Threads merged.
Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

My ex broke up with me over three months ago after she had gone to uni for two weeks, she said that she was going to get busier and busier and have less time for me which is understandable, the thing is she is only half an hour away because she has a young son that stays with her parents and the plan was to come back every weekend to see him and when we talked about it she said her being so close would mean that its not a problem for us and I can go through and see her during week and see me when she is back at weekends. I got confused by this then after a month of breaking up she contacted me through msn( I deleted everything so that I couldn't get hold of her because I didn't want to say or do anything silly thought I would give her her space because of the reason we broke up) and after a bit of small talk said that she misses her son because she I staying there all weekend which confused me because she couldn't be away from him for one night when we we together. Then recently I found out she is in a relationship with a guy from her halls ad that tis could have been going on for some time. I'm stuck with questions like why after a year together there is going to be no time for me but there is with a new guy, and I want to move on but I think about her ever minute of every day, we had a good relationship why was I so easy to toss aside?

Sorry for your pain.
I don't think you'll ever get any answers to your questions though.

Sometimes people's feelings just change.

You do need to start moving on and get your life back again.

Keep busy and do things you enjoy.
Go out and meet new people -dont stay at home overthinking the past.

Take care.

Is there any chance I can get back with my ex after we have been broken up over three months? We were together a year and hd agood relationship never argued enjoyed each others company etc but she dumped me out of the blue hardly spoke to her since and she told me the reason why was because she wasn't going to have time for me, I'm still hurting after all this time because everythin seemed fine we were good together so I think it was worht the effort I don't know how to go about it? Is it still worth me trying after so long?

In need of help please, thanks

Her reason for breaking up with you may still seem valid to her so the only way you will know if things have changed is if you ask.
Send her an e-mail and be casual,just asking how she is doing and see if she responds,then go from there.

I would not bring up the past or anything controversial at first ,take it slow and see where it goes.

It's not worth it. Don't chase her. If she doesn't want you then forget about her. I know it's hard because I just went through the same situation. My ex and I were together for two and a half years and everything was perfect and last week he pretty much broke up with me for something that we could have easily fixed. He wanted to take a "break" and I guess he liked being single better than he liked a relationship with me. So it's over. I know how hard it is trust me, but we have to think of it as if they don't want us, well then they don't deserve us. It took me a lot of tears to actually even consider forgetting about it and moving on.

She probably broke up with you because her feelings changed and hard and painful as it is you need to start getting over her.

Get busy and do things rather than sitting at home thinking about the past.

Healing take time and patience but you'll get there.

Leave the past in the past and move forward.

If it didn't work the first time, I doubt it's going to the second time. The whole, not having time for you, speech doesn't stand with me. There had to be more things going on. That just doesn't sit right with me. Just leave it alone, cut all contact with her

Sounds like you really loved her and were hurt really bad. I wouldn't contact her at all unless you're up for a replay of what went on 3 months ago. She broke up with you and it is over.

Stop telling yourself that she’s “the only one”, that you're madly in love her, how terribly miserable you are without her, how wrong/sad/unfair it is that you can't be together, how you'll never get over her, and so on. By obsessing on those phrases and others like them, you're making yourself even more miserable. As long as you keep telling yourself you won't get over her, you will be trapped.

Give it a little more time, but if you can’t get over her on your own, you might consider talking to a counselor.


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I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it's not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago ... saying goodbye. Dawsons Creek

I have tried getting over her but it feels like I'm going round in circles, I what to think that knowing I did my best for her then she doesn't deserve my effort but I miss everything abou her

Then you need to find something to break that circle.
Be it a new hobby,new friends etc.

You can't stay stuck mourning your relationship forever.

How do you spend your days-work,school?
Talk to people and find something else to think about.

It takes time to get over someone. This time is best spent hanging out with your buddies and having fun!

I think abou her all day at work its crap it affects everything I do, all I want to do is stay at home away from everything bu iknow it not healthy so I try get out and do things all the time went to prague other weekend last minute and had a great time but I can't do things like hat al the time with work etc

Prague's a lovely city and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
You need to keep doing things and being around people.
Go visit other places,even if it's not abroad.
Have you got friends to talk to? Family?

