Hello - after reading some other posts it is clear to me that I need to go into NC, but I just don't know how I can do it!

It's a long story so I won't go into all the details. Basically for the past year we have fought and fought, broken up numerous times. This time he had told me he is moving out and that he is "done". He says he still loves me but that love it not enough and that we are not good for each other in a relationship. We were friends for years before this so that makes it even harder.

Our last fight he said that he is moving out because he is in his last year of university and said the only thing that would make him fail is "us". He said that him and I equal fighting and that being apart from us is the only thing left to do.

So I pushed him to define what moving out was. And he said that he needed the next year without us but if we work after that we work, if we don't, we don't.

I have made the mistake of calling him everyday since trying to talk to him and understand whether there is a chance in the future or if this is it and I need to move on. He says its not fair to make me wait and that I should go be happy and do what I need to do.

So last call went bad and he was basically like "why are you calling me? You have an agenda and are thinking that all will be fine and I will move back in. But I am not. I can't be with you right now - we are so bad for eachother. I am going to change my phone number if you don't stop calling". -- last week he was calling me to chat like normal but after our talk where I was pushing him as to whether this was a "break" or a "break up" I feel I pushed him to far.

SOOOOOOO - NC is the only answer I think. I just don't think I am strong enough to do it - or strong enough to tell that little glimmer of hope to shut up and that it is over. I am soooooo lost right now.

You must respect his wishes.
Tough as it is you need to find the strength to do it.

Go cold turkey,delete all his contact details.

Keep busy,see friends and family and accept that for here and now,it's over.

Heartbreaking as it is,that's what you have got to understand now.

Be active in your approach to your healing and take it one day at the time.

Take care.

Hey there, yes no contact is probably the right way to go right now. He has told you essentially he wants space. I know it can be tough in the beginning, trust me, even I didn't go no contact right away. Get busy so you are distracted, I know I did everything I had on my to-do list, i.e. go find a new job, work out, learn drums, reading books, get licenses. Contact some old friends and family and just hang out and have fun.

You are strong enough, read the NC rules at the top of this forum. They are great and helped me do NC very well, I lasted 5 months of working with my ex without talking before I felt okay to talk to her. The only reason I knew it was okay was because I no longer wanted to be with her.

Check out my signature for all the NC related threads.

Think about it this way, if you break NC, it will make things worse because you will suffer more and push him away further. So why do that to yourself?

Thanks you very much for your posts! I know this is what I need to do it is just so hard (and I am sure everyone comes up with an excuse at this point). All this break talk and him moving out has been done over the phone as he is at home doing a work experience for a couple months. I just know that I will be back to square 1 when he comes back to get his things and move out next month!

I am also thinking that I should just pack my things and move home. I moved overseas to be with him and we were going to move back home together after he finished his last year of medical school. He told me that he still loves me but the only thing that could get in his way this year and could make him fail would be us. And that him and I = fighting so he needs to be away from it completely. He is trying to get back home and secure a residency so he is very stressed. I told him that I understand his need to move out and that it would be best for him to study.

I am just so lost right now. He said that he can't have us for the next year but if it works after that it does, if it doesn't, it doesn't. He says he doesn't want to ruin my life so if I need to move on with my life and go date and be happy to do it. He understands why I can't just wait around. This just hurts so much – if someone really loved you wouldn't the thought of you with another person make you ill?

We had talked about marriage, kids – the works, which I know makes no difference than anyone else who has broken up. I am in my 30's and really thought that this was it. And the thought of starting over again is horrible. Now I am overseas away from my family and friends (and him) and not sure if I should move home where I want to end up and can meet someone there or just wait till he gets back here.

I am sooooo lost. I know I have to do NC to move on but I can't get over that little voice that says “if you don't contact him, he will miss you and come back”. How do I move on from this? Do I move home? But then wonder if we would have got back together if I had stayed? So many questions and I know no one can answer them. When does this pain go away?

Ok, do you have a good friend you could go stay with for a few days and get your head sorted away from the place that you have lived together?

Where are you from originally and where are you now? Do you like your life where you are now or had you always planned on moving home? You need to continue with your plans. Your life went on just fine before him and after some healing will do again. No one is our life and we should never allow it to feel that way.

Yes, this may have seemed like it was it, but sometimes adages can be true have you heard 'If you love someone enough let them go, if they come back they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.'

He needs this right now, he has made that more than abundantly clear and this is a pivotal moment in his life, in order to stand by him you need to walk away from him. Hard as that is.

And to do this you need to get busy, get a hobby... if that doesn't work get ten!!

Some way or another you need to keep your mind busy, and yes there will still be times where it feels as if your heart is going to break but you are strong enough. I'm guessing in your thirties you have had other relationships and every time we think we'll never heal and that there is no one that will ever... bla bla bla. No offense by this, just it isn't the stuff you remember when you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel again.

And believe me, there is light.

When it gets tough, come on here. There is always someone willing to share opinions and views and just talking can be really therapeutic. In fact, I find that coming on here when I'm down and helping someone else really lifts my spirits.

Well, I've rabbitted on long enough, the bottom line is that you can and will get through this, how you do that is up to you. I think dignity and grace is not easy, but most preferable. At this point it is all up to you.

Your life. Your decisions.

I agree it is hard it does suck and you will get over it. You don't want to hear any of this but it is for your best to get you mind right. That is what he is doing so should you. Take a step back, look at your relationship and see why you 2 fought. Must be something wrong if you did so much. Now just take some you time and feel better about you. When the smoke clears you may see he was right to break it off at this time. Best to you.

Thanks again for the support!

So - just wondering why guys (sorry - dumpers) like to mess with our heads? He told me not to call him that he can't have "us" in his life and that he would never talk to me again if that is what I needed - and threatened to change his phone number - then MESSAGED ME YESTERDAY!
I don't get it! I thought I had deleted him on IM - but forgot to block him and he messaged me just saying hi - so OF COURSE I said hi back then after about 5 more lines he said he had to go. WHY DO THEY DO THIS?
I was just starting to feel good - went to the gym - decided not to talk to people anymore about it or drone on about it - made some plans to join some new clubs - THEN THIS! I know its not a big deal but it just messes with my head.


NEVERME: We are originally from Maryland now in New Zealand. I only moved here to give it a shot with him. I now have a great job that I like but I don't want to be stuck here for years when I could be at home with my family and friends.

Well I think you just need to be more thorough on your blocking, make sure that whatever way you can help it you are doing NC.

To be honest, I can paint him as a horrible sadist but in ll honesty he is going through a lot too, even if he is the dumper, and it's easy to slip back into old habits of relying on the other you know?

But this is exactly why No Contact is so important. It's easy for you both and doing neither of you any favours.

