I been dating her for a year and five months. We were fiends before that and neither she or I were anyone's type. I got to know her when one of my friends played, had sex and then ignored her. After 3 months of talking, we developed some kind of attraction and close to Xmas we started dating. She grew very attached to me and since we were on the same college we spent A LOT of time together. At first I thought things were moving in too fast but for her it was a perfect pace. After 7 months I told her I loved her, she cried when she heard those words and said back to me. I did everything possible to please her and she did the same. She often was scared and complained about how perfect this relationship was even though we had are differences and fights. After one year and a month together she wanted to move in together. I found that idea to be perfect and we started to made plans for that. She often talked about her future and I was always included in her plans. She even talked to her friends about me and her plans for the future. The last time I saw her we had what I call a perfect day. I made her favorite dinner and we had a movie afterwords, but it was one of those days that you can't stop kissing and appreciating each other more then the usual. She even cried because the guy on the movie that died reminded her of me and she didn't want me to die or leave and that was the last time I saw her. However 3 days after that she started to act very distant and dropped the bomb on me. She wanted to break up because she was confused. Later on she told me that she went to a party, met this guy and asked him to sleep on the same bed as her because she felt bad due the reason he was sleeping on the floor. He kissed her on the cheek with what she calls it "a stranger passion" and she liked and wanted to make out with him very badly. Now she doesn't know what she wants. She miss the feeling of being single and hitting on other guys. Up until then I understood. But even though she wants to be single she still wants me in her life. Apparently she still loves me very much. Almost two weeks has passed and she haven't got me a decision. She still text me how much she loves me but she can't tell me what she wants. I am very confused because this relationship went from good to bad extremely quick. I also don't know how to take this. I never did this much for a person before. So I need some advices =(

We all face temptations in relationships. If she really loved you, with all of her heart, mind, and soul, she would have overcame those temptations. Being young, it is understandable she wants to experience the company of other men. She isn't ready to settle down with one person yet, but if you maintain a friendship, when she is ready the first person she will likely think of is you. Maybe she is going through a phase, or presenting that she is unable to commit and your relationship will always be "I want to take a break," and will always be the go-to-guy.
You have every right to be confused, but the next step is entirely up to you. There are women out there who will give you their whole heart and never question their love for you.
I wish you the best of luck in finding some clarity at this hazey time. :)

Go no contact and don't talk,text or in any other way communicate with her.
Let her sort out her confused life and go live yours.

All right, I will do that. Thanks for the advice even though its going to be hard.

You will be fine-it just takes time.
Take good care of yourself.
Keep posting here if you need to.

Time to go NC and move on. She is not the girl for you.

Time to go NC and move on. She is not the girl for you.

She might not be, but as for right now I don't think that cause I still loves her very much.

You may not believe me but your feelings will fade with time.
Make sure you keep busy and see friends and family so that you have people to talk to.

You may not believe me but your feelings will fade with time.
Make sure you keep busy and see friends and family so that you have people to talk to.

I will do that. Thank You very much for all the advices it helps a lot.:)

You're welcome.
Keep us updated.

You're welcome.
Keep us updated.

I will

I been doing the NC for 2 day. Yesterday she FB , texted and called me 3 times. I didn't answer her as everyone advised me. However she left me a voice mail that got me angry. Basically she talked as if we still were in a relationship. Asked how my day was, that she missed me and how her bed was cold without me. Then she finished with a "I am sorry for me wanting to have that new feeling of meeting a new guy. I am still young and I want to enjoy this before I get to old. But I still want you and I love you very much"

I don't know what to think. She also deleted me off her Facebook.

I don't know what to do. Kowing that she is confused and might come back gives me hope. And this hope is killing me. Making things worse. As right I feel like she is not right for me but I want her back so bad.

Those feelings are very understandable at this point in time but please make sure you resist those feelings. She is basically telling you that you are her fall back guy. If she doesn't find anyone else she will run right back to you. She even deleted you off Facebook which tells me that she is moving on.

Take this time to work on yourself. Pick up a new hobby, meet new friends, or just keep busy. Do not break contact at any cost.

