So here's what happened. I've been talking to this older guy of a few years whom I've met not to long ago. He has a rather excellent personality but a few bad traits to go along as well. He's a HS dropout and freedom loving, but he's quiet the charmer. His honesty and energy and down to earth friendliness, intelligence and wittyness makes up for anything. Me on the other hand a rather reserved personality with a more of an extroverted way of thinking. So we've been texting eachorther for a while and I have kept my walls up thinking as much as I am attracted to him, this will only crash and burn because we cannot have a lasting relationship but we can however become great friends. And if I were to ever risk that, I would lose a rather potentially good friendship, and not to mention I never assumed he would go for me to begin with. One more thing, both of us are from different cultural backgrounds. Unrestricted freedom on his side or at least for the most part. My life on the other hand, well, lets just say I can't exactly do whatever I please and not to mention I'm 17.
Well what can I say opposites attract and I was extremely attracted to his lifestyle and he really inspired me to want to be like that, unintentioanlly of course. So he texted me for a couple of weeks himself and we would talk and have good conversations about what we expected in relationshps and the person he was and the person I was and we would get to know each other. I kept telling myself not to fall for him and that even though it was rather obvious he had feelings for me you could never be sure just because he seemed like a guy who would have lots of options and it would be foolish and unwise of me to think I'm any special in his life. But little did I know I had already fallen for him... badly :( If a guy wants to tlk to you he will right? If he voluntarly contacts you almost everyday he wants to talk to you there is no confusion right? Maybe. He really wanted to see me again and asked me out on a date to which I agreed despite my friends and family warning me against it. Well I was a little doubtful after that and brought my two friends along just to make it a hangout. I told him and he was fine with it. So we all hung out and we had alone time too. So well it was at the very early stages and akward and it was in front of my friends so when he left he gave me a hug and I'm really shy when I first meet people and in scenes like this :( but than I get very comfertable and he said the same thing too. So I go in for a casual side hug where you barely embrace but he pulls me in for a deep embrace and says bye. My friends just stand there and watch. And than we go our separate ways. I didn't feel the so called date click and I was sure he may have thought the hang out thing was pretty weird too but I didn't care because I just wanted to go for it and I did and I was glad I didn't like him because I can be completely sure and move on and be the one to put an end to this and not the other way around. As I watched him leave I was like he's like a brother to me nothing else. BUT I found his views and his personality absolutely amazing. Just didn't have that spark. So I go over to my friends house and we hang out feeling rather proud of myself for having the upper hand. However he texts me and says he had fun and we should do it again. I was in a way flattered because I found it boring and thought he was just being nice so I said I had fun too and I'm sorry I have starting trouble. He laughed and said yea don't worry me too. So still feeling extremely proud I had the upper hand in this siuation I was feeling good about myself. So he continues to text me pretty much everyday and I do too and I start to fall for him again because of his personality and I try to just be friendly and hold bck but sometimes I get carried away. I guess I just liked the attention and didn't want to lose him and not to mention the flatteryof someone like that likeing me. But I did still have feelings for him jest because of his alluring personality that was just irrisistable. We made plans to hang out but bad weather came up. So things started getting more flirty goodmorning texts no matter what party he went to etc. Than we planned to hang out on the whim but he was filming somewhere and couldn't make it but he really wanted to. So the next day I talk to him and he explains and he was very sweet, apologetic and really excited to hear from me and said we needed to hang out soon and how he missed me. So I was very confident that I had him things can only get better. But day by day things got unfortunate. He said the right words but I had this gut feeling he wasn't interested. I found myself talking to him more. If a guy wants to talk to you he will. If he wants to see you he will make sure it happens, he will plan it. Not just say we should hang. Or you should come. That's just friendly being nice sort of talk. And if a guy mentions it once and never again he was just being nice. So finnaly one day he texts but because I was angry upset and confused I was just being strictly friendly and might hve skrewed it up. That was the last time he texted himself. So the next day I made plans with him to which he agreed and than I couldn't make it this time. He said it's okie there is always tomorrow and I haven't heard from him in days and I contact him four days later because I knew he wouldn't if I waited any longer. Now all this time I couldn't understand his mixed signals earlier where I guess he was slowly starting to have his feelings fade. So when I texted there was no mixed signals he wasn't surprised or happy to have heard from me just normal like any of his other friends. He said he was sick but just because your sick doesn't mean your paralyzed. He could have contacted me I knew it was over. I was being super nice blatently almost telling him that I liked him and missed him he just ignored all that but was still friendly. So I texted him the next day seeing how he was feeling and it was a fun friendly conversation but again ignored my I miss you stuff. I admit it is weird I can't expect him to care just like that after 4 days and pretend like nothing happened. The day before I asked him if he wants to hang out and make real plans he said I'm busy this weekend with his sport thing he planned earlier but said himself how about the weekend after and I said sounds good lets chill in the morning and he said hahah are are we chilling all day? I said if you want.