I think that you should let the dust settle a little before making a decision on moving home, wouldn't be horrible to get home and realise it was a decision made in haste?

Just a thought, you sound like your well on the road to recovery :)

Hopeflies, bet you would love a can of old bay? Yep am in Md. Good luck and keep NC.

Not having a great day today :(

I really miss him and the thought that maybe it really is over is just overwhelming me right now. I don't want to hold onto any hope – but it is the only thing that gets me through the day. Every time I actually make myself realize that this could be it – I just feel pure dread and redirect my thoughts to not contacting him and hoping that maybe this time apart will be good and we may just realize we want to be with each other. Then I tell myself to stop having false hope and move on! It's a vicious cycle.

I am still sticking with NC - but I know this weekend is going to be VERY tough. :(


Neverme: You are right about moving home – I don't think I am in the right frame of mind to make any big decisions right now.

Valkman: Old bay! Love it - it might just be time that I get my mom to send me a care package.

Thanks for the encouragement - NC is hard but I am sticking with it!

Well done for sticking to NC its hard but it'll get easier as the days go by.

Once you have truly accepted that it's over,the real healing process can begin.

It hurts but you will get over it.

Come back here when you need to.

I have hit a low!

The first two days seemed quite easy - I felt almost empowered because I took the stance that I would cut all contact from him. BUT now it just hurts because he has not made any contact at all. It hurts to think that everything we meant to each other means nothing to him and that he is carrying on like normal without me happy while I am just a shell of a person trying to get through the days the best that I can.

I have been going out and trying to have fun - but it all feels so superficial and fake. When I get home to our house it hurts so much -being in our room, with all of his stuff still stings.

Is there anything else I can do?

Why is it that declaring my love for him and showing how much I care for him would push him in the other direction? It seems so counter-intuitive really.

I thought day 1 and 2 were hard... this just keeps getting worse. :(

Turn your mindset around!

You say you can't.. honey say you can and mean it!

Fake it till you make it!

You can get through this!

Know who you are ,say to yourself" I am good and cool and nice and he is not going to have power over me anymore".!

He is out having fun and you are crying? NO... honor yourself and take your life back !

Box all his stuff up and put it somewhere you won't have to look at it all the time.

Sticking to NC is the way to go-yes, it hurts that he probably doesn't care-but stay strong and you will find that it gets easier as the days add up.

Thanks artlady and amicon - it is nice to have encouraging words when I feel like this.

I guess the more I fake being happy and trying to have fun I actually will - but it just seems so far away.

I want to pack up all of his stuff - but that just seems so final. I know it is the best thing I can do - but it just reinforces to me what I failure I was that I couldn't keep this relationship together. I had my part in our demise - and it hurts to face that and finally give in to it and admit that it is over.

Acceptance is the first step on the road to healing.
Pack the stuff up-delete pictures-email etc.
As Artlady said, fake it till you make it.

Thanks artlady and amicon - it is nice to have encouraging words when I feel like this.

I guess the more I fake being happy and trying to have fun I actually will - but it just seems so far away.

I want to pack up all of his stuff - but that just seems so final. I know it is the best thing I can do - but it just reinforces to me what I failure I was that I couldn't keep this relationship together. I had my part in our demise - and it hurts to face that and finally give in to it and admit that it is over.

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!
WOW !
Not at all.We are not measured by our outcomes but what we did as a real person to make things right.You know you gave your all !
What else can anyone ask of them self?
Honor yourself my dear and never put yourself down !
It takes two to make a relationship and you were trying to do it all alone.
Stop crying ,take this as a hard lesson that some people don't know how to love and know that you are worthy of better! :D

Please think with your head right now instead of your emotions. You can't make it better now, you can only respect his wishes. We have all been down this road sometime in our life. It's not easy. You feel like you just want to make it right and go back. It's not going to happen that way, trust me. YOU have to be strong and don't contact him. He will respect you more in the end. He asked you too give him space, and you didn't. You pestered him so much he wants to change his number. It's never going to work this way, when you don't him space to even miss you, if its meant to be. We learn from our mistakes. He needs to finish medical school, and has a lot of pressure. Respect his wishes, don't answer his calls or text him back for now. Let the dust settle. If and I say if, its meant to be, and you stay strong and focus on you now, he might circle around again. Please, no contact, if you have to vent were hear to listen and help you.

Exactly.

Don't make another drastic life decision until you get a handle on this.

Don't rush, time is your pal now.

After a bit, you'll hopefully take a hard look at this relationship and yourself.

And what's important for you. You can go anywhere and do whatever you want.

And go NC, totally. Believe me on that one.

Thank you everyone - I have held off making any major decisions while in this emotional state.

I also hear what everyone is saying and I know NC is for the best - it is the advice I would give someone else. But I have some doubts - the first time we broke up - he texted me that he wanted to meet up - if I had ignored him we would have never had the past year together. I met up with him and he told me that he wanted to make it work etc etc.

Also - what about proving to someone how much you love them - etc. I realise that this is not the time - as I know he needs his space etc. But I know he loves me - and I love him - its not like he fell out of love with me or fell in love with another woman. We had some communication issues and both stressed with uni and work etc.

I don't want to hold onto hope - but I don't feel like my situation is hopeless - maybe that is me being in denial - but I don't know what to think.

I think that we talked about spending out lives together are were planning a future and have similar values and interests etc. - that it is not something you just do NC to and give up on. I don't want to take a defeated stance and cut him completely out of my life.

And yes maybe I am being stupid - but I believe that if I just give him his space and in this time work on myself - better myself both physically/mentally/spiritually that if (and only if) he calls - I won't ignore that call.

Any thoughts?

I would say you're holding on to false hope.

Change yourself for YOU not for anybody else.

Be in charge of your own life for you not because you are hoping for him to come back.

amicon: I just re-read what I wrote and I can see how desperate it sounds.

I guess I just need to finally put the hope down and move on with my life for me and not in hope of "us".

I am in NC right now but I still answered an IM from him this morning. I was going out of my head this weekend that he hadn't called but just seeing his name light up calmed me down and we had a quick light conversation.

I know I should go complete NC but I find I can think better and get through the day easier with just a quick hello from him.

Brains trying to tell me one thing - heart is pulling me in the opposite direction.. :(

That's why total NC is so important.

Cuts the drama, flip-flopping and any expectations. Most importantly allows you to start to heal and move forward.

Don't be strung along and jump whenever he feels the need to contact.

Be in control now.

Plus, hopeflies,

If someone said to me "We are so bad with each other", "It's not fair to make you wait & "Why are you calling, I'm going to change my number?"

I would get the message.

Emopunk7 here to save the day with full power and light!
Looking at your past history that you wrote, you two broke up before. Once that happened, it was doomed to happen again. You made the mistake of taking him back. Once it doesn't work, it will never work. Don't believe me? You are now here again, unfortunately. Yet, you still want to go through it again even though life is trying to tell you he is not the one. Pick up the signs! It will be rough to go NC but you will get used to it and the pain goes down. Its been 3 months of NC for me and I am doing great! I still think about her and us but progress is showing.
We are here to help and give you a push so keep coming back.

I just crashed and burned!

He emailed me at work - I answered - then it got to me flirting a bit and asking him if we could chat by phone - then he said this probably isn't good for the break! So I said you are right and that I still not got the hang of this whole break thing and good luck with studying bla bla bla.

Then he wrote me that he feels the same but he can't think about us because when he does it messes him up and he can't think.

I KNOW that not talking to him is best... but I don't want to ignore him. I know how he is and he will think I am just ignoring him to play games. And I know I am supposed to think who cares what he thinks - this is about me. But I don't want to give him the wrong idea.

I am so lost. Just when I think I can handle this - I can't. I know he is struggling as well - I just can't admit to myself that this might be it. I can't. And I don't know how to do it. But I am driving myself mad with all these thoughts going round and round in my head!

Then YOU send HIM an email telling him to stop contacting you. He can't have his cake and eat it.

You're allowing him to be in charge-dont!
You're overthinking all his actions and you're putting your life on hold-dont!

Stick to the no contact.

Not having a great day today! It seems as though that one day of emailing 4 days ago was nothing as I have not heard from him at all. I guess I said something wrong or pushed him back further into his man cave.

This just keeps getting harder. I thought it was going to get easier as the days pass but this is horrible. I have almost called him so many times today but keep hearing the words "NO CONTACT" in my head so I don't.

I have read the stickies and have talked with people but this empty feeling I have just won't go away. This sucks! :(

But you're not doing NC if you keep talking online.

That's what's set you back now-you broke the NC and clung on to false hope again.

No contact means no contact as in none-zilch.-zero.

Time to go down that road.
Now.

Should I tell him then? This is where I get confused. I don't want to just not answer his emails etc. I think that would be rude. Maybe that is silly but I don't think ignoring him is the way to go.

So do I tell him not to contact me? I have not contacted him once since I started this thread but not sure how to deal with NC from his end.

It's not rude-it's taking care of YOU.

I would ignore ALL communication from him in the future-you need to break free from the idea that you belong in a relationship with a guy who,quite frankly,treats you like a doormat.

The sooner you apply proper NC,the sooner you will heal.

Thank you amicon for helping me. You seem to be the only one out there who is helping me through this.

I didn't realize how hard going NC would actully be! :(

I'm glad I can help! :-)

NC is tough,but it works.
And once you're over the first difficult bumps,it gets easier by the day.

Be patient with yourself and keep busy doing things you enjoy doing.
Take care.

Amazing how we can think we are being rude by not responding to someone that has dumped us. Its not rude at all to ignore someone for the sake of our own healing. Being rude should be the least of your concerns at this point as you struggle to get through NC!

Be rude! Ignore him, and let go of the false hope he cares, or will change his mind.

Whatever his reasons for contacting you, and whatever he is going through, are not enough to justify his keeping hurting you. Whether he understands are not, ignore him, and put yourself over his needs to contact you.

I know it hasn't been that long, and the emotional dust hasn't settled yet, but it will. And it does get better.

I have hit a major low!
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is affecting my sleep, my work, my health – everything!
I logically know that everything will be OK and time will heal all and that I should not talk to him – but I just can't seem to get my heart or my emotions to follow suit.

He actually called me last week because I was nominated for something at work – and I was so excited that I emailed him – he knew how much I wanted this. It felt really nice that he called to say congrats and we had a great talk.

He then messaged me a couple days ago – and I was having a light conversation – then it turned to us – and I told him that I would do anything to make it work and I will support him through his last year of school in anyway I can. And he just tells me that “it's easy to say this – but we will just fight again and I can't fail this year”. I am so lost – I don't want to wait around – but I also know I want to be with him and start a family with him (as we had planned to start trying for kids later this year). I feel like my whole world has been dumped upside down.

I know everyone keeps telling me to go complete NC – I just can't seem to be strong enough to do it!

Yes, its very hard, NC.
But its really the only way to begin healing.

I didn't think I was strong enough either, but the point is ex's want something different. They are happy to be our friend after the fact because they have nothing to lose. It's a win-win for them.

Don't fall into that trap, you will regret it later. Then you will have to start all over.

You know, hopeflies, I feel for you. Know that pain & all that comes with it.

One thing I was thinking that might help is to know that you haven't found the right person yet. Or it he hasn't found you. Its true.

Like you said. For the past year, you fought & fought.

I know what you are going through. But remind yourself and keep remining yourself how much you rock, and are worthy of good things & people.

We can get low & lose our self-worth because of these things. Don't.

Its been I think 8mo. Since my ex dumped me & honestly, Im not worried about what her, what happened, or if a new girlfriend is coming my way, and haven't been for a while.

NC did that. Plus soul searching & really hard work on myself. All I wanted was to get over that pain as fast as she dumped me.

Takes time. Do the right things.

Oh no... I have finally pushed him too far!!

He wrote me an email that his is NOT talking about it again... NOT getting into us... and the only way this is going to come to a conclusion is for one of us to finish it for good... that he is moving out... and he's not talking about it anymore.

I think I might have had a chance... but I totally ruined it by pleading with him to move home in a month and that I would do anything to show him that I support him.

What have I done??

I have just ruined any chance whatsoever that he had to write "the only was to come to a conclusion is to finish it for good"..

So that means that it wasn't over for good?? And I pushed him into that by casually talking to him when he talked to me... and by telling him how much I wanted to be with him etc.

This is the worst I have ever felt in my life... How do you get through this. I know everyone is going to say NC... but I don't see how I am ever going to get through this now. I had hope and things were fine. But then I let my emotions run and now I messed it all up!!

How do you stop hating yourself?

You need to hear and understand what he is telling you.

He is moving on and however painful that is you must accept it.

The best thing you can do now is to restart total 100% NC and stick to it.

Clinging on to false hope is not doing you any favours.
Begging and pleading is not doing you any favours either.

I know you are hurting but you must let this go and start healing.

I know I do - but I can't help beating myself up that if I could have just given him his space that maybe when he got of the plane in a month - he might have realized that he missed me and want to come home!

Now I am stuck in our apartment just waiting for the day when he comes to get his stuff. He said he will only come and get it when he knows I am not here - and is scared about coming back.

Why do they make up these horrible things about you in their head? Just two days ago he was messaging me - and now he wants nothing to do with me.

