Hello,

A month ago I found out my GF lied to me about a picture she sent me around the time we started talking online, almost 2 years ago. Since then we started dating in the real world and the picture never came up again. Until I found out through a friend she wasn't the girl in the picture.
The girl in the picture looked extremely much like her, with some subtle differences I never paid attention to.

I confronted her about it and after she explained her reasons (she wanted to hook me but didnt have a pic of herself) I forgave her and was ready to make up and move on with her. How ever she entered a massive guilt trip and said she could no longer be my girlfriend because she lied to me, and lying is a huge issue for her.

She asked me to be her friend for the time being and she said she really does want to be my girlfriend again in the future, but currently cannot because she is terrified she will hurt me again in the future.

Till then she keeps herself reserved and will not get close to other guys. So basically we agreed we are "on a break" and have not "broken up".

The past 4 weeks we still kept seeing and talking to each other on a daily basis and we still share intimacy and affection, although the amount of affection coming from her has dropped down a lot as she seems to have trouble expressing her feelings for me because of her guilt.

She says the kissing and having sex helps her feel a connection to me, and signals that two friends want to be more then just friends.

I'm unsure how to handle this situation. It's scary because I don't want to end up being "just friends" again with a girl. That would hurt me. I just want to act in a way that helps her overcome her fear of hurting me and convince her resuming our relationship is the best option.

Any advice?

So you're friends with benefits,and that's not hurting you? Sorry but I smell a rat here.
When you confronted her with the lie and said you were willing to forgive her,why on earth would she demand a break? It makes no sense to me.
Stop being available and start doing your own thing without the friendship and the intimacy.
When people want a break your best policy is to leave them to it and start living your own life.

The situation does make me uncomfortable, I want to be her boyfriend, not her friend. But I currently seem to be in between friend and boyfriend. It seems to very slowly swing towards boyfriend again. But I don't want to get my hopes up just yet.

She "demanded" a break because she feels unworthy of being with me and fears we will do stupid things in the future that might hurt us.

She has had an abusive past in which her mother lied about just about everything just for her own benefit, and abused her daughter. However her mom was so good at lying no one ever believed her when she said she was being abused.

Result: She considers lying about as bad as cheating on someone. And now she feels she is a horrible person for lying to the one person she cares about the most.

Yes, it smells fishy, that's because her reaction isn't normal behaviour. Unless you know her history, how she feels about lying and how easily she gets scared by something. If it was me lying to her about a picture she would have dumped me and blocked me out of her life on the spot.

So far the only person that knows we are on a break is her brother. Everyone else still believes I'm her boyfriend and she doesn't want to tell anyone as potential suitors would quickly move in and bother her while trying to convince her to break up with me all together.

She is going to visit her therapist soon, who she already told a few months ago about the lie, and hopefully she can help her cope with this.

From my understanding, she doesn't want to lose me, she wants to be my GF, but currently is stuck feeling guilty and miserable about herself and it is making her afraid of being my GF again.

Sorry about the long reply.

I mainly just want to know if I should keep giving her the attention/affection/intimacy I have been giving her, or cut back on it to give her the chance to miss me.

Of course it could backfire and make her lose her connection with me.

Let me see you made a issue of a 2 year old photo that makes no difference in the world, and she got mad.

She is now using you for sex, ( a lot of men would love that problem)

So you decide, if you want more of a relationship, move on

let me see you made a issue of a 2 year old photo that makes no difference in the world, and she got mad.

She is now using you for sex, ( alot of men would love that problem)

So you decide, if you want more of a relationship, move on

Im afraid you got it all wrong.

I did get upset at her for LYING, but I stayed calm throughout it all and let her explain her reasons. I accepted she lied, forgave her and didn't want to make an issue out of it at all.

And she didn't get mad at me, she got mad at herself for lying to me.

She isn't using me just for sex, she WANTS to get back in a relationship with me, but currently feels too scared about it.

I agree with Fr Chuck, you need to move on. She is using you, and your allowing it. Backing off, and not giving her what she wants, is not going to make her miss you. She has some issues!

There just excuses she is too scared to get back into the relationship. Your just seeing one side of it. She is telling you point blank she might hurt you in the future. The writing is on the wall. Find someone else who is honest and that you can build a relationship with.

Maybe she is just not ready and she is scared that you are angry. Tell her something that you feel and then ask why she is afraid.