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So I just got a text from my girlfriend of 3 months ( yea I know its not very long) but we were going very strong with these 3 months... we went into christmas break from college as a solid couple... she lives about an hour or so away from my hometown, during the first week everything way great... we would call each other text each other funny things... it was perfect, after that first week though I started noticing some different changes in her tone of voice and attitude, as in she wasn't happy to be talking to me... I never said anything about it just in case it was personal and trusted her that if she needed to she would come to me and talk about it. Well she came to my place to spend a short week with my family, and as soon as she came you could tell she just wasn't excited... I mean she was just down the whole time, I had never seen her like this! When she left, the next day she sent the text saying she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore... how can this be!! I didn't even get to see her!! We are going back to college in a week now where we were the most comfortable and were always happy... I'm thinking she just isn't used to being away from me for so long that she just got stressed about it and doesn't know what to think... I need your help!

Sorry guy, to be the one to tell you that she has other things she would rather be doing, and other interests besides you, she would rather pursue. Let her and make some adjustments so you can enjoy doing your own thing.

Sorry to hear that your relationship has fizzled. I know you'd like to hear that everything is going to be just dandy, but that's "living in a dream-world." You need to face reality - the relationship is over. Go back to school and concentrate on you and your studies.

Its just the fact that we were good going into break... and then all of a sudden she has a change of heart... its just not fair, this girl has been amazing to me and now this... I would gladly take her back if something does happen to us but I'm afraid she is just going to maybe do it again :(

It's not a matter of being fair or not fair , the 1st few months is all about getting to know each other and figuring if you want to spend more time together. You have obviously decided you'd like to but her feelings are different.

Not easy buddy but you need to respect her decision and move on , otherwise you just hang on and start begging for her to change her mind etc. and lose your dignity.

I am on the same boat buddy.. go read my post about "Girl after 4 months leaves me hanging".. she pulled the space card on me.. there could be underlying issues.. my girl still has PHYSICAL attraction but she needed more and she has so much stresses in her life that she blames her commitment and time to me as part of her procrastination on facing her perosnal problems.. which is utter bs to me.. I have my own problems but I enjoy her company.. some girls just don't know what the heck they want.. as others suggested, move on and find someone who wants the same thing you want and makes you a priority, not an option... I ended up being a doormat towards the end and the first 4 months, our physical/sexual chemistry was the best I've ever had from any girls I've dated...

Go read that book.. NO MORE MR. NICE GUY.. I made a lot of mistakes of being too nice once she started drifting away.. its weird human psychology.. seemed like she liked me more when I was ALOOF and mysterious and a challenge in the beginning.. I played that "Im not that into you card in the beginning" and she was all over me.. then once true emotional feelings started to come out from me, she pulls away... did you end up smothering her without knowing you did? Sometimes girls just leave you in the dust and don't tell you that you're smothering them.. this girl did that to me.. I went along with her pace and she just stepped on the breaks and I crashed...

Yea this girl and I had amazing sex, I lost my virginity to her actually... I really thought she was just going to be this amazing girl that I could always count on being there when I needed her... now I may have smothered her a bit... I'm a very affectionate person, I love showing that I love my girl, but at the same time I never go over board and she always liked it to... so I don't think that was it. I just don't know anymore, we go back to school in about 4 days now I was thinking about just taking her on a walk cause that's what we liked to do and just talk to her about why she is making this decision... there has got to be a better reason than just lost all feelings for me in like a week... we will see, I will definitely keep you updated once it happens and let you know how it went

Sometimes peoples feeling just change-and there is nothing we can do about it. I wouldn't attempt a walk-why set yourself up for more disappointment?

... there has got to be a better reason than just lost all feelings for me in like a week...


She didn't lose her feelings all of a sudden , it's always something that's been brewing in a dumper for some time , that's why once they've made their mind up its generally their final decision and any attempts by you to change that will just push her further away.

For you it seemed to come out of the blue , but for her the decision had been made for some time.

Martian, first off, that book is crap. I've been treating my girlfriend/now fiancé like gold. I do it because it's how I was raised. I do things, well beyond the scope of "normal guy stuff" for her daily. I don't do it as a game, or whatever that book calls it. I do it because I like doing it for her. Maybe that stuff works for 15 year olds, but once you get older, it changes, WOMEN would rather have nice guys all the time, than the jerk who plays head games.

Well so far I have been getting a lot of support from my friends though and they all believe that its she is just stressed and when we see each other it will be fine... I'm not going to try to force the realationship back together but I want to give this a shot... I really love her and I just know I can get her to feel the same way again...

Feelings have to be natural,you can never get anyone to feel anything-it's up to them how they feel.