This guy needs freedom and he has been flirting with other girls on fb too. I understand, this wasn't very exciting thing while it lasted. I would be bored too, he doesn't like being tied down and all and just talking is no fun. It was stupid. My guy friend said it takes a lot for a guy to put that much effort he expected you to do something. Which is true, me being bi polor and not knowing what I want doesn't help. He just bored of this and it the end I know. But he would have made plans if he wanted to as well. I guess he just wasn't that into me.

What I hate is the fact that I may look desperate. I don't even know if I like him anymore. I just want to talk because I like talking to him and be friends but I feel rstricted because of my previous stupidness and I will just end up looking desperate. I can't believe I got myself into this mess. I hate the feeling of rejection and I hate that I may be one of those desperate girls who force themselves into other peopels lives even though that was soooo not my intention and I didn't think I was that dramatic. I hate that he may think of me that way. I don't want to sound like a jerk but I hate being looked down upon that is what gets to me so much. I tear myself apart and beat myself down mentally for skrewing up. I'm really hard on myself. I hate that dreadful feeling of rejection and I don't know how I can take back the past 2 days. All I know is that I can't. Should I even go with him next Saturday. It's a week from now. Thts a long time. Anything can happen. Even I'm feeling like I don't cause about him but at the same time feel like I need to use that day to clear ir and prove myself as not a dumb girl. I'm so paranoid. Who should bring Saturday up? Where should I go? How should I carry that forth? How can I still stay friends with him? Or just admit to myself that I'm still a immature little girl who needs to still grow up and learn when to let go and be able to make friends with people not like her and just let this friendship go?

I know this sounds dumb but I just need to hear that what I did wasn't entirely desperate and how its going to be okie and how I should go about handeling this situation and still be able to be friends. I just need to hear that I didn't totally make wrong choices and he doesn't think I'm weird or pathetic anymore. I just don't want to be one of those desperate people who foce their way into someone's life. I'm not like that am I? I wasn't that desperate or dramatic. I don't have a big ego but I hate losing and I hate being looked down upon or skrewing up. I had the upper hnd before idky I didn't stop when I should have and be more mature about it. Idk what to do now I just need to hear how to over come this feeling of rejection or defeat and how I may have lost a good friend and instead of developing a friendship I was so hung up on being with him when my intention really was to develop a solid friendship at first. And than whatever happens happens. I just need to knowhow I can forgive myself and not make myself look pathetic in my eyes and hve someone disect the situation and tell me that its okie its not that bad and not that weird. Please helpppp!:confused:

If you are hot and cold and sending mixed signals left and right ,you can't blame the guy for being confused.No one enjoys that.

I would have told you good bye at the first sign of head games,because that's what it looks like from this vantage point. Like you are just messing with his head.

You only want him when he is not pursuing you or he is distant.

You like the chase ,the pursuit ,but when you get what you want ,it is no longer fun.

