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View Full Version : How do I move on?


sallyfox
Jan 6, 2010, 10:46 PM
I don't know how to move on. I started seeing my fiancé when I was 18. We knew each other before that, but lost contact and eventually started talking again. We were from different nationalities so we knew we'd have problems with our family's later down the track. Despite this, we fell in love really quick and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Things were great. He was head over heels in love and so was I. During the third year of our relationship we started bickering and fighting a lot. But this was also the year he was pushing me into speaking to my parents about getting engaged and making it official. My parents were against the idea from the very beginning and were not giving in, but after many stressful months of conversations and pleading, they accepted and welcomed him in to the family. To cut a long story short, we were fighting constantly for weeks and weeks. I started talking to a guy at university. Just a friend I met at a lecture. We just started talking casually and eventually I ended up telling him my relationship problems. He was just someone to complain to and he was always there and listened and told me to hang in there. He was my support during a very difficult time.
After one very big fight, my fiancé hit me and shoved me around like I was a rag. It affected me so much it is undescribable. I never thought he would do such a thing to me, it was very unexpected and forget about the physical, it hurt me so much emotionally.
The next day I saw the guy from uni and I broke down. Without going into too much detail, one thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him.
I regretted what I did immediately, but didn't know how to tell my fiancé. A week later I was checking my fiance's email, which he had given me access to and I came across an alternate email address he had set up. Up until this point I was unaware of this email address and was very curious so logged into it. There I found emails from other girls, him sending his photo out to other girls, a log in to a sex dating site and what do you know, another alternate email address that sounded very dirty, so it was probably only used for one thing. He also had set up two my space accounts. What devastated me the most was that all of this had been set up just over a year into our relationship. He had been doing this for two years. Don't know whether it was just chatting, meeting up.. who knows. He says it was just talking. So anyway, I confronted him about it, and he tried to weasle his way out of it. Without revealing how much I knew, I gave him the opportunity to come clean but he kept trying to cover his tracks without knowing I already knew everything. The next day I built up the courage to tell him what I had done. I told him within a week of it happening. Sometimes I wish I never told him. I mean he kept something from me for two years and didn't even have the conscience to stop doing what he was doing or to tell me about it. After all this we decided to continue being together. He doesn't seem to think what he did was wrong and he doesn't seem to be moving on from what I did. He treats me really differently, has put in place a lot of conditions, one being I'm not allowed to speak to any guy, no matter what the situation is. Yet I am not allowed to put into place any conditions for him and he says I shouldn't have a problem with him continuing to talk to girls because he didn't overstep any boundaries unlike me. He does treat me bad, but sometimes he treats me really good. I know things will never be the same again and to me it feels like the whole three years we had together was all fake.
Having said all this, for some reason, we both still want to be together. Now I need some advice as to how to move on from all of this. I would appreciate not receiving any comments to make fun of or diss the situation. Just genuine helpful advice as to how to make this relationship work. Thanks in advance

amicon
Jan 6, 2010, 11:58 PM
Your thread is: how do I move on?and you should move on from this relationship by ending it.
This guy is abusive,a liar and probably a cheat.
The relationship is toxic and you need to wake up and see that you should walk away and get your own life back.

artlady
Jan 7, 2010, 01:52 AM
This man is abusive,controlling,disrespectful and he has a set of standards for himself that allows him to do whatever he wants and he expects you to kowtow to him and be obedient to what he dictates!

You are willing to accept this because "sometimes" he throws you a bone and is nice to you.

Young lady,you are an educated woman,I can see that from your post.

This man will never change,if anything his abusive controlling behavior will only escalate.

He is not in love with you as someone in love does not treat their partner like this.

Owning you and treating you like a possession is not love or an indication of love.It is ego,plain and simple.

There is no way to make this work.You are being used and abused and you will only have more of the same if you stay with him.

I am an elderly woman and I have lived a very full life and I know a thing or two and I can tell you,he is not going to change.

It has gone on too long and a pattern of abuse has been established that is not going to change.

