Hello,
I am what some call a lost soul. Know please don't judge me without really knowing what I am talking about. For all of my life I have always felt like I don't belong. When I was very young I used to pretend to hang myself in front of my brother. I used to go into black moods. My parents would say I pulled the sun in. I lived in a family with a very strict father and failry strict mother and I was the middle son of 3 sons. My brothers and I were all treated the same so no favouritism was shown. My father believed children were to be seen and not heard, to work at home and not play. My father never played any real role in my life except as a kind of "slave master". My schooling and uni were very much like the user pacalive who wrote in jan 2009. I hated school, I found it all boring. I was realatively gifted and none of it was particularly hard so I didn't try very hard and got just above average marks. The same for university, again boring, again not knowing what I was doing there. Finally finished , got a job and immediately left home where I dived straight into re experiencing the teenage years I never had. At 32 years I was diagnosed as having severe Candida Albicans, went on the advised diet and most of the troubles I had experienced since childhood almost all disappeared except the one that still drives me mad today and I am now 48. I do not have a passion for anything in my life. I don't and probably never have enjoyed things that most people like and talk about. If you were to ask me what makes me happy all I could say is spending time with my wife and young son. I don't feel any excitement about anything in life. I have tried many different changes to my life and yes they are all interesting in the begginning. I do get some passion then and I really apply myself. I go out of my way to see things very positively, work hard after hours to obtain new information for the new passion and then it ends up going nowhere or I lose interest or... I have come to the point where I have lost confidence in myself and my abilility to find some real excitement and passion in life. I am not depressed I am just tired of seemingly fighting against something that I cannot understand nor ever really seem to get in front of no matter how hard I try.

Hi, excite-me-not!

What sort of things have you tried in order for you to develop some sort of "passion".

Thanks!

It sounds like you do have passion. Even though you might not see it, I do. In the way you have expressed your feelings here shows that you have a lot of passion for life. Even if you do not feel that way. You have the most important things in your life. Your wife and your son. Isn't that all you really need? I know for me that is most important in life. Everything else in life is and can be a struggle. Many people, not just yourself experience boredom in life in general. Get tired easily with what they are doing. It sounds though that even with that feeling your still giving it your all, in work and in life by having good priorities. Your wife and child.

There is no judgment here, but in my own ways. I do feel that I understand exactly what your saying here. I do feel that many many or all people here and in the world feel exactly how you have felt.

Maybe others do not express it or talk about it but it is there. It is up to each and one of us to continue on fighting for what is important in our lives. For you it is your wife and child.

As far as your child hood and past. That is exactly what it is the past. These experiences do shape who we are today. We can either let it destroy us or grow from it.

When I was young, I got so upset about certain issues and the way I was treated. I would hide in the closet and want to choke myself. There are times I did not want to continue with life.

Now I am so glad I never followed through no matter how bad life seemed at times. Now I have a beautiful family and that is what is most important. No matter how I feel inside or what I am going through or boredom in jobs or the outside world.

Take care of yourself and hope that you come back and talk some more.

Joe

I'm going to take a different approach here. After 48 years, you've come to the conclusion that very little excites you and you have very little passion about anything. It's always possible that something could be ignited, but why constantly search for the unknown when you already have something right in front of you?

You've admitted that your wife and children do give you some happiness in life, so why not focus more on them? Instead of constantly searching for something else, why not focus on what you have? Help guide your son to live a happy and fullfilling life. Be there for your wife. I bet that seeing your wife happy with give you some happiness as well. Why not try to make her smile?

Thanks jesushelper76 and I Wish. You are both right of course and these two beautiful people are always in my thoughts and are the only parts of life that really make sense. And even though you are right the problem still requires some solution. Unless I find a new planet to live on I still ned to provide some income for us to live and this is really where the trouble is. But for now I will try to just focus more on my family and maybe by removing the focus on what is not working the answer will come to me.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you're doing better than you think.

I do have another suggestion though. I suspect that the void that you feel stems from your need to accomplish something special, but you haven't quite figured out what it is you need or want to accomplish.

How about helping others find their sense of accomplishment, starting with your son? Helping others to fulfill their goals is not an easy task and maybe the type of challenge that will give you a sense of satisfaction when achieved. Have you considered doing some volunteering, tutoring, mentoring, etc.

I agree with Jesushelper and I wish.

Just to add: I think people find themselves and their passions at different times in life, which is okay.

Even people who "have it all" are still figuring things out. Jennifer Aniston is 40 years old, and has loads of fame and money, but she is still single, with no kids (this bothers her).

I think spending time with your son and being the best father you can be is probably something you can find purpose in. You said your father was very hard on you. Maybe you can find passion in being the father you wish you had growing up?

I would like to add that in today world. Economics is not great. Finding that job you love, or doing the job that makes money or a job that you do not have. For myself I was in a job for a long time and been out of work for what seems a long while and it is very confusing and frustrating and worrisome not knowing if I can do something else. There are so many different outside factors that can effect us on the inside but in reality the only thing that needs to be done is to be their for your wife and child in every way you can.

Yes I agree with the above as well. The experiences that you have grown up, I would say your doing everything in your power to do the opposite of what your father did to you. That is not a bad thing but very good thing.

The passion in your heart for being their for your family is greater then any past. Also greater then any amounts of money or job or title.