Hi I am a 20 yr old that did a horrible thing 4 days ago. Me and my ex girlfriend got drunk and got into a fight. She ended up punching me in my face 10 times and then threw beer on me and spit in my face. I lost control of my anger and blacked out and ended up hitting her. I'm not here to ask for help for the pain I'm going through because I deserve it. I'm just scared that I'm never going to be able to find someone else because I'm afraid of what if I black out again. What should I do

Well, there are two sides to this. Personally, I don't condone any hitting of a woman of any type, but she definitely crossed a line in the abuse as well. I know most people will say that women aren't as strong as men, but that's a load of bull anymore. I think you are both having trouble handling your anger and doing it apart would be best. First, you need to seek out counseling or support groups. Second, stop drinking because it obviously elevated the situation and finally, get some reading material on the issue. There are several books about how to handle anger and aggression

I'm so depressed right now I'm actually scared I have thoughts that I never would have dreamed to think of I've been pretty much crying for the past 3 days for the fact I hit her.

We have all made mistakes, at least you recognize it and want to change, give yourself some credit there. A lot of people who act like this, never want to change and never realize there is a problem

I just don't think I'm going to be able to live without her she was my love of my life.

Everyone has felt like that, but the good thing about life, it goes on. You will feel like crap for awhile, you will have good days and bad days, but eventually the pain goes away, little by little each day.

What does your girlfriend say about the situation?

I'd stop drinking. Period. If that is what lowers your inhibitions and helps set you off, it is NOT worth it.

Then, I'd start seeing a counselor or a group session-type thing. Anger management is a process; but, if you're committed to getting control of it, you'll be able to conquer it.

In my opinion, hitting is never acceptable, by a man OR a woman. Ever. Sounds like you don't need to be around her.

We all get angry at our exes at one time or another, but this crossed the line.

You can manage and control your anger - you just have to be willing to take the necessary steps.

I wish you the best of luck!

I haven't been in touch with her since. I doubt she would want to talk to me I know I wouldn't.

Well, that being said, she did hit you, too.

I'd concentrate on getting yourself put back together. You know your problem and desire to fix it. That is the first step.

You're on the right track!

My life is falling apart around me I don't know what to do with myself anymore I haven't been this lonely before.

Find someone to talk to in person,a friend or family member. And maybe you should look into counselling.

You should not be drinking.
Your problem is alcohol.

Your anger and your reaction may have been quite different had you not been intoxicated.

It is good that you feel remorse but that alone is not enough to prevent this from happening again.

Get educated about the effects of alcohol on the brain and know that some people simply can not drink without bad results.You sound like one of those people.

This is your wake up call! Listen to it and make a promise to yourself that you will not put yourself in that position again.
Next time ,it could be deadly.

I know for a fact I would have just walked away if I was sober but I'm not going to make alcohol my excuse. Right now I'm just trying to do something stupid to myself. I am going to get help I just need to get the money first.

i know for a fact i would have just walked away if i was sober but im not going to make alcohol my excuse. right now im just trying to do something stupid to myself. i am going to get help i just need to get the money first.

Now why would you want to do something stupid to yourself?
What are you thinking?
That is going to solve nothing.
Tell me what you mean by doing something stupid to yourself.

I meant to say not do something stupid like hurting myself. I just feel so bad because my little sister saw all this happened and a preeched to her not to ever let a man talk down to her or put a hand on her and here I am doing what I told her not to let ever happen.

i meant to say not do somthing stupid like hurting myself. i just feel so bad because my lil sister saw all this happened and a preeched to her not to ever let a man talk down to her or put a hand on her and here i am doing what i told her not to let ever happen.

You screwed up ,you explain that to your sister and begin a new chapter in your life where you make darn sure it never happens again.
Beating yourself up will change nothing.
Get educated and stay away from something you clearly cannot handle.
Life goes on my friend.

Thank you for your great advice I txted my ex earlier telling her that if she could forgive me we could eventually maybe be friends again and see where it goes from there but for now I'm focusing on me and the problems I have to fix.

thank you for your great advice i txted my ex earlier telling her that if she could forgive me we could eventually maybe be friends again and see where it goes from there but for now im focusing on me and the problems i have to fix.

Hang in there.It can only get better from here.
Just remember how you are feeling at this moment the next time you decide to drink.
Your very welcome,I hope it all works out for you :)

Any advise on getting over her I am afraid to go to sleep because ill have a dream about her with someone else so I haven't slept for almost 48 hours now. I'm starting to think I'm in serious trouble

Stay sober... no booze or weed or anything. Go to sleep. If you dream about her then deal with it. You are a man?

The less you sleep the more depressed you will be. Get sleeping pills if you have to, but don't take more than 2. A few days proper rest and you will start thinking straight again.

Well I smoke a little weed to help me keep eating but the dreams just hurt me so damn bad and I don't have friends or family to talk to so I'm really alone right now

I wouldn't start taking sleeping pills. Those things are easy to get addicted to, and you don't need that on top of all that's going on in your life.

Do you have anyone that you can talk to about this? Any friends or family that can help?

What about getting to the gym. I know that it helps to burn off the steam AND makes you tired as all get out! Have you tried that?

You've got to start taking control of your own emotions. Emotions are like a roller coaster, they're fun for a while when you ride them to the exhilerating highs of life, but when you hit the crashing lows, they can be rough. But the thing about roller coasters? You have to get off.

You have to choose to stop dwelling on this. I've been through horrific break ups (basically left at the altar by the man I thought was my dream), but there comes a time when I had to get up, wipe off my tears, and start taking control of my life. It's a choice. Only YOU can make it.

No I don't really got any friends the only one I got which is my childhood friend is in the navy. I haven't really been in touch with him for awhile and I don't talk to family

Then start doing things that are productive and will help you get over this.

Go to the gym. Run. Start some kind of physical activity that will take your mind off it, help burn off steam, and help you sleep.

You've got to take control of yourself. Only you can do it.

Yea I know but I just don't know where to start and when she finds someone else and I'm not over her by then ill have no clue how ill be able to handle it.

Stay off the weed for a bit. As a regular smoker myself I can honestly say that its good to go clean for a while. It will force you to deal with your emotions and you will soon feel the urge to be more social.

Instead of thinking about not having anyone close to talk to, go out and meet new people. Join a group, hiking, climbing, jogging, yoga... whatever. Easiest way to meet new people.

Your 20 and I know its super bad to lose love, you have your whole life in front of you.

But most important for now stay off the weed for a few days. It will also give you something else to focus on. Keep in mind after 7 days of no smoking you will be more depressed than usual for a few days. Just keep reminding yourself it's the emotional dependency you have for the spliff.

If you want to chat to someone I can give you my msn addy. Not sure if that's allowed here.

You start by finding a gym close to you. If you can't find a gym, then put your sweats and sneakers on and go for a walk or a run. You start being active.

You have to choose to get over this. Right now, all you're doing is thinking about it over and over and of course it's killing you inside! