Okay, It has been 7 days since I got the "i need to work on myself" talk with my girlfriend of 2 years. We had a decent talk and seemed to leave on good terms. She still wanted to be friends after this (we were very involved in each others lives) so we have many mutual friends. This is no problem for me, I'm an adult.

Like I said its been 7 days since the talk, we have had no contact with each other at all. She did come to my house (while I was at work) and picked up a bunch of her stuff, not all, but most.
I am doing okay (not to upset anymore) but I do have a few worries... I don't know how to react when/if I see her out. If she was alone, no big deal. I do have a very strong gut feeling that she will be out with a guy that her and I had met the weekend before we broke up... This would not be good. How do you deal with this?

Either ignore or be polite and say hello and go on,

It's hard. I've been there but Fr Chuck is right. Be polite and move on.

If you are going to be friends you will know about this guy before you have to meet him so in one way that will be a plus, it won't hit you like a tonne of bricks... but don't underestimate the intensity of the sting... it'll be more like a fat man sitting on your chest than a tonne of bricks... upside? :rolleyes:

It's hard. I've been there but Fr Chuck is right. Be polite and move on.

If you are going to be friends you will know about this guy before you have to meet him so in one way that will be a plus, it won't hit you like a tonne of bricks...but don't underestimate the intensity of the sting...it'll be more like a fat man sitting on your chest than a tonne of bricks...upside?? :rolleyes:

I think you and Fr Chuck are very right, however I do feel compelled to explain the rest of the story now... We met this guy out at the bar while we were celebrating my room mates birthday. My girlfriend had recognized him for he was one of her younger brothers friends. We met and proceeded to another bar as a group. We had barely gotten our drinks when I look over my shoulder to see our new friend beating the crap out of some dude. Being myself, I rush to break up this fight (so the security doesn't get ahold of him) and get him outside. When we get outside I ask him, "man, what was that about?" he told me that was one of his friends that stole his girlfriend. We ended up going to another bar Where the same thing happened, same guys.(When they kicked us out they also kicked the guy he was fighting with out and we just happened to go to the same bar)

My girlfriend spent the rest of the night consoling him. I was less then happy. (This guy starts 2 fights, gets us kicked out of 2 bars, and he is the victim?? ) So I say to her, its his own fault, let him cry about it. She wasn't happy with me.

(brace yourselves, it moves fast now) The next night we go for a drive to talk about things, it goes well, we fool around yada yada yada. The next day I call her to go to dinner, she doesn't answer for 2 hours. She finally picks up the phone, I ask "what are you doing" she replies " going to have dinner with B****" (the ultimate fighter that can't control himself) I said Ahhhhhhh... okay, and we got off the phone. Long story short, she spends the night at his house (suposedly nothing happened) The next day we are having the talk... I don't get it.

I think you and Fr Chuck are very right, however i do feel compelled to explain the rest of the story now....We met this guy out at the bar while we were celebrating my room mates birthday. My girlfriend had reconized him for he was one of her younger brothers friends. We met and proceeded to another bar as a group. We had barely gotten our drinks when i look over my shoulder to see our new friend beating the crap out of some dude. Being myself, i rush to break up this fight (so the security doesnt get ahold of him) and get him outside. When we get outside i ask him, "man, what was that about?" he told me that was one of his friends that stole his girlfriend. We ended up going to another bar Where the exact same thing happened, same guys.(When they kicked us out they also kicked the guy he was fighting with out and we just happened to go to the same bar)

My girlfriend spent the rest of the night consoling him. I was less then happy. (This guy starts 2 fights, gets us kicked out of 2 bars, and he is the victim????) So i say to her, its his own fault, let him cry about it. She wasnt happy with me.

(brace yourselves, it moves fast now) The next night we go for a drive to talk about things, it goes well, we fool around yada yada yada. The next day i call her to go to dinner, she doesnt answer for 2 hours. She finally picks up the phone, I ask "what are you doing" she replies " going to have dinner with B****" (the ultimate fighter that can't control himself) I said Ahhhhhhh.........okay, and we got off the phone. Long story short, she spends the night at his house (suposedly nothing happened) The next day we are having the talk.........I dont get it.

First of all, I can see why this a-hole had two girlfriends leave him, he sounds like a hot-headed jerk. It's a shame he didn't get his head kicked in by the other guy (I like to see jerks get what they deserve... what can I say? :) )

Sorry to be harsh, but if your girlfriend actually loved you she never would have stayed at some random dude's house. That is totally unacceptable. This will hurt, but I think that she is lying to you about nothing happening. The whole thing with her consoling him, going out to dinner (who goes out to a dinner date with another guy when they have a BF? ), and then staying at his house that night... that all adds up to one thing, some kind of tomfoolery. Why else would you guys have "the talk" the night after she stays at another guy's house? If my girlfriend at the time stayed at another random guy's house, that whore would be kicked to the curb so fast it would make her head spin.

