Hey everybody,

I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 years we have been living together for a 1 1/2 we were talking one night and she came out to me by telling me that she needed space and that she was confused. I tried to talk to her that night and tried to find out why but she didn't know so I was like OK cool. So I waited about a couple of days to ask her again, she said the same and told me that I was trying to get it out of her but she still didn't know why she needed space and was confused. So I have decided to just let her come to me when she is ready to talk. But do you think that I have already pushed her away just because I was trying to find out and help her with her situation. I understand that she needs her space and I respect that I love her so much and don't want to lose her. So I'm just going to start doing my own thing and going out with my friends. What do you think?

After 4 years, you should know her better than any of us.

I think that you have the right to ask her what she's thinking about it. But it's her choice whether she wants to answer you. So I don't think you did anything wrong in that perspective.

The ball is on her side of the court now. She announced that she needed space. Respect her wishes and she will come to you when she has a conclusion.

However, I would take it a step further. Maybe it's better if you separated for a few days so that you guys can reflect on your situation more objectively. Seeing each other daily only adds to the confusion and prolongs the time needed to figure things out. Either way, don't put a deadline on the amount of time she needs. You don't need to give her the added pressure.

As for you, if you're clear about your feelings for her already, then go do your own thing. Don't sit around waiting for her to come to you.

Has she moved out?

Is she willing at all to talk about what's going on?

I don't think it was unreasonable for you to ask what was going on.

You both really need to sit down and talk,if she wants out of the relationship,you need to know..

If there is something else going on you need to know.

Just leaving it on a shelf is not going to improve matters.

Thank you guys I have also tried not to text her like we usually do except she will text me when she gets to work I ask her to just to make sure she makes it to work you know. And I call her when I get off work. Is that cool? Oh no she hasn't moved out but don't u think if she wanted to she would bring it up. By the way we have different work schedules so we really only see each other like after ten do you still think that we need to separate for a bit...

I think you both need to talk it out,one way or another..

Leave a note on the fridge and say we need to talk!

Get ot the bottom of this,either work together on the problems or separate.

Contacting her won't make much of a difference, because at the end of the day, she's reflecting on her feelings for you. She will come to you when she's ready.

Again, don't sit around waiting for her. Go do your own thing. Go hang out with friends. Hobbies? Sports?

She knows that you're waiting for her, so she will talk it out with you when she's ready.

But what about giving her space isn't she going to think that I'm just pressuring her because she has already told me that when I asked her the second time about it...

Thanks I wish, that helps a lot... I will do that...

Personally speaking (so take it for what it's worth), I would give a little bit of time, but not a lot. What if she continues this behavior for a year? Could you handle that? How long before you start resenting her? It would be different if she said "hey, there's been a death in my family", or "I'm not feeling too sure about us right now". The former gives a good reason for needing an indefinite time for space, the latter shows that she feels close enough to you to speak honestly. Silence and distance tells me she doesn't know how to hurt your feelings.

I think redhead is right on. You guys do need to talk. I know my assertiveness can be a turn off, but I don't ask anything of anyone that I don't give myself. Biting my tongue when someone's being flaky with me feels a lot like playing games. If you love someone, then giving them a why is only fair. She needs space, you need to know why. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I do think there is something wrong with leaving your partner in the dark so that their imagination starts running wild. If you started going out drinking all night and refused to tell her why, methinks she wouldn't tolerate it for too long.

4 years man, that deserves more. If this were 4 months in, you wouldn't necessarily be entitled to an explanation. People may disagree with me on this, but I was raised in a house where we spoke honestly (which certainly caused arguments) and didn't pretend life was perfect. If someone was wrong, we said so, but we didn't punish them or ostracize them. I happen to be extremely close with all of my family because of this. Sure, everyone has secrets, but secret agendas or secret lives are detrimental to relationships.

Redhed makes a good point when she says talk it out or separate-being under the same roof in this situation can only increase your frustration and makes for a very tense situation.

Its not only about her and her need for space,its about you and your life as well.