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View Full Version : Should a felon who's 23 that's dating my 16 year old daughter be respected by me?


washington mom
Jan 18, 2010, 01:52 AM
My 16 year old daughter is dating a 23 year old convicted felon, who is currently serving more time... she insists that I should "respect" him, for her sake? Short of killing her, or him, does anyone have any suggestions? Keep in mind, please, that my daughter is no angel, and hasn't been since she was about 13... she has actually cleaned up her act since "he" has gone back to prison, but it's when he gets out that I'm worried about... she will be 17 in April.

HeadStrongBoy
Jan 18, 2010, 02:55 AM
Dear Washington mom, my short answer to your question is yes. You should respect your daughter's boyfriend. The long
Answer is somewhat more complicated. If by respect you mean everyday
Courtesy like saying "please", "thank you", and doing one's best to maintain a generally friendly atmosphere in the home, then by all means do respect him when he is there. Treat him as you would any visiting adult person. If he has been legally released then he has paid for his crime as far as the law and society are concerned.
The issue of your relationship with your daughter is probably more difficult for you to manage. Might I suggest you firstly ask yourself the following questions: What is my relationship with her father ? Living, divorced, etc. Children generally pick up what they see from their parents.
Decision making ability and difficult choices. How do I handle life changing relationships? Can we discuss issues without tempers flaring ? Is there substance abuse at home ? Alcoholism, drugs, etc. Am I religious ? And so on.

J_9
Jan 18, 2010, 06:34 AM
In my opinion, you should NOT respect her so called boyfriend. He's a felon and in prison. He is also a child molester, depending on the age of consent where you live (if they are sexually active).

He should not be allowed in your home and your daughter should be in some form of counseling if she is not already. I say this because you say that she has not been an "angel" since the age of 13. Why? What does she do?

While the age of consent in Washington (State and D.C.) is 16, a 23 year old is, or should be, in a different life stage than a 16 year old. He should be having a career (it seems he does as a criminal), and she should be in high school.

Is this the kind of life she wants? The kind where her man is not stable but in and out of prison?

washington mom
Jan 19, 2010, 01:18 AM
Thanks to both of you for your input, I appreciate both of your views. Indeed, this is a very complex deal, thank you again, much appreciated!

Fr_Chuck
Jan 24, 2010, 06:58 PM
First I am sorry that anyone could or even would suggest that you respect a child molester. This is a grown man who was with a child. Her not being a angel is no excuse for him.

As long as she is a minor and under your control he should be keep away with any legal means possible

rosemcs
Jan 24, 2010, 11:32 PM
What crime has this felon committed? Aren't you scared to let a criminal into yours and her life and the rest of your family's? It's time to take the bull by the horns on this one and set the rules straight with your daughter or who knows what concoction may be developed in your direction. It's a big risk to have a guy like that around.

She still lives under your roof and you can take control over her car and many other freedoms. This is not "her thing", it's a "we" when she invites a criminal into your family's life.

jaysie90
Jan 24, 2010, 11:45 PM
Respect is earned, and as a convicted felon I doubt he has EARNED respect.
Like J9 said, your daughter should get some counseling.
Personally, a 23 year-old has no business being in a relationship with a 16 year-old.

Alty
Jan 24, 2010, 11:48 PM
A 23 year old man, convicted felon, dating your 16 year old child?

Not only shouldn't you respect him, you shouldn't let him anywhere near your daughter.

You're her parent, it's your job to protect her, even if it is against her wishes. That's what parenting is about. You as the adult, mother, see things much more clearly then your child.