Yeah I do but its been so long that they don't really want to hear it anymore, I put everything into the relationship how am I supposed to move on when my best is never good enough

I think you should stop blaming yourself for the breakup-its never just the fault of one person when a relationship breaks down.

Nobody is perfect-we are all human and we all go through relationship failures and we all get over it-it takes time and patience.

I can't help but blame myself because I never wanted to lose her I don't know how people can move on so quickly wish I could

You start moving on when you make your mind up that enough is enough.
And then you move on by keeping busy and finding things to do.

Get out in the fresh air-go for walks-go to the gym-whatever exercise you prefer.

I already know enough is enough but you can't control what goes on in your mind

You can find other things to think about.
I don't know how old you are-guessing early twenties-and once you get over this you'll find somebody else.

We all do.

You can find other things to think about.
I dont know how old you are-guessing early twenties-and once you get over this you'll find somebody else.

We all do.

Can't rep you on this thread yet but I will.
Good job... nice connection :)

I just wish there was a way for me to get over it because I know in my head I need to move on but in my heart I want it to be the way it was

The way to get over it is listening to your head-not your heart.
Your head knows it's time to let go.

You are correct but u cannot just drop yor feelings at the drop of a hat can you? Especially when it meant so muchto me

No but you need to give yourself the chance to move on-so now would be a good time to drop the hat.

I'm signing off now-if you are in the Brid I think you might be-go out and enjoy Saturday night- come back tomorrow. :-)

I am out tonight and will enjoy myself just wish I could do it more often you know. Thanks for your help by the way speak soon :)

How come I get affected by every little thing that happens to do with my ex? I feel like this pain is never going to go, why can't it just be how it was when I was happy

You must allow yourself to let go of the pain-find something to occupy your mind.
You will only stay stuck in the past for as long as you allow yourself to.

I don't understand how I'm allowing myself to be stuck in the past I want to move on but things keep hurting me and I can't do anything about it

But you can,whenever something hurtful comes up you go and do something that will change you mindset.

But when I'm at work how can I go do something different to change my mindset? She meant everything to me

What's your job like? Doesn't concentrating on work take your mind off things?

I'm good at my job and haven't been doing it for very long but I do get a lot of time to think about stuff

Have you thought about seeing a councilor-actually talking to someone face to face might be a good idea.

I would't know where to start in finding one and can't talk face to face because I always endup breaking down

A therapist is trained to handle that kind of situation.
Try Relate they have offices in many towns on the coast.

But don't they cost a lot of money? Plus I shouldn't be like this over one person they won't want to waste there time

You wouldn't be wasting anybody's time-and don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do.

Its OK to seek help you know.

I don't know how much they charge-sometimes these things are regulated according to your income.

I think they have an office where you live.

I know there is one in Scarborough.

Its been so long now though since it happened I feel trapped and like I should have forgot about her a long time ago if I ever was going to do it

A little over 3 months isn't all that long. People are different and heal in different ways.

It's a process which takes time and patience.
Keeping busy and setting goals help.

You'll get over it,it takes time,but you,too,will get through this.

U say it isn't that long but it didn't take her long to be with someone else and after all that I did for her

No,and sadly that's what some people do.
I guess most of us have been betrayed at one point or another.
We all have to learn to live with it and move on.

It so devastating though I'm hurting over more than one thing

That's why I suggested counciling so that you can talk about everything that's hurting you.

If I went and spoke about everything how would it help?

Just the fact that you sit down and talk with a professional helps.
You'd be able to tell them how you feel and they would advice you how to find coping mechanisms.

Hey 4 months is not enough time. Stay NC and you will make it. I know someone that is in month 7 and having a very difficult time. It happens. Its okay to feel down after a loss. You will get back on your feet soon! Hang in there.

It feels like a long time like I shouldn't be like this anymore and when sh has moved on so quickly how can I think anythingbut what's wrong with me

But there isn't anything wrong with you-you are you-and we are all different.
There are no absolutes.
She also went to uni and started a whole new life.

That's probably one of the reasons she could move on.

