Every time my refrigerator motor comes on, the lights in the whole houe gets brighter. There is a 60amp service with 2 20amp breakers in the basement and a sub panel with 4 20amp breakers on the 1st floor. It also happens when the furnace ( forced air) comes on.

Sounds like a Loose Neutral, I would check and tighten all, and if problem continues, contact Electric Company to check Meter Connections.