Me and my g.f are together for about 4 months now.. and its all good
Until one day she told me she has strong feelings for her ex , she was with him for almost 1.5 years , she doesn't call him or msn or any other IM programs...
But she says she misses him a lot , so she called him and said that she loves him ,
And she also loves me.. a lot..
She thinks I'm better than him in every way , but she doesn't want to take the risk of coming back to me and having no future with me, because we are different religion , but she said I'm better , nicer , and more attractive than him , but it doesn't stop her from loving him..
I helped her a lot , I told her that she could take her time , she should sleep on it and tell me what's on her mind and I was very understanding , I didn't push her to do something she didn't want to do , so now she keeps asking me for help , I said if your happy with him then go with him.. I only want my g.f to be happy :( ,
And now she can't decide.. she said she wanted help.. and here I am now asking for your help..
I hope you good people have good answers... because she is very very confused..

She made her decision,now she should follow through... dont be a shoulder to cry on...

She said she loves him,let them figure it out..

There comes a time when being the nice guy gets confused with being the emotional cruch..

I'm sure she has friends,advice her to talk t othem or her boyfriend.

Its time to protect your own heart and head space and get some perspective on the situation.

My advice for you is to start no contact... my advice for her,is too leave you alone to get over her.

You can't help her. She needs to help herself by taking a step back from the two of you and deciding what's best for her. While she's doing that you can do the same for yourself.

My advice would be to leave her alone because if you stay with her during this time of conflicted feelings it WILL end badly. Take a step back and carry on with your life. Who knows, you may end up finding someone else who you really like and most importantly likes you as well. Don't be anyone's second choice.

I'm very confused , we told each other that we should take some time for ourselves , she doesn't talk to her ex a lot about her problem , she talks to me ( her b.f ) and I really want to find a solution for this problem.. I don't want our relationship to end I love her too much , I know 4 months aren't a lot , but this is the first time I fall for someone this fast , I need help , I don't want her to make the wrong decision , I just want her to be happy...

Even if her being happy is not being with you?

She seems very confused and unhappy,and so do you..

Perhaps you should consider no contact to get some perspective.

I want her to be happy... even if she is not with me..
If she is happy , then I'm happy

Take my advice... Start no contact immediately- this is the only chance you have right now. Make her miss you and think she may have lost you. If she truly loves you she'll come back but if she doesn't she'll go with him.

Look man, I feel for you and you need to know that everyone has been there. But, and this is a big BUT, you should understand that during this time she is most definitely not being truthful and honest with you. She's trying to spare your feelings so she will tell you whatever it takes to get you off her back or to shut you up. She's always going to miss this guy and it will always eat away at her until she can't take it anymore and she has to explore the feeling by going to him.

Back off, leave her alone, keep your dignity and walk away. Tell her to call you when her head is healed. Maybe you won't want anything to do with her then or maybe you will. What's important is that you were able to keep control of a situation that will rapidly disintegrate into chaos.

So I should leave her alone.. give her time to think..
And let her decide by her self ?
And if she asked for my help ?

so i should leave her alone..give her time to think..
and let her decide by her self ?
and if she asked for my help ?

YES! Leave her alone- disappear from her life completely... dont respond to any emails, texts, IM'S and delete her from your Facebook... she is not being fair to you and is stringing you along if things don't work out with her ex. Trust me I've been through this back in August. My ex fiancé was seeing both of us (without me knowing) and then got rid of me so she can be with her ex who she always loved... Do not say a word to her starting now- if you wait until later to start no contact you will lose at her game.

I don't understand... why is she doing this to me ?
Doesn't she love me enough ?
Or does she love her ex more ?
I'm confused... if I'm better in every way
Aren't I the right one for her ?

i don't understand... why is she doing this to me ?
doesn't she love me enough ?
or does she love her ex more ?
im confused... if im better in every way
aren't i the right one for her ?

She loves you but not as much as you love her and she has stronger feelings for her ex because she was with him longer and still loves him. No she doesn't love you enough- I know this sounds harsh but I know from experience- if she did she wouldn't be putting you through this hell... sounds like she loves him more... you're probably a better/nicer guy for her but she still has strong feelings for him so you have to let her go.

Trust me I know this is not want you want to hear but don't let this girl put you through hell. Its going to take a long time to get over her but you have to start now. I'm sure she was beautiful and you loved everything about her but she's only playing/using you and won't think anything of getting rid of you once her ex will commit to her.

Dude I am into a similar kind of situation. The best thing to do now is leave her alone. You are only there until she needs you, if she is saying that she loves her ex a lot and if that person has at least 10% of softcorner for her you gone for a toss. By the end of the Day you will be asking another question in the same forum that how should I forget her. So brother my honest advice to you is leave her alone and do your work if she has feelings for you she MAY come back other wise you can get a better one in your life. Don't be confused I am telling you this based on my past experience you are in a big trouble, come out of it before its too late.

She told me she wants to see me alone , and then on another day see her ex and talk...
Is this the right thing to do?
I mean what if she saw him and loved him more ?
Or what if she kissed him and didn't tell me? This is my biggest fear I don't want him to kiss him , helpp

I don't want her to kiss him ***

she told me she wants to see me alone , and then on another day see her ex and talk...
is this the right thing to do ??
i mean what if she saw him and loved him more ?
or what if she kissed him and didnt tell me ?? this is my biggest fear i dont want him to kiss him , helpp

How old are you? Im sure she has kissed him... maybe even more... its possible she's been having sex with him. I'm telling you right now disappear and don't talk to her anymore- she's with him now.:(

No I'm like 18 and she is 16.5 no one has sex here...
She didn't see her ex for 4 months and now she is going to see him some place.. so they could talk so she could pick him or pick me..
Any way my biggest fear is that she feels weak and just kisses him..
I don't want this to happen..
She is going to see someone she missed.. they will hug I'm sure of that.. but I don't want her to kiss him it will kill me

Before this happened...

We had good times.. we fought sometimes..
But when I fight I just go see her and she feels weak and forgives me.. that's her problem when she sees someone she loves she gets weak...
I'm afraid that this is what will happen if she goes and sees him.. she will feel weak and may kiss him
I'm sure she won't tell me because she is not completely honest
And she doesn't want to hurt my feelings..
How can I trust her not to kiss him when she feels weak..
Help that's another problem damn

Dude are you concerned about your girlfrnd or her virginity? Stop thing that what hppns if she kisses him, its common you can't expect a virgin in your life. If you are the right person she will come back to you if not do what ever you want you will get nothing.

Dude are you concerned about your girlfrnd or her virginity? Stop thinking that what hppns if she kisses him, its common you can't expect a virgin in your life. If you are the right person she will come back to you if not do what ever you want you will get nothing.

How old are you? Im sure she has kissed him...maybe even more...its possible shes been having sex with him. I'm telling you right now disappear and dont talk to her anymore- shes with him now.:(

OMG listen to john... Your girl is already having sex with him... Trust me... You're the person she comes to as 2nd choice. She is not treating you like a MAN. You are the BACK BURNER. She is disrespecting you as a MAN and you are letting her. You must IGNORE HER starting right now.

After applying NO CONTACT starting right now, the very 2nd thing you need to do is BETTER YOURSELF as a MAN!

Learn to dance, learn to cook, WORKOUT, learn new skills, buy new clothes, make new friends, do anything to better yourself.