But how can I mean nothing to her aftr the time we had together, uni wasn't supposed to be a problem cause we talked about it before

Uni is a whole different world and there's no way of knowing what it's going to be like until you actually get there.

What you need to do now is accept that it's over-yes,it hurts,but your life is still there-your job,your friends and family,your hobbies etc.

But I'm a nice guy I didn'y do anything to her to deserve all this pain, plus all the things I've got are getting affected by what has happened and how I feel

Im sure you are a nice bloke,but when people break up with us we need to not stay stuck in the past but move on.

I know I need to move on but I can't seem to do it, I've tried everything but am going in circles because when ithink I'm OK the next minute I'm a mess, I'm scared to be happy because I know I'm going to expect summat to hurt my when I am because I think about her all the time

Allow yourself to be happy.
Don't worry about the next hour or day.
Got to go work talk later.

If I expect myself to be upset then when do get upset its not a surprise andi think another day of being sad and prbably wakin up again tomor with her on my mind

Try to wake up tomorrow with the thought that you deserve better than being sad and missing the past.

Look forward to a day that could and should be interesting.

A day at work hardly can be classed as interesting, I know I deserve better that this feeling of sadness I get constantly but ornings are probablt the hardest with getting out of bed an all that

Get out of bed-have a shower-a cup of coffee/tea-breakfast and that's your day started.
It works.
Bedtime here.
Good night.

Yeah the mornings can be rough. This is what you must do:
As soon as you get up, take a good long shower and brush your teeth with the radio blasting if possible. This should help your mornings. But it must be done as soon as you wake up. Eat some breakfast and watch TV and then go out and workout or do something.

OK I will try get out of bed as soon as I wake you and shower TV and breakfast etc but it will be an hour or so before I set off to work so can't go to gym or anything

On your days off you hit the gym and you can go after work too. That's what I do.

I can't go when I finish work at 10 at night, not really been a gym person though I prefer outdoor activties

Yea I wasn't a gym person either but trying to be.

I don't really want to do things like that cause it makes me feel like I'm doing it because of someone else

Ok... then take a college course... do something new to keep you entertained! Something that betters you at the same time! Gym, school and outdoor activities. These are all things I am doing. It's hard to push yourself but we can do it!

Well I tried what you suggested this morning and probably hd the worst time thinking about her, justlike I said before when I decide to try e hapy and forget abou her it comes back 10 times worse so what is th point in not expecting he worse all the time

So why not go for a walk before work starts?

A walk will just give me time to reflect on her and what I haven't got anymore won't it

I really need help my girlfriend of a year left me over three months ago and I can't deal with it, I can undersatn how my life can be s good on minute then awful the next, since we broke up I have been so depressed and look around and hate everything about my life she is with someone else now and thisj ust destroys me every morning when I wake up I was good to her and her son and she just ended it like that and I fin ithar to get through theday without breaking at some point, how can I ake myself feel better and be happy when everything looks so glum

Physical exercise will increase your endorphine levels and make you feel better.

You have to make the choice to work to get over her,and help yourself.
Do you really want to be stuck in this situation another couple of months down the road?

No I don't but months ago I decided I didn't want to get botherd and upset by her and tried to move on but haven't been able to do it and I have tried doing a lot of thing that people suggest

Then keep trying.
What we suggest here works.
I know it does-been there-done that.
You have to keep at it and not allow yourself to fall into the black holes
.

It is hard when there are so many things that get me upset about the situation and I can't get her out of my head, I do try things all the time don't know if I'm doing something wrong about it

Can anyone help me with some things that I can do to stop me thinking that my ex was the one I've read up things saying write down all the bad points but I can't think of any and its been a few months is there a website or something that can help? I really need to move on and want to because of th pain I'm in,but I feel I'm doing sometin wrong becaue I'm hurting as bad as the first day we broke up

Can anyone help me with some things that I can do to stop me thinking that my ex was the one I've read up things saying write down all the bad points but I can't think of any and its been a few months is there a website or something that can help? I really need to move on and want to because of th pain I'm in,but I feel I'm doing sometin wrong becaue I'm hurting as bad as the first day we broke up

It takes time to recover from a break up,are you been busy in your life?