Are you taking meds for your bi polar?
You seem to be in sort of a manic state. Your post is a little over the top.

I don't think you need to be with anyone at this point.I think you should concentrate on your mental health and then you will be ready to be in a relationship but not until you take care of some of your issues.

I am not trying to be mean honey,I'm really not so please don't be offended but I think you need to relax and stop over thinking this.

I would not contact him and see if he makes a move.If he does not than don't blame yourself.As you said he is an older guy and really should not be hooking up with underage girls anyway.
I question his motivation for doing so.
I would concentrate on the friends you have and in the future steer clear of older men.

It sounds like you don't know what you want. Do you want him as a boyfriend, or a friend? If you just wanted him as a friend, you should've let him know this from the beginning. In my opinion, you shouldn't go out seeking a partner until you know what you want from one. If you don't know what you want, you could end up with a charming guy that is essentially abusive, or a bad influence.
You can't date somebody, and/or toy with their feelings, just because you think his pros can discredit his cons. This is not healthy thinking. You need to become a little more mature in your thinking before you start dating. You say this man is "older," How much older than you is he? You're only 17. (usually, your parents, and friends who are on the outside of the situation- not being charmed and allured by this guy- can give you some more insight into what they think of him.) Also, since he is older and you are only 17, you shouldn't be hugging or touching- if something were to happen, this could come back to bite you.

Its okie I'm not offended and no I'm not really bi polar haha I just overanalyze. And I wasn't sending him mixed signals. I was feeling confused, yea, but I would let him Know I liked him as much as I thought he did. And sorry I was just freaking out. I think he just lost interest. I would be distant only when I felt like he was slowly fading away which I guess didn't help the sitution. And all this time I was feeling upset that he was sending mixed signals. He would want to be with me and say the right stuff but wouldn't do anything about it. Wht should I do about Saturday?
And he has a lot of younger girl friends and dated some too.

It sounds like you don't know what you want. Do you want him as a boyfriend, or a friend? If you just wanted him as a friend, you should've let him know this from the begining. In my opinion, you shouldn't go out seeking a partner until you know what you want from one. If you don't know what you want, you could end up with a charming guy that is essentially abusive, or a bad influence.
You can't date somebody, and/or toy with their feelings, just because you think his pros can discredit his cons. This is not healthy thinking. You need to become a little more mature in your thinking before you start dating. You say this man is "older," How much older than you is he? You're only 17. (usually, your parents, and friends who are on the outside of the situation- not being charmed and allured by this guy- can give you some more insight into what they think of him.) Also, since he is older and you are only 17, you shouldn't be hugging or touching- if something were to happen, this could come back to bite you.
Nope we didn't do anything. Just one hug that's it.
But hey was me being flirty at the end a bad choice? And what should I do about Saturday?

Well, how much older is he than you? Just because he has had girlfriends previously who were younger, doesn't mean anything for two of you. This is your situation right now, not his past younger girlfriends. As I said, a hug can still come back to bite you. When I was 17, my fiancé was 20. I gave him a hug once, and apologized for doing it later because I knew that since I was a minor, and he was an adult, someone could've gotten in trouble for it- especially him. I'm only 19, not much older than you- and this is what I can see, as a fellow young person, from your situation:

Also, if things are messed up in drama, and neither of you think anything is going to work, it would be best for you to stop contact with this man, and move on. Yes, flirting was a bad choice, especially if you only wanted a friendship. Flirting is leading him on, it's helping him get emotionally involved, and then, helping his emotions get thrown to the ground when he finds out you really only wanted to be friends. On top of that it's deceptive and manipulative.

Well, how much older is he than you? Just because he has had girlfriends previously who were younger, doesn't mean anything for two of you. This is your situation right now, not his past younger girlfriends.

Also, if things are messed up in drama, and neither of you think anything is going to work, it would be best for you to stop contact with this man, and move on.

He recently turned 20

2.5 years older than me.