Lastly, once you applied NC + bettered yourself = you have just turned the tables on her. You will be winning this game. And you will have played the cards right.

She will be the one wanting you back. Make her FEEN FOR YOU, until you see it through her actions. NOT WORDS! Only then, it will FINALLY be YOUR TURN TO CHOOSE if you want HER BACK! HAHAHAHA! =)

Let the fishing line loose, and watch how fast the fish swims towards YOU!

Pull that fishing line, and watch how fast that fish PULLS AWAY from you!

Good luck.

OMG listen to john... Your girl is already having sex with him... Trust me... Your the person she comes to as 2nd choice. She is not treating you like a MAN. You are the BACK BURNER. She is disrespecting you as a MAN and you are letting her. You must IGNORE HER starting right now.

After applying NO CONTACT starting right now, the very 2nd thing you need to do is BETTER YOURSELF as a MAN!

Learn to dance, learn to cook, WORKOUT, learn new skills, buy new clothes, make new friends, do anything to better yourself.

Lastly, once you applied NC + bettered yourself = you have just turned the tables on her. You will be winning this game. And you will have played the cards right.

She will be the one wanting you back. Make her FEEN FOR YOU, until you see it through her actions. NOT WORDS! Only then, it will FINALLY be YOUR TURN TO CHOOSE if you want HER BACK! HAHAHAHA! =)

Let the fishing line loose, and watch how fast the fish swims towards YOU!

Pull that fishing line, and watch how fast that fish PULLS AWAY from you!

Good luck.

Listen to me and Superman- We both know from experience!! I'm telling you I was stupid and didn't listen to people at 1st and for 1 1/2 months after she dumped me I'd respond to my ex fiancés texts and so I blew it. Looking back now I wish the SECOND she mentioned going on break I wish I would have started no contact. I'd have her possibly so don't blow it like me.:confused::mad::(

Holy.. I'm arab... only 1% of girls have sex here at this age :O
I'm concerned about her kissing her ex not having sex !
I'm arab-christian.. we don't just have sex.. girl won't accept it.. 99% at this age are virgins... trust me, I'm from Israel BTW ,
Now I'm just concerned she will have even stronger feelings for her ex and just kiss him when she sees him... and not tell me :( I'm really afraid this will happen..

OHHH.. LOL.. If your so sure of this , then that's great for you! I tend to think kissing leads to touching leads to sex AS FAST AS you can say 123...

In America nowadays, kids are having sex as early as 12 years old, 7th grade, jr high school... That's when I lost my virginity...

LOL. You seem kind of young. How old are you?

I'm 18.. she is 16.5 , I need help.. kissing in public won't lead to public sex trust me, I just don't want her to cheat on me..

Broken hearts- just because your girlfriend is Arab doesn't mean she's not having sex. How do you know only 1% of the girls have sex? Why are you so worried about her kissing him? Just move on, move on MOVE ON!!

Look I have been awake for 22 hours.. finding an answer to her questions.. while her ex is probably smoking and sitting with hot chicks.. and not caring at all.. and my g.f is peacefully sleeping
I'm the only one doing the hard work here.. please give me positive answers.. if I get dumped I won't get hurt.. because I already did ;)

look i have been awake for 22 hours.. finding an answer to her questions.. while her ex is probably smoking and sitting with hot chicks.. and not caring at all.. and my g.f is peacefully sleeping
im the only one doing the hard work here.. please give me positive answers.. if i get dumped i wont get hurt.. because i already did ;)
Were all giving you great advice. Do you want us to sugarcoat everything and just tell you what you want to hear? You can do whatever you want but I wish I listened to everyone else when I had my chance. I didn't and I got burned real bad. You have one chance- don't blow it.

I'm really glad you good people helped me and I thank you a lot , I just want positive answers... my heart is already broken..
So I won't get hurt a lot if she dumps me although I love her a lot!
I just want her to do the right thing

She already did dump you- she's trying to let you down easy. Listen man- you will find someone eventually... you are still very young!

look i have been awake for 22 hours.. finding an answer to her questions.. while her ex is probably smoking and sitting with hot chicks.. and not caring at all.. and my g.f is peacefully sleeping
im the only one doing the hard work here.. please give me positive answers.. if i get dumped i wont get hurt.. because i already did ;)


Like john said. If you are here looking for people to sympathize with you , then you are on the wrong forum.

If you want REAL answers then we already told you what to do.

Listen to what you said...

1) That other guy smoking , sitting with hot chicks...

2) You GF doesn't even care and is SLEEPING.

3) You are on this forum, crying and sobbing, and heartbroken...

I will tell you something and I WILL NOT sugar coat it.

You are the one being played! LOL..

1) That other guy is the ALPHA MALE! With the hot chicks because he understands how to play. We already taught you what to do to beat this other guy... Or at least have the BEST CHANCE at it. We taught you how to become Alpha.

2) Your GF could care less about you and is peacefully , carelessly, sleeping! LOL... You are not her priority!

3) You are here, all sad... Is that acting like a REAL MAN??

You answer this question.

Good Luck.

Listen dude- Superman is right- she could care less about you anymore. Don't feel bad- our ex'es could care less about us at the end. As soon as you could drill this is your head you can start to move on... right now she's playing you bad. I got played because I was a wuss that didn't know better.

I know you're hurt but there's nothing you could do or say to get her back. You're pushed all the way down to the lowest form of friend there is. That's what my ex did to me- all I was good enough for was a text once a week after she dumped me. Man up and don't take this bs. Trust me- you'll thank me later!

I just went to her school.. she completely ignored me and continued walking.. I told her go to your ex I don't need you anymore and went back home... and then I talked to her sister ( 15 years old ) and she was on my side.. and told me although her ex is an.. she loves him more.. and I am like a rebound here or something.. maybe I should just let her go

Her ex is an a**hole... that doesn't care..
She will miss me someday..
You don't know what you got until you lose it !

Told you man... now you have closure ----its over

Its funny how people are attracted to the a**holes..
And not to those who are nice and caring..
Weird

There is another way... my g.f listens to people who are experienced , my best friend may talk to her and solve this...
She always listens to him because well.. he was an a**hole himself
And now he is way nicer.. he will surely know what to say..
I think I could count on him.. because he once solved a problem in our relationship... she just hates to admit that she is wrong.. she admits it to other people but not to me...
I think he could at least solve something...

Well good luck man- you never know what could happen... were all pulling for you. You're right- a lot of girls do like the a$$holes but guys like me and you just have to be ourselves. If they don't like us for who we are than to hell with them. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not just so a girl will like me.

Me and my friend and my g.f talked.. she still loves me
But she still didn't pick between me and her ex
And she said that we should talk more with my friend because he did help us a lot.. and maybe he could bring us back together

The problem now is : why doesn't my girlfriend tell me her problem..
She said she is comfortable with my friend..
She cried when she talked to him..
That never happened when she talked to me
Why is she not comfortable with me?

I don't want to MAKE her talk to me about her problems..
I want her to be more comfortable with me
She talks to my best friend and cries , she talks to him about her problems..
I am really afraid she will dump me for him , and she said he is like a brother to him,

She said she can't talk to me about her problems , and she never cried in front of me
But why?
I want these kind of emotional talks..
I think they can bring us closer..

I just need help..