There is one startling truth about your break up that maybe you have not quite yet come to terms with... its over... you are 'the one',no one can make you happy,only you,there is no quick fix to a broken heart.

The first thing on your list of why its over should be... 1. she did not want you.

2. she did not want a future with you.

Stop dwelling on the past,look towards your future,set goals for yourself,and remember that she was just not the right person for you.

I can make myself happy but she is always on my mind so I can't help but dwell on the past

Keep occupied doing things for yourself, hanging out with friends etc.

I don't think you stop thinking about them that quick, just get used to dealing with it and eventually it will pass

I know but she moved on quick so why am I stuck like this I hate being where I am I don't want to think about her all the time but I can't meet anyone new while I do

Its not a competition
Its better to wait till your ready so you can have something meaninful rather than a rebound

Don't worry about meeting someone knew as it will be a while before you will be mentally prepared anyway. You need to stay busy and workout even at home and find time to do things for yourself! You will be happy and I am discovering that myself, right now! I've never tried being happy alone and maybe that's been my problem as it may be yours. It's not a bad thing though, I can tell you that. Fill your head with good thoughts. Time to take charge of this situation by the horns and stay busy when you think about it. Take a good shower or go to the cinema even alone. Find time for a college course. You get the point. Stay busy while moving on! Be tougher!!

I haven't had many girlfriends so I now I can be happy on my own but this relationship break up has devstated me I puta lt into it thought we both wanted the same thing, I know its not a competition but I can't feel that way about anyone else at the moment and for hr to be with someone so quick is just a huge knock back in my confidence

You are not suppose to "feel that way about anyone else". That is why you don't. When you heal then it will happen. Reread my advice on what you need to do. That will rebuild your confidence. You seem to come on only during this time. Is this your free time? Stop dwelling on it and do something! You already know what to do. Next time you write here, tell me the good things happening in your life and what are you good at?

I'm working back shif this week, every time I'm busy I can do what I need to do while still thinking of my ex can't get her out of my mind, I know she isn't worth it and I'ts only making me I'll buther life is so much better than mine so I feel worthlsss

You can't think that way. It's only true if you think it. You have a job and are alive. You just have to focus on work and make everyday exciting by doing something different after work! You can do this!

Maybe will try that next week am done till Monday now, have got plans for tomor and Saturday is my mates birthday so hopefully that will ocupy me for some time

Every one goes through this at least once in their life. The first thing to do is put everything she gave you, things that remind you of her in a huge box, etc and keep it somewhere where you don't see it. Always remember that there is some girl out there waiting for you to be her boy friend. Go out have fun with your friends, spend more time on things that you like doing or if you don't have any hobbies, start having one now. Keep in mind that it takes time to heal.

You have gotten lots of good advice in your other thread,if you feel you can't cope with the feelings of loss and heart break consider seeing your gp.

Breakups are hard,but people do survive,we all find are way out of the heartbreak eventually,but for some they need a little more help.

Go easy on yourself,and perhaps along with a trip to the doctor you might consider therapy as well,it really can help.

Well woke up this morning with her on my mind because had a dream about her and justbeen lyin in bed struggling this is getting tooo difficult to deal with when I think how long ago it happened

Go shower fast and go back to bed.

well woke up this morning with her on my mind because had a dream about her and justbeen lyin in bed struggling this is getting tooo difficult to deal with whn i think how long ago it happened


Get up,get out into the world,how will you ever recover if you don't get pro active.

Give yourself a kick in the ar*s and do something you enjoy.

Meet the lads for a game of football,go for a run,do something active,it will release those feel good hormones and you WILL feel better.

Staying in this poor me I'm so heart broken state WILL not help you!

You have been given some great advice so far, and now its up to you to put some actions in your life, because you are responsible for your own healing, and happiness. The busier you are, the better you heal.

I'm trying theses things but doubts still come over me because I can't help but kbow I did the best and it was over just like that

im tryin theses things but doubts still come over me because i can't help but kbow i did the best and it was over just like that

You did the best you could for THAT relationship,it didn't work out,but maybe it was for the best,maybe there is a girl out there,perfect for YOU,a relationship where you do your best and it is good enough.