Now I am stuck here - while he is off thinking I am this horrible person (said I was too emotional and hysterical - and that is why he isn't coming home).

I just wish he could feel an ounce of how I am feeling.

How can NC heal all this? I will always hate myself for not giving him his space and just trying to keep my emotions in check!!

Whose on the lease?
Are you going to be staying in the flat?
If so,you could box all his stuff up and store it somewhere he can pick it up,or have a friend deliver it to him.

I can't tell you what's going on in his mind, I can,however advice you to start regaining your selfrespect and realise that we are all human and make mistakes.

So stop beating yourself up and start making plans for your own future.

Having no contact will help you as it stops all false hope and overanalyzing their words and thoughts.

We are both on the lease for another 6 months - but he said he will pay until the lease is up.

I am staying in the flat with our flatmate.

He told me I could do whatever I wanted to with his stuff - destroy it if I wanted. I told him that I was not vindictive - and would never do that. At one point in the conversation though I did get mad and said "Fine I will pack up all your and move it to where you will be staying!!!" That did not go over very well. Told him I would never talk to him again - which did not go over very well either. He said that he didn't say he never wanted to talk to me - that was up to me! HEAD GAMES!

I am thinking I might pack it up and put it in the storage unit - so when he does come to get it - he will realize that I got it through my head.

I am so upset and hurt and mad right now. Why would he be talking to me and even told me that last week he was thinking of staying cause it would be easier. Then I messed it up by trying to plead with him that I would do everything to support him this year. BUt not realizing that by having these conversations I was doing the exact opposite!

Store it away-out of sight-or ship it to him.

And stop trying to secondguess his thoughts it is pointless as nobody except him,knows what he is thinking.

How do you forgive yourself for going to the lowest depths and begging and pleading?

How am I ever going to forgive myself? I KNEW that this behaviour would push him away and I still did it.

If you're doing NC, then do it properly.

Block him from email, so that he can't email you. Block him from IM, so that he can't IM you. Don't pick up his calls, change numbers if you have to.

As for his things, box them up and ask a friend to hide them for you (i.e. even if it has to be in a different house) so that you don't get tempted to look at his things.

Pretend as if he doesn't exist. Otherwise, you're just going to prolong the pain and suffering, as you are doing now.

Every time you break the NC rules, you reset the progress that you've made.
You need to take this one day at the time. You can't expect to recover so quickly. Furthermore, since you've been in contact with him so recently, you haven't really recovered much.

I strongly suggest that you re-read the links in my signature concening NC.

You didn't push him away at all, he was already gone. The only mistake you made was breaking NC, because of false hope.

Now you can take all the blame, and beat yourself up all you want, it will not help you see the reality of your situation.

This has been winding down for quite sometime, and you both could not completely let go. He has an advantage as for sure he was planning this long before he actually left.

Now you have to get through the shock of it actually happening and accept it.

The false hope is gone. Handle your business, cry, and heal, as your attempt at NC your way didn't work, so now take our suggestions and do this the right way.

Maybe as bad as this whole thing ended - especially my horrible disgusting begging behaviour - I now have a definite answer. I kept asking him before if there was a chance? If this was just a break? If he never saw us together again to tell me - and he always came up with "I don't know".

At least now I know.

Complete NC.

Will he stop thinking I am crazy and not be scared to come get his stuff? I would never do any to harm him or his stuff - and the thought that he is thinking these things is really painful.

My brother in law said that he understands why he thought this way and would be scared if a girl was crying, begging, etc, etc.

How do I hold my head high now?

You hold your head up high because you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm betting nearly everyone on this board has done what you did at least once in their lives.
It's human,so forgive yourself asap-as in right now.

Total NC now,make that a promise to yourself.

I feel for you and know where you are coming from. So, let me say this:

Dwelling on the 'shoulds' of past times, is fruitless. You did the best you knew how to do at the time. Quit digging up old bones of old regrettable experiances. All they are doing is clouding your mind when you are trying to respond to today's fantastic opportunities.

Also, the only person hurting you right now, is YOU. Take the time to dig yourself respect out of the garbage can, and stop letting people hurt you. It doesn't matter what he thinks about anything anymore.

I am only on day 2 of NC and it is terrible! Knowing that he thinks that I am an emotional nutbar is hurting so much. I know I need to let it go - but it is so hard.

I have decided to train for a race - so that is at least a goal where I have to take baby steps everyday - hopefully keep my mind off things.

Will he ever remember the good times - and the last interaction he has of me diminish over time? I feel like he had the easy way out - convince himself that I am going to ruin his life - and use our last conversation as an example (even though he called me to tell me that he had officially emailed someone about another place)...

I am so mad at all this - and it all feels unfair and unjustified. All I did was try to show him that I loved him - didn't threaten him or his belongings. This really sucks.

Is it possible to go through enough heart aches ( and break-ups) that you just give up on the idea of ever finding someone to truly love and try to be OK with the idea of being alone.

Physical activity is excellent-get the feelgood endorphins going will make you feel better.

It doesn't matter what or how he feels-what matters is that you stop thinking you have acted like a fool.

Tell yourself that you are worthy of a proper,happy relationship-when you are ready,and have healed from this breakup.

This breakup will only make you a stronger, more aware individual.
If you allow yourself to be.

Give yourself time to heal. Most of us are here because of the very same thing.

There are good things around the corner.

I know good things are around the corner... as I have been through this before. But I also know how long it takes. And that scares me. I am also scared that I won't meet someone who fits the mold - like my ex did.

I am having a really bad day today - I keep breaking down. I start to pack some of his things - but then it hurts too much - and I am reminded of how much of a failure I am - and how everyone else I know is living in a happy relationship.

I don't want him to move out - and I just wish he could come get his stuff now so this pain isn't prolonged. It just hurts too much to pack it all up - but I know I have to.

I didn't think it could hurt this much. :(

Can your flatmate help you pack his stuff up? Then put it away,so you won't have to see the things.

You are not a failure-you have just come out of a failed relationship and that happens to us all at one point or another.
Give yourself time to heal,as you know you will.

I just can't forgive myself. I had a guy who wanted to commit to me the minute I stepped off that plane a year ago. A guy who was trying to work hard to give "us" the best future possible and just wanted to love me. He constantly flowered me with priase and love. I was more attracted to him than anyone I have ever been with and we were best friends for 16 years.

I can't get over how I ruined my chances - I will never again get the chance to build a life with my best friend of 16 years who I have been in love with on and off since I was 16.

All I did was resist it and find faults. I would look for reasons to be mad etc. - but he was always loyal and never gave me any reason to suspect that I wasn't the girl "of his dreams" as he used to say.