Check the stickies up top. If you feel any urge to contact her, come on this site instead and just write in this thread.

With each day you will become stronger and your feelings will diminish. Good luck!

NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT, NO CONTACT for the win! Whatever you do, do not talk to this girl. If she still loved you and wanted to be with you SHE WOULD BE. She is trying to play you for a fool, and stringing you along because she knows you still have feelings for her. Be the bigger man and DISAPPEAR FROM HER LIFE. Like others have said, you have become the fallback guy. She is probably pursuing 'party guy' and if that doesn't work out she'll come crying back to you. Go find somebody that will actually appreciate all of the good stuff you do for them, and not somebody who breaks up after 1.5 years because of some guy at a party. Later skank!

I know that's what I been doing. However I just don't understand how in just a week she went from wanting to be with me to not wanting to be with me and not loving me anymore. That's what is sucks. It seemed everything was perfect.

She had time to think this over and emotionally detach herself from the relationship. You did not expect this coming at all hence why you are shocked. She on the other hand knew it was coming and prepared herself.

All right. Well Ill keep you guys posted as time passes.

Make sure you keep busy and get out and do things.
It hurts now,but it will get better,day by day.

Yep as the others have said just stay busy and do your own thing. It sucks, but feelings can change just like that, and others are most likely right that is something that she was mulling over for a while. I know the feeling trust me, my ex went from talking about marriage to breaking up with me 2-3 weeks later over our first ever MINOR argument. Do yourself a favor and get out now man, I delayed my healing by two months by falling into the ex's "confusion" bit. But when all was said and done she thought her life was worse off with me in it. So you know what you do then? DISAPPEAR. Work on bettering yourself in every other aspect of your life. You don't need a girl to make you feel happy.

Update:

She called me and left me a voice mail saying that she made her mind. So I called her back and this is what she told me.

"I am to young to be wasting my youth in a relationship this serious. All I want now is to be free and focus on my new job."

Then I couldn't hold anymore and burst in tears for the first time in 12 years. Then she said this "How can you do this to me?" And then started crying.

I been crying for over 2 hours and IDK how to make it stop. But now I realized that she can never be that person that I can count in my life. But it is hard realizing that after all we shared.

Heartbreaking as this is,now you know.
Crying's OK you know,and I bet we all do on occasions such as this.
Sometimes relationships don't work out the way we would have wished for and we can only pick ourselves up and move on as best we can.
Make sure you have things to do and be around friends and family.
The pain will go away, it takes is time and an active lifestyle,so keep busy.
Take good care of yourself.

I took a shower played some guitar and calmed myself a little. It felt good to cry as much as I did. It just hard to process all that information right now. I know I will find someone amazing that will want to give all her heart to me and I will be truly happy again.

But how do I know the next person will do the same? After all she seemed the right person.

As the new hobby everyone says for me to pick out, I guess Ill just use my hours to spend on the gym to get my body in shape for a bodybuilder competition I wanted to get in a while but didn't had the time. The family and friends it's a little hard since I am alone in the US since all my family lives in Spain. And most of my friends are in other states since its still winter break.

PS: Her best friend came to me after she called and asked me how I was. Then he went and gave her hell. Now she texted me and said this.

"Just f*ucking take my friends with you"

How can I person change in a short time. As right now she is not the person I fell in love with.

The gym's a great idea. Go for it and that competition.
As for friends and family,maybe give some of them a call?
As for the ex-ignore her-at best she comes across as a childish b***h, who's showing her true colours.
Don't worry about her actions-no vale la pena.
You will surely meet someone who is mature enough to love you as you deserve to be loved.
Just heal properly from this breakup before you start looking again.

How do you know the next one won't do the same?
You don't, all relationships are a leap of faith. That is what makes it so exciting.

Good luck with the gym

I woke up today feeling much better after reading all the advices and stories on how things will be better. I realized that all I can do now it to improve myself and keep my mind off things. Since I been in this relationship I gave up a couple of things that I used to do that made me better. But since she always told me "You dont need to do that, I love you the way you are." I kind of just never did anymore. So be today is a new chapter of my life. If I come to the temptation of contacting her or I am having a bad day Ill keep you guys posted.