I want my girlfriend to tell me about her problems... and not to other people
It makes me really angry and jealous that others comfort her and not me :(
What can I do to make her comfortable with me?

Hi, brokenheartls!

How is your relationship going with her over all and how long have you known each other, please?

Thanks!

We are together for 4 months ,
Its all good we really love each other.
She tells me everything about her..
But she never talks about her problems.. family problems
Like fights with her parents and such
She is 16.5 years old
And I'm 18 years old

She tells my best friend and its really bothering me

Has she known your best friend longer than she's known you?

No she only knows him for on week or so

She said I don't listen to her..

But the real thing is that I beg her to talk to me

I always listen when she talks.. I'm not the one that talks a lot
I'm mostly a listener

She doesn't talk to me about her problems and never gets emotional , she never talks to me and cries.. I want to comfort her and make her happy.. but she doesn't talk to me and its really making me unhappy

Do you know why that she says that you don't listen to her?

This is the girl from your other thread? Please read through the advice you ve been given there.

Hmmm...

I'm sorry, amicon! I hadn't explored the other thread yet - usually do that. But, this seemed to be an isolated type of question here just having to do with communication.

Thanks!

I don't want to say you were a rebound.. but that idea is there. This is dangerous territory. How long after her ex did you start dating? This she have enough time to heal and grieve ?
I want to say the following... if she can't decide between you and him and if she loves you both, something is wrong. I do not believe in that sort of thing. You cannot love two people equally, like you cannot like two types of food equally.
The hell with her, she is leaving you hanging. Run forest Run... she doesn't know what she want, so show her what she lost

I'm better than her ex in every way
Its just I'm different religion
She doesn't want to be with someone that the chances of a future with him are low , yet , she doesn't want to dump someone she truly loved...
Her ex doesn't love her like I do..
I treat her like the last girl on earth, and that's why she can't decide
Her ex and her have the same religion...
I hope some can help her decide

I told her that there is a future..
And that the only thing in life the is sure to happen is death..
She said she will think about it.
And here I am waiting

She said that because she didn't even try talking to me..

She said she is scared that I will dump her if I know about her family problems..
But I told her its O.k
But still she won't tell me..
So I gave her a solution , I told her to start telling me first using
Instant messengers
Then on the phone
And eventually face to face..
And she said OK.

Its communication skills and a little psychology here. I was this type of person, and to make me talk about my problems is to talk about your problems and smartly relate it to mind, have to be smart. Its hard sometimes... this is a hard question, but the best you can do is to confess to her and take things slowly and smartly.

I think she is just scared
She thinks I'll bale on her if I hear about her problems because her other ex's refused to talk about this kind of problems and were offended..
But I'll be the happiest man alive if I can make my g.f happy , I will never bale on her
But she just doesn't believe me on this subject..
I want her to believe me..

It's not unusual for someone in a close relationship with another to want to only seek out the happy things about which to talk and enjoy rather than have sad or bad issues that might only be the problem of one of the parties in the relationship, "cloud" the relationship in some way by those things being a part of the relationship.

Oftentimes, the person who is having personal problems or issues will seek out someone to speak with about them with whom they're not all that personally involved.

i think she is just scared
she thinks i'll bale on her if i hear about her problems because her other ex's refused to talk about this kind of problems and were offended..
but i'll be the happiest man alive if i can make my g.f happy , i will never bale on her
but she just doesn't believe me on this subject..
i want her to believe me..

I think that you can make her happy just by being there for her, if she needs you to be, and requests your involvement, and being the person with whom she can have a good time without having the burden of other issues that might be unpleasant having an influence on the good times that the two of you can have together.

I'm just confused..
I talk to her about everything
My problems with my parents , about my job , etc..
She talks about everything besides our problems
She told me I don't talk about my problems because I don't want to face my problems...
And she doesn't talk to me about her problems at home

I hope it will change soon , because she is starting to like my best friend and that's very bad in my opinion

I've already addressed why she might not talk about her problems that she has. Did you read what I wrote, please?

Thanks!

So not only has she still feelings of some kind for her ex-now into the mix you re adding: she might be starting to like your friend?
Don't you think a really serious talk about where this is going is in order?

Are we going around in circles here, amicon?

Now, the communication thing seems to be on the edge of going into something deeper...

And, would seem to be getting into the aspects of the other thread.

Thanks!

:-).yes circles is right-I don't know if the threads need merging or not- I feel like I'm peeling an onion!
Still can't rep you!

I was hoping that the issue on this thread would just be about communication. The threads might not need to be merged, but we'll just have to see what develops here.

Thanks!

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Your girlfriend has been confused for a while now with many different issues.

What you can do is let her know that you're there for her. If she does confide in you, make sure you're just listening to her problems and not trying to help her solve her issues.

Sounds like she just needs a little space to figure things out first before you push the issue of wanting to be her shoulder to cry on. In other words, if she can't stay committed in this relationship without thinking about other guys, then you won't have a relationship to talk about.

Well...
She finally talked to me and said she feels much better..
She said she loves me a lot like every 5 minuets, I really felt that conversation we had brought us closer..
But still she said she wants some time alone and I said OK
But she also said that she wants me to listen to her when she has problems , and that good right ? Because I don't want to be that gay friend that helps girls.. I want to be the understanding boyfriend

You are NOT HER BOYFRIEND!

You ARE not acting like a REAL MAN!

You are letting her USE YOU!

You are getting PLAYED... HARD!

You are being her toy, and she can take you out and use you whenever she wants or needs it.

You are INDEED being the statement above, you made about helping the girls.

Bad move!

Sorry buddy. Everyone on this thread gave you BEAUTIFUL advise, but you don't want to listen.

Im done here. =) Good Luck.


P.S. You will realize in the end, you shouldof listened from the beginning.

OH YES!! Preach it my brother Supernnnnnn!

Couldn't agree with you more.

She told me she needs some space , she also said that there is a chance we get back together , but only if my best friend helps..
But he is almost 99% busy
And that's a problem..
Now we are talking about our problems by our self
And looks like everything is going good..

Yeah... keep doing that.


(Banging your head on the wall.)

I'm not a relationship pro..
But when someone tells me there is a chance , then I should try
I will not talk to her tomorrow.. and not answer her calls..
I tell you what will happen

Use some time taking care of yourself just relax for a while and leave the drama be so you can clear your head.

You already tried by telling her that you still want to continue this relationship.

Now that she knows how you feel, the ball is on her side of the court. It's her move next. Let her figure out what she wants first. Once she figures it out, she will look for you. You don't need to put anymore pressure on her. Just leave her alone and focus on yourself.

I haven't talk to her or call or , she will come back from school like another 3 hours.. I won't call her when she gets back, and I'll tell you what will happen

She broke up because we are different religion..
I'm going to speak with her tomorrow

I'm 18 years old , and my g.f is almost 17
We've been together for 4 months
Anyway..
She talked to her mother about me
And her mother told her what type of a guy she wants
Well.. I'm everything she wants except I'm not Muslim I'm a Christian

And she said it's a big problem...

So my g.f dumped me although in the beginning she said she didn't care that we have different religion views..

Help what can I do to make her believe me that everything will be o.k and that we could have a future together please I need help fast

She is going to talk to a friend of mine tomorrow , she said that she doesn't want to see me
Because when she sees me she will want me back
But I'm coming any way I need to talk to her , and my friend is going to help

Depending on the state you are in 17 will get you 20. May not want to pursue this till you are both of legal age.