He once told me that I was like one of his organs - that he wouldn't be able to live without me.

How will I EVER find anything like that again? I just don't believe you can - and I can't stop being mad that I ruined it - I had everything I had ever wanted - and now it is all gone - and I have zero hope that anything like that will ever exist again...

I find it helps to look at people's actions-words and phrases are just that.

Anyone can say anything to anybody,but when push comes to shove-its about how people act and handle conflict,problems etc.

I would knock this guy off the pedistal if I were you.
Nobody is perfect.

As for finding love again,you will,though you may not believe me today.

Healing and working through your own issues will help you find a more compatible partner next time.

Yeah, listen to yourself.

I will never find another, I can't forgive myself.

C'mon. Stop putting blame on yourself, that's not going to help.

Don't cry too hard over someone that's gone.

If he was the one, then he would be there. Sometimes people say all sorts of things, but can't deliver, or maybe change.

Yours now is to put your thoughts on new things. And to take care of yourself. Not dwell.

Spend your time elsewhere. Put him out of your vocabulary.

Let me know when you're through ranting from your pity pot, and ready to harness the positive energy, and not the negative.

Truth be told the facts say you are finally free to pursue your own happiness.

Gain strength from the fact, that loving yourself is your goal, not finding another guy to warm your bed or fill your life with false hope.

How will I EVER find anything like that again? I just don't believe you can - and I can't stop being mad that I ruined it - I had everything I had ever wanted - and now it is all gone - and I have zero hope that anything like that will ever exist again.....

6+ billion other people in the world. Once you've met them all, then you can tell us that you won't ever find that kind of happiness again.

Though you might feel a lot of pain now, in the end, it's still an experience. The next step is to take this experience and channel it into positive energy.

Many have had painful break ups. Many have thought that they could not find love again. But the truth is, what we learned from our past relationships actually help us for the next relationship because we try to avoid making the same mistakes.

The past will always be at the back of minds, but life goes on and we can't keep living in the past, but we can learn from the past and make a better future.

Thank you for your responses - just seeing that there are people out there when you are struggling so bad - makes things better.

The sad thing is - I know these things and would offer others the same advice.

I just can't pull myself out of this slump. My work, sleep, eating - everything is being effected by this.

I have tried being active as much as I can, joining a new sport, talking with friends and family - but nothing is helping.

I have never felt this bad from a break-up before in my life. Last year he broke up with me before xmas - and I felt like this - but then we got back together after 2 weeks - I can't imagine feeling like this for the next few months - I don't want to feel this bad anymore - but I can't stop it!

You can stop it by staying focused on healing rather than staying stuck overwhelmed by grief.
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Some things can't be rushed. It takes time to get over a person. Take it one step at the time. You can't expect yourself to get over this in one night. Be patient with yourself. Don't beat yourself up.

My dad says that same thing - that what has happened has happened - no amount of analysing and saying "if only I had done this - or that...." will change anything - and just look forward.

The only problem is that I have made these mistakes with my previous boyfriend (before this one) and now this one - seems like I didn't learn from my mistakes - and I allowed another relationship to crumble before my eyes.

I want to focus on healing - like you guys say - I want to move on - I want to stop the pity party - I just don't know how!

I have wrote someone about volunteering, emailed old friends, joined this and that, gym, etc, etc - do I just keep faking it till I make it?

Someone at work emailed me today "is everything ok - you don't seem like your normal happy self".. I didn't realise it is written all over my face -

I really want to move on - and be happy - I really do!

Faking it till you make it is not a bad thing-have a plan of action for your entire day,as in jump out of bed-into the shower-make breakfast etc etc.
We all make mistakes-not once but twice and frequently more times than that.
Make another plan to work on your issues so that you learn from them.
Maybe see a therapist to get help sorting it out?

I am seeing a therapist - I started seeing him about 8 months ago due to all of our fighting - but we have not made much progress because I am always in "crisis" mode because my boyfriend was breaking up with me almost every other week.

It was hard to get down to working on my own issues. The only reason I started going was to figure out my part in why we were fighting so much - we had agreed to work on the relationship - but when push came to shove - my boyfriend said that he wasn't willing to give up an hour working on us when he could be studying.

I know I know - I shouldn't look back - I just wish I could have dealt with my own issues before it was too late. But every time he broke up with me (which was usually every time we had an arguement) it took me days to recover and I was so angry at him for it. I don't think he realised how emotionally taxing it was to here "I am done! I am moving out!" almost every week!

Look-and I'm going to be harsh-an emotionally incompetent man who keeps threatening to break up with you at the drop of a hat has kept you in 'crisis mode' and you haven't been able to work on you?
Do you realise how you have allowed your need for his approval to run your life?

You are well rid of him.
You deserve better.

Thank you Amicon - I just wish I could get this through my head - which would make getting through this much easier.

My therapist has said that I have a choice in all this as well - that it is not up to him what happens - that I can make the decision as well to end this once and for all and move on - that my ex is not the one who is forcing me to do it.

My father also said that him breaking up with me so often was some form of emotional abuse and I am better off without him and that the next girl will probably go through the same ordeal. (Although he is a bit biased!) ;)

I just wish I could stop loving him - maybe people are right and it is more of an attachement (or co-dependency) than actual love - I don't know.

I just know that I want to be happy again and enjoy life - and be the smiley, happy person that I always used to be!

Well,they are both right-and I think you need a major detox from the so and so.
Knock him of that darn pedistal-he's an emotional incompetent, prince b****y charming he is NOT.
Be willing to work on YOU now and get help that will see how you can change this pattern of getting involved with dysfunctional wastes of space.
.

For someone who claims they want to move on, you sure hold fast to excuses why you can't move on.

What he put you through is over, you just have to accept it, and let go.

Can't is not an option, and you are no longer in crisis mode. You're simply just stuck, and need some positive actions by YOU to get unstuck.

So tell us, what do you do for YOU!!!

So far all we have heard is what you are doing because of him!

I want to let go! I really do - I just don't know how. I try to not think about it - I try to exercise - I try to get involved - I try and I try.

I packed up his things last night - I have not had a drink in over 2 weeks.

I want to just write him a letter saying that I am done - that I agree breaking up is the best thing for us - for my own sanity - but I know that EVERYONE will say not to.

How do I get closure on this? He has been able to shut me out of his life now - made me out to be this horrible person and can easily get over me because he is mad. He won't even face me when he comes home to get his stuff. I wish he could feel an ounce of my pain.

I feel if I could just let him know that I agree that I could save face a bit... and maybe down the track we could be friends. We were friends for 16 years!

The funny thing is that sometimes we don't get closure, and even if we did that doesn't change things.

