We got married some years back. I was already a well paid professional in Europe and my future wife(PG Degree) (USA)was nowhere(which I did not know before marriage) taking care of her alcoholic father and sick mother.She already had a big federal lawn on her head(which I did not know either before marriage)and without a decent job waiting to get board certified to get into her field.

After our marriage I came to USA and found out everything. She also had her mother and father staying with us(we lived in her mothers house). I agreed to that because she told me that her mother is ill and she cannot leave her with her alcoholic father But I was kind enough and said we have to work hard to start our life. I could not move out because I could not work immediately (immigration laws) and my wife did not have a decent job.

She had a brother who wisely moved out with his wife knowing his alcoholic father and a jealous mother. He was never concerned about his parents or sister.

After sometime I started understanding her mother(authoritative, jealous) and her father (alcoholic & jealous) & her brother 9selfish).

Her brother was already having marital problems with his wife and had restraining orders for 2 weeks.

When I understood all these I told my wife that we have to find a full time job and move out as soon as possible. But she was not ready to move out leaving her ill mother alone with her father(who used to stay in and out at home for some months only).

We also had difficulty to find a good job in this difficult times.

Whenever I had some verbal argument with my mother-in-law , she will call the police and tell them that I am ill treating her. Police will come and scold me and go(morally this was hard for me)... I am a highly educated decent man who never gets in to any argument with anybody till after marriage because of the environment.

She wanted me & her daughter to move out and threatened us , she will call the police if we do not move out,. trying to control us on fear!
She will tell also(paradoxical) that she will not let us in in the future if we move out & she will change the lock of the house & post box.

Now I do not know what to do... we cannot move out because our income does not allow it and at the same time my MIL & BIL are active in getting us out of her home.

Please help![/B][/I][/I][/I][/B]

I am a highly educated decent man who never gets in to any argument with anybody till after marriage because of the environment.![/B][/I][/I][/I][/B]


What type of advice are you looking for? Do you want to divorce your wife? I don't understand what it is that you are seeking.

If this situation is causing you to act out of character - you never argued before, you argue now - then you need to end the situation whatever that means, whatever that takes.

So you move out somewhere cheaper,

Next did you even meet her before you got married

In other words, you and your wife will be homeless if your mother in law boots you both out.

This is putting a tremendous strain on you, but particularly your wife. Obviously she is torn with her loyalties.

It would probably be a good idea for you to not get involved with arguments with her family until you can move, either with, or without your wife.

Ideally, you will have a work permit soon, and you and your wife can live perhaps nearby, so she can check on her parents.

If your mother in law decides to go through with her threat to change the loc of the house and the post box, then I guess she can take care of her medical needs as well.

Until such time as you can provide for yourself, and your wife, (hopefully together), I cannot see from what you have written, that you have any other options.

Of course I met her before marriage... but for a brief period... nothing was divulged!

What can I do about her calling the police with lies each time we get into an argument?

FrChuck brought up a good point - what is a "brief period"?

We get questions all the time about international dating sites - is that how you met your wife?

She is a senior citizen woman which is a government protected category.(elder abuse... even if I do not abuse her... I am just trying to live my life with my wife)

What can I do about her calling the police with lies each time we get into an argument?


There is little you can do... other than move out.

Have the Police pressed charges against any of you? I see that coming next!

No... I met her in my native country shortly... then in USA for few weeks... then through chat , email & phone for 2 years before getting married.

No... the police will come and will tell us... "if you have nothing good to say somebody .............do not say anything"... but she is using the police call to intimidate us.

What do you mean nothing was divulged? Did you two not talk before you married?

Did you find out before or after you married her?

What does this have to do with your situation?

You said it yourself, you're "highly educated" and you can't get a job in today's market, but you're upset because she doesn't have one?

You were kind enough to allow her mother and father to live with you?


She also had her mother and father staying with us(we lived in her mothers house). I agreed to that because she told me that her mother is ill and she cannot leave her with her alcoholic father But I was kind enough and said we have to work hard to start our life.

Um no, they were kind enough to allow you to live with them and you don't sound at all grateful.

Now her mother wants you out so you don't have to be kind anymore, you can leave, get your own place.

You seem to be a bit high on yourself, you're talking like you're this prince of a guy that made all of these sacrifices for the woman you loved.

She mad sacrifices too, as did her parents.

Get off you high horse, get a job, move out and work on your marriage.

Again - move out! There is simply nothing else to be said.

Her mother and father live with you in THEIR house? What? Don't you live with them?

Eventually the Police will get tired of the calls and someone will be charged - hopefully, not you (but I wouldn't count on it).

Altenweg... I understand why you are with pets!

You do not get my point... What I meant is a MIL who allows you to stay with her does not threaten the same with police!! Highly educated means I am usually a more reasonable person and does not interfere with anybody else's life... like my MIL do?

I am talking about the alcoholic father and her virtually divorced parents... staying together for financial benefits!!

Thank you Judy KAY tee, Father Chuck & Jake...

What If she calls the police to get us out... I am lost!

What If she calls the police to get us out...............I am lost!

Hello

All she has to do is evict you.

If she calls the police and they force you out then you leave. You are a guest in her home. If she convinces the police that you're a threat to her then they can force you to leave.

As for my other post, it was based on what you said.