Muslim faith is very strict on no interfaith relationships. You could convert. But a recent case had a father drive over his daughter over his same issue.

IF it is meant to be it will be. Let your faith guide you.

And if I don't believe in faith ?
I need to get her back

You sound desperate because you keep posting in the hopes that someone will tell you what you want to hear. What you want to hear is that you need to do A then B, skip C, think about D, then do E, maybe back to C then D again and she will come galloping back to you on a unicorn that shoots rainbows out of it's horn.

The thing is that there is nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do except let her go and think and do whatever it is that she needs to do in order to sort HER life out. YOU may need her in YOUR life, but sadly, the converse is not true for her. She's wondering if she needs you at all so you need to let her wonder. While she's doing this all you can do is step back, give her space and work on your life because as it stands now you are all you have left.

You need to tell her that you can't help her if she can't help herself in deciding who she needs to be with. If she comes out and tells you that I thought we were good friends, then you know what her true feelings about you is. If she loves her ex, you can't do anything about that. She can't have the cake and eat it, too. It sounds like she wants to keep you on the side because you let her keep you on the side.

But the reason the dumped me is because I'm a christian

Isn't there a way to convince her that there is a future with me ?
I know we already broke up , but if there is a way please tell me

The bad part is she is starting seeing my best friend a lot , he is a christian too , but really.. she talks to him more than me when we were together

Smell that..

Desperation. Not a good thing.

Listen to what she is telling you man. You two are of diffent faith and her is saying that you two will never have a furture. So I would just let her go and move on. I know you don't want to right now but first off you don't have a choice because she broke it off and seconde she could have did you a favor. Now you are single and you get to find the RIGHT girl for you who could possible have a future with.

Sometimes when people of different cultures and faiths can look beyond that, it's best to move on. She could be using that as an excuse to spare your feelings.

Trying to win over a confused female is nowhere to be and will only drive you crazy. It doesn't matter what you do or say, she will just come up with some other reason why you can't be together.

It's best just to cut ties and move on. She doesn't know what she wants and is basically saying, in a round about way, she doesn't want to be with you.

It's hard, but it's best to realize this now, than spin your wheels trying to convince her otherwise. Plus, if you do convince her to stay with you now, what saying 4-months down the road she doesn't pull this stunt again. You have to look out for yourself and your own well-being in these situations and make some hard choices. Many times those hard choices you make will pay off big later.

Wow she wants me back now :\

Maybe she found out her ex doesn't want her so she ran back to you. Good luck mate!

brokenheartls, I am a woman and I feel for you. I also think you are a doormat and still too young to know and understand relationship. Listen to some of these guys who's had so much more experience. So now she wants you back today. How about tomorrow? Would she change her mind again? She's so young she doesn't know what she wants. Wait until you are a little more older to go into a serious relationship.

Hey guys... I listened to your advice and now she wants me back.. so after talking about it we got back together :) its all perfect and she is really too nice now that its awesome :D

Just one problem... she is really kissing me less and not trying to hug me or anything more then before.. I tried talking about it.. she told me I felt wrong doing that kind of stuff..

How can I let her change her mind? Into thinking its OK because I'm her b.f please help me , thanks :))

Well.. I asked in this site on how to get my g.f back and I worked :) now there is a new problem :( my g.f changed she kisses me less or touches me less she never lets me touch her she hugs me less... she talked to me about it... she said what we did was wrong and that we are still young , I told her its OK because we are in love and she's my g.f and will always love her... but still it didn't change her mind..

So what to do? How can I change her back :( I need help..

p.s there is a chance I'll see her tomorrow...

The answer to your question is simple: you cannot change her back. Not only that, but it would be very disrespectful and manipulative to even attempt to.
Only she can change herself. And if she talked to you about this, and nothing happened, there's a good chance that she doesn't want to change.

Physical touch is important in a relationship. If your partner is not willing to give you a hug, there's a problem. Talk to her about it. Sit down and have a chat. It couldn't hurt. Find out what she's thinking and how she feels.

Both of you probably have romantic feelings for each other. You have to remember that love is more than just feelings, it is trust, respect, honesty, communication, commitment.

The answer to your question is simple: you cannot change her back. Not only that, but it would be very disrespectful and manipulative to even attempt to.
Only she can change herself. And if she talked to you about this, and nothing happened, there's a good chance that she doesn't want to change.

Physical touch is important in a relationship. If your partner is not willing to give you a hug, there's a problem. Talk to her about it. Sit down and have a chat. It couldn't hurt. Find out what she's thinking and how she feels.

Both of you probably have romantic feelings for each other. You have to remember that love is more than just feelings, it is trust, respect, honesty, communication, commitment.

Your totally right... but I need this physical contact.. she says that she is more comfortable without any physical stuff... I tried talking a lot about it but she always changes the subject... I mean I'm really happy she is comfortable but what about my needs? She said that this physical contact doesn't do good for her only make her feel sad.. and that it only makes me happy.. can't I arrange something I mean how can I let her feel what I feel ? And what about my feelings? What doesn't she care that I'm sad..

You have a different love language then her. You "hear" and "speak" love through physical touch. So do I. I know how important physical touch is. But, there's a good chance that her love language is NOT physical touch.
There are 5 love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Ask her what her love language is!
A relationship has to go both ways. Even though it might be awkward, my fiancé gives me random kisses throughout the day, and it's a little weird to me because I don't understand how me cleaning up our apartment makes him feel loved.

since she is your girlfriend, she should give some thought into how you feel, and even though she doesn't want to, she should honestly, suck it up and give you a hug and a kiss if it means making you feel loved. That's just the way relationships go when you truly love someone. You BOTH need to feel loved.

You have a different love language then her. You "hear" and "speak" love through physical touch. So do I. I know how important physical touch is. But, there's a good chance that her love language is NOT physical touch.
There are 5 love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and quality time. Ask her what her love language is!
A relationship has to go both ways. Even though it might be awkward, my fiance gives me random kisses throughout the day, and it's a little wierd to me because I don't understand how me cleaning up our apartment makes him feel loved.

since she is your girlfriend, she should give some thought into how you feel, and even though she doesn't want to, she should honestly, suck it up and give you a hug and a kiss if it means making you feel loved. That's just the way relationships go when you truly love someone. You BOTH need to feel loved.

I wrote her 39 love letters... I give her a special gift every month..
I bring chocolate on every date... I like text her 200 times a day , I once slept beside her house for 5 hours so I could say how sorry I am for my stupid mistakes... I always respect her , but I'm a guy I need physical contact.. I also play her songs on my guitar and piano , and I'm very romantic... so I'm not just physical... I just want to know why she changed :( if it's a good reason trust me kissing her and hugging her is all I need , even seeing her makes me happy..

I just want to change her back , like a changed back for her after we got back together

You can't change her back. Only she can do that. I'm a young woman, and I need physical contact- like I said, it's my love language, it is how I speak love, and how I hear love.
You can't change her back. That is her choice.

You can't change her back. Only she can do that. I'm a young woman, and I need physical contact- like I said, it's my love language, it is how I speak love, and how I hear love.
You can't change her back. That is her choice.

The problem physical contact was very normal and I really liked that... and suddenly she changed telling me its wrong.

Can't I at least say something to her so she'll change her mind?

