So for all of you who have been helping me (I don't know if I should have started a NEW post for this or continued on the previous one but here it is) I talked to my mother and she lives across country and I'm going to visit her for a couple days and leave my son there until I finish high school and stay and my boyfriends until then and then fly out and live with my mom and find work there...
Is this good or will it effect my son? I thought it was better than having him in my boyfriends house but its going to be so hard to not have him even thought it will only be for 6 months. That's going to feel like an eternity tome... opinions?

I actually think this is a great idea. It's a very mature decision to make and darnit, I have to say it, I'm proud of you.

I know it's going to be hard, you're going to miss him, but this way he'll be safe, you can concentrate on your school work and then be able to give him a better life.

The 6 months will fly by. Call him as often as you can, ask your mom to send pictures and videos. I know it will be hard but all you have to think about is that you're doing this for him and he will reap the rewards after all is said and done.

You know we'll be here if you need emotional support.

Good for you. Really have to say that I'm proud. :)

Thank you... I really don't want him to go and really 6 months is going to be so hard away from him and being as he is still small and growing I'm so afraid I'm going to miss so many "firsts" that he's going to go through...
I'm going to have her send pictures and videos and I definitely will call him everyday... im glad you think it's a good decision thank you for supporting it...

Have you considered the GED? Testing out of high school? Online high school?

I don't know your story (and couldn't find your previous posts). How old is your child? If little, they don't understand time, they only understand that mommy is not here. "Why isn't mommy here? When will I see her again?"

Even if you have a very loving relationship with your mother, would it be impossible to finishing high school an alternative way so that you can stay with your child? Your child is going to miss you greatly. For many women, their lives can be temporarily on hold for the sake of the child... and nowadays, it is very easy to get back on track with technology and testing options.

Please correct me if I am wrong.

You are going to leave your son with your mother while you live with your druggie boyfriend and finish school?

You really aren't ready to be a parent are you? What will happen is that your parents will raise your son while you and your boyfriend get high.

Your son is your responsibility, not your parents.

Drop the drug addicted boyfriend and be the mother you are supposed to be. If you leave your son with your parents, be prepared to have your so taken from your custody.

As an obstetric nurse, I always wondered why there wasn't a prerequisite for becoming parents.

Previous post...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-smokes-weed-429906.html

Ok, now that I see the situation you are in, I think you could be greatly risking the chance of losing your baby to Social Services (Child Protective Services). It only takes one phone call from one person (your mom's friend, your boyfriend's friend... anyone). They will show up at your door before you can wink. They are no joke and your situation is very dangerous for you and your child. I would recommend moving away to your mom's with the baby and getting your life on track You can finish high school no problem, like I said before, there are many online ways to finish or testing out.

Heck, you could even go to college and get a four year degree online.

J9 is not over-reacting. These Health Professionals see Social Services get involoved all the time in the blink of an eye.

No I'm not sending my son away so I can live with a druggie boyfriend and get high... im doing what's best for my son and I...
I am a wonderful mom OK? I really don't want any more posts on this thread please your guys' "advice" is really putting me over the edge here, never thought people over the internet could cause me tears but you all have... I come for advice and get bashed on... thank you and goodbye

It's reality babe... it's not that we are saying you are a bad mom. We are sharing from our firsthand experience at what the world can do to you if you remain naïve.

I ask to PLEASE not receive anymore replies for this thread... I don't need anymore advice.

Please don't even attempt to control how your posts are answered. When you post info on a public board, expect it to be referenced when you post additional info on a public board.

Your version of who/what is a good Mom and mine are very different. You have said yourself that are selfish and not a good mother - "you ALL are SO right and i dont know what im doing im honestly a stupid selfish person and a horrible mother... i know none of you said that but thats now the conclusion ive come to" The fact that you are even CONSIDERING leaving your son with your addicted boyfriend is chilling.

I also find you terribly overdramatic - you are leaving forever, good-bye and thank you to all of us. Then you're back, posting about a split in your fingernail (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/beauty/nails-434288.html) and your favorite scary movie. Minimally you have no sense of what is important in your life.

Too much drama and immaturity for me.

And do not ever contact me by PM again.

Lovebird, I know you're upset, but this is not the way to react.

