Ok... I've never used a website like this in my life before so bare with me.

Recently, my girlfriend broke up with me after a five year relationship and within a month, she's dating someone else.

Here's our background...

We first met each other in high school, we dated our second half of freshman year, broke up, and started dating again first half sophomore year. Since sophomore year, we've been together up until a few weeks ago. We both decided to attend the same college and we both are still in college. Our freshman and sophomore year of college we spent living in the dorms, this year (junior year) we decided we were going to rent a house with a co-worker of mine because it was financially better for everyone.

Freshman year of college, I applied for a student job with the university, within 6 months I was promoted to a full-time job at the age of 19. Reasons for accepting the promotion: no debt on my side at the end of college because the job would pay for my education, great experience in the field I plan on going in. She helped me go through the process to weigh the pros and cons. Basically, I took the job so we wouldn't share so much debt and it was an opportunity not worth passing.

I took on a huge amount of responsibility at a young age and I feel my maturity spiked from a high school jock to a full-time employee with TONS of responsibility on my side.

Anyway, we talked about serious things such as being married, kids, careers, everything…she was the one who brought it all up first to me, this is about four years into our relationship, I was scared and told her it wasn’t reasonable at our age to get married just yet. I told her we would have a lot of work to do to reach marriage. I didn’t want to show her I had absolutely no interest in her what so ever so we bought each other promise rings to show we both had the same idea of getting married, just at that moment, sophomore in college, wasn’t right. We both wouldn’t be able to afford a small wedding yet alone we didn’t have enough to buy rings for one another.

I told her when giving her the promise ring, I would do everything I can do make it work. I spent the next year working countless hours, hours away from her, accruing the money we would need.

I guess I don’t know if the hours I spent away from her changed her feelings or if it was something I’ve said to her that changed her mind about me.

Both of our families were extremely close to one another since high school and we’ve always just gotten along. Her parents to this day still tell me they view me as their son-in-law and that everything was great, they themselves don’t really know what happened.

My ex is one of three children, her parents are on the track of not helping their kids go through decisions they are capable of making themselves which is completely understandable. They are very religious just like me and believe things happen for a reason. I’m fully aware I can’t continue to hold onto her and I’m not going to force her anyway, it’s her choices, she’s old enough at 20 to make decisions on her own.

We had a rough break up, I stay near the university year long and take classes every fall, winter, spring, and summer sessions just to meet up to my education plan to finish in 2011. She on the other hand, has gone home every winter and summer to be with family. I don’t oppose being with family what so ever but my first clue of feeling “eerie” of our relationship was when she refused to be with me during summer and winter breaks when she says she’s totally committed as she says, wouldn’t you think she would’ve stayed?

Again, we dated for five great years, she broke up with me over a text message and we spent the next month texting each other, getting nowhere as most texts do. I spent an entire month texting her because she refused to talk over the phone or meet up, I felt like crap texting away a relationship of five years…Within a month of breaking up with me, she’s already dating someone she met in her class.

She says she didn’t leave me for him, she says things happen, people change, and it’s life. It’s funny because I thought I was the one living life with a job, someone to support, and have bills. She on the other hand, has no job, didn’t have anyone to support besides being there, and has no bills.

I’ll be honest, we both never had an opportunity to grow up as individuals because we dated at the dawn of high school, and I’m using this opportunity for myself to stay single and lose myself to find myself (if that makes sense)

I’m just frustrated with the idea she’s moved onto someone else and shows no emotion towards what we had. She says she is tired of being dependent on me and wants her independence but I don’t see that happening when she’s with another guy. He’s going to do the same thing I did, provide her with what she needs, doing everything for her as guys typically do that, there’s no way to gain independence that way.

I’ve read other posts and I know staying away from her is best and to avoid communication. I’ve said everything I could possibly think of to her but it’s hard for me to let go because I didn’t see any of this happening. Also, I’ll be living with her in the same house for the next four months. I’ve talked about moving out but she doesn’t want me to.

So confusing.

For whatever reasons,her feelings changed and she's in a new relationship.
You need to completely block her from your life and go NC.

As for your living arrangements,why can't she move out?
You really should'nt be staying under the same some,so one of you needs to move out.

Accept that it's over and focus on college and your work.

NC, and that's the end. Her feelings have changed, you need to accept it and move on

First of all... that sucks man. If I were to play psychiatrist, I would guess that while you were working hard to build a practical and stable future, she started itching to lighten the load and let loose while in college. Most people need to do this and most people do it in college. I admire your work ethic at such a young age, but now that you are free of your obligations; I suggest you take full advantage. College is a lot of fun (so much so, I dropped out twice along the way from having too much). College is a time to be more selfish than usual.

