phoenix52
Jan 24, 2010, 07:28 AM
hey mates.
I am a 25 year old male and my ex girlfriend is 19. Although there is an age difference, we met at work (in a factory where I was temping for a while) and although we didn't immediately hit it off, after several msn and Facebook exchanges we got closer and eventually I asked her out. She wanted to be friends first but I knew she was being pursued by other guys so I didn't want to risk losing her to someone else and being a friend only. So I told her that I can't be friends cos I had developed feelings for her and wanted to be in a relationship. She accepted and after our first date we really hit it off and it seemed like we were perfect for each other. In the weeks following, it seemed like she lived for me and I was the love of her life. Within a week we were both telling each other we loved each other, she would message/call several times a day and would miss me even after hours of not seeing me. She would always come over to my house and invite me over to hers, she would even come with me to my gym to watch me workout with my trainer. I couldn't be more happier, I had found someone who was always there for me, who loved and cared for me - a genuine partner, a soulmate, even. Everything felt so right.
the one thing was she is an extremely friendly person which can be seen as flirty. Especially with guys. At parties and clubs we would go to, she would go around to random people and talk and sometimes exchange facebook/msn details. She would always assure me that I had nothing to be jealous of, she never do anything to hurt me. So I trusted her. So much so, that one day I made the (now foolish) decision to introduce her to my old cricket buddies. These guys are 17-21 and played cricket with me at my old cricket club. I had spent 12 years at that club and seen most of these kids grow up and spent a lot of my single days having drink-ups and parties in these guys' houses. My buddies seemed happy for me that I had finally found a girlfriend (it had been 4 years since the last one) and they insisted on meeting her. So at one of the guy's drinkups at his house, I brought her along. Unfortunately, she was the only girl there and my 'buddies' and her immediately hit it off and she started calling them her 'best friends for life'. They saw in her an attractive female version of themselves, someone who loved to drink, get drunk and have drunked good times (something I didn't really enjoy that much since I'm not big on drinking).
the next couple of months the relationship continued to blossom however fights started to creep in and my cricket buddies were at the center of them. During one fight, I got upset at her because I brought her to a function at my old cricket club expecting her to be by my side however she spent the night running off drinking with my buddies, I didn't even know where she was half the time. Surprisingly, when I went off at her for disrespecting me, my buddies took her side and said I was controlling and overprotective. The final fight which resulted in her dumping me, after 4 months together, was over her telling me that she wasn't 'in love with me' but loved me. I was hurt and angry and told her that her version of love is bulls**t. because everyday she used to tell me she loved me and I believed it and thought it was the real deal, I know I don't use a word like love lightly, I've only ever said it when I've meant it. She got hurt and said she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the relationship anymore. The next day she called wanting a break, I tried explaining why I said what I said but she wouldn't let me get a word in so again I got annoyed and told her that her definition of love is something like out of one of those teenage girl TV shows. She then said its over citing the reason she's sick of me insulting her.
during that week I was devastated and tried contacting her through phone msg's, Facebook msg's. She said things like 'i need time to get over what you said to me, maybe one day we can be in a relationship again, if we ever do I want it to be like it was at the start when I was starting to fall in love, I hope we can still be friends... '. I said I can't be friends while I have feelings for her, it'd be too painful to deal with and counter productive (like I said at the start). However, we made plans to still see each other and she said as long as I'm in her life she will always love me and ill still have a chance with her. But then I found out she was hanging around my old cricket buddies, going to their parties and drink-ups at their houses. I suspected this was going to happen so I went around to my buddy's house one night (a week after the breakup) and he was like 'you can't be here, shenae (thats my ex's name) is coming'. So I told him he was a dog (seemed like my mates waited for the opportunity for us to break up then pounce on my ex and bring her to their side) and then called my ex and asked her what she was doing hanging around my mates (she promised me that she would never disrespect me by hanging around/dating my friends if we ever broke up). She claims she's done nothing wrong, they invited her over, its not her fault they want her around and not me.
so I deleted her off fb, msn, phone. Once I did that, she posted on my Facebook saying that I lost my chance with her, that I was childish to delete her over my friends choosing her over me. She then proceeded to post some private stuff about me publicly to humiliate me and my friends chipped in encouraging her, adding fuel to the fire. My family and friends retaliated by calling her trash and garbage. I begged for them to stop because I knew this was killing my chance of reconciling with her (by turning things into a war). I continued to plead with her through PM telling her I didn't want any of this to happen, I still loved her, etc etc... she basically said she's moving on, wants nothing to do with me or my family, not to contact her ever again. That was back in second week December 09.