Look to be honest, and from a girl's point of view, not that it is any different from what any sane man would say...

This girl was ready to go, now let her leave. She is not good enough for you. You are there trying to be nice and sort everything out... she goes out to dinner with him, then stays at his house?? :eek: sounds like a very lucky first date to me?!

Sorry to be harsh, maybe nothing happened but one way or another she took his feelings into consideration before she bothered to think how this would affect you and your relationship.

I would be putting a hell of a lot of space between me and this ex for good while... at least!

First of all, I can see why this a-hole had two girlfriends leave him, he sounds like a hot-headed jerk. It's a shame he didn't get his head kicked in by the other guy (I like to see jerks get what they deserve... what can I say? :) )

Sorry to be harsh, but if your girlfriend actually loved you she never would have stayed at some random dude's house. That is totally unacceptable. This will hurt, but I think that she is lying to you about nothing happening. The whole thing with her consoling him, going out to dinner (who goes out to a dinner date with another guy when they have a BF??), and then staying at his house that night... that all adds up to one thing, some kind of tomfoolery. Why else would you guys have "the talk" the night after she stays at another guy's house? If my girlfriend at the time stayed at another random guy's house, that whore would be kicked to the curb so fast it would make her head spin.


I hear everything your saying man, and believe me I was ready to end things the next day. (turns out she did it first, but you win some you lose some:mad:) I really can't believe it all went down this way, especially after the talk we had Monday night, 5 hours of my life ill never get back:o. Looking back now I guess I could have done some things different to prevent this from happening but hindsight being 20/20. She had obviously detached before this happened. My biggest issue is I can still hear that dude telling me "you can't just let them walk all over you and disrespect you like that, thats why i had to blast him" is what he told me after we were kicked out of the second bar. I just want him to eat his own words.

Look to be honest, and from a girl's point of view, not that it is any different from what any sane man would say.....

This girl was ready to go, now let her leave. She is not good enough for you. You are there trying to be nice and sort everything out...she goes out to dinner with him, then stays at his house??? :eek: sounds like a very lucky first date to me?!!!

Sorry to be harsh, maybe nothing happened but one way or another she took his feelings into consideration before she bothered to think how this would affect you and your relationship.

I would be putting a hell of a lot of space between me and this ex for good while....at least!


Thanks a lot for your input, you are right in everything you said. I will be putting a lot of space between us ( if she would just hurry and get her stuff out of my house:o) Im sure something happened that night but either way it doesn't matter, the result is the same. I go to work, work out and read forums:) I am new to this whole thing and this is my first question. Believe it or not, this has helped my heartache more than anything else, I do want to thank everyone for your stories and your input on mine. You've all been a BIG help

Great, glad to help. You should try to answer a few when you get a chance, it really does lift my spirits when I'm down, especially when its confirmed that you've helped.

Also keep us updated on how your getting on.

Hope to see you round here more often then! :)

Pack the rest of her stuff up in a box put it away for collection-go no contact and if you run into them-polite but very busy.

Don't even talk to Mr Hothead just walk away.

Good luck.

Pack the rest of her stuff up in a box put it away for collection-go no contact and if you run into them-polite but very busy.

Dont even talk to Mr Hothead just walk away.

Good luck.

Thanks for you input amicon, I packed her stuff, no contact has been done, and I will control myself if I see them even though I don't want to ;)

Good choice.
Being the bigger person shows you have a brain and are an adult-he clearly is lacking in both those departments.

Good choice.
Being the bigger person shows you have a brain and are an adult-he clearly is lacking in both those departments.

He is 22, I don't expect much more then that. He seems to get the girls though :o

Some girls and women are attracted to 'bad boys' sad but in this case that's your ex's problem now.

Some girls and women are attracted to 'bad boys' sad but in this case that's your ex's problem now.

LOL, I don't think that's it. If you could see him and I standing next to each other you would understand what I mean. He would be an ISFP or INFP personality type, very sensitive and emotional. She would like that hippie free spirit type guy. I am the opposite, I own a business in the extreme sports industry, ride dirt bikes, snowboard, skydive etc. I always thought we were together (she was more of a well dressed hippie) because opposites attract. I guess the tattoos and scars didn't do it for her anymore.

Better to find out now than years down the line, when there could be a ring, engagement, marriage, shared lease, or even kids! Don't waste any more time with this girl. Many times they come back in some capacity to fiddle with your life/ add drama. Don't fall into the trap!

That is all...

