as an exaggerated sense of self-importance, feels privileged, exploits others, and lusts after power." (The equivalent of the Classic narcissist).

Not sure about your ex, but I was with a full-blown one, I was an perfect enabler. Silly me.

Hey boston, you're the man for handling this situation like an ace. Forget that tramp(no offense),but that mindset does keep your guard up against the hurt. You kept up your end of the deal by being a committed and faithful boyfriend for two years. Girls in this generation tend to always want more. All of sudden she thinks her a$$ is made of gold, you know. And you seem to be a pretty successful guy. In retrospect, after searching for empty love in all the wrong places, she will come back to you. I mean she's with her boss who is married.. how long is that really going to last, haha. I'm going through the same things you are, a little different but generally the same thing. All I want to say is your posts and updates are really helping me cope with my situation as well, so keep them up. Good luck and keep up NC.

Thanks Krim for the kind words - this has been so rough on me but I am pushing forward and struggling through every day. Let's get through these hard times together. I know she is bad news, but every hint of attention has me drooling like a little puppy HAHA - glad I can keep no contact though.

Van - last night I had a hard time falling asleep so I read your whole thread about your situation for the first time. Really eye-opening. How are you feeling about everything now- do you see that I am acting similar to how you did?

I see a lot of similarities between our ex's actions, but also many differences. Some of them were what I am going through now to a T. Made me realize I am doing the right thing. I am not sure if my ex fits exactly into the same personality category, but I DO know her current intentions are not good no matter what and no matter what once was - and she IS looking out for herself only now.

I also was thinking about her message to my sister last night some more and re-read it, though I shouldn't lol. The good thing is that the more I read it the more I realize she is just trying to validate everything for HERSELF. Everything in the letter is to make HER feel good, nothing to do with my feelings. She does not like that my whole family is mad at her and no longer a part of her life. Her plan did not work and now she is confused. She does not want me back, her feelings did not change, she is upset because SHE LOST CONTROL.

Well I am back to "normal" today and trying to forget this episode. My whole fam is back to NC and not talking about her for now. The best part is though I have been thinking about her and talking about her so much from the recent birthday drama, she does not know I was doing this. She actually does not now ANYTHING about me from the past 3 weeks of NC. Let her wonder.

It is crazy how I still miss her so much - just now I am smarter and have my head tell my heart to run away

Glad my thread put you to sleep, hehehe.

You are doing the right things and started right away, which was helpful for me. Its funny my ex has been on my mind & in my dreams lately. I don't like that one bit. It sure takes time. Im doing OK. Still have those bouts of anger & rejection, but do my best to keep them at bay.

There's no real map, its different for everyone & their situation. I just try & be the nicest, honest person I can be.

Posting here & giving advice really helps.

Haha it did not put me to sleep. It was very interesting and inspiring. I was able to see your improvement over time and I was also able to see how I am acting in ways like you did in the beginning.

Well, now I am trying to get back to the healing road again. I had a busy day today so it was a little easier to keep focused on things aside from my ex. Though the recent birthday drama was on definitely on my mind at many times. Plus, I had ANOTHER missed called from her today that I ignored. She must be itching for information now that she was ignored by my sister and me numerous times. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT TO SAY SO BAD? Well its def not important because she hasn't even left a message - w/e NC for the win!

Anyway, I guess I'll vent a little on how I am feeling. I have felt weird recently about the situation. Her contact may have some part to do with this but not fully. I feel like I am just going through the motions. Like my heart doesn't want to do NC but I know in my head it's the right move and am just following everyone's advice. I know she is bad news and I know it is over and I know I will feel better in time.

But I just have been feeling weird. And not a sad feeling like an I want her back feeling, but a new feeling I haven't felt in the healing process yet. I guess it's a mix of confusion, loneliness, depression, and nostalgia. I don't know guess I just needed to get it down on paper. I felt stronger lately but this could just be a phase that I need to push through.

I do have a feeling her contact contributed to this. I am assuming she will give up soon. And its funny because she is so selfish. It's not like her texts or messages are saying I made a mistake please come back, its all about HER. Screw her HAHA

OK IM DONE WITH THIS RANT - encouragement please haha :)

The thing is we are never prepared.

We roll with it. And work.

And you are right, all of this desperate attempts from her are design to screw with our head. There's no two ways about it.

But you know the deal. And what to do.