You seem to think that you have some right to stay there even though the owner of the home wants you out. You do have some rights, but once she formally evicts you, which is all she has to do, you'll have 30 days to pack your bags and leave.

Calling the police is another option, she can get you out faster that way and seeing as there are numerous calls already made to the police, I'm sure she can convince them that you're a threat, even if you aren't.

Find someplace else to live and move out asap. That's really you only option.

Altenweg.............I understand why you are with pets!!

You do not get my point...............What I meant is a MIL who allows you to stay with her does not threaten the same with police!!! Highly educated means I am usually a more reasonable person and does not interfere with anybody else's life ............like my MIL do?


You are insulting. Your post thanking some people who responded with information to your liking and ignoring those who took a lot of time but posted advice not to your liking is juvenile.

Apparently you are taking out your hostility on this Board instead of the people who deserve it - which I think you take to include your in laws.

If you don't want to be threatened with the Police MOVE OUT! I don't know how many times "we" can say it. There is no other choice.

So get off your highly educated arse and get a job which will allow you to pay ALL of your own living expenses and stop blaming other people for your failures.

Hey, I actually got thanked for once, most people always leave me out,

judykaytee............do not be an arse yourself!!!!!!

I'm beginning to see your mother in laws point. Is this how you act when you don't get what you want?

The people on this site are volunteers, we don't put up with name calling and abuse. If you don't like the advice, fine, move on, don't take the advice. We all have the right to our opinions.

If you continue to be abusive you will be banned. That type of behavior is not welcome here.

I'm reporting your post. I'll let the mods decide what to do with you.

I thanked everybody... do not you know to count?

Please tell me where I was abusive?

My mil is abusive on us when she does not get what she wishes!! not the inverse.

The abusive language you used and your friend judy... not me... i was trying to get advice for a problem which i am facing!!

Let the mod decide!

Altenweg.............I understand why you are with pets!!

You do not get my point...............What I meant is a MIL who allows you to stay with her does not threaten the same with police!!! Highly educated means I am usually a more reasonable person and does not interfere with anybody else's life ............like my MIL do?

You come on here and insult a highly respected member and I can see that you are most likely doing the same in you MIL's home.

You are pushy and arrogant here and I suspect that you are doing the same at the MIL's house.No wonder she wants you out.She is ill and you are having arguments with her?

You say you do not intefere in anyone's life,I beg to differ.

You have interfered in your MIL's life the day you moved in and you continue to do so by staying where you are clearly not wanted.

When you are a guest in someone's home,you keep your mouth closed and you do everything to show them you appreciate their hospitality.

Unless you want to be on the street I suggest you learn some humility and take a job at McDonalds and find a room for you and your wife.

I think you thought you were going to come here and hook up with this highly educated woman and have an easy life.There are no handouts,someone is trying to give you a hand up and you should appreciate it and show the respect a sick elderly woman deserves.

There is an expression in the US... if you can't stand the heat ,get out of the kitchen.I hope you get my drift!

You have reacted immaturely here, in a situation where it is very easy to ignore a comment, so I can only imagine how you react in person.

You asked what you should. You were told that you should get a job and move out. You have chosen to ignore that and have, instead, picked on other things that have been said. The questions asked by others were only meant to get more information to paint a fuller picture of the situation. You took them as personal insults.

Your posts are confusing, and several seem to contradict themselves. Maybe it's a case of crossed wires. Maybe you're upset and that's effecting your word choice. Maybe you're rethinking what you previously said and trying to reword it to sound better for you. I don't know.

If I understand your first post correctly, you can't get a job until you're granted a work permit/visa/whatever. OK, fine. Your wife is having a hard time finding a job. There's not much you can do about that, either.

You are living with her parents, in their house. That means that if her mother decides to kick you out, she has every legal right to. If she tells you to move out, that's what you'll have to do. You should start looking for alternate places to stay, in the mean time.

There's nothing you can do to stop her from calling the cops. Have you tried just not arguing with her? Or talking to her calmly to find out why she doesn't seem to like you? If that doesn't work, because it doesn't with some people, then all you can do is hope the cops don't decide to press charges against you one of these days.

Do you do anything outside of the house? Do you have anyone you talk to or hang out with? Do you have a hobby you can practice? It sounds like you're going stir crazy from spending so much time in the same place, with the same people. Maybe doing something for yourself, hopefully out of the house, would help ease tensions.

I know it's winter, and you probably don't have many friends in the states yet. I know money is tight. There are still ways to get out of the house.

Go to the library. Check out free local galleries and museums. Look into joining a church group or attending meetings for something you're interested in at a community center. Volunteer somewhere fun (as far as I know volunteering doesn't require a work visa). Take up mall walking.

Find other ways to release your anger and frustration, instead of arguing with your mother-in-law. Grab a shovel and clear the driveway (if you live somewhere with snow). Clear the neighbors' driveways if you need to. Take a walk to cool your head. Do push-ups or other physical activity. Blog everything in a locked, private blog, that your wife and mother-in-law will never even know exists. You just need another outlet for your frustrations.

All members say I am insulting... explain me please... instead of writing uninteresting words!!

Thanks hheath541

All members say I am insulting...................explain me please.............instead of writing uninteresting words!!!

THAT is a PERFECT example.

We have tried to answer your questions. You, basically, just said that you didn't even bother to take the time to read our answers. If you aren't going to read our responses, why should we even bother trying to help you?

Is english not your native language?

Closed