Ok...I've never used a website like this in my life before so bare with me.

Recently,e my girlfriend broke up with me after a five year relationship and within a month, she's dating someone else.

Here's our background...

We first met each other in high school, we dated our second half of freshman year, broke up, and started dating again first half sophomore year.

Does it not seem that she wanted you in the school year and not without?


Since sophomore year, we've been together up until a few weeks ago. We both decided to attend the same college and we both are still in college. Our freshman and sophomore year of college we spent living in the dorms, this year (junior year) we decided we were going to rent a house with a co-worker of mine because it was financhavially better for everyone.

Freshman year of college, I applied for a student job with the university, within 6 months I was promoted to a full-time job at the age of 19. Reasons for accepting the promotion: no debt on my side at the end of college because the job would pay for my education, great experience in the field I plan on going in. She helped me go through the process to weigh the pros and cons. Basically, I took the job so we wouldn't share so much debt and it was an opportunity not worth passing.

I took on a huge amount of responsibility at a young age and I feel my maturity spiked from a high school jock to a full-time employee with TONS of responsibility on my side.


Maturity does spike when you have your first full time job and maybe she did feel left behind a bit. Had she said anything about this?


Anyway, we talked about serious things such as being married, kids, careers, everything…she was the one who brought it all up first to me, this is about four years into our relationship, I was scared and told her it wasn’t reasonable at our age to get married just yet. I told her we would have a lot of work to do to reach marriage. I didn’t want to show her I had absolutely no interest in her what so ever so we bought each other promise rings to show we both had the same idea of getting married, just at that moment, sophomore in college, wasn’t right. We both wouldn’t be able to afford a small wedding yet alone we didn’t have enough to buy rings for one another.

I told her when giving her the promise ring, I would do everything I can do make it work. I spent the next year working countless hours, hours away from her, accruing the money we would need.

I guess I don’t know if the hours I spent away from her changed her feelings or if it was something I’ve said to her that changed her mind about me.

Both of our families were extremely close to one another since high school and we’ve always just gotten along. Her parents to this day still tell me they view me as their son-in-law and that everything was great, they themselves don’t really know what happened.

You need to bring contact with the family to a minimum if at all..this just breeds confusion in your own head. Your families became friends for a reason and that reason no longer exists. Be polite but that's all you need.


My ex is one of three children, her parents are on the track of not helping their kids go through decisions they are capable of making themselves which is completely understandable. They are very religious just like me and believe things happen for a reason. I’m fully aware I can’t continue to hold onto her and I’m not going to force her anyway, it’s her choices, she’s old enough at 20 to make decisions on her own.

We had a rough break up, I stay near the university year long and take classes every fall, winter, spring, and summer sessions just to meet up to my education plan to finish in 2011. She on the other hand, has gone home every winter and summer to be with family. I don’t oppose being with family what so ever but my first clue of feeling “eerie” of our relationship was when she refused to be with me during summer and winter breaks when she says she’s totally committed as she says, wouldn’t you tink she would’ve stayed?

Not necessarily. It is your decision to stay she didnt have to stay too, it needn't have been a reflection on you or your relationship.


Again, we dated for five great years, she broke up with me over a text message and we spent the next month texting each other, getting nowhere as most texts do. I spent an entire month texting her because she refused to talk over the phone or meet up, I felt like crap texting away a relationship of five years…Within a month of breaking up with me, she’s already dating someone she met in her class.

This now is not only rude and hurtful, it is also very suspicious! She doesn't want to meet up with you or talk over the phone?? I think she was seeing you both. Or at least seeing him and keeping you strung along in case ot didn't work out.


She says she didn’t leave me for him, she says things happen, people change, and it’s life. It’s funny because I thought I was the one living life with a job, someone to support, and have bills. She on the other hand, has no job, didn’t have anyone to support besides being there, and has no bills.

This is a situation you both created and it is not a healthy one. Everyone needs to feel their own worth in a stable relationship, that they bring something to the table. I am not running you down for your actions, they are, to say the least, admirable and very kind but it would be a pattern I would think twice about repeating!


I’ll be honest, we both never had an opportunity to grow up as individuals because we dated at the dawn of high school, and I’m using this opportunity for myself to stay single and lose myself to find myself (if that makes sense)

I’m just frustrated with the idea she’s moved onto someone else and shows no emotion towards what we had.