But that's not going to happen unless to start to put your ex behind you.

It took me bloody years to meet a guy where my best was good enough,guess what I did before him,I made a lot of big relationship mistakes,and eventually learned to love me for me and know I am bloody good enough,it was them who were not good enough for me.

Learn to love yourself again,let go of the hurt,what use is it?

I know its no good to anyone but I relationships actually mean something to me that's why I haven't had many, but some people can just seem to go from on to another like that, so they can obviosuly drop feelings quite easily I want to be able to do the same

i know its no good to anyone but i relationships actually mean someting to me thats why i havent had many, but some people can just seem to go from on to another like that, so they can obviosuly drop feelings quite easily i want to be able to do the same

No they don't!

They hurt and cry and then pick themselves up and start again.

Well she didn't seem to take long in getting a new bloke everything we did how come I'm the only one that seems to remember I thought I made her happy, well she seemed it anyway neer told me any different that's why I was surprised when she dumped me even er mates said they were shocked so how do I move on that quick

Its been 3 months,have you made any progress at all?

Have you read the stickies in the relationship forum?

Have you kept busy?

Have you deleted her number,got rid of photos,old text messages etc?

Have you stopped asking about her to her friends?

3 months is not that quick,3 months is a nice chunk of time,it may take you a little longer,maybe even a year,but if you don't start making some progress,I would suggest some therapy to help get over this stickie bit.

I've done everything I'm supposed too deleted everything of hr more or les after 2 days an didn't seem as bad for a month then all of a sudden since then itsbeen really bad, I've read a million things about I and while they all make sense and are right I can't put it into practice and all I do is think about her plus with her being with a new gu din't exactly help either

Stop worrying about what she is doing and focus on what your going to do.

It takes time,all the things your doing are working,the benefits just are not visible yet,keep doing them,keep busy, stay no contact,start a journal if it helps,writing is a great way to reflect.

Is it normal to feel as if I'm going backwards though? I am doing the no contact thing but I have faltered a coupl of times over the past couple of months I wantto be able not to hink about why she doesn't want me but it does creep into my head all to often an I try som of the things I have read about but there is times where it builds up and gets too much

Sorry guy, but you sound like a guy with few friends, or activities.

Every time to break nc,you start again.

So when ever the last was that you made contact, that's your starting point.

Its natural yes it go back and forth in the beginning,but if you have made contact,that would explain your feelings.

Do you exercise regularly? If not I strongly recommend it,it will help you sleep,it produces those feel good hormones and something like running takes your mind into a new space,where all you here is your own breathing and the sound of your feet on the road,this gives your mind a chance to relax and find solutions to problems.

A relaxation cd would be no harm either.

Lay of the alcohol,its depressent.

The last time we spoke she was the one who contacted me first but I didn't know what to say so was just small talk then I told her I had to goafter a couple of minutes, the reasn istopped the no contct in the first place was that I felt guilty from deleting her from everything in my life, but do know that th moths leading you to us speaking was no were as bad as its been after, I've nevr been able to sleep properly for years so its summat I don't really think about and I am out the house all weeken doing activities with my friends bike riding, cinema, rock climbing etc but it doesn't stop me thinking about her, I do feel better pyhsicaly dontget me wrong plus I work long hours during week so gives me a lot of time to think and I nevr plan ahead usually do things on the spot or with not much time to organise more exciting that way

Just keep going out an having fun with your friends. This will help you keep your mind off her. If she calls, try your best to ignore her. I know it's harder than it sounds. I went through a period where my ex contacted me frequently. We made a lot of "small talk" and whatever. All it did was make me miss her more and instill a sense of false hope that we would get back together. Then I hung out with her and saw how things really were. It wasn't good. It is best to just be done with her and cut her out of your life. You will save yourself a TON on pain and anguish if you do.

Yeah I know I needto move on in a previous relationship w broke up and got bck together afte a few months which is what I wanted but it took us getting back together for me to relise I really didn't want to be with her and how horrible she treat me when all my mates were telling me while we broke up, I tried chooseing an hour a work today where I sai to myself I'm not going to think about her till at least a certain time which went OK but because I was frcing myself int no thinking about her it she kept popping into my mind and id quickly tink of sumat else is very hard thing to do

I know exactly how u feel.. it hurts, jhow can someone you are with so long, act like what uj two had was nothing and transfer feelings to the next clown.. please.. love makes time.