I tried no contact since then but everyday I miss her so much and think about all the good times we had together and how I honestly can't believe it has come to this point. It was seemingly perfect and then got spoiled. From time to time, I check her fb page and the fb pages of my cricket buddies (or ex-buddies). Her fb has become private and she has made no attempt to re-add me as a friend on fb. I have since learned that she has become close friends with all my old cricket guy friends, has basically taken my place in their group, going out every weekend with them, and is even in a new relationship with one of them.
I am struggling to deal with the thought of me not meaning anything to her anymore. The situation seems like she met me, started to fall in love and become committed in a relationship then met my buddies and realised the fun in being young, crazy, careless and drunk and suddenly changed and became less clingy to the relationship. I desperately want my ex back, the girl who loved being with me, the girl I first met and fell in love with.
I'm not sure what I should do. Its been a month now of no contact. She has made no attempt to call or message me. Except for one phone message saying 'did u think I was joking when I said that id find out everything you say about me? Just letting you know that everyone is on my side' (in response to me talking to a mutual friend about being hurt about the fact that she is dating my friend, something she said she would never do). My stupid ex-buddies have drunk called me in the last few weeks, including the guy who's dating her now, taunting me that they're with her now.
she still keeps the photos of us together on her myspace and Facebook. And one of my mates (one I can trust) told me she still asks about me. Is continued no contact the right way to go if I want her back in my life?
p.s. sorry for the long message but it was necessary to give an idea of the whole picture.
I am a 25 year old male and my ex girlfriend is 19. Although there is an age difference, we met at work (in a factory where I was temping for a while) and although we didn't immediately hit it off, after several msn and Facebook exchanges we got closer and eventually I asked her out. She wanted to be friends first but I knew she was being pursued by other guys so I didn't want to risk losing her to someone else and being a friend only. So I told her that I can't be friends cos I had developed feelings for her and wanted to be in a relationship. She accepted and after our first date we really hit it off and it seemed like we were perfect for each other. In the weeks following, it seemed like she lived for me and I was the love of her life. Within a week we were both telling each other we loved each other, she would message/call several times a day and would miss me even after hours of not seeing me. She would always come over to my house and invite me over to hers, she would even come with me to my gym to watch me workout with my trainer. I couldn't be more happier, I had found someone who was always there for me, who loved and cared for me - a genuine partner, a soulmate, even. Everything felt so right.
the one thing was she is an extremely friendly person which can be seen as flirty. Especially with guys. At parties and clubs we would go to, she would go around to random people and talk and sometimes exchange facebook/msn details. She would always assure me that I had nothing to be jealous of, she never do anything to hurt me. So I trusted her. So much so, that one day I made the (now foolish) decision to introduce her to my old cricket buddies. These guys are 17-21 and played cricket with me at my old cricket club. I had spent 12 years at that club and seen most of these kids grow up and spent a lot of my single days having drink-ups and parties in these guys' houses. My buddies seemed happy for me that I had finally found a girlfriend (it had been 4 years since the last one) and they insisted on meeting her. So at one of the guy's drinkups at his house, I brought her along. Unfortunately, she was the only girl there and my 'buddies' and her immediately hit it off and she started calling them her 'best friends for life'. They saw in her an attractive female version of themselves, someone who loved to drink, get drunk and have drunked good times (something I didn't really enjoy that much since I'm not big on drinking).