You have to try to be contented with the emotions that you have/had for it and learn what you can from the situation. It's all about you now, not her. Take from this the good and leave whatever she feels (which I'm sure is more than you think) to herself.


She says she is tired of being dependent on me and wants her independence but I don’t see that happening when she’s with another guy. He’s going to do the same thing I did, provide her with what she needs, doing everything for her as guys typically do that,

Eh...no, they don't. Neither would every woman want it or is every woman a good cook! These are stereotypes and I think especially as we are talking about college life, alot of students don't have the means OR the urge to take care of someone else. In fact, that goes for all men!! AND WOMEN!


there’s no way to gain independence that way.

I’ve read other posts and I know staying away from her is best and to avoid communication. I’ve said everything I could possibly think of to her but it’s hard for me to let go because I didn’t see any of this happening. Also, I’ll be living with her in the same house for the next four months. I’ve talked about moving out but she doesn’t want me to.Once again it is not about what she wants anymore it's about you. If you want to move out then you do. End of.

So confusing.

Just as you've said you are going to do what you think is best i.e. stay single and find out who you are and now you have to let her do the same thing. Her decisions, good or bad are not your business anymore.

Finally I would STRONGLY recommend moving out, the only way to move on.

Best of Luck, you seem like a well adjusted guy who will be just fine with or without a girlfriend and once the real drama of this is over you may be able to be friends, you never know-weirder things have happened! But you need to move on first and let the emotions dissolve between you two.

Defintely disappear and just focus on you you you!. the fact she's dating someone so soon after a 5 year relationship is reason enough to wipe her out of your life forever. You have a good head on your shoulders and someone more deserving of that love will come. Its inevitable.

Thanks everyone for your input, I greatly appreciate it!

neverme: answering your questions...

You're absolutely right, come to think of it, we've never spent a summer or winter break together, since high school, we've always had our own plans with family and even in college, never had spent a break with one another, it was weird that she didn't want to say and now I'm seeing it as she never really was fully committed, otherwise, she would've been supportive for at least one break. She only showed interest when in school in a way to help her go through things but when it came down to do nothing over break, she had no interest and filled her time with other things.

We talked about maturity with each other and she did say I act way higher than my age but I really can't change who I am for everyone. I needed it for my job working for law enforcement. I'm not saying I don't have fun at all; I'm extremely out going, great group of friends. I guess it's something she never really expected from me this quick.

In my mind, she left me for him. Putting everything together, she's told me he's smart in the major they both coincidentally have, they met each other in class, he gave her his number when we were dating, and she took it and used it. When confronted about it, she said he gave it out for everyone, kind of like a tutor type situation, she even got defensive and said she can have friends. In no way am I opposed to her having guy friends, not at all…but what rings the bells in my head is why wouldn't you tell someone you've made a guy friend when you're in a serious relationship, there's the whole honest/truthful talk I can go into I don't know if you think it applies but in my mind, if I were to know someone well in a class, I'd at least mention it not to step in her boundaries.…obviously there was something else going on because how do you break up with me after five years and date him in less than one month?

I've thought long and hard about moving out but financially it's not going to happen. I'll do everything in the nicest way to make her move out because she's the one who is deciding everything right now. All of this is her decision, yes I shouldn't have to live with it but I'm also not going to cave in to anything she wants. I've always given her everything, not anymore.

You and nobody else make the decisions about your life.
If you're the leasee,tell her,not ask her to move out.

All right... here's another issue I'm having!

I'm on the whole respect issue with her right now asking her to not bring her new boyfriend to our house because I'm the one who is hurt and not over it, although I should be over it. She is so adamant about doing what she wants to do, clearly I can't tell her what to and what not to do, never have anyway. I'm still in this phase of recovering from the break up and to be truthful with you all, I've moved on by building frustration but I haven't moved on being that we are in the same house and it's kind of difficult when you see each other every day, but I'm working on it.

So one night out of the blue, she tells me she's bringing him over; just too kind of annoy me. I work nights so I'm not at the house for majority of nights anyway but I know she brought him there. I understand she is fully capable of doing what she wants to know, she's an adult. It was one simple request from her, to show respect to me and what we had.

She brought him there anyway, of course I was pissed at both her for not respecting me and for him even thinking about going into someone else's house…

After she did this, I didn't talk to her all day yesterday 01/12/10, she texts my roommate and asks if I'm ignoring her then she texts me to ask if I'm just not talking to her now. So she cares that I don't make contact or talk with her, I just don't get it.