Well I met this girl we went out on a few dates but she says she doesn't feel a connection, she said I'm funny great to be around and make her laugh so I just accepted it but she messages me a lot and we get on so well when we see each other and she texts me things after we've met like I had a great time tonight was nice to catch up and contacts me when she knows I'm out in town on the night I'm confused because too me she is doing things that make me feel like she likes me that way but I guess I'm only going to see it from my position, does anybody have any ideas on what she wants is it worth me putting all my effort onto her?

No. She has already stated that she does not feel a connection. It would be a good idea to back off and keep things at friendship level.
Store your effort away for a girl that wants to put effort into you.

Seems pretty clear that she's content with a friendship. Funny how, when we have feelings for another person, we try to twist their words into thinking that they are interested in us.

If she was interested in your or considering a possibility, she wouldn't have said that she doesn't feel a connection.

Accept the friendship and move on. If you can't handle the friendship, i.e. only friends because you have a sense of false hope that something more can happen, then leave her out of her life until you feelings for her have gone away. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

I can tell you, as a female, that it's definitely possible for a girl to see a guy as just a friend. She's probably very friendly, outgoing, flirty, and all that, but she KNOWS that she can get your attention. I'm sure she likes knowing that a guy likes her, and even though she doesn't like you as a boyfriend, she still likes you as a friend. It's kind of a weird middle feeling, it can send the wrong signals.

I met a girl on Saturday night while out clubbing she introduced herself to me and for the next couple of hourse we were talking and having a great time in which we exchanged phone numbers, also she had her arm round me at one point and most of our attention was on each other rather than anyone else, I texted her when I got home saying it was nice to meet her and I had fun and she said she had a good night too, the next day though when we were talking over text message she didn't seem as keen as the night before and it was talking her a while to text, I am working late this week and she was out last night so didn't want to invade when she was with friends and I don't get home till 10:30 and don't want to text late in case she is in bed etc have I made a mistake in not contacting her or shall I do it in the morning which I was planning on too, plus this girl makes me forget about other things and I can't take my mind off her I really enjouyed her company and want to ask her out on a date but I don't want to make the mistake of coming on too strong or not being interested, have I wated too long or shall I leave it a while to ask her out what do you think would be best?

You should try and ask her out on a date..
But don't be so upset or hurt if she says no...
If she does say no
Give her a couple days and try talking to her again don't try and jump into the relationship so quick

I won't be upset I would rather have a yes or no answer asap but don't want to come on too strong straight away

If she responded to your texts, then she's willing to keep in touch anyway. So no need to over-analyze.

You sound like a nice guy, but why not call her? If she wanted to go out with you, she would. No need to worry about coming on strong.

I haven't text her for a couple of days though wouldn't it be wired if I just came out asking her out in the morning?

Hello Dude,

As a women's point of view, I would ask her to hang out. It's more romantic for me to have a man pursue me then the other way around. I say go for it!

You're worried about coming on too strong, but if anything, you didn't do enough.

You don't need to worry about when you're texting her. You should text her whenever you feel like it and she will respond when she has time.

Furthermore, calling her to ask her to hang out isn't coming on strong either. It's called getting to know each other.

How are you suppose to build friendships or relationships if you don't even have any contact or communication with the other person.

I think that this is a question of confidence on your part. Get some courrage, pick up the phone and give it a shot.

The worst that can happen is that she's no longer interested in getting to know you better. But at least you would know the answer, as opposed to constantly wondering what she's thinking.

Like I said before I'm working lates this week so if I text her in the mornin and she don't reply till later I won't be able to speak back till I finsh work so if I ask the question I won't be able to do out about the answer, and I know my confidece is a bit low because of a previous relationship I don't want to mess things up but like you said I should have said more but don't think its appropriate to contact her so late at night

Well I sent her a message this morning asking how she is and if she had a good night when she was out but no reply, maybe I just got my judgment wrong on Saturday night thinking that she was interested

You just met her the other night. You say she wasn't too keen on the text messages, so maybe she was drunk that night? I wouldn't be looking for a relationship at this point, you hardly know her, and asking her out so soon may be a little awkward. I suggest inviting her to a group hangout, just to learn more about her.