The thing is, if you try to MAKE her change, or influence her to change- it isn't really by her own, free-will, it's because you convinced her to touch you again. Do you really want to try to change her mind for her, or would you rather her do it herself because she truly loves you? If you change her mind, there's a good chance your relationship won't last. I suggest sitting down and talking to her about this. Having a serious conversation. Tell her that you NEED physical contact, this isn't an option, and if you are going to feel loved in the relationship it is something you need. Work on making her feel loved, but make sure that she understands that it goes two ways, and she needs to pull her weight in the relationship.

The thing is, if you try to MAKE her change, or influence her to change- it isn't really by her own, free-will, it's because you convinced her to touch you again. Do you really want to try to change her mind for her, or would you rather her do it herself because she truly loves you? If you change her mind, there's a good chance your relationship won't last. I suggest sitting down and talking to her about this. Having a serious conversation. Tell her that you NEED physical contact, this isn't an option, and if you are going to feel loved in the relationship it is something you need. Work on making her feel loved, but make sure that she understands that it goes two ways, and she needs to pull her weight in the relationship.

But she doesn't want to talk about it... and when I do she just leaves.. someone probably fu** her mind by telling her its wrong...

I've change after when got back... she talked to me and I listened and changed back... why can't she do the same... I mean.. isn't that what people do if they love each other...

She also said that she physically touched me before because she loved me.. she said that I only enjoyed it and that's why she stopped...

I think there are 3 solutions...
1. I stop thinking about this kind of things..
2. let her feel what I feel
3. be selfish just like she is now and telling her I don't want this relationship ( this is like the last thing I would do )

If you got any other options I'm willing to listen

Enjoy the roller coaster ride

I agree to the above - you can't change her back...

... but I think what you are feeling is the confusion of WHY she changed in the first place.

Have you talked to her about it? Have you asked her why the sudden change of heart?

Maybe I don't know the back story, but why did you break up in the first place? Was it cheating?

You've got to talk to her and see why she changed. You're not going to understand it if you don't talk about it.

How old are the two of you, anyway?

You may have tallked her or somehow got her to physically come back, but she is not "back" and there is so much more than "telling" her that you love her, there is no one way to show another how you feel, to some words mean little, it is actions, to others it may be time and to others, other issues.

But at the end of the day, if she is not happy being back there is nothing you can do plus unless we have all aged during this post, she is still just 16, odd are she will have several other boyfriends before the "forever" one comes along

And during the next few years she will be changing greatly as she matures ( don't start with that "she is mature"} she is young and we all change, you will be different at 30 than you are today, and different at 50 than at 30. Most couples as they mature learn to adjust to each other,

At the end of the day, you are obsessed, to the point of what I would call a stalker for this poor girl, she may have come back out of fear than any other reason,

Threads merged

you may have tallked her or somehow got her to physically come back, but she is not "back" and there is so much more than "telling" her that you love her, there is no one way to show another how you feel, to some words mean little, it is actions, to others it may be time and to others, other issues.

But at the end of the day, if she is not happy being back there is nothing you can do plus unless we have all aged during this post, she is still just 16, odd are she will have several other boyfriends before the "forever" one comes along

And during the next few years she will be changing greatly as she matures ( don't start with that "she is mature"} she is young and we all change, you will be different at 30 than you are today, and different at 50 than at 30. most couples as they mature learn to adjust to each other,

At the end of the day, you are obsessed, to the point of what I would call a stalker for this poor girl, she may have come back out of fear than any other reason,

First of she is NOT mature at all that's for sure... I don't say I love you unless I mean it... I DID a lot to show her that... you can't imagine how many gifts, poems, love notes and risking my job for her and even my health...

She came back because she wanted to... I actually left her alone to think about it... she called now and told me she is with her mom... and that she misses me a lot and she can't wait till she sees me and kisses me...

I felt better when she said that because that's the old her...

I just want her 100% back and not just physically back

threads merged


Thanks for the merge :D

There is something bothering your ex, whether with her ex, or your best friend, or someone else, or the religion. Well, I'd say your girlfriend is very confused. Its not going right, she's like a roller coaster, at the age of 16, very normal. Mean time very dangerous for you, be caution as you might bungee jump your heart. Take things easily, don't be desperate and keep us updated if your need support and advise :)

I talked to her on the phone... she said she didn't change... she said she feels loved when we only kiss and hug often...
Without any physical contact...

She also doesn't talk to me about sensitive subjects... I told her to try.. she said she will see me tomorrow and talk to me about something going on with her family.. that's on thing solved.. the other thing is that I don't feel loved...
It bothers me that we kiss like 5 times in a time of 30 minuets when we used to kiss each other like 100 times in 30 minuets...

She changed.. I want a solution please suggest something

The only thing anyone can suggest is that the two of you talk it out.
The only person who knows why she has changed is your girlfriend.

Have a serious,honest conversation about where this is going ,and if you can't communicate, there isn't much of a relationship.

OK I talked to her she understood my situation and she said she will try her best to change back to normal... she said she will prove it tomorrow when we'll go out... I'll fill you in in another 15 hours...

Thanks for letting us know, brokenheartls!

I hope that all goes well!

OK I went to see her... she lied to me.. she doesn't want to change.. so I broke up with her..

And now she says she will change if I let her come back..
What should I do :S she doesn't want to listen to me , she never wants to suggest something that both of us will accept...

She told me she wants to prove she changed this Thursday

Please advice me on what to do next.. any ideas are appreciated
Thanks!

Stay broken up-you don't need this emotional rollercoaster in your life.
Don't try to flog this dead horse any longer.
Go NC and ignore her forever.

Hey brother, we all know that girl is immature and she will not change if you take her back. She's going to take your for granted. How about taking a break and let her change?

Stay broken up-you dont need this emotional rollercoaster in your life.
Dont try to flog this dead horse any longer.
Go NC and ignore her forever.

My neighbor is interested in me... she is new around so I got to know her a week ago... and she talked about a relationship with me... I think I'll go for it :)

Not a great idea. That's called a rebound and they're not fair on the person you rebound with.
First you heal completely from your breakup-then you'll be ready to start dating and get to know someone new.

There's no law that says you have to be in a relationship-
Just learn to enjoy being single for some time.

Not a great idea. That's called a rebound and they're not fair on the person you rebound with.
First you heal completely from your breakup-then you'll be ready to start dating and get to know someone new.

There's no law that says you have to be in a relationship-
Just learn to enjoy being single for some time.

No she is not a rebound... my ex dumped me like 3 months ago... ( October ) I think I got over it by now... and I really like this new girl

And just like how some people are addicted to smoking, sex , pot... etc..
I'm addicted to love :P and I'm awesome at giving love and I think there is a new relationship on the way

ok i talked to her she understood my situation and she said she will try her best to change back to normal... she said she will prove it tomorrow when we'll go out... i'll fill you in in another 15 hours...

You want to talk to her, and see how things are but also want to start a relationship with someone else. It sounds to me that you are co-dependent.

You seem to have forgotten that you got back together only recently and have now broken up again.
So,no,you're not over her,unless that was the most quick healing process ever.
In which case you should bottle your formula and sell it.
You're trying to get over your heartbreak by going for a new relationship and that's not a good road to go down.