As hard as it is now, it gets easier with time & effort spent in the positive direction. (ie: focusing on you, your future, not him or the past)

Its been almost 9mo. For me after a 5 year relationship & I sometimes still feel tweaks of rejection & anger, but have learned to let them pass quickly.
As those thoughts do not serve me in any positive way.

It sounds like your taking the right steps and getting some smart & solid advice.

Take things one step at a time. And don't even worry about a friendship with him until your heart heals. You may find by that time that you won't desire those things.

There's other friendships to be had.

Closure=Acceptance

Once you accept the reality that things just wont work, you will have all the closure you need to move on and rebuild yourself and your life.

Anything else is your emotions, and grief talking to you, fueled by the false hope, that they can stay in your life, and you can be happy they are.

Some might, but face the fact and ACCEPT that you cannot, because you have not healed.

Closure is what people want when they cannot accept reality.

Maybe once he actually moves home and gets his stuff it will sink in and I will be able to accept it.

Even packing his stuff up felt good - but there is still that glimer of hope that once he comes home and actually has to leave - he may change his mind.

I just want to fast forward 3 weeks when he is gone.

Maybe it is better to wait and leave a note on his boxes that says I understand his need to focus on his studies this year - and I agree that this was probably the best thing we could do for both of us - good luck - and hope we can be friends later on.

Stuff is just stuff.

And yes, fast forward to being happy, but regardless of him. Don't wait for him to change back. Its time for you to change now.

One thing that helped me was to realize that my ex was not my end all and obviously wasn't right for me.

After all, we brokeup twice. No reason looking for a third time. Friends don't do that.

Honestly, you don't owe him another second of your precious time.

You've already given, and allowed him to drive.

You are the one in control now.

But he doesn't know that - and that is what is so hard to accept.

I need him to know that I am OK with this (even if it is a lie). That I don't need him to be happy. Right now I am sure he thinks I am pathetic and I will be pining over him like every other girl in his life. I think he actually enjoys having girls go crazy after him. I have been friends with him for 16 years - and that has always happened. I don't want to be added to his list of "crazy" girls.

I am starting to think that maybe he drove them crazy! Even the one he had in high school 16 years ago.

You no longer need to take his feelings into consideration.

Who cares what he thinks, says or does now.

Just you. Its all about you, dear.

And well deserved from the sound of things.

It sounds like you are more worried about him than you.

Like you said, he enjoys girls pining. Breaking up, getting back, then breaking up again. Let him be and figure that one out without you.
Good luck to him. Later...

You don't deserve this. Your past friendship is one one thing, your relationship after is another.

The reality, and an unfortunate thing is that sometimes we don't want the same things. Sometimes it takes a breakup to slap us in the face to help us realize that.

Don't worry. You will be fine and better for someone who is better suited.

Don't be concerned about his list. You're not crazy. He his.

Do you want someone with a list anyway?

That may be a good thing to talk to your therapist about. Why you went from friends to partners. Maybe a friend is all he ever wanted. Maybe he enjoyed the benefits without ever really wanted to commit.

Hey, hope.

Excuse my harping here, but I see a lot of similarities here with me.

I was in a relationship that was one-sided. I gave and gave & she was all too happy to take & take.

And deep down I knew it, but denied it for my own insecurities.

There was always a tid bit, a blissful time or whatever to manipulate my feelings to continue for her selfish benefit.

Ya know, I went back through my journals a few weeks after the breakup & said, man, you knew this. Why did you continue?

That's a recipe for a world of pain. And pain felt throughout.

My guess is that you tried way harder then he even wanted to.

Take this as a lesson of what it is for you that makes someone special & worthy. For me its someone that you don't even need to worry if they are going to reciprocate. Its unsaid. Its mutual.

I will never give my heart in that way again. Jump in without thinking and being conscious of what's transpiring.

We rectify our mistakes.

Just focus on being aware. We already see your capacity to love.

Put your love where it counts. For now its loving you.

You don't need to send him any letters nor write him any notes.
You get closure by accepting that it's over.
Your best option is a dignified silence.

Don't pin any false hope on his coming to pick his stuff up-in fact if you could have it sent to him you would probably be much better off as you would be shut of it sooner rather than later.
Me I would just give it to the nearest charity shop.

Question - do you think you can bounce back to being friends after so much drama?

We were best friends for 16 years before we got together. I am close to his family and he has always been there for me in the past through it all.

Is it possible?

I just went for a swim - feeling better and realizing that I need to move and let this go for my own sanity and health.

I can't change his mind - that is obvious - as he wrote our flatmate to change the bills into his name.

Any tips for really moving on? Other than just focusing on myslef - which I keep trying to do.

Also just wanted to say that I really appreciate everyone's help.

This has been the hardest thing I have had to go through. If I can get through this I think I could do anything! :)

Its nice to know that people out there actually care and are willing to help out others in their time of need.

Don't worry about friendships,it's your own healing that matters now.
It's good that you keep yourself busy,stick with that.

All focus on YOU and getting over this.
Make that choice for you,nobody else.

This is like riding a rollercoaster! One day I feel OK - next day I crash.

NC is supposed to make me feel better - but just knowing that he is not reaching out to talk to me either - everyday just gets harder and harder.

Do you feel like you are spinning out of control before you are actually on the road to healing?

Yeah, Its going to be like that. Give it time. You can't heal overnight.
Just keep doing things for yourself & hangout with good friends & family.

Whatever you can do to take your mind off. Books, movies, excursions.

I know what you are going through. Just go and cut all contact. My boyfriend broke up with me last week 1time too many and I've cut all contact and already I feel like I've taken the first step forward

I agree as well aoifee - it feels like I have taken a step forward - but on the other hand - it is on his terms as well - he does not want to talk to me either. I wish I could have gone in NC before when he was still in contact with me and before I begged and pleaded.

And the fact that he won't face me when he gets back in a month to move out (as this was all done over the phone) - HURTS.

Yep, it hurts like hell. Like a death.

But you can't worry about what you've already done. You are doing it now & I know you will be fine.

This is a supreme test of our strength and will. Strength we never knew we had. To truly take control of ourselves.

Just make sure you are treating yourself well & don't dwell too hard. Try & do as many fun things you can. Believe me, that helps.

There's no reason to ever consider his feelings ever again. Just yours.
Put yourself first.

I agree as well aoifee - it feels like I have taken a step forward - but on the other hand - it is on his terms as well - he does not want to talk to me either. I wish I could have gone in NC before when he was still in contact with me and before I begged and pleaded.

And the fact that he won't face me when he gets back in a month to move out (as this was all done over the phone) - HURTS.

You my boyf broke up with me and I got rid of my number but he still has my parents house so if he really wanted contact he would have contacted me through that. So this is on his terms as well but just think of a future with him, you will be unhappy. That's how I like to think

So true.