That is not much older. But, what I said still holds true. If there is this much drama in the situation and you just met the guy,it more than likely will not get better. It would be a good idea to tell him how you feel- that you only wanted a friendship, and you didn't intend to lead him on. After that, don't contact him again. If he calls, answer the phone and tell him you don't want to talk. If he calls again, hang up. If he comes to visit, tell him behind a closed door that you don't want to talk, if he doesn't leave, call the police.

OK so you sounded a little desperate,and as artlady said playing a few mind games,maybe not your intention,but that's what you were doing.

If I'm being honest,your post sounds teenager-ish.. you are a teenager,and still learning about relationships.

Perhaps he got tired of the hot and cold.

Don't feel bad,it happens to us all,you were attracted to his personality,nothing wrong there.

My advice,chaulk this one up to experience,you will meet other people with similar personalities through out your life.

You can face yourself in the mirror and say,'your OK minimickey,your still learning'.

Forget about Saturday and move on,he won't be lonely by what your saying.

Well, how much older is he than you? Just because he has had girlfriends previously who were younger, doesn't mean anything for two of you. This is your situation right now, not his past younger girlfriends. As I said, a hug can still come back to bite you. When I was 17, my fiance was 20. I gave him a hug once, and apologized for doing it later because I knew that since I was a minor, and he was an adult, someone could've gotten in trouble for it- especially him. I'm only 19, not much older than you- and this is what I can see, as a fellow young person, from your situation:

Also, if things are messed up in drama, and neither of you think anything is going to work, it would be best for you to stop contact with this man, and move on. Yes, flirting was a bad choice, especially if you only wanted a friendship. Flirting is leading him on, it's helping him get emotionally involved, and then, helping his emotions get thrown to the ground when he finds out you really only wanted to be friends. On top of that it's deceptive and manipulative.

Thanks Jamie. And I do want to be more than friends but if we aren't that's fine too. And I don't think he's lead on he's the type of person who does pretty much what he wants. But yea maybe. Either way he has no interest. I just want to know how to get over feeling foolish lol especially since he wasn't receptive to my flirting.
Should I cancel Saturday? Or would that make me seem desperate if I go?
And my intentions were good. I did want him, I wasn't giving mixed signals I guess I was just going off what he was doing which is why it ended up where it did I think...

ok so you sounded a little desperate,and as artlady said playing a few mind games,maybe not your intention,but thats what you were doing.

if im being honest,your post sounds teenager-ish..you are a teenager,and still learning about relationships.

perhaps he got tired of the hot and cold.

dont feel bad,it happens to us all,you were attracted to his personality,nothing wrong there.

my advice,chaulk this one up to experience,you will meet other people with similar personalities through out your life.

you can face yourself in the mirror and say,'your ok minimickey,your still learning'.

forget about saturday and move on,he wont be lonely by what your saying.

Hmmm I see. So you don't want me to mention it to him at all come Saturday? I doubt he will.. so it means if I want it to happen than I should but if I don't say anything I probably won't have any sort of friendship with him.

And nah Jamie he's not that type to care that much over the top or anything and do something dramatic like that

I agree with redhead. Call it experience and move on. I don't understand why he would be so upset with you being 'friendly' if he wasn't interested at all. As I said, this is a lot of drama. Why don't you just tell the guy the guy how you feel? Then move on and don't talk to him again.

I agree with redhead. Call it experience and move on. I don't understand why he would be so upset with you being 'friendly' if he wasn't interested at all. As I said, this is a lot of drama. Why don't you just tell the guy the guy how you feel? Then move on and don't talk to him again.

What do u mean he was upset with me being friendly?

Hmmm i see. So you don't want me to mention it to him at all come saturday? I doubt he will.. so it means if i want it to happen than i should but if i don't say anything i prolly wont have any sort of friendship with him.

And nah Jamie he's not that type to care that much over the top or anything and do something dramatic like that

I mean for you NOT to see him on Saturday,make other plans.