You seem to have forgotten that you got back together only recently and have now broken up again.
So,no,you're not over her,unless that was the quickest healing process ever.
In which case you should bottle your formula and sell it.
You're trying to get over your heartbreak by going for a new relationship and that's not a good road to go down.


My ex doesn't want to change back...
I mean.. how can I be in a relation with someone that isn't honest ,she keeps lying to me , she doesn't want to kiss or hug me , she doesn't want to show affection...

Do you call this a healthy relationship??

Because I found a girl that wants to give me all those things...

I told my ex I can't be with her...

I feel like dating a friend... I can't touch kiss or hug her... she doesn't want to tell me about things that's bothering her...

When she is sad she keeps telling me I'm an a**hole because my help isn't enough..

I can't be with a girl that keeps criticizing me about everything I do , she keeps reminding me of my mistakes..

Well, lets about the new girl then. I bet you're going to come back here and say you miss your ex's hug and kisses and get confused all over in a short while.

Well, lets about the new girl then. I bet you're gonna come back here and say you miss your ex's hug and kisses and get confused all over in a short while.

I got over my ex... it has been 3 months you know...

I got back to my ex the first time because she threatens me... she said she will commit suicide , what the hell am I supposed to do about that :(?
I don't want her to kill her self because of me... I used to love her.. she changed and I don't know.. my feelings for her died..

That's good news, move forward!

Feelings come and go- because love is a choice. It is not merely feelings for someone.

If you want to get involved with another girl, I suggest getting to know her better than you did this one who you say lies to you. You got to show a little patience, and be cautious. It's called 'protecting your emotions until you completely trust someone, and actually KNOW them, so you don't get hurt.' You need to be WAY more careful than you have been or you're going to end up in a relationship with a girl that, surprise, isn't the 'nice' girl that you thought she was, or in, yet another breakup. People cannot hide their negative qualities forever. If you find a girl you're interested in, be her friend, and sit back and take a chill pill. You need to WAIT until her true colors come through, because chances are, at least some of what she's doing is just for show.

Feelings come and go- because love is a choice. It is not merely feelings for someone.

If you want to get involved with another girl, I suggest getting to know her better than you did this one who you say lies to you. You gotta show a little patience, and be cautious. It's called 'protecting your emotions until you completely trust someone, and actually KNOW them, so you don't get hurt.' You need to be WAY more carefull than you have been or you're going to end up in a relationship with a girl that, surprise, isn't the 'nice' girl that you thought she was, or in, yet another breakup. People cannot hide their negative qualities forever. If you find a girl you're interested in, be her friend, and sit back and take a chill pill. You need to WAIT until her true colors come through, because chances are, at least some of what she's doing is just for show.



I'm actually taking it very slow... I got to know her sister they are really very nice... her friends are awesome too.. except one lol...
I will follow your advice and take it slow...

And by the way... my ex is a liar , I was walking in the street yesterday and then boom she is in front of me talking to her ex :)
She started saying I'm sorry he called I didn't want to answer...
I told her.. : yeah.. please move I'm going to see my girlfriend...

I never thought someone could be so heartless...
By the way this girl wasent in a relationship before never kissed a guy.. nothing..
And she is really shy.. I mean if I touch her hand she turns red :\
Can you give me an advice on how to make her feel more comfortable with me ?

What are the religions ?

what are the religions ?


My ex is Muslim... the girl I'm seeing now is a christian.. I am a christian

I got to new question... I'm shy.. my new g.f is shy..
And its really weird when we say goodbye...
Its like a normal handshake...

How can I change that... my g.f said it was weird.. like..
How can I change this..
For example.. change the handshake to a hug or a kiss

Not to be rude but I just read through most of your thread and I can see that this will not end too well. If you are choosing not to stay single then so it be but please keep this new girl in mind. I can see a rebound written all over this.

How do I know this, you ask yourself. Well if you look at my thread (almost 70 pages long) you can see that I screwed up big time and didn't listen to what these wonderful people had to tell me. Granted you were with her for only 4 months but it was enough time to have an impact on you.

I would recommend you take time to yourself and just work on being single. Take some time before you begin another relationship. Have fun, enjoy time with your friends, etc...

But maybe there is someone else on here with more credibility who can tell you similar things. Good luck!

Oh and to answer your question. Hugs!!

How do you change a handshake into a hug or a kiss.. Are you SERIOUS? You are reading way too far into these situations. You change it by changing it! Is there any other option? It DOES NOT take a scientific formula to date a girl.

I'm sorry, but either a.you're stressing out trying to put this girl into the typical "dating" stereotype and putting pressure on yourself to do things the "right way", or b. you're ignorant. I don't want to come across as mean, but it seems like you're a little stressed and pressured, or you just don't know how to be normal and natural around girls.

Also, again with the "making" how to "make her more comfortable" let he do it on her own terms. If you're being yourself, and you're being genuine, it's all you can do.

How do you change a handshake into a hug or a kiss....? Are you SERIOUS? You are reading way too far into these situations. You change it by changing it! Is there any other option? It DOES NOT take a scientific formula to date a girl.

I'm sorry, but either a.you're stressing out trying to put this girl into the typical "dating" stereotype and putting pressure on yourself to do things the "right way", or b. you're ignorant. I don't want to come across as mean, but it seems like you're a little stressed and pressured, or you just don't know how to be normal and natural around girls.

Also, again with the "making" how to "make her more comfortable" let he do it on her own terms. If you're being yourself, and you're being genuine, it's all you can do.


I am myself... and I can take care of myself... but this is a bit different , she is very shy , when I tried to grab her hand she turned red.. its kind of cute but it always happens..

A little advice won't hurt... what I'm going to do is just take my time with her... if you got any other thing in mind let me know ;)

You got to make the move. Go for the hug and kiss at the same time. It's not hard. Wrap your arms around her. Hold her tight. Lay a nice long kiss right on those lips.

That's how you change it. The first kiss will always have a slight awkwardness to it, because you are not used to each other's style. But then there is the second one and the third, fourth, fifth, etc... Get the picture? Each one feels better than the last.

Threads merged
guess who's back and feels like dying... its me :D!

I got a new problem , please hear me out, my g.f is being very selfish and its killing me , I made like a list of the things she want me to do :\
1. she don't want me in f.b after midnight because girls flirt with me... ( I accepted )
2. no msn after midnight ( I accepted )
3. not talking to girls a lot on the phone or texting any girl except her ( I accepted )
the list goes on and on

and the last thing she wants is not having sexual stuff in our relationship :\
I can't accept this... I need these kind of things , she won't understand , she says its something extra in our relationship and that hugging and kissing is enough...
what about my needs?
I mean I can barely see her , she has no phone , her mom is a bit**, her mom won't let her get out of the house because she saw me with her daughter... she took her phone , and will let her use the PC for two hours every day , 2hours msn = 10 min on the phone...

she won't appreciate that I am still with her after all this fot like 8 months, when I see my g.f its about a 25min date , which is a walk in the park , literally.

she doesn't want to touch me or let me touch her and all these kind of things...
how can I convince her that I'm dying ?
I mean I want to please her, but what about me ? I need that thing , and I'm not willing to just accept it.
I need advice , I'm going to see her tomorrow at 4 which is in another 20 hour depending on my watch.
help me , anything would be appreciated

Hi there,

I'm not sure how old you are but you have to grow up! Firstly do you like being controlled? You are being suffocated but you are not dying!! If you are not happy with those terms come clean and set everything straight. It takes 2 to clap so to speak. Have you tried controlling her? See how she takes to that. Sometimes a person does not realize it until it happens to them (A wake up call) Anyway hope this helps - Panther Forest

How old are you?