Its always on the dumpers terms.

But after that, all on yours. Everything.

Sometimes our ex's do us the best favor we could have ever asked for.

I thought during my breakup, "Do i really want to be with someone that is capable of such hurt & selfishness" Nope.

Sometimes one's true colors are revealed...

Hope,

I was dumped over the phone after 5 years.
Deceived, lied to & cheated on. All with me thinking things were OK.

Even after 9mo. I play back those ridiculous excuses and hurtful things. But only for a second. To help me get back on track.

Read my post sometime if you have a few days. Hehehe.

My point is that there is a process here driven by you.

For me, I wanted to heal asap. To not feel that pain & one that I didn't know how to deal with. I did everything in my power to speed that up.

I joined up here just like you & without the help & advice, I wouldn't still be here. I hope at some point you can give others advice.

It takes time. Letting the dust settle. Coming to the realization. Picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off and with time, patience and hard work realizing that we can either feel good or bad. Our choice.

And not only because of tragedy, but always. Every day.

And to recognize that and those triggers that pop up in our heads. Things that cause joy or pain.

When Im feeling the best, Im not even thinking about why, just want more.
When Im felling lousy, I try & change it. Realize why.

Im saying that things like this, if we are smart & spiritual (emotionally grounded) helps us grow.

We are not here as people to feel crappy. That doesn't serve anyone, especially us.

There's a light at the end of this. Its all about how we chose to get there.

Lifes too short to waste our time on people that don't want to waste their time on us.

Having a really bad day today. I am not dealing well with this break up. The other day I just wanted to call him - because I didn't care - I can't make anything worse - he already doesn't want to be with me - so how can I make it worse. But I stopped myslef.

Everyday just gets worse and worse - no matter what I do. Its like a nightmare - our whole relationship playing over and over again in my head. I just want to feel normal again.

Vanheart - I have tried to give adivce - but I feel like such a fake - telling someone everything will be OK - when I don't believe it for myself :(

I started no contact January 19th 2010. Its been crazy hard... and days were I don't want to breathe... but yes it's the most healthy way to push forward... keep it up.

It's hard till you get past the first goalpost.

It gets easier by the day,you have to be patient with yourself,keep busy and change that relationship dvd that you're allowing yourself to keep playing in your head.

We have all been there and come away from it whole,healed and wiser.

My girl the answer to your problem is obvious... THE GUY Doesn't WANT YOU ANYMORE, ITS OVER BETWEEN YOU AND HIM, FACE REALITY HE Don't FEEL YOU ANYMORE... The guy moved out and he wants you to stop calling him, there is a another girl he is going out with trust me, just let him GO and implement NC. Do not worry, they will break his heart out there and hell come back crawling back to you. Just be PATIENCE and strong right now.

Feeling worse and worse is just part of the healing process. If you read the NC related threads in my signature, you will notice that I mentioned that the pain gets worse before it gets better.

Once you've reached the pinacle, it will only get easier from there. As long as you don't break the NC rules, you won't have to restart the process and re-suffer this pain.

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. Keep yourself as busy as possible so that you don't have to think about the pain.

Hope,

You stopped yourself from calling. One of many of your exhibitions of strength. Congrats. One step at a time.

There's more to come, but it gets easier & you will go through the stages that many of us have.

You say that you don't believe in happiness yet. That's a great place to start.

This is not your end all or defines you.

One day you will look back & smile at your strength.

I have no question that you will get through this. Keep it up.

Thanks for the support - I really appreciate it.

I almost emailed him today because a girl at work has extra room available for this concert that my ex and I really wanted to go to. And so I was going to write him to see if he still wanted to go – because I could get tickets and we'd have a place to crash.

I obviously didn't – but its so hard to not factor them into all your plans. I miss him so much some days but I can see how it gets easier. My only fear is that it is getting easier for him as well as time goes on.

Last week was probably the hardest week of my life – I thought that my life was spinning out of control at times and I couldn't get off this nightmare of a ride.

Yup, that's how it goes.

Wondering if they are better off.

But the reality is YOU are better off.

The less you worry about him, the better your life will be.
Its all about how you manage your thoughts.

That's the truth.

Hope,good on you for not sending that email.
You're on the right path and it will get easier day by day.

Wishing you a good week.

Hope,

Just let this be. Ok. Its over.

Now this the time for you. Focus your love inwards.

Recognize your feelings & why. That will shed some light on this & who you are. If you choose to. Embrace those feelings & understand why they pop into your mind. Do some soul searching. You will understand why this wasn't right.

Im not saying its easy, but if you do some serious work on yourself, you will get to the end of the tunnel, and this will just be another catalyst to your future happiness.

Right now you love this guy so much, why?

We can't continue to love someone that doesn't.

Unproductive.







This guy wasn't right. That's OK.

I still have moments of pain, but know that.

Once someone does this, there's no reason to have have love for them.

I keep trying not to love him - but I can't. I just keep hoping that when he comes home in 2 weeks that he will actually reconsider and not move out.

I just can't understand how my best friend of 16 years can just shut me out. I just went on Facebook to get a message - and he was on chat - but never messaged - nothing.

It is killing me that he is OK with this - while my whole world is spinning out of control.

I try to focus on myself - I really do.
I try to admit that it is over and to move on - but I can't!

I am stuck! :(

Seeing his name pop up - made my heart completely jump. This just sucks.

You can't hope for that & put your life on hold.

And you may never truly understand what goes on inside someone else's head.

All of these things are emotionally unproductive now.

Sounds like realization hasn't set in yet. That's truly your beginning to healing from this pain.

Going NC means not fishing around for him on Facebook or anything else. That will only cause more hurt.

I know how you feel & how hard it is, but you have to be strong & do everything in your power to not let this run your day.

It takes time & effort, hope. You are doing fine. You will get through this.

Hope,

Your ex has made his decision.

No more begging & pleading. You did that already a couple times at least.

Let him go. That's all you can do. You had history, yes. We all have history.
But its history. Get it. Not now or in the future.

Start living your life without him.

After a while you will look back & say "why was I continuing this B.S." Don't pine over him. Bad move.

Force yourself. Hang out. Do stuff. Whatever. Get with the peeps that are showing love.

This is what happens when we put all of our eggs in one place.

I know this sounds sad - but I am just going to wait for 2 weeks and not contact him and keep trying to exercise and be active and once he moves out - then maybe I can get it through my thick skull that he is really once and for all done with us.

He has threatened to move out so many times and has said “I am done” more times than I can count on both hands (and both feet!)

He is like the boy who cried wolf - so that is why it is hard every time he says this to know when it is actually the last and final time – but I think this time the wolf got him (cheesy analogy I know).