At least now you have a better idea of what she's thinking. It doesn't seem like she's interested, so you can start moving on.

It's better than sitting around wondering what's on her mind.

Hi oodude,

Why not just keep it casual for the time being, after all you don't really know whether or not she is seeing someone or perhaps she may just have broken up with a partner.

Try just inviting her out casually, say to watch a film, or invite her for a coffee, a bit of window shopping, just for a walk around the park... get the idea, no pressure on either of you.

Go for it, if you can't talk because of work, just text and ask her if you can phone her when you finish your shift.

Goodluck

I have not been with my new girlfriend very long, we got on well together and enjoy each others company but the other night have we had all been out drinking and I don't know how it came about but I told her that I find it hard to trust people because of what has happened to me in the past, I don't know why I said it because its got nothing to do with her and doesn't change how I am with her but I don't know if what I said is going to spoil things now we spoke last night and I told her it was to do with myself confidence but I don't know if she thinks its summat else, is this possible to fix or do I have to accept that I've messed things up before its really started over summat stupid

Have you asked her how it made her feel?

Talk to her again and explain why you said what you said.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/ex-someone-else-but-cant-move-437873.html

Are you sure you're over your last relationship?

Sounds like you're on a rebound. If you haven't recovered yet, why jump into a new relationship? How is that fair to your new girlfriend?

I don't know I thought I was but I can't stay stuck in the past forever I like my time I spend with my new girlfriend, I can't stay single forever

Wait and see if what you said has any effect, or if she trips on it. Till then I see nothing to fix.

Do you think this is more fallout from your ex? I do, and maybe your healing is not as complete as it needs to be.

Don't make this bigger than what it is, and watch the drinking.

If I understand it right you simply stated that you have trouble trusting people... you didn't make it personal and say that you don't trust her.

Stop worrying about it - since it wasn't personal, she probably didn't think anything about it and isn't worried about it at all.

i dunno i thought i was but i can't stay stuck in the past forever i like my time i spend with my new girlfriend, i can't stay single forever

No one is saying that you have to stay single forever.

What's wrong with going on dates and meeting new people. Why do you have to tie yourself down with one person so quickly? This is what we call a rebound. You've been used to having a significant other in your life and now you're looking to fill that void.

Try this approach: Focus on making yourself a better person, get to know more people, find happiness from within yourself and focus on healing from the break up.

Once you feel more confident and secure about yourself, you would be in a better position to pursue a romantic relationship without dragging your past demons around, which is unfair to the other person.

The title of this thread made me think of the "Girlfriend program"

humour5 (http://www.hints-n-tips.com/computerhumor.htm)

Enjoy the humor presented. That's all.

Murphy's Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.
That's exactly how I feel sometimes.

Wait and see, you could be worrying over nothing. You already said it, you were honest in what you said, there is nothing you can do about the outcome now.

Tallisman, romefalls your both right I do worry over nothing sometimes nothing seems to have come from it. Also it maybe was summat from my ex but that was a long time ago a new relationship is a new start I think and should just go with the flow

I've been with my new girlfriend about 2 months now and everything is going great, better than I could have imagined and feel lucky to have met someone so nice but every so often I will have a dream about my ex or see a picture of her on facebook(not by looking just through friends pages) and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, its been 7 months since we broke up and I never really got any answers or a decent explanation and haven't spoke to her for a long time, I just don't understand why these little things make me feel funny when a lot of things in my life are going good at the moment and a lot better than they were when I was in my previous relationship, I feel a bit silly for asking on here just confused any help is appricaited

Seeing as you had such a hard break up, I am not surprised that there are still some left over feelings lingering around.

In a way its normal, but I think you may have moved to fast into another relationship before you were ready.

Don't dwell on old feelings, and memories, just enjoy making new ones.

