sallyfox
Jan 6, 2010, 10:46 PM
I don't know how to move on. I started seeing my fiancé when I was 18. We knew each other before that, but lost contact and eventually started talking again. We were from different nationalities so we knew we'd have problems with our family's later down the track. Despite this, we fell in love really quick and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Things were great. He was head over heels in love and so was I. During the third year of our relationship we started bickering and fighting a lot. But this was also the year he was pushing me into speaking to my parents about getting engaged and making it official. My parents were against the idea from the very beginning and were not giving in, but after many stressful months of conversations and pleading, they accepted and welcomed him in to the family. To cut a long story short, we were fighting constantly for weeks and weeks. I started talking to a guy at university. Just a friend I met at a lecture. We just started talking casually and eventually I ended up telling him my relationship problems. He was just someone to complain to and he was always there and listened and told me to hang in there. He was my support during a very difficult time.
After one very big fight, my fiancé hit me and shoved me around like I was a rag. It affected me so much it is undescribable. I never thought he would do such a thing to me, it was very unexpected and forget about the physical, it hurt me so much emotionally.
The next day I saw the guy from uni and I broke down. Without going into too much detail, one thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him.
I regretted what I did immediately, but didn't know how to tell my fiancé. A week later I was checking my fiance's email, which he had given me access to and I came across an alternate email address he had set up. Up until this point I was unaware of this email address and was very curious so logged into it. There I found emails from other girls, him sending his photo out to other girls, a log in to a sex dating site and what do you know, another alternate email address that sounded very dirty, so it was probably only used for one thing. He also had set up two my space accounts. What devastated me the most was that all of this had been set up just over a year into our relationship. He had been doing this for two years. Don't know whether it was just chatting, meeting up.. who knows. He says it was just talking. So anyway, I confronted him about it, and he tried to weasle his way out of it. Without revealing how much I knew, I gave him the opportunity to come clean but he kept trying to cover his tracks without knowing I already knew everything. The next day I built up the courage to tell him what I had done. I told him within a week of it happening. Sometimes I wish I never told him. I mean he kept something from me for two years and didn't even have the conscience to stop doing what he was doing or to tell me about it. After all this we decided to continue being together. He doesn't seem to think what he did was wrong and he doesn't seem to be moving on from what I did. He treats me really differently, has put in place a lot of conditions, one being I'm not allowed to speak to any guy, no matter what the situation is. Yet I am not allowed to put into place any conditions for him and he says I shouldn't have a problem with him continuing to talk to girls because he didn't overstep any boundaries unlike me. He does treat me bad, but sometimes he treats me really good. I know things will never be the same again and to me it feels like the whole three years we had together was all fake.
Having said all this, for some reason, we both still want to be together. Now I need some advice as to how to move on from all of this. I would appreciate not receiving any comments to make fun of or diss the situation. Just genuine helpful advice as to how to make this relationship work. Thanks in advance
After one very big fight, my fiancé hit me and shoved me around like I was a rag. It affected me so much it is undescribable. I never thought he would do such a thing to me, it was very unexpected and forget about the physical, it hurt me so much emotionally.
The next day I saw the guy from uni and I broke down. Without going into too much detail, one thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him.
I regretted what I did immediately, but didn't know how to tell my fiancé. A week later I was checking my fiance's email, which he had given me access to and I came across an alternate email address he had set up. Up until this point I was unaware of this email address and was very curious so logged into it. There I found emails from other girls, him sending his photo out to other girls, a log in to a sex dating site and what do you know, another alternate email address that sounded very dirty, so it was probably only used for one thing. He also had set up two my space accounts. What devastated me the most was that all of this had been set up just over a year into our relationship. He had been doing this for two years. Don't know whether it was just chatting, meeting up.. who knows. He says it was just talking. So anyway, I confronted him about it, and he tried to weasle his way out of it. Without revealing how much I knew, I gave him the opportunity to come clean but he kept trying to cover his tracks without knowing I already knew everything. The next day I built up the courage to tell him what I had done. I told him within a week of it happening. Sometimes I wish I never told him. I mean he kept something from me for two years and didn't even have the conscience to stop doing what he was doing or to tell me about it. After all this we decided to continue being together. He doesn't seem to think what he did was wrong and he doesn't seem to be moving on from what I did. He treats me really differently, has put in place a lot of conditions, one being I'm not allowed to speak to any guy, no matter what the situation is. Yet I am not allowed to put into place any conditions for him and he says I shouldn't have a problem with him continuing to talk to girls because he didn't overstep any boundaries unlike me. He does treat me bad, but sometimes he treats me really good. I know things will never be the same again and to me it feels like the whole three years we had together was all fake.
Having said all this, for some reason, we both still want to be together. Now I need some advice as to how to move on from all of this. I would appreciate not receiving any comments to make fun of or diss the situation. Just genuine helpful advice as to how to make this relationship work. Thanks in advance