Thank You for all the help so far. Never thought a bunch of strangers on a community would feel exactly the way I feel. But so far I have only heard things that is helping me get through this.

Hey that's good to hear!
Stay busy doing your thing and come back and update us.
Good luck!

That's good to hear. It will get easier and easier day by day. I swear my ex was in my dreams and / or the first thing I thought about when waking up for a good solid 2+ plus months after going NC. You've just got to take it one day at a time. I think the body building thing is a great idea. I'm a huge advocate for the gym, I've been tearing it up since my breakup even more so than I did before I met my ex. Nothing boosts the confidence more than looking great, so good luck with keeping up with that.

Yeah this community board is great. It's definitely very supportive. Before you know it you'll rarely post updates on your own situation and just come back to try to help people from making the same mistakes that you did. That's what I do :D . Stay strong!

Update:

Broke NC. She called me and left me a message saying that she wants to drop off a few things. So I called her and she started talking. She said that that was nothing much to give me back besides my shirt and that she was happy single. She was afraid to come back to me and not being able to be happy anymore. Said that she loved me still. Also said that I was acting like a child when the last time she called because I cried during what she told me that she wanted.

I couldn't hold it anymore and said this.

You don't have to come to delivery the shirt. I don't want you to see you while you put on my face that I can't make you happy anymore. That I am a child for ignoring you and cried the way I did. If you loved me then nono of this would be happening. You are too imature to be in a relationship this meaningful. All I want you to do to is ignore me for good and forget about me. You made your decision and now deal with it.

I know this was bad but I couldn't hold anymore. She called me a child for having feeling for her.

Ok-painful but now go back to NC and stay that way.
Disregard what she said and stay strong moving on.

So if you're a child for having feelings for her, does that make her pedophile? ;) This girl sounds extremely immature. People show you who they really are in a breakup, no more breaking NC as it will only hurt you more. Time to move on to bigger and better things.

I heard StumbleUpon.com: Personalized Recommendations to Help You Discover the Best of the Web (http://www.stumbleupon.com/)

Is a good time waster and can help you become very distracted.

Stay on the NC course. You are doing well.

So she has called again and it is on her way to bring me the damn t-shirt. She also wants to talk. Now I want NC but I don't know if I can ignore her after she came all the way here. I don't know what to say or how I might react when she gets here. I get a feeling this won't be good for both of us.

I wouldn't talk to her. Nothing good will come out of it for either one of you. If anything, she just wants to talk to you to make herself feel less guilty for hurting you. I would avoid talking to her at all costs, you don't need her pity. You're leaving her in the past and moving on to bigger and better things.

I know that, I'm pretty sure she will try to come with the talk of trying to be friends because she wants me there. Ill try my best to just get the t-shirt and send her on her way. Im just afraid I won't be able to do it.

Keep it short, polite, and simple. Exercise all of your self-control. Be very firm and do not let her have her way because in the end it will only hurt you more. Afterwards continue NC and continue distancing yourself. Delete her number and stop answering any calls, aims, Facebook, etc...

This is YOUR time to work on yourself. She already has made her decision and now you need to make yours which I believe you already have. Stay strong and let us know how things went. Good luck.

Update:
Idk what this was, it just messed with my mind really bad. She got here gave me shirt and asked to talk. I was expecting something more direct and hurtful. But this is basically what she said.

When I said I wanted to be single I didn't meant to say that I wanted you out of my of my life. I just wanted some space. I met him and for a change someone else took my mind off you. I feel I am to dependent of you. Every little need I go for you for help. But you became very controlling. You also became boring in the last 3 months. Now I feel like I am with someone else much older than I am. And whenever I want to have fun with you but you never feel like it anymore. That is not how the relationship was until 3 months ago. And that's why I wanted my space. I know I sounded very selfish but I never meant to hurt you in the first place. I know if we try to work things out we can.

After all that she said she did kissed him and it felt weird. And didn't like it. That she might try to kiss him again and don't know why. But want to work things out with me. She doesn't want him but doesn't know why she wants to kiss him again.