At this point, if its worth it to you, start delving into yourself, some soul searching. How you've dealt with things, people, etc.. What it is you want & can look for.

Your post before made me remember all of the voracious stuff I did to get rid of the pain. Boy, it seems so exhausting now. But that digging really made a difference in every part of my life.

Sometimes with great loss comes enlightenment.

I know this episode will help you become. This is just one of many lessons to come.

Van what do you recommend to do when I am feeling down about everything such as right now. I try to stay busy and everything but at times its just hard not to sit and be down on yourself and life. This is how I feel now. I have been very good at handling everything through my time so far in NC, but right now it is pretty rough.

What do you think were the best tactics to help you through rough times. Or what is just some general advice (besides getting busy)

Also, do you think she will just stop trying eventually if I continue to ignore this recent contacts. It definitely sunk in the reality of me disappearing. Though I saw in your thread your ex tried randomly throughout the course of it.

Also, do you think she will give up soon if I just keep ignoring her.

Yup, she will stop. Just stay NC and delete any messages. Don't read them over & over. You already know why she's continuing. Guilt and looking for her puppies.

Dude, I did so much. I was pretty bad. But no wuss. Im smart and creative.
That's what I do. So I applied that to this. I read, lots. And wrote hundreds of notes. To myself, to her, to everyone. Really dug deep in my past & why I let this happen & how to smack myself.

I also got out. Hung with my good friends. Biked, played tennis, took trips, partied. Didn't say no to any opportunity for fun that came my way.

BTW,

Not sure if you've trashed all the things that remind you of her.

I mean EVERYTHING. From emails to gifts.

I got rid of some furniture for gods sake.

Didn't want anything around to remind me.

I even found a love note stashed away a month or 2 ago buried in my sock drawer.
I said ARGGH!! Ripped it up & couldn't put it in my trash fast enough.

Yea, I was smart enough to get everything that reminded me of her out of sight soon after the breakup. So I don't run into anything that reminds me of her. The only things that get me in nostalgia mode are the memories that lie within my head, when I am out and see a place we always went or something similar, or when I get a glimmer of attention from her (such as this week).

I also felt weird today when I saw a couple walking together. I left the gym and felt amazing, then saw them holding hands and laughing and walking. Just quickly made me feel miserable. Felt so alone.

Tho, I am getting more comfortable with the idea of being on my own again. I just miss the comfort of having the intimacy of a girlfriend. I am not saying I am trying to desperately fill the void by jumping to a new girl, I am just saying I really enjoyed the feeling of having a partner, this was my first long relationship. I am the type of guy who rather have something meaningful than go to the bar and bring girls home every night.

The good thing is I am starting to see it is not necessarily the feeling of my ex that I miss, I think a new future girl will make me feel the same way if not better.

I think it is making me feel better to post all this. It may be making no sense whatsoever and very random. But I think this stream of consciousness is helpful after the way I have been feeling and the recent contact

That's just normal. No advice with those things, only time.

Don't think a future girl will help until you stop hurting from this one. That's not the answer. Don't think that way. You don't need someone to make you happy. That's the point here.

Hey man, I miss that too, but now Im selective. And not really worrying about it.

Its all when you least expect it.

Yea, I agree with vanheart. Every time I was in a relationship, I never was looking for one in the first place. I came across a book at the local book store regarding issues of co-dependence. Now I'd hardly call you or myself co-dependent, but reading a few chapters did strike a chord. I liked having my girl around, but came to the realization it's not her I'm missing. It was like I felt validated from her desiring to be with me, or something along those lines.

Anyway it might be the same case with you. The worst of it, like the shock and betrayal is probably gone. My suggestion is that you keep building yourself RB. The situation with my ex forced me into a situation where I completely reassessed my lifestyle.I figured I want to become strong enough, not to be defined or validated by anyone else. Currently I'm in hermit status, working out, working, and school. I go out with friends occasionally, but for now I feel it's necessary to heal and nurture my soul.


I feel you should continue with the path you're taking and continue ignoring her bro. Work on yourself, and all aspects including relations with family, friends, and future gfs will improve. Be positive, you seem like you have a lot going for you. There's a high chance your ex will come back to you. Make her regret her actions, by being the man.. ; ) cheers

Wow Krim - very nice post.