I'm frustrated beyond belief like most of you understand, how could you do something against what I asked for, have me get pissed, me not talk, now she cares that I'm not talking with her. Maybe it's not that much of an issue to her and she just wants to know why I suddenly cut her off, but I honestly could care less about what she has to say to me, the damage has already been done.

Again-whose name is on the lease? If its in your name chuck her out.
She's only got the power over you that you allow her to have.
There is no point in trying to be Mr Nice Guy anylonger,she has crossed all the lines of good behaviour-dont reward her by being polite.
Respect yourself and tell her to move out.

amicon, I wish it was that easy... all three of us are on the lease, myself and my co-worker do pay a larger portion and actually live there year long while she is really only here for Fall and Spring semester.

amicon, I wish it was that easy... all three of us are on the lease, myself and co-worker do pay larger portions than her and actually live there year long while she is Fall and Spring semester only.

What's your co-worker's take on this?
Could you break the lease and have it put in his(?) and your names only?

Co-worker is completely on my side with everything and wants her out as well. Never thought about breaking the lease, I'll bring it up and let you know!

Good luck,hope that works.

Well... good news... she moved out!

Great!
I hope things are picking up for you now.

Great. Time to move on. Best of Luck. :)

So... thought some of you might be interested... it's been a little over than three months since we split... we've talked less than a handful of times since the break-up but we had lunch the other day and come to find out she is single and no longer with the guy she started dating a little after we broke up. Funny story, from what she said, he is actually going back to his ex now... In my mind, I don't want to date her, at least not right now, because I'm enjoying the single life but the other side of me wants her back because I've missed her so much. I'll be honest, I haven't stopped loving her, we've dated for five years, I couldn't forget her, it's been three months... yes she hurt me pretty bad but forgive and move on is what I've told myself for three months, just don't know whether to try to be with her again or give it more time and kind of let her figure things out for once... I don't mean to sound rude or anything but she is a smart girl and I'm not trying to teach her a lesson but she should understand what she did... right?

It is understandable you miss the first long term relationship.

However, my friend,
The girl you used to love has gone, and the person you still think you love only exists in your memory. In terms, you are in love with ghost, it is not true, and illusion.
The real girl out there is who brought a new guy, slept in your house, while you were suffering!! It is way beyond the acceptance level, and any decent person cannot do this. She is malicious and cruel person, and will hurt you more and more if you let her.
She dare to brought this guy because she did not care about you & your pain, and she exactly knew your weakness, and she thought she would not be with you again and did not care. She has no concerns or respect for you.
You have to face the ugly reality, even though it is so hurtful.

She is single now, but it is not a reason you want to take her back.
You should not see her again, even consider to go back to her again, but run fast even though she wants to craw back (eeky…disgusting…), and move on!!

My friend,
If you take her back, she will restart it over again with you. It took 5 years she broke your heart completely, but she will break your heart again very quickly second time, 3rd time if you let her.
It is sad, but it is true. (I am pretty sure other members will give you more advice on this.)

You do not even have to teach her lesson.
She is stranger now, you should not care what she does anymore. It simply does not matter anymore. Just take care of yourself for now. Cheers!

You listen to your head,keep enjoying your single life and leave the past in the past.

Keep healing and moving on.

Well dude you got distracted, and carried away by your feelings before and she dumped you and even now your resolve is wavering as she tries to get back with you. Are you going to let that happen again? She is obviously fooled by what glitters, and is not gold, so continue on your own path and leave hers alone.

Stop the contact that keeps old feelings stirred up within you, and disappear from her life. You have enough facts about the way she treated you before, to not go back to it. You ignored the red flags from high school, and your ignoring the ones now. Don't ignore them any longer. Pay attention to your future, and not hers.

So you know, it's a big red flag that you consider getting back with a partner who dumps you for another, and then she gets dumped by them, and they come back to you.

She needs attention, and a lot of it.

Disappear from her life, and enjoy your own. She is on her own now too. She blew it with bad behavior. That's a glaring fact you should pay attention too.

Thanks to all of you... past couple days have been really tough... I'm normally not emotional at all but as said, it's tough to get over a long term relationship, esp the first. Best thing to do is leave her in the past and move on. She wants friendship, deep down I really don't because of what she did but it's hard for me to ignore her, I guess that just comes with time. Thanks again, will update all in a month of two!

If you don't want a friendship right now-thats the choice you make.

What she wants is irrelevant.