Is she religious? If she's religious, and not being sexual until marriage is what she believes, then there isn't going to be anything you can do that will change her mind.

As far as her mom and you.. That's going to be a battle that she is going to have to fight on her own. She's going to have to discover if she really wants to be with you 100% or if she's going to allow her mom to run her life. You sound young... these are normal battles. However, it seems like her mom is a bit extreme.. But like I said, it could be a religious thing.

If she has a tight leash on you, yet can't spend any time with you... quite honestly, I wouldn't stay with her. You obvious want more out of a relationship, and obviously she doesn't want to, or can't give you what you need.

You two need to talk, and talk soon about where this relationship is going. Because to me... It seems to be spinning in circles.

Her and her mother control this relationship, and instead of accepting their very strict terms, and it driving you crazy, you get another girl, who is more compatible.

That's what a normal healthy male would do rather than submit to terms that you are against.

This is not a relationship, it's a dictatorship, and there just ain't enough love in the world to make a guy submit himself to these conditions.

How old are you any way?? (16/17?)

I'm 18.5 and she is 17 , we used to have sexual interactions before and it stopped for no reason , she said its something that we both can live without ( I personally tried... and I can't live without it ) I explained that I will stay with her if we do this and that , and that I'm not an a**hole that will ditch her after doing sexual stuff... she still doesn't want to do it.

I love her too much I can't even let her go :( I need help
In about 12 hours I'm going to see her... I'll tell you about her behavior if it helps

Its not normal or healthy to be counting down the hours to see your girlfriend for 20 minutes.

You need to move on. This girl is no good for you and has you, literally, by the balls.

Its it cruel to dump a girl because her mom is a bit*** ? I mean its not her fault , there was a day she ran out of the house and stayed with me for almost 6 hours... she wants to be with me.. but her mom really sucks at parenting !

And its cruel to dangle a carrot in front of a guy who is suppose to be the love of her life.

She is dictating everything you do.. from the amount spent with you, to you being able talk to certain people.

That's not normal... She's being very mean towards you.. I hope you will see it before you become depressed and regret ever talking with her..

Stop being love sick and take a look at the big picture. And if you can't handle the information given here, then please stop whinning and deal with it however you feel you need to deal with it. There is nothing anyone can say on here that will change her mind or her moms mind.

Its all up to you buddy.

I'm already depressed , I don't care about talking to other girls.. I only care about this one girl , and I just want her to be happy, but apparently everything I do is never enough...
All we do is talk when I see her... I mean Jesus.. what about my needs , why can't she understand

Well, if you're going to base your relationship on whether you get laid... then you need to take a step back.

But.. If she's not giving you what you want, then you need to leave and stop torturing yourself. Maybe your absence will cause your girlfriend to stand up for your relationship as well.

Either do something.. Or be quiet. Your issues haven't changed in the least bit.

OK... I saw her and all... she was pretty normal.. she was OK and all... she explained to me why she did all this... because her sister saw the chat box on the p.c and my g.f doesn't want any one to know that we do these kind of things , in other words... her anger and the whole fight was staged :\

She was really like that before and she change like 3 months ago... I hope she'll stay like that :)...

Anyway problem solved a guess ? If anything wrong happened and I couldn't deal with it on my own I'll be more then happy to ask you for help :D thanks everyone

Threads merged
I girlfriend doesn't like being touched underneath her clothes.. and doesn't like the idea of being touched at all... and she doesn't want to touch me neither , there is a problem that she was forced to do a sexual act when she was young.. but never had sex...
I'm the only person who knows about it... might this be the problem ?

How can I make her more comfortable , our relationship is awesome , but we always fight about this subject...
I won't dump her because of this , but I really like all the intimate things we used to do...
How can I change her mind about these kind of things... please help!

If she was forced to do a sexual act when she was young, she needs to see a therapist to work through the damage that caused.

stop trying to force or convince her to do anything. She obviously has some deep emotional scars. You need to be understanding and supportive of that. Let her initiate all physical contact for now. Encourage her to find a good therapist to talk to. If she asks you to go with her, do so.

for now, you need to back off on the physical side of your relationship. She'll let you know when she's ready. Until then, enjoy the other aspects of the relationship. She'll value you all the more for letting her have the time she needs to get through this.

you should also know, that she could 'relapse' at any time. There could be a smell or a sight that triggers a painful memory, and she'll withdraw again. When that happens, just talk to her. If she'll let you, hold her close. It's a long, hard road getting over any kind of abuse, especially sexual, and the road isn't always straight.

Stop trying to convince her to do what you want, and you won't have to fight about it. She says she doesn't like it and that should be enough.

If its not, leave her alone, because you sure aren't helping anything fighting about it, for whatever reason she feels that way. Doesn't matter.

Guys who don't understand NO, make lousy partners.

A word to the wise, starting new threads, and leaving important details out to get different answers, never works here.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Me and my g.f have been dating for a year and a half now... and me and her talked about all the sexual stuff... she said she wants me to wait... I've been waiting for 8 months...
Now I think she's not ready yet

She told me she really wants to have sex and stuff but she's afraid... I asked her why is she afraid and if there something I can do to help... she said she will never be ready if she's afraid...

Any ideas ?

How old are the two of you?

How old are the two of you?

Im almost 19 and she's 18

Ideas? Yeah, just wait until she is ready. Pregnancy is always a possibility and she may not be ready to be a mother yet.

If you love her you will be patient until she is ready.

Ideas? Yeah, just wait until she is ready. Pregnancy is always a possibility and she may not be ready to be a mother yet.

If you love her you will be patient until she is ready.

I waited a lot , and I don't think I would get heart pregnant...

i waited a lot , and i dont think i would get heart pregnant...

How do you know you wouldn't get her pregnant? Sex = pregnancy. No form of birth control is 100% effective.

Could she be restraining from sex for religious reasons?

How do you know you wouldn't get her pregnant? Sex = pregnancy. No form of birth control is 100% effective.

Could she be restraining from sex for religious reasons?

I just want the answer to my question

i just want the answer to my question

I gave you an answer to your question.

Your girlfriend may be afraid of pregnancy or she may not want to have sex before marriage for religious reasons.

Only your girlfriend knows the real reason she is "afraid" of having sex.

i just want the answer to my question

You got the answer to your question. Wait until she is ready or figures out what is causing her to be afraid. And if you feel you've waited long enough and cannot wait anymore then leave her so she can find someone who is willing to love her and wait for her.

Pushing her into something she is not ready for is going to lead to more problems and shows you have little to no care for her. She needs to come to terms with what is going on, on her own terms.

Either wait it out, or let her go.

I noticed that the word "LOVE" is not even mentioned in your posts. It all about "help ME get laid". Maybe she's afraid that you're not the one that she wants to give this special "gift" to. Maybe she's not ready to take chances with someone who doesn't understand that you don't pressure women to have sex with you. If indeed you are in fact 19, then you should be willing to do what it takes to make her feel comfortable in the relationship first, and understand that sex is not a destination, or accomplishment.

Behave and wait.

You stated in a previous thread that when she was younger something happened to her. And like someone at that time also said that maybe something happened to trigger those memories or emotions and now it's adding to her fear.

