I was dumped last year, at the end of 2 years of only happiness. Never even an argument, that's not rose-tinted spectacles, it's why it was so upsetting. I'm 30, She's 27, she's only had extremely volatile relationships before me. She always told me our relationship had saved her, but she's gone back into her default behaviour of sleeping around with womanisers who don't demand anything of her, the only way she's been used to previously.

I can't tell her not to live her life that way, but she came back to me repeatedly since breaking up. I know I shouldn't have allowed her back so easily, but ours is also a creative working relationship too, which does work. We are with each other a lot through work, and share so much.

So I'd finally had enough of her inability to commit. She's not right for a relationship at the moment, but still half-wanted one with me, and it was hurting me. At xmas I made it 'final', and unfortunately burst into tears with it, acted needy, giving her everything on a plate. I feel awful about the way I acted because I felt I threw my whole dignity away.

The advice is always to extricate yourself, to not go the 'friends route', but it's (only slightly!) easier to detach yourself from one you don't share a creative work relationship with. At the moment we don't have work together so I have this time, but 'no contact' won't last for long, it's unavoidable and that really won't change. I will see her with others, it doesn't seem to make her happy so I can take solace in that, but it doesn't make me happy either! And our work together is so intense we have to share. It's really difficult. I feel I both lost my dignity while trying to achieve a resolution, yet without considering fully that I still will work with this person so it feels there can't BE a resolution. It feels I've lost on both counts. It's limbo

How should I deal with this in the short term? It seems a strength I'm not sure how to attain

Would it be possible to gradually ease away from the shared work?
Unless there IS a way you can stop working together you'll have to make sure that it is business only-polite but distant.

As for losing your dignity-you were expressing honest emotions,we are all human and that's what we do.
Try not to beat yourself up about it.

Make sure you stick to no contact whenever possible.

Some relationships can be very intense,leaving both parties feeling drab and low when they finish,the high of the relationship followed by the dreadfull low takes time to adjust too and recover from.

So you threw yourself at her... ive done that,and recovered,still makes me cringe,but your not the first and you won't be the last...

Ideally no contact is the fastest way to recovery,time does heal,platitudes,I know,but from experience many can tell you,it works.

For you,you will get over this,avoid when possible,do you really have too work together? Really really?

Writing is a good way to purge and reflect,the sooner your head and heart realise this relationship was not the lasting kind,that this girl was not and is never going to love you or want you the way you want,the better you will be able to deal with the work situation.

Take your time,go easy on yourself, don't play with happy memorys,this is emotional self harming... AND NOT GOOD FOR YOU!

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship thread,I recommend, posts by 'i wish' 'friend4u' and 'kc tiger'... after reading,hopefully you will discover a part of yourself that can and will get over this toxic relationship.

Thanks. I will read those posts. I guess the dignity thing is, at a time when I should have been clearly asserting my decision, I wasn't able to carry through with it well enough, and ended up taking making all the apologies and begging. I guess it was the first for me, through many relationships, because this is the only one which I've given myself to in such a way.

The problem with the work we do is, it's the shared-mind collaboration which makes it strong and gets us work, and you can't create that with distance, it's an intense process. Finding another relationship like that is as hard as finding another love relationship! I know it will take so long even if I aim for it. So I can't immediately withdraw despite knowing that would be good for me. That's why I'm so stuck. You mention writing, funnily enough, writing is part of what we do together. And again, it's hard when you know intimately how the other thinks and views the world through their writing, but can't live those ideas without freaking out. I keep trying to grasp the mentality of this girl who keeps choosing a path which makes her unhappy. But I know you meant writing for yourself personally.

I have resisted the happy memories trap, simply wish I had some bad ones.

Break-ups are terribly emotional ordeals. I don't think you are the first, or will be the last, guy to break into tears, so don't worry about it. We all feel unloved and vulnerable sometimes.

It would be easier if you didn't have to ever work around each other, but you'll just have to deal with it. Be sure to keep it professional. Whatever is going on in your love life, from 9-5 your mind should be on your job. Don't dwell on the reasons for your break up, its over - move on. From this moment on see her as a work colleague, just like everyone else in your workplace.

Give it time. Don't expect to immediately have the same working rapport with her as you have with your other workmates. You literally have to grin and bear it. It will get easier!


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Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.- Ian Philpot

Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you’re with an individual who isn’t moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain’t going to work. - Usher