As you said yourself,this guy is not short of female attention or dates,and is not looking for a girlfriend... you have a crush on him,you really like him and spending time with him will only confuse you more.

As you also said,if a guy wants you he will find you and if he wants to talk to you he will...

I'm betting he is not even worried or stressing over this at all,while you are disecting it!

My advice,let it go,I think you will only end up getting hurt and confused.

I understand your point. I was thinking that too. I just don't know if I should bail on him. All our previous plans failed too. And I'm over it I know what I want. I guess I just want to use that as one day to just hang out and be casual and have closure.

Sorry I didn't mean to post that just yet..

And if not that's fine too. Just mention it real quick on a text if he wants to if he says I'll go if not drop it for good. Like next Friday or something.

I understand your point. I was thinking tht too. I just don't know if I should bail on him. All our previous plans failed too. And I'm over it I know what I want. I guess I just want to use that as one day to just hang out and be casual and have closure.

Closure for what!

You don't need closure,you have made the decision,now see it through,he won't be crying and neither should you,and since all the other times it didn't work out,he won't be surprised...

As I said,let it go,make plans with your friends and ENJOY the day... stop stressing over it.

Sry i didn't mean to post that just yet..

And if not thats fine too. Just mention it real quick on a text if he wants to if he says I'll go if not drop it for good. Like next friday or something.


Needy, desperate, stop doing that.

Leave it alone.

closure for what!

you dont need closure,you have made the decision,now see it through,he wont be crying and neither should you,and since all the other times it didnt work out,he wont be surprised...

as i said,let it go,amke plans with your friends and ENJOY the day...stop stressing over it.

Okie I see... sorry again, but so you want me to totally stop talking to him at all, forget him, and not mention it even though I was the one who asked him, not even care and never talk to him?
You don't think that would be a little rude? :(

I just don't want to seem like a jerk that's all. I just don't want ti be where if I ever bump into him id have to avoid him because of me doing this. This wasn't a relationship just frienship. Even hanging out to which he agreed is bad?

You know what your right. I just got your other post right now. Yea I guess so. This wasn't a big deal and I'm making it so. And if I mention it it would be dumb I see your point. Just let it go. People come and go I can't please them all

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU GUYS! :)
Any additional comments and responses from anyone please write I want to know all u guys have to say good or bad. Thanks for it all!

You know what ur right. I just got ur other post right now. Yea i guess so. This wasnt a big deal and I'm making it so. and if i mention it it would be dumb I see your point. Just let it go. people come and go i can't please them all

Exactly.

Maybe down the road,you'll be able to hang out,but for now just leave it.

Other posters will have different views and advice,keep an eye on your thread.

Just remember,you don't need to go chasing anyone,your 17! Be 17,enjoy your time,date if your allowed and you want to,and try not to become fixated on one guy.

Yea exactly thanks so much.
I guess I just hated the fact that it wasn't a big deal but I can't expect him to keep waiting. But he could have done something too but it was probably a mutual thing. I should stop thinking its all my fault and I just didn't want to seem horrible in his eyes or anything but I didn't do anything wrong so I guess even if he feels that way I can't do anything about it. And your so right. If he never mentions or texts me about sturday and doesn't even contact me why bother... and if he has a negative opinion of me for bailing than he should know, that it was part of his fault too so yea. Ur absolutely right.

U probably noticed I have letting go issues hahaha so I guess hitting him up on Facebook like now and than for his birthday watever won't be uncceptable or anything would it? Just to be cordial? Or strict no contact?

You know ,for now just do no contact.

Someone else may have a different opinion.

I just think your too emotional and over thinking every little thing right now and I would fear any contact would start the process again.

Give yourself a break.

you know ,for now just do no contact.

someone else may have a differant opinion.

i just think your too emotional and over thinking every little thing right now and i would fear any contact would start the process again.

give yourself a break.

Yea I do tend to do that.. hmm haha
Okie thanks a ton for everything!