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View Full Version : My husband loves his mother more than me


jesawyer
Jan 19, 2010, 03:40 PM
My husband and I have been together for 3 years and have been married for 1 year. We have a 20 month old son and I have a daughter from a previous relationship whom is 7 years old. My husband and I got married a few months after we had our son, and something inside me was telling me not to do it, but I married him because I thought that I loved him and we had this wonderful family. Before the wedding, after the wedding and up until now, all we have done is argue. It's like we cannot get along no matter how hard we both try, and yes, there have been times that we have gotten along great and my life seemed so happy, but those are very temporary and last maybe a day or so. About two months after we got married, my husband moved out and moved in with his parents for about a month because we couldn't stand each other, and we finally decided to try and make it work because we really did love each other. We recently moved in with my husband's parents due to some financial issues, and it has been absolutely horrible. It's mostly my husband who makes me feel worthless, saying things like "we (meaning me) need to do more around the house b/c we do live here for free," and I do all that I can as far as laundry, dishes etc. It seems as though our relationship is at it's worst I have ever seen it since we moved in with his parents and his mother gives him any and everything he wants. She adores him and he does no wrong in her eyes. He makes me feel like crap when I am around because she will do things for him like make his lunch for work or wake up extra early to make him breakfast and I never have done that for him, and that hasn't been an issue until now. I work a full time job in which I worked my butt off to get, and I work longer hours than my husband, and he doesn't appreciate anything that I do. He constantly compares me to his mother and I have tried too many times to talk to him about the relationship he has with her and the way he makes me feel second best and he just gets defensive and says that I am talking about his mother all of the time. I have never said anything negative, I have just tried to communicate my feelings with him and that is something that he doesn't want to do. Communication is key in relationships and he has this problem with not wanting to talk to me ever about anything. I would like to try counseling but I am at the point to where I can't stand to be in the same room with him, and it's sad because we never even entered into a honeymoon period because we were too busy arguing. I feel hopeless and to the point to where I would rather be a single mother than to deal with this everyday. I don't want to share custody of my kids, but I don't want to deal with this relationship anymore. What do I do?

Fr_Chuck
Jan 19, 2010, 04:48 PM
First living with anyone parents is not a good thing, and you both need couples counseling to find common grounds for communication

JudyKayTee
Jan 19, 2010, 05:40 PM
Agree with FrChuck - you are a "guest" in your mother-in-law's house and no matter how bizarre and hostile her behavior is, it's her house.

I'd weigh the benefits of living with her and living on your own. Are the financial savings worth it?

And, yes, counselling if you are to save your marriage.

Jake2008
Jan 20, 2010, 12:01 AM
When we used to visit my husbands mother, she tripped over herself to please him. We actually laughed about it because it was so opposite to what I would do. I thought it was cute, and we'd get back to normal soon enough.

But, living with his parents is the major contributor to your marriage not improving.

You need to be on your own with your husband, and your children, and get yourself into counselling.

If you can communicate enough to argue, you can learn to communicate well enough to argue constructively.

While there is still a connection there, see if you can't come up with a plan that will see you out of their home, and back in your own space with your own family.

With both of you working as you said, what's the holdup.

Gemini54
Jan 20, 2010, 01:38 AM
Good grief, get out of your MIL's house now. Just make the necessary moves to do it. Every day you stay there is a nail in the coffin for your relationship.

And, stop arguing. Why do you feel that it's necessary to argue with him all the time? What do you argue about?

Arguments between couple are often about a power struggle. I would suggest you'd both really benefit from seeing a counselor and sorting out what causes the friction between you.

If you genuinely love each other and want to make it work, then make an effort to change the dynamic. Move out and get some help. You will be surprised how things might improve.