I asked her to leave after all of that. Now I just feel even more hurt. Yeah she was nice and grew up a little bit but she still seems very confused about what she wants.

Am I like the fallback guy for her little adventure for this guy? If things don't work out she will come back? That just seems very wrong. I know some of the things she said is true but could have told me so we could out things out.

So now I am lost. Up until yesterday I got very motivated to move forward but now this feels very weird.

I think its time to remotivate yourself back on the moving forward path.
Don't be a fallback guy,don't allow her confusion to spill over into your life anymore.

Go back to NC and stay that way.

I think you just need to open your eyes. Too often do we become preoccupied in a relationship. We tend to loose ourselves in it. Now we can wipe those goggles clean and see clearly again.

Go out enjoy the world. You are young and have tons more to learn, explore, etc...

No Contact and stick to it. Do not over think this situation. At least wait until all the emotional dust has settled and you can think rationally.

This more or less proves my theory that you can never ever let yourself become comfortable in a relationship with a girl. Even if they say they that they love you and all that stuff, the second that you "become boring" just as she said is when they hit the road. I say good riddance. It looks like you have become the 2nd option. She shouldn't need to explore if she truly loved you. Even if she does come back, it will constantly be on your mind on when she will leave you next. I say you make a clean break.

I decided to let her go. I can't sit here while I am hurt waiting for her to make up her mind. She also said that I could kiss any other girl. That is using this situation to make her feel better about all of this. By me being allowed to kiss other woman she doesn't have to feel bad about what she wants to do with him. But if she truly wanted me, no of this would be happening.

I know she will kiss try to kiss the other guy again. And if she doesn't feel about about kissing him because of me(I get a feel like that all she is trying to do. Therefore all this talk of me allowed to kiss other ppl) she might try to push things even further. And I can't be the one that deal with all the consequences of her actions because I am here waiting for her.

Not its harder than before because now I know that there is a possibility of US back together. But in order to do that I need to be the fall back guy and take all the she is giving me.

Now I know that I can't be with someone like that. Yeah it will be even tougher to get over her but its better now than to drag all of this misery even longer.

Exactly-stick to no contact as of now and start healing.
Yes,it's painful but you will get over this.

Stay as busy as you can and do things you enjoy.
Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for good advice how to handle a breakup.

I decided to let her go. I can't sit here while I am hurt waiting for her to make up her mind. She also said that I could kiss any other girl. That is using this situation to make her feel better about all of this. By me being allowed to kiss other woman she doesn't have to feel bad about what she wants to do with him. But if she truly wanted me, no of this would be happening.

I know she will kiss try to kiss the other guy again. and if she doesnt feel about about kissing him because of me(I get a feel like that all she is trying to do. Therefore all this talk of me allowed to kiss other ppl) she might try to push things even further. And I can't be the one that deal with all the consequences of her actions because I am here waiting for her.

Not its harder than before because now I know that there is a possibility of US back together. But in order to do that I need to be the fall back guy and take all the she is giving me.

Now I know that I can't be with someone like that. Yeah it will be even tougher to get over her but its better now than to drag all of this misery even longer.
Good, give her all the space she needs by DISAPPEARING FROM HER LIFE. She will want to have you hanging around just in case the FNG (freakin' new guy :) ) doesn't work out. This is why she is feeding you these bread crumbs to keep you in the picture as her safety net. Prove her wrong and be the bigger man and don't become somebody's fallback option. She wants to experiment with the new guy? Sure have fun, but don't come crawling back to me when you realize what you've lost. Best of luck on the healing. If you feel the urge to break NC, post on here instead.

Yeah I know. I just started the NC again and since the last time I saw her she texet me once saying "Thank You for giving me my space." But she doesn't know that I am doing that for myself in order to move on.

And that's as it should be-you're doing this for you-not for her.

2 weeks since the break up and 4 days has passed since the last time I talked to her and she haven't contacted me. I been good until today, but for some reason today I missed her the most since we broke up. I been doing my best no t break NC and so far so good. However today has been really hard to handle the fact that she is not here. Now I am not only missing her being next to me but I am missing having someone close where there are no barriers where I can truly be myself. Before I was missing her for her person but its now all the things we did, the laughs, the cute times, the boring parts and even the fights.