Get out now before you invest anymore time in this relationship that will go no where.It is only a matter of time before he finds another woman to treat badly and he will drop you like a bad habit.

I am not trying to diss you but I will say you need to accept what is happening here in a realistic manner.Take off the blinders that you have on.

What you would tell a friend in the same position?

It is never easy to sever a long term relationship but I think yours was over long ago,you just don't have the courage to admit that right now.Be strong and take back yourself respect.

I wish
Jan 7, 2010, 08:16 AM
The others already pointed out how toxic this relationship is.

I would only add that you read the threads about no ctonact:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/fighting-urges-break-nc-rules-351302.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/meaning-no-contact-nc-425290.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-332732.html

Romefalls19
Jan 7, 2010, 08:50 AM
Get out while you still can, violence will only escalate

talaniman
Jan 7, 2010, 09:05 AM
I would appreciate not receiving any comments to make fun of or diss the situation. Just genuine helpful advice as to how to make this relationship work.
Under the circumstances, it can't work for both of you as he has rules for you and you have none for him. It's a big red flag when one partner dictates what the rules are in a relationship, without any input from the other partner.

This is not a relationship, nor is it healthy, or fair, so forget the loving part also. So what do you have? He is master, you are slave and he can do whatever it takes to keep you in line.

It already works for him, so why change that? If you choose to accept this behavior, you will get plenty more of it, and next time the physical abuse may hurt a lot more than the emotional abuse.

sallyfox
Jan 10, 2010, 07:11 PM
I don't want to break up with him. We've already planned the rest of our lives together. I know I will not be able to move on without him, so I want to move on with him. No one seemed to realise that I made a big mistake too. And because he is doing his best to forgive me for what I have done, I should be able to forgive him and move on from what he has done. I know it all sounds so bad, but only the two people in the relationship know everything about what is going on. It's easy for others to just see the bad points. I feel that I need to give him another chance.. to become a better person. And same goes for me, I want to be a better person, so I want to be able to forgive. He hardly brings up what I did. The only problems we are having at the moment is some of his conditions which he thinks are justified but I am having trouble accepting and I tend to bring up what he has done when it just gets too much for me to handle and that's what brings EVERYTHING back up. I just want to be able to stop thinking about everything. We have really good times together, we have a strong connection, yes its been damaged, but it's still there and we want to build an even greater connection than we had before. I'm so confused because I love him and want to be with him so much. But what I am having the most trouble with is that it doesn't feel natural anymore and it's breaking my heart.

Fr_Chuck
Jan 10, 2010, 07:17 PM
Don't be silly and actually self destructive, it appears, as many abusive men do, he has you accepting his behavior and expecting that some magic day in the futue he will change.

And he is only "bad" to you when you deserve it, god every sing of a battered women ( either or both emotional and physcial)

You need to do what is really best for you, so you made plans, so what, I planned on being in South America this year, it did not happen.

So your heart is broken, you stop all contact and learn there is a lot more to life

amicon
Jan 11, 2010, 12:34 AM
It doesn't feel natural anymore because you are in a so called relationship with a manipulative,abusive controlfreak.
As heartbreaking as it may be you really need to find the strength to walk away from this-it's not going to get better,only worse.

Gemini54
Jan 11, 2010, 01:21 AM
So you've planned the rest of your lives together. That's an AWFULLY long time. You seem very certain about a lot of things yet you're actually riddled with uncertainty.

Instead of thinking about how you might make the relationship work - why don't you ask yourself if there is a real relationship at all?

Infidelity, secrets, lies, fights, physical abuse, rules, doubts. There is already so much baggage here. It's only a little over three years now, and it's already gone pear shaped. How will this feel in 5 years time? 10 years time? 15 years time? 20 years time? 30 years time? Are you SURE you have it all planned out?

It feels unnatural because it's broken - you've both gone too far and the trust and joy has gone. He's responded by trying to control you and you've responded by trying too hard.

Step back. Be realistic. This is not the foundation for a marriage.