the next couple of months the relationship continued to blossom however fights started to creep in and my cricket buddies were at the center of them. During one fight, I got upset at her because I brought her to a function at my old cricket club expecting her to be by my side however she spent the night running off drinking with my buddies, I didn't even know where she was half the time. Surprisingly, when I went off at her for disrespecting me, my buddies took her side and said I was controlling and overprotective. The final fight which resulted in her dumping me, after 4 months together, was over her telling me that she wasn't 'in love with me' but loved me. I was hurt and angry and told her that her version of love is bulls**t. because everyday she used to tell me she loved me and I believed it and thought it was the real deal, I know I don't use a word like love lightly, I've only ever said it when I've meant it. She got hurt and said she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the relationship anymore. The next day she called wanting a break, I tried explaining why I said what I said but she wouldn't let me get a word in so again I got annoyed and told her that her definition of love is something like out of one of those teenage girl TV shows. She then said its over citing the reason she's sick of me insulting her.
during that week I was devastated and tried contacting her through phone msg's, Facebook msg's. She said things like 'i need time to get over what you said to me, maybe one day we can be in a relationship again, if we ever do I want it to be like it was at the start when I was starting to fall in love, I hope we can still be friends... '. I said I can't be friends while I have feelings for her, it'd be too painful to deal with and counter productive (like I said at the start). However, we made plans to still see each other and she said as long as I'm in her life she will always love me and ill still have a chance with her. But then I found out she was hanging around my old cricket buddies, going to their parties and drink-ups at their houses. I suspected this was going to happen so I went around to my buddy's house one night (a week after the breakup) and he was like 'you can't be here, shenae (thats my ex's name) is coming'. So I told him he was a dog (seemed like my mates waited for the opportunity for us to break up then pounce on my ex and bring her to their side) and then called my ex and asked her what she was doing hanging around my mates (she promised me that she would never disrespect me by hanging around/dating my friends if we ever broke up). She claims she's done nothing wrong, they invited her over, its not her fault they want her around and not me.
so I deleted her off fb, msn, phone. Once I did that, she posted on my Facebook saying that I lost my chance with her, that I was childish to delete her over my friends choosing her over me. She then proceeded to post some private stuff about me publicly to humiliate me and my friends chipped in encouraging her, adding fuel to the fire. My family and friends retaliated by calling her trash and garbage. I begged for them to stop because I knew this was killing my chance of reconciling with her (by turning things into a war). I continued to plead with her through PM telling her I didn't want any of this to happen, I still loved her, etc etc... she basically said she's moving on, wants nothing to do with me or my family, not to contact her ever again. That was back in second week December 09.
I tried no contact since then but everyday I miss her so much and think about all the good times we had together and how I honestly can't believe it has come to this point. It was seemingly perfect and then got spoiled. From time to time, I check her fb page and the fb pages of my cricket buddies (or ex-buddies). Her fb has become private and she has made no attempt to re-add me as a friend on fb. I have since learned that she has become close friends with all my old cricket guy friends, has basically taken my place in their group, going out every weekend with them, and is even in a new relationship with one of them.
I am struggling to deal with the thought of me not meaning anything to her anymore. The situation seems like she met me, started to fall in love and become committed in a relationship then met my buddies and realised the fun in being young, crazy, careless and drunk and suddenly changed and became less clingy to the relationship. I desperately want my ex back, the girl who loved being with me, the girl I first met and fell in love with.
I'm not sure what I should do. Its been a month now of no contact. She has made no attempt to call or message me. Except for one phone message saying 'did u think I was joking when I said that id find out everything you say about me? Just letting you know that everyone is on my side' (in response to me talking to a mutual friend about being hurt about the fact that she is dating my friend, something she said she would never do). My stupid ex-buddies have drunk called me in the last few weeks, including the guy who's dating her now, taunting me that they're with her now.
she still keeps the photos of us together on her myspace and Facebook. And one of my mates (one I can trust) told me she still asks about me. Is continued no contact the right way to go if I want her back in my life?
p.s. sorry for the long message but it was necessary to give an idea of the whole picture.