One thing to remember, we don't know you from Adam. We get tons of new members every day and some of us have been around a long time and we've seen it all. I still cringe when I remember the lady that came here to sell the twins she'd adopted. Ya, you heard me right.

I respect everyone that's posted on this thread, especially Judy and J9. They're friends of mine and as such I would protect them from anything I have the power to protect them from. Having said that, I'm going to disagree with them this time. Judy, J9, I hope you still adore me. ;)

I really think that this is not a bad decision. I don't think you're abandoning your child, I think you're getting your life back on track, trying to finish school, trying to make the most of the cards that life dealt you.

The fact is, you're a teen and you're a mom. I'm not going to say that you're not mature, but trust me on one thing, at 39 I've seen a lot more then you have. I've dealt with a lot more then you have. I've done it all, so maybe that's why I can see your position a bit better then the others.

I know that your post to Judy was said in anger. I understand anger, I really do. Been there, done that. The thing is, Judy is here to help. She may have struck a nerve with you, but at the bottom of it, if you really read it, get past your anger, you'll see that she's just trying to help.

So stick around. Read the posts but pick which ones you want to follow. Try to remember that everyone really does have your best interests at heart. Also try to remember that we're all human and we all get upset.

In the long run, whatever decision you make is yours to make and only yours. We're just trying to give you the pros and cons before you make that decision.

I know you're between a rock and a hard place, I do understand that.

I hope you stick around.

And I love you, too, Alty, but I think leaving the child, dropping the child off with her mother and then returning home to live with an addict is not a good idea. I also think Lovebird has issues, anger among them. Here is her most recent PM to me:

oh no im sending u a private message
well i dont like you and i think you should pretty much go to hell...ill PM who ever i want unless you guys delete my account so go right ahead i dont need this bs site i been getting way better help than YOU could ever give you you rude rude person im sure ur not a good mother either and shouldnt have kids and if u dont i hope you never do they dont deserve to be raised by you...goodbye stupid AMHD...
and i didnt ask for YOUR opinion so you dont need to be a part of the drama and immaturity that you so rightfully have in your life as well

I don't think she should be raising a child.

And, Alty - have you read some of her other posts? I do not think they are the postings of a stable, adult person but the rantings of a spoiled child - which OP admits. I'm not the first person to wonder about the changes in mood, conflicting postings. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/boyfriend-smokes-weed-429906-5.html#post2164528

I think she should give temporary custody to her mother, get the child out of harm's way (I believe her father has asked her to leave his house) and then go wherever she wants with whomever suits her fancy.

Judy, I understand your concern. You know me, I'm not a softie, I'm not one to support someone that doesn't deserve it, or someone that I think is playing us.

The fact is, I think that Lovebird really needs our help. She's a young mom. It's not easy. I can't imagine it. Yes, the boyfriend and his habits are bad news, but I really think that the Lovebird is between a rock and a hard place and needs a helping hand right now.

I may be wrong, been wrong before, but my gut is saying that this girl needs us.

I have read her other posts. I really think she loves her child and she really wants to make the best choices for him.

As for anger. Well, I can't say anything about that. You all know I get hot under the collar at times. A lot of the time. I'm just feeling that this particular case needs our understanding. I don't know why. I can't explain it. Just my gut talking.

Right now my gut is saying "feed me" so I'll be back. :)

Since the OP can't play nice, this thread is closed.

Ok, because I can

I have to add my two cents on this, A mother is a mother first and foremost, that is the most important job in the world. Letting a child live with a grandparent for a short time has to be done if you were going off to basic training, or perhaps were seriously ill and other factors in your life that were going to improve it.

Going back to a person you should be dumping, is not, if you go to your mothers, why not just stay there and get your own life in order

Ok and now it is closed

I'm also going to add to this because I can.

I totally agree with Chuck. Leaving your child with your mother is a great idea IF, you use the time to get your act together. Continuing to live with a druggie boyfriend is NOT getting your act together.

As for your tirades, YOU asked Judy for advice by posting here. By posting a question you left yourself open to anyone who wanted to answer. You don't get to choose who will answer or how they answer. As long as the responses don't violate our rules then you have to accept them. You can ignore the advice if you choose, but you can't tell people not to respond. If you ask got advice you will get it. You may not like the advice, but that's what happens when you make a mess of your life.