My girlfriend recently just broke up with me about 2 1/2 weeks ago, we had been dating for about 3 months so not to long but long enough to know that she was an amazing girl. I had trusted her and loved her. We went into our school winter break just fine, everything was perfect. Before we went our separate ways home we both said the usuall like "im going to miss you so much" and "i love you and dont want you to be away for so long"... which was really cute of her and I appreciated it... I love feeling loved lol... but any way... about 2 weeks into break I noticed that her tone of voice was starting to change in both her texts and calls, almost like she just didn't want to be talking to me... or she just wasn't happy. I had asked if anything was wrong and she said she was just fine, I didn't want to dig deeper cause it might have been something really personal so I had just left it alone. We decided later that it would be fun for her to come visit my home town and see my family and friends cause she had never really been to a big city before. So I went to go pick her up and she didn't seem that happy to see me... ( I could just tell something was up) again I asked if anything was wrong but she just said she was fine so I let it alone and she just slept the whole car ride back... during the 4 days she had spent at my place she was not happy, she just was not being her self. The day I was going to take her back I went and jumped in bed with her just to cuddle but she did not want to do anything, she didn't even really talk to me... (I asked what was wrong... and again... " im fine...") so then about 2 days after I drop her off I get a text from her saying "So i have been thinking alot and this is really hard for me to be telling you, but since the few week break away from eachother i feel like alot has changed..., i had alot of fun spending time with you and your family, but to be honest i feel like your feelings for me are alot stronger than mine are for you, and thats not fair." I was shocked... stunned... dumbfounded at what just happened... How does someone's mind just change like that... the night before we left for break she was telling me how she loved me so much and was so glad that she had found me... and now with out even seeing me into break she decides that things have changed... So that's my first question... what do you think happened? The next thing is... is that she has been really immature about this whole thing... first off she sent the break up note in a text... she wouldn't return my phone calls... we said we were going to talk about everything when we got back to college before making a decision but yet she changes her relationship status on Facebook back to single before we ever discussed anything... its just been really annoying... we are going to talk this weekend about it. THing is... I still love her! My feelings for her never changed cause there was never a problem to begin with!! Soi gave her the space to let her think about it and I haven't heard from her in a week now and I miss her so much... what should I do!!

Buddy stay away from her the last thing you need is a confused girl, you are a price to win don't fall for girlish games.

She has changed. Gone in a different direction now, and considers herself to be single.

While it is confusing, when you think about it, she was probably unable to tell you in person, although you could see clearly that something was wrong. My guess is she had planned to talk to you face to face, but feared that she would not hold her resolve and get through it without a lot of drama, tears, and heartache. A text wasn't the coolest thing to do, but what's done is done, and she has given you a clear message that it is over.

She likely started to change long before you were hit with this. She likely ignored her feelings and kept going on the way it had always been. But, doubt catches up to you, and feelings change to a point where you just cannot ignore them, or make them go away so you don't hurt the feelings of the one you loved.

You can't talk her out of feeling the way she does, or try to convince her that she couldn't possibly mean what she says, and if she does hedge a little, it will be out of guilt, or pitty, and won't last anyway.

Forcing her into a conversation to explain herself likely won't get you any more answers or insight than you already have. Pushing a relationship on someone who no longer wants it is a waste of time.

It's sad when this happens, and I really do feel for you. When it's blindsided you, and left you reeling, it's understandable that you would want to know why. But, she owes you no explanation. Her decision, as hard as it is, is her decision. Better to know it now and accept it, than live a lie.

I don't agree that she is confused, or playing 'girlish games', whatever that means. She has made her intentions clear, and you'll have to learn to accept it. And it will get easier with time.

Thank you so mych Jake, Great advice!

We actually talked last night about it, and her explanation was that she just didn't have the time for a seriouse relationship, she said she wanted to focus more on her academic aspects and keeping a healthy life style with out being bogged down with a boyfriend. I totally don't dis-agree with her decision, I feel much more at ease knowing that this was her reason and it wasn't some other ty reason. One thing we also talked about was how we rushed our relationship, we had sex before we were even dating and we just went way to fast, she said she just wants to give this a couple of weeks to a month with a break, maybe go on a couple of mini dates here and there when she is free and maybe bring that feeling back where we can have time for each other and still focus on our main goals, she said to me she still has a lot of feelings for me, and feels jealous and sad when I talk with other girls even. She just wants to have some time to herself and see how everything plays out. Do you think this would be a good idea to just give her some more time to think about it? Or should I just start fading her out of my life? I would be willing to sacrifice a month or so for a MAYBE, I still very much love this girl very much and I would love to just start over and take things nice and slow

Wow "mini dates"! Come on. You just said she wanted to have time for her school work.

She is tying you up with a leash and telling you to sit while she goes out and explores.

Leave her. The relationship was only 3 months long so it should not take you too long to get over it. Go No Contact with her and move on with your life.