Your feelings are normal-a breakup is the death of a relationship and we need to mourn that which is no more.

And it can feel lonely to be on one's own.
This is why it's important to build a new life-new interests-new plans etc.

Your feelings will pass.
Concentrate on you now.

So she called me and said that she wants me back. She didn't do anything with new guy and apologized for all of this. She wants me but she feels that I am the woman of the relationship and doesn't want that. So she wants to meet with me to talk about that.

Now this complicate things even more. Yeah I learned a lot about myself in this last two weeks. I am glad this whole thing happened because even though its only a little bit I feel like I grown.

Now this offer is very tempting due my feelings for her. But I don't want to take her back unless I know that she really learned something from this.

However I don't think someone would learn that fast.

Now I don't know what to do. Follow my heart and try to give it a second chance or just let her go.

How are you the woman of the relationship?

She makes most of the decision sometimes. On big things I make the decision and act like a man. But when it comes to little things I let her decide and that is most of the time. This was also another thing I learned about myself on all of this.

I think you have grown through this-I doubt she has.

Stepping back to square one without resolving any issues through honest communication and a shared desire to solve the problems will only end in yet another breakup.

I would really proceed with extreme caution.

So she called me and said that she wants me back. She didn't do anything with new guy and apologized for all of this. She wants me but she feels that I am the woman of the relationship and doesn't want that. So she wants to meet with me to talk about that.

Now this complicate things even more. Yeah I learned a lot about myself in this last two weeks. I am glad this whole thing happened because even tho its only a little bit I feel like I grown.

Now this offer is very tempting due my feelings for her. But I don't want to take her back unless I know that she really learned something from this.

However I don't think someone would learn that fast.

Now I dont know what to do. Follow my heart and try to give it a second chance or just let her go.

Somebody who TRULY LOVES you would never say such a thing. She would accept you for who you are, and not condescendingly refer to you as "the woman" of the relationship. Jee... I'm not really sure what she means by that, obviously she is trying to belittle you, but she seems to forget that SHE IS A WOMAN. I would show her that you are a man by showing her the door. I would never be able to trust her again. I would constantly be wondering if she's going to parties to hook up with other guys. It's really only a matter of time before those same feelings resurface and you're kicked to the curb because "she's confused." There's no way that she has learned her lesson this fast. Tell her that you have a lot that you need to think about and don't know if you can get back together with her or not after what she did. If she still wants to after (insert time frame here) then maybe she is sincere about it. I think this is more of a case of the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence and "oops I f***ed up."

You broke up once for a reason. Like Clue said above she could have not learned a lesson this fast and probably realizes that you are a good guy. I was involved in a 2 year relationship. We broke up once because she wanted ti "see what else there is" and "explore herself." After a month she came back crying. This having been my first love I took her back. I asked her that she should take this time and do whatever. I told her that I do not want her to have those feelings again when she comes back. She said she would never again. 6 months passed, wonderful 6 months at that. We worked on our relationship, fixed what went wrong last time, and enjoyed spending the summer living together. We start school again and a week into school she told me she was having the same feelings again. So we broke up again. Now I know for sure that I am not taking her ever back.


Save yourself some time, money, and pain by letting her go. Continue moving on with your life and once you are ready you will find someone special again. This is your time too now (once ready) to have some fun and go see what else there is.

Update: So I haven't took her back. She has been trying to put us back together but I don't see her as the same person as before. We hanged out the other day and it felt weird. Yeah I wanted to kiss her and all the other stuff but I resisted.

She seems like she has learned something but I don't want to have this happen again until I am sure.

Also since she asked me back I kind of feel less hurt and don't want her that badly. But I still want her.

Proceed with caution,the last thing you want to do is step on to an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Listen to AE4Effort-the voice of experience.

My gosh make a clean break of this, and take the time to do other things with your time.

Your both to needy, and confused to make real decisions based on facts.

As long as your exposed to each other you're going to be confused.

Time to let the dust settle, and see some reality.