Better to find out now than years down the line, when there could be a ring, engagement, marriage, shared lease, or even kids! Don't waste any more time with this girl. Many times they come back in some capacity to fiddle with your life/ add drama. Don't fall into the trap!

That is all...

I happen to agree 100%, It seems like they always come back. Luckily I have never fallen into the trap, my feelings have changed at that point. :rolleyes:

He is 22, i dont expect much more then that. He seems to get the girls though :o

Please... immature skanks go after "bad boys." Women go after REAL men. Rest assured that one day this guy is going to act like a tough guy and start something up with somebody who won't take that kind of crap (somebody like me) and he'll get his head thumped in. And that my friend is what you call karma. By the sound of it you're way better than both of these people. Don't be upset that it's over, be happy that you got out while you did! Better things are out there waiting for you. Carpe Diem.

P.S. - "He seems to get the girls..." Pfft yeah right, until they ditch him the second they get to know him it would seem.

Please... immature skanks go after "bad boys." Women go after REAL men. Rest assured that one day this guy is going to act like a tough guy and start something up with somebody who won't take that kind of crap (somebody like me) and he'll get his head thumped in. And that my friend is what you call karma. By the sound of it you're way better than both of these people. Don't be upset that it's over, be happy that you got out while you did! Better things are out there waiting for you. Carpe Diem.

P.S. - "He seems to get the girls..." Pfft yeah right, until they ditch him the second they get to know him it would seem.

All too true man, all too true. That was my original question to begin with actually. Considering the irony in the whole thing I would feel more then compelled to blast this kid if I saw them in public. Just the look on his face would make me happy... but, I have a lot more to lose then he does. This is where my confliction lies, I guess I just have to smile and nod:mad: The kid is no "bad boy" though, he gets in 2 fights (that he starts mind you) and then cries??

To be honest I don't even think he's worth your time to think about anymore. He seems like a little boy that's still trying to work out his teenage angst!

And your ex fell hook, line and sinker for the 'I'm so hurt and confused' act. Your better than theses silly games.

Better to find out this opposite didn't work before you lost your business and half of everything you own!

He does sound like the "bad-boy" type, but there's nothing you can do about her choices. As much as you'd hate it, you could run into them together sometime. Since you admit to being and acting like an adult, if you happen to run into the two of them together, smile and re-introduce yourself to the guy. Just say, "Nice to meet you," and "Good to see you" to your ex. Then end the conversation quickly and move on. Good luck!

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No one makes you feel anything. It is how you react and respond that determines your emotions. - Brian Tracy

To be honest I don't even think he's worth your time to think about anymore. He seems like a little boy that's still trying to work out his teenage angst!

And your ex fell hook, line and sinker for the 'I'm so hurt and confused' act. Your better than theses silly games.

Thanks neverme, Ill bet she did. I am trying not to think about him anymore.

He does sound like the "bad-boy" type, but there's nothing you can do about her choices. As much as you'd hate it, you could run into them together sometime. Since you admit to being and acting like an adult, if you happen to run into the two of them together, smile and re-introduce yourself to the guy. Just say, "Nice to meet you," and "Good to see you" to your ex. Then end the conversation quickly and move on. Good luck!

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No one makes you feel anything. It is how you react and respond that determines your emotions. - Brian Tracy

There is nothing bad boyish about a 22 year old crying hippie that can't control his temper and lives with mommy and daddy. Sorry, my opinion but who knows. I love your line though, about introducing myself to him :) I will definitely consider doing that if I run into them. Thanks for the advise.

I would greet them with a big smile. Say "Hey There!" and keep walking. No need to hang around. No need for rudeness. Just like water off a ducks back.

Well... it happened... On my way home from work I always drive by my favorite oriental restaurant (we used to go there all the time together) yesterday as I drove by I saw her car. I had to look (against my better judgement) and see who was with her. Sure as s*** was that guy. I just kept driving getting madder all the way home. Ive felt sick to my stomach since I saw her. Before yesterday I had done great, no contact, and I hadn't seen her. Now I'm just sick...

You will get over that feeling,do something to take your mind off it.
Now it's happened you're over that first hurdle.

Good riddance!

First challenge, passed. Think of it that way

Yep you've done quite well. Get it all out of your system now, because you don't want to turn into a dumb sh*t like that other guy who goes into places and starts fights with exes, yadda yadda. As all other people have stated, best that you saw her true colors now before marriage and/or kids came into the picture. There are plenty of non-crazy / flaky girls out there.

Yea and try not to kick his A&^.LOL You sound like you got a handle on this. Do post it does help. Lots of good people on here. Going NC and packing her crap is good you don't look at it and make you think of her. You are the better man and she will see this soon.