My mother gave a son up for adoption back in the late 60s or early 70s. She was not married and I do not know the fathers name. I know the son was born in Kansas City Missouri but that is all I have. I have tried to talk to my mother about it so that I could get more info but every time I try she just cries. Seems that she gets very sad in may but that doesn't mean anything. My mothers maiden name is Pamela Anne Mitchell. I am going to try and get more info.

If your MOTHER does not wish to pursue this, why do you?

Why do you insist on rubbing salt in her wound over and over again?

Hire a licensed private investigator, if you feel you MUST find this person who is not even legally your sibling. However--be prepared to find out that he never knew he was adopted, and that you've now opened a HUGE can of worms that you can't close again.

If HE is looking for a reunion as well, you can register on reunion websites and hopefully run into each other.

I can't, however, condone your search when all it does is upset your mother. YOU have no right to this information at the cost of your mother, who has had to deal with the pain of adoption for 40 years. Shame on you! If your mother doesn't want to search, why don't you leave it alone?

I understand what you are going through. I hope to God you are successful. I apologize for Synnens' answer they must not know what it is like. I also am trying to find my brother. My Mother is not holding any information from me but I don't like bringing it up. All I know is my Mothers' name and the state he was born in. If you get better information from someone I would really appreciate a forward my Mothers' maiden name was Filler and the state was Indiana. The only other information I have was he was adopted by a pastor. I really do wish you luck. Please don't give up. Your Brother means something to You that's all that matters.

Synnen needs no apology for her answer. Synnen is a BIRTHMOTHER, and does know what it's like.

She also knows several OTHER people whose lives were completely thrown out of whack--adult adoptees that had no idea they were adopted and having to deal with the betrayal of their adoptive parents in never telling them, birthmothers who never told their husband (not the birthfather, obviously) that they had given birth to a child before meeting him and divorce resulting, siblings who thought they had the RIGHT to search re-opening the birthparents wound--a wound that takes YEARS to heal.

So yes--Synnen DOES know what she's talking about. How many birthparent support groups do YOU belong to? How many adoptees do YOU know?

I'm not saying "Don't search". I'm saying make SURE you know what you're getting into, and move slowly in a search. Make SURE that your mother is okay with this--because if she's not, she could end up hating you. Make SURE that the adoptee WANTS to be contacted--they don't always want to, you know. Make SURE that you are respectful of the adoptive family--they made sure the adoptee was raised in a loving home.

If you'd read the sticky at the top of the adoption page, there are SEVERAL suggestions for searching. Reunion websites are by FAR the best way to try to connect with an adoptee---but get your mother to sit down and fill it out WITH you.

My brother was also adopted when he was 7 so I was growing up with him I am trying to find my brother too.. now my mother has dies and I have no answers, chances are he already knows he adopted and would want to find his real family.. synnen knows nothing.. when she dies does she want her other children if any not knowing who their sibling is? You have no right getting involved unless you are in this situation how would you like knowing you had a brother/sister out there and you could have walked past them everyday?

You're resurrecting a thread from almost 2 years ago to tell me that I don't understand?

I have given the best advice I can to people searching: GO TO REUNION WEBSITES.

If you are not the adoptee, the adoptive parents, or the birthparents, you have only one other choice: Pay the money to hire a private detective.

Make sure you realize, however, that you are disrupting someone else's life.

If your MOTHER had wanted you to know, SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. End of story. It was NEVER your choice, and it was never YOUR adoption story.

This thread is closed. If you want to discuss YOUR situation, then start your OWN thread. I will, however, give you essentially the same advice: go to reunion websites and register with the information you have. If your sibling gives a rat's potato about finding his birth family, he will have registered too and voilà! You find each other! If he doesn't CARE, however, then he doesn't register, and you have no right to disrupt his life.