If that is the case then you are not being of your girlfriend by fighting with her and pushing her to have sex when she is scared an uncomfortable with it.

Yes, you have needs but what about her needs as well? Sometimes in a relationship with someone you truly care about we need to put our needs below theirs. This is one of those times.

If what happened to her has anything to do with why she is now afraid to have sex then pushing her into it or making her feel bad for it is only going to further make this a problem for her and further break her.

If you truly care about her, she needs you right now to be supportive, understanding, and selfless. But if you feel you cannot do that and wait anymore for her to be okay with sex in any manner then I stand by my previous advice and say let her go. So that she can work through these problems without someone adding more on to it. And then you can go on and fulfill your needs in any way you so desire.

Your posts were merged again, and they will be deleted if you continue to start new posts about the same thing "How to get my girlfriend to have sex with me" .

Let me put this to bed for you quite simply, you have failed to make love to her mind, and that's where sexual attraction starts.

You are also so single minded of your own wants, you don't take care of her needs, as a matter of fact, you ignore them completely because of what you want.

Until you change, there will be no sex, simply because there is no love, or caring on your part, NONE! Want proof? If you loved her you would put her need, before your want! That you have NOT done at all.

Your posts were merged again, and they will be deleted if you continue to start new posts about the same thing "How to get my girlfriend to have sex with me" .

Let me put this to bed for you quite simply, you have failed to make love to her mind, and thats where sexual attraction starts.

You are also so single minded of your own wants, you don't take care of her needs, as a matter of fact, you ignore them completely because of what you want.

Until you change, there will be no sex, simply because there is no love, or caring on your part, NONE! Want proof? If you loved her you would put her need, before your want! That you have NOT done at all.

That's funny how you know about the other thread and come here saying I don't love her... I bet you didn't read anything over there... that's all I was doing sense I started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so I could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , don't talk to me about her needs if you didn't or forgot about the other thread

Thats funny how u know about the other thread and come here saying i dont love her... i bet u didnt read anything over there... thats all i was doin sence i started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so i could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , dont talk to me about her needs if u didnt or forgot about the other thread

First, no more chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules.

Second, what details are you changing or leaving out?

Gleaned from reading your posts about this woman: When did she turn 18? When all this began with her, she was 17. At one point, you had 'sexual interactions' that stopped for 'no reason'. She had something happen in her past. Her mother doesn't like you. (I would guess for getting her daughter into 'sexual interactions'). She doesn't trust you (you say that part was recanted.) She has told you at different points that she doesn't want sex. You are still trying to get sex. You don't mention any feelings other than frustration. Have I missed anything?

When do expect her to have sex with you? Where do you expect her to have sex with you? Do you expect her to take care of your needs even though she has supposedly been quite clear that she doesn't want sex or sexual contact? Has there been a pregnancy scare in the past? Is she afraid of pregnancy? Is she still living under her mother's roof? Would she have to lie to her mother about what she was doing if you did have sex?

Have you talked with her about your concerns? Has she told you why she doesn't want to fool around? Have you listened when she did?

I think you need to let her go if your 'needs' are different than hers are. Trying to get her to do something she isn't comfortable with is not good for either of you or the relationship.

Originally Posted by brokenheartls
That's funny how you know about the other thread and come here saying I don't love her...
You don't. But its amazing the lengths you go to get her body, instead of being real, and making love to the mind, and let the body follow, when she is ready. That would be love my friend.

It's a big red flag when your way is causing problems, but you are not willing to make adjusts to the facts you have.


Originally Posted by brokenheartls
... I bet you didn't read anything over there...

Consider that bet lost.

Originally Posted by brokenheartls
That's all I was doing since I started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so I could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , don't talk to me about her needs if you didn't or forgot about the other thread

What needs have you taken care of? Then tell me why she is afraid of having sex with you? If you can, but I doubt it as what's painfully obvious is you have ignored her needs, and the importance of them, for your own.

So tell us about her needs you have met.

First, no more chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules.

Second, what details are you changing or leaving out?

Gleaned from reading your posts about this woman: When did she turn 18? When all this began with her, she was 17. At one point, you had 'sexual interactions' that stopped for 'no reason'. She had something happen in her past. Her mother doesn't like you. (I would guess for getting her daughter into 'sexual interactions'). She doesn't trust you (you say that part was recanted.) She has told you at different points that she doesn't want sex. You are still trying to get sex. You don't mention any feelings other than frustration. Have I missed anything?
When do expect her to have sex with you? Where do you expect her to have sex with you? Do you expect her to take care of your needs even though she has supposedly been quite clear that she doesn't want sex or sexual contact? Has there been a pregnancy scare in the past? Is she afraid of pregnancy? Is she still living under her mother's roof? Would she have to lie to her mother about what she was doing if you did have sex?

Have you talked with her about your concerns? Has she told you why she doesn't want to fool around? Have you listened when she did?

I think you need to let her go if your 'needs' are different than hers are. Trying to get her to do something she isn't comfortable with is not good for either of you or the relationship.

Her mom hates me because I'm a christian and she thinks I'm not good enough...
My g.f is a virgin so there isn't a scare of pregnancy... She said she wants to do all those sexuall stuf , but ita because she was sexyally abused... ( not raped) and every time we do something it trigers that memory and she hugs me and tells me that she loves me and I comfort her...
Her mom doesn't know , no one knows except me... And she doesn't want to tell anyone, so I don't know how to get rid of this phobia if you will... and please don't tell me I don't love her because no one knows how strong our relationship is

her mom hates me because im a christian and she thinks im not good enough...
my g.f is a virgin so there isnt a scare of pregnancy... She said she wants to do all those sexuall stuf , but ita because she was sexyally abused... ( not raped) and everytime we do something it trigers that memory and she hugs me and tells me that she loves me and i comfort her...
her mom doesnt know , no one knows except me... And she doesnt wanna tell anyone, so i dont know how to get rid of this phobia if u will... and please dont tell me i dont love her because no one knows how strong our relationship is

This isn't something you can help her with. You can give her support while she gets the help she needs and works through the hurt, pain, and trauma. She needs to talk to a professional who is trained to handle the emotional storms that blow-up when someone is working through sexual abuse. Someone who is not emotionally involved. Someone who is used to having all of the anger and pain directed at him/her when it can't be directed at the abuser.

Depending on how much hurt and anger at the past is still inside her, it could months or years before she is ready for a healthy sex life. Are you ready to face that future? That is what we mean by taking care of her needs. She may not be able to emotionally or physically handle yours for quite awhile.

This isn't something you can help her with. You can give her support while she gets the help she needs and works through the hurt, pain, and trauma. She needs to talk to a professional who is trained to handle the emotional storms that blow-up when someone is working through sexual abuse. Someone who is not emotionally involved. Someone who is used to having all of the anger and pain directed at him/her when it can't be directed at the abuser.

Depending on how much hurt and anger at the past is still inside her, it could months or years before she is ready for a healthy sex life. Are you ready to face that future? That is what we mean by taking care of her needs. She may not be able to emotionally or physically handle yours for quite awhile.

I wish she went to a pro... Im really worried about her... I told her that I'm going to wait and that its not a big deal... But that she should also fix the problem...

Thanks for the help all!

Has she given you any reasons she doesn't want to talk to a counselor?