I think once he is back and I know it is over it will be easier to move on. It is hard to move on until all of this is finalised and he is completely out of our house and I then maybe I will be able to fully accept it.

Hes got you under his grip. Hardcore.

Do you want a boy that cries wolf? Read that fairly tale again. Gimme a break.

If you want to wait & see that's up to you, but frankly really stupid (and you will pay dearly). What? Have another breakup, a final one. Give yourself a break. Its already done. Can't you read his actions? Hes been doing this for a while.

Do you want to be that girl? Silly & lame.

My advice is when he comes back, make sure you are absent. Let him take his sh**t & split once & for all.

He wants you to be there with his slippers when he gets back.

Screw him & this. Sorry, dear. Got to slap you here.

He's no longer you're friend or lover

I just need to vent!

It was my birthday on the weekend - and I didn't receive a single text email, fb message, NOTHING!

How can my best friend of 16 years (and boyfriend of almost 2 years) not even acknowledge my birthday.

Why do they play hard ball with us - and treat us like we are the bad people and punish us. I did nothing wrong other than love him - I didn't lie, cheat, steal, hurt - nothing - and he is punishing me.

I have not spoke to him in over 2 weeks - and I am getting to the stage where I am mad at him more than anything.

Sorry - just needed to vent.

Good, you should be.

One of the many stages & emotions that you will get in touch with while your healing & having NC.

Shows you who he really cares about, himself.

When someone decides its over. There's no longer any reason to continue wasting emotional time on them.

I hope you had fun on your Birthday, but know that these milestones will help you further understand that you don't need him to be happy.

I actually had the best birthday I have had in years – I planned a big night out – and surrounded myself with people who ACTUALLY care about me. I am realising through this break up that he really is one of the most selfish people I have ever met – and only ever thought about himself.

I was going to leave him a letter next week for when he comes home to pack up his stuff - saying that I agree that this break up is for the best – that I love him – etc etc. and hope we can be friends in the future.

But now – NO WAY – he doesn't deserve to hear ANYTHING from me. He can come get his stuff – I don't want to be there – I will have it packed up ready to go – I might even have the room decorated the way I want.

Is getting angry bad? I don't want to be the jilted lover!

Cool, you did the right thing.

Don't leave him anything. Just his tail between his legs.

You are so right, he no longer deserves you or your time. Screw him.

Anger isn't bad just as long as you undertand it.

Hell, Im still angry when I think about how my ex screwed me over, but I only take that as an emotion I don't wish to spend time on. Usually fleeting moments, then move on to what makes me feel good. (ie: not thinking about her)

You're doing great. Just don't let the reasons cloud you or inhibit you.
They don't matter after all. That's past history. Be more concerned with the now.

BTW.

You've already been jilted. No reason to worry.

What you will become is better.

I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday-it's times like these when you see who your true friends are.

Don't dignify the situation with a letter;write a letter to yourself,then burn it.

I thought this was going to get easier! But sadly its not. I am having a really bad day today. I can not understand why he is completely shutting me out of his life and deliberately trying to hurt me - the thought that we may never speak again and he now holds so much resentement and anger towards me is hurting so much.

I was starting to feel better until this weekend. And next week when he gets back to get his stuff is going to be the hardest thing ever.

I just don't understand how he was talking to me all the time etc. and then bang - one conversation I beg him to reconsider and he shuts me out of his life. And I told him that I wouldn't speak to him if that was what he wanted and he said that would be vindictive.

I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Can someone really stop caring about another person in an instant? I know I sure can't. I wish I could be like him and shut me out and not care anymore. But then I have a heart apparently.

I hate days like these! :(

It's a rollercoaster, but read your last post.

Please don't try to figure him out anymore. You never will, it will give you a headache. And, honestly it doesn't matter.

And you're only damned if you keep going in circles. You're free now to pursue positive things.

You have a heart. He doesn't. You're different.

I can't figure why good things happen to bad people. Why innocent people get caught up in bad things. Get my drift. Stuff happens and we have to cope with it whether it's a good day or a bad one.

Some days are better than others. But you have to live everyday, even on the bad ones.

I thought this was going to get easier! But sadly its not. I am having a really bad day today. I can not understand why he is completely shutting me out of his life and deliberately trying to hurt me - the thought that we may never speak again and he now holds so much resentement and anger towards me is hurting so much.

I was starting to feel better until this weekend. And next week when he gets back to get his stuff is going to be the hardest thing ever.

I just don't understand how he was talking to me all the time etc. and then bang - one conversation I beg him to reconsider and he shuts me out of his life. And I told him that I wouldn't speak to him if that was what he wanted and he said that would be vindictive.

I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Can someone really stop caring about another person in an instant? I know I sure can't. I wish I could be like him and shut me out and not care anymore. But then I have a heart apparently.

I hate days like these! :(

I feel exactly how you do I'm still getting those days where I just wish I could close my eyes and id magically be over him! You I can't understand how we went from being more than best friends having and losing a baby together to this!I thought I meant more to him than this and now I'm hearing that he's out on the dating scene again! Hurts like hell but I gues we both know what's best for us and stick to what we know is right!

Exactly.

What's best for us, not them.

What's best for them isn't us.

Well - its finally come to an end. He moved out today while I was at work. I had his stuff ready for him. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
He thanked me for leaving the keys etc. by email and so now that is it.
I thought when I got home I would be OK... but this is really tough. I knew it was happening but now it is so real. All the work I have done over the past month - back to square 1.

I guess I need to go back into NC after emailed with him back and forth about him moving out right? Only thing I am happy about is that I didn't ask him to meet up, to talk or said anything about us. I just agreed and tried to make things as amicable as I could.
Dang - this is tough.

Hope.
You did well-and as for back to square one-I don't think so,now you can allow yourself to accept that its over.

That is a big step forward towards healing.

Back to NC and take good care of yourself.

The last reminisce are now gone, so this is actually a form of closure. Now that he's taken away his belongs, it decreases the false hope.

So in a manner of speaking, you haven't reset all your progress, it's just a bump on the road to recovery.

Just keep moving forward with your life. If you need, block his email, so that his emails don't get through. There should be a feature for that in your account.

Hope, I know that this was a pending thing that was causing you grief.

You handled it perfectly. And yes, continue with NC.

A huge step in the healing process and you should be proud, although I bet it doesn't feel that way right now.

This proves how much strength you have and will in the future.

When I was really struggling, lots of people patted me on the back & I couldn't really see it, but I certainly do now.

Keep realizing your importance in this life and know that this is a lesson for you. To become better and show the worthy people out there out cool, adjusted and aware you are.

Cheers,
Van

You should change the title of this thread because you have proven you are strong enough to do NC!