I can relate sooo much to the end of your first paragraph:

"I liked having my girl around, but came to the realization it's not her I'm missing. It was like I felt validated from her desiring to be with me, or something along those lines"

I was single for most of my life before this long term relationship and I think I really loved the idea of having a partner and companion. It was a great feeling, especially since it was the first time I felt it. It may be true I do not necessarily miss my ex and the person she was, I may miss the idea of her being with me and loving me and me always having someone to count on. And I also think I suffer greatly from "you want what you can't have syndrome lol"

It is probably why I get excited when she shows attention from my NC.

But all in all, I agree with you. I will be "the man" haha and I will continue to ignore her. I AM trying to get back to being happy by myself. I am going to the gym VERY OFTEN, I am finishing law school this semester, I have a new job lined up at a very respectable firm in the fall.

I think that when I get myself back to normal, I will have no problem out there again in the field. It will be HER loss in the long run.

Exactly.
Her loss, your gain...

Let me rephrase that:

You're gain, her gain...

Wait, one more time:

Your gain, screw her...

Haha - I like the last one the best Van..

Today started in a funk again - but I went to the gym and class and read and posted on here - definitely feeling a little better now - you guys are a lifesaver lol

Still thinking about her more lately because of the recent events, but trying to control it again and back in the correct mindset.

But now that I have perspective again I am so happy that I kept NC through this week - I know I would have regretted it so much. Let her wonder, and let me not care or think about her life anymore. She no longer exists.

I also noticed I am getting a little more comfortable being alone, not needing to be surrounded by friends and such. Though I think AMHD has become my new addiction haha. Well hope all is well, be back soon for a new update - hopefully positive!

That was my point.

Yeah there's some soul searching that happens when you just do stuff.
I rode my bike every day last summer to the beach & read, chilled, whatever. Had this BS in my head on every ride. But glad I did.

Worked at night.

Sounds like that funk is becoming more fleeting. Good.

Its weird. We know it. Believe it. But its all about controlling our thoughts.
Master that one and better yet, learn how to ultimately forgive, and you will never have to worry.

Im talking about everything.

Arite here we go - who's ready for a POSITIVE update!

Feeling much better right now. Woke up and was depressed thinking about her so I got right out of bed - then I ate breakfast and had an amazing workout in the gym. It was great for my head - I am starting to physically look A LOT better and I am feeling more confident. I made a goal today to look the best I have ever looked by graduation in May (im talking 6 pack ripped haha)

More good news, I just booked a last minute 7 day spring break cruise with 3 buddies. We are going in 2.5 weeks. Very exciting and will be great to get my mind off things.

I am back on the healing process and think I am out of the funk for now at least. Any strands of false hope she gave me from the post birthday contacts are almost fully gone and I am back to working on closing that door behind me and putting me and my new life first.

Here's to a great day to all and hopefully more positive updates soon!

P.S. SCREW HER!! A better girl is out there and waiting for me and will appreciate ME!

Congrats, Robin.
Keep it going.

Exactly-good attitude.
Have a great day. :-)

Have fun on your cruise Rob. I too am going out for spring break. Us single guys deserve it! :D

Haha I agree KC - hope you have a great time as well.

I think a vacation will be a great way to get my mind off things, hang out with the guys, take a break from the everyday routine, and get some new perspective on things. Plus, continuing NC will be easy since I can't use my phone LOL.

I am starting to see the world still continues to run even if my ex and I are no longer together. My head knows what's up and I post it on here, now let's just get me to feel this way all the time!

You will.
You're off too a fantastic start.

NC for the win!

So, talk about pulling at strands - a little while ago I had another missed call from the ex - this time she left a message for the first time, and all it said was "Hi, Please don't be cruel, just tell me whether or not your sister wants anything to do with me"

HAHA are you serious? - nothing about me, just asking about my sister's relationship with HER - lol pathetic. Not sure if she's looking for any excuse to get a rise out of me, but it's not working

Oh well, just confirmed I was right to keep NC through this week. I also did not let this one affect me AT ALL. I actually laughed at her message.

I am going out with the guys tonight and this will not be on my mind at all. Keeping up the NC. Just wanted to share and confirm what you guys were thinking

Nice one.

And yes totally pathetic. Yo, she's made her bed, but doesn't like how it feels crawling into it.

Did you tell your sister about this & not to cave at this crap.

Another affirmation.

The only rises are you rising above this BS...

Congrats once again.