Every now and then I still think about a former relationship from years ago. It's not a pain like right after the break up, but like anything, memories do pop up. This may sound strange, but I would thank those memories by doing something like this, "Thank you for reminding me of the pain that person caused so I can appreciate how much better my life is now. While I didn't get the answers from her, she gave me the greatest gift, which was a break from her that lead to a new place that is much better." This way you don't ignore the memories, but you also "replace" them or acknowledge that the pain led to something better for you.

i've been with my new girlfriend about 2 months now and everything is going great, better than i could have imagined and feel lucky to have met someone so nice but every so often i will have a dream about my ex or see a picture of her on facebook(not by lookin just thru friends pages) and i get a sinking feeling in my stomach, its been 7 months since we broke up and i never really got any answers or a decent explanation and havent spoke to her for a long time, i just dont understand why these little things make me feel funny when a lot of things in my life are going good at the moment and a lot better than they were when i was in my previous relationship, i feel a bit silly for askin on here just confused any help is appricaited

Maybe you should stop looking at Facebook for now. Sound like you're not totally over her yet. It can be a distraction and may affect the new relationship if you dwell on the past. I hope the new one doesn't turn out to be a rebound.

i've been with my new girlfriend about 2 months now and everything is going great, better than i could have imagined and feel lucky to have met someone so nice but every so often i will have a dream about my ex or see a picture of her on facebook(not by lookin just thru friends pages) and i get a sinking feeling in my stomach, its been 7 months since we broke up and i never really got any answers or a decent explanation and havent spoke to her for a long time, i just dont understand why these little things make me feel funny when a lot of things in my life are going good at the moment and a lot better than they were when i was in my previous relationship, i feel a bit silly for askin on here just confused any help is appricaited

It is normal to have these feelings. The thing is deep down inside you probably think they are going too good. Maybe you feel guilty about it going to well too. Wishing it went well previously but did not. There will always be that little sinking feeling. Just need to focus on the positive and focus on your future happiness with your new girlfriend.

I would also like to point out that you will probably never have a proper explanation or decent answers as to what happened but honestly that does not really matter. Your in a better place now and you need to enjoy this time with your new girlfriend.

It just takes time but try not to focus on these things because it could and would eat away at you if you do. It is up to you to move past it and enjoy your happiness now.

Do not feel silly at all for asking. I would say you just have been hurt and it still effects you but over time it will get easier. Best wishes in your new relationship and good luck to you.

Joe

Thanks guys all your points make a lot of sense, I know I will never get the answers I was looking for and it did really hurt at the time, if it happens I'll just try focus more on what I've got compared to before because like you said there is only pain in the pst

I had a bad time after my ex broke up with me a while ago now, and I am with my new girlfriend which is going great and I wouldn't want anything else, but the other day my ex sent me a message out the blue asking how I am so I said I was OK and asked her how she is and she put GREAT :) and that was it, we haven't spoke since xmas but this bothered me for some reason I thought I didn't care anymore, I don't really understand it or why she messaged me just to put that?

Don't read too much into the message. It isn't uncommom for an ex to contact you just to see how you are doing. However, I think you should leave it like that and leave her in the past since this little contact with her have open upp a floodgate of feelings towards her.

Let it go and enjoy your current life and girlfriend. She just stirred up old feelings. Handle them and move on.

I know just feels like she is trying to prove a point or summat

Or fishing for info, curious, bored, or just plain crazy. Don't speculate, or assume, just keep doing your own thing.

As you see it doesn't take much contact by an ex to stir up old feelings, or send you to some really out there thinking.

But why bother if she is with someone else and don't care about me why contact me or say things like that? Should I just ignore it all

but why bother if she is with someone else and dont care about me why contact me or say things like that? should i just ignore it all


It's normal and healthy to remember your ex, or wonder what they are doing. I check out my ex-boyfriends' Facebook pages every once in a while. Though I wouldn't go contact them to tell them I'm doing "GREAT :)" especially after a painful breakup... most people wouldn't.

Keep moving on with your life. You didn't get any real explanation about the breakup, you probably won't get any now. When it hurts, we tend to think it's that pain in our heart because we may have feelings still and it makes us confused - most of the time it's our hurt ego talking. I would just ignore it.