Why the heck would she want to? Weird

Because she wants her puppy dog back.

The one she kicked and ran away.

Thanks Van,

Yes, I talked with my sister who couldn't believe it. She agreed to ignore any attempts by my ex if they were to ever come to her.

I feel like these recent events are happening just because she can't believe how it actually feels to have my whole family disappear out of her life, and no amount of manipulation or lying will change that fact? Do you agree?

It's like she still doesn't want to be with me, just can't believe I am standing firm and removed her from my life.

Oh well, like we said before - HER LOSS, and she's starting to feel that.

This actually has helped me see how I have come a long way already from the initial breakup. I see I am okay ignoring her and have learned to see past her words and manipulation :)

This is definitely starting to look like I will see this all was a blessing in disguise in time to come. (Hopefully soon haha)


Exactly "unsure" - very confusing and ridiculous.

Oh I dumped you and needed to be on my own - Oh by the way can your sister hang out?

Haha - yea OK, Screw you

Absolutely. You got it right on.
You are a lawyer right? Analytical? And deal with proof.

Dude, be proud you are doing this. I happy at your strength and progress so far. Amazing.

These types only think about themselves. Don't realize what they are doing, and certainly don't plan for this.

She thought you and your family would be pals.

Oh well...

Thanks Van - you have been a great help for me, especially through this rough week.

Sometimes I know what I am doing is right in my head, but my heart is a wuss and needs someone like you to just reinforce my thinking and give me the balls to continue doing the right move.

We will fight those manipulators together. It is so clear that she is in desperation mode now, I just used to miss the signs with my false hope

Much appreciated :)

Her new man is really all she needs to be worrying about.

Can you see the irony?

She's scrambling because she has zero emotional skill set.

OMG!!


My pleasure, buddy. That's why Im still here.

No longer posting on my zillion page thread. Hehehhe.

LOLOL.. told you RB. I knew she'd try to come back, they always do. But to tell you the truth this isn't even the worst of it yet, man. Truly you should enjoy moments like these, and should be motivated to improving yourself. I mentioned earlier that, while you're seeking love and understanding from yourself, your ex looks for empty love, which is bringing her no results. You ended up having such a stronger foundation from rationalizing from yourself, rather than depending on others, based on feelings. Feelings are natural and essential to life, but realize that feelings tend to fluctuate constantly. You stuck to your guns and principles, and are seeing the results. These moments are the merits of your convictions. Enjoy and continue doing what you're doing man.

Exactly. Starting to reap NC.

Robin, amongst this, I also hear a bit of sadness.

Remember that this a habit with her. And you are breaking it.

I wanted to know that in some way my ex felt some remorse or had an inkling of a heart.

She doesn't have that & know you are realizing it. That's the awareness here.

You are so positive and strong. Just make sure you get in tune with who you are through all of this so you can be ready.

Cheers,
Van

Thanks guys,

I know I definitely would love to think there is some sort of remorse or regret in these desperation attempts, because that would be normal for these actions. But sadly I know there is not. And that means she is just f'ed up in the head haha. It is very hard to understand her intentions at all.

It is very weird, or should I say insane, to be acting like this after 2.5 years. It's like a totally different person than who I knew. And I know when the desperation contact stops I will initially feel weird about it, but I will keep telling myself it is for the better and necessary.

I know I truly agree with all of you and have perspective on this situation purely by my ability to ignore her, post about it and keep no NC.

Posting here keeps me rational, allows me to consult my friends (you guys :) ) and then gain perspective.

Life throws some sick curveballs at you man - this has surely been an emotional test - 2.5 years, fall in love first time ever, get dumped, then get stalked for no good reason...

Oh well - let's push through this

Its hard to get inside the head of insane people. Especially ones we were in bed with. Or thought we were.

Sometimes people show their colors. In all sorts of ways.

Be glad now that you didn't continue and dig deep on why you did for 2.5 years.

That's the key. Being better. For you first, and others later.


The reality is that you were insane for getting with her & continuing.

Just thought Id give you a slap & a hug at the same time.

Make sure in the midst of this, you do some spiritual digging.

Not just forget with no lesson. You're rocking it man!

Ha, well honestly Van - the first 2 years seemed amazing. I don't know if it was a charade on her part or if I was just blind to all the warning signs and just keeping it going out of comfort. If the whole 2.5 years was an act then I just have no response lol.

Either way it's over now and I will use it as a learning experience. I can't complain, it was my first true love and the next girl will benefit from what I have learned through this experience.

Ok - well I am going out now for a little while... more updates tomorrow - Have a great night!

Yup the warning signs. Both you you.

Have fun.

Hey everyone,

Been in a better mood about the whole situation over the past 2 days. I am now over the recent birthday events of the ex trying to contact me. She has not tried me in the last 2 days.

Had a good day yesterday, went to the movies then I went out to the bar last night with my friends - had a good time - talked to some girls - and was glad to have some convo's with girls and see they had some interest in me. I was not really looking for anything, just messing around/flirting, and getting some confidence back. It was helpful.

I can tell my mind is slowly removing her officially from my life, little by little each day. Time will heal, I can tell. I still do think about her very often, sometimes wondering what she's doing, and sometimes get anxious when phone rings, etc. But I think I am definitely improving.

I see her recent attempts at contact were only a slight setback for me, nothing more and NC has fully continued on my end (just under 4 weeks now).

Feels good to give you some positive updates and I hope they will continue. Talk to you soon!!

Keep up the good work-enjoy life,and don't look back.
Happy weekend!

UPDATE - hey guys, so it's been just over a month since my last update, and now about 3 months since my breakup. I wanted to come back and share my experience since and give some hope to others!

So I have been in full NC for almost 2 months I think now, I stopped keeping track after some time and I think it was necessary. It took me a long time to feel at all like a normal person again. I literally thought about her every minute for the first few weeks.

But over this past week, I saw that I am moving on and am changed and am completely over the thought of ever getting back with my ex, or ever wanting to. Actually, leaving a bar the other night I was approached by a girl who I had met previously, years ago at school, but while I was with my ex so I never got to know her. We chatted quickly and exchanged info.

The last week we have hung out a lot together and both are very interested. I am taking things veeery slow and just enjoying getting to know her now. She is very nice and fun to hang out with. The most positive thing about this is that in the past I would be thinking about my ex all the time and comparing the two. Now I see myself thinking about this new girl, waiting for her to call, or wondering what we will do. It is a great feeling.

I am not sure what will happen with this new girl, or even if it will go anywhere. Honestly, that's not the point here. The point is that time does heal. NC is the answer. Yes it's hard, yes I was a mess in the beginning too. But it does work. I do still think about my ex often and at times wonder what she has been up to. But it is not in the same way as it used to be. I realize that there are other girls out there and we all will move on and find the next "one" in time.

Good luck everyone!

Nice testimony. Glad to hear it Rob. Im happy for you!

Hi everyone, just had an update and quick question:

It has been 4-5 months since my long-term breakup discussed in this thread. I have pretty much entirely moved on, have been out in the dating scene and have been with a few girls since. I think about my ex at times but I can say that I am enjoying life again and have confidence back. SO,

I graduated law school last week and received a card from my ex. This was the first contact on either behalf in almost 3 months. I felt I should acknowledge it so I wrote her a one line thank you email. She obviously replied and ended the email with a question.

I am wondering if I should ignore this email and just go back to my own life, or if I should reply. I do not want to get back with her and I feel comfortable talking on a friendly basis, I am just wondering if it would be asking for trouble and I should just leave it alone? I know she wanted to be friends when she broke.

Any thoughts?

That you don't want her back, that's a good sign of healing, but if by friends she comes to dominate your time, and thoughts and stirs up old feelings, then that would interfere in what your doing.

No I would not be that available to her at this point in time, You don't know her agenda, and you have worked darn hard to rebuild yourself to where you are now. Don't test yourself by being her friend, just keep doing your own thing, and let things happen naturally. I would be to busy, and unavailable until things were a lot clearer, in my own mind.

Answer her and end the message "I hope you will have a nice life" or something like that. She'll understand. Honestly it isn't worth it to be friends with ex, especially since there is many people out there who are super fun.

So I decided, I am just not answering her email. It's probably not worth it. Even if I am over her or not wanting to get back together, why rock the boat and allow for trouble.

Staying away from her is a sure way of continuing my new life and path without her negative effects. Sure, maybe I won't look great ignoring her again after writing to her, but it probably is the right move. She dumped me and left, why be her friend?

Even having to write on this site again just shows that anything connected to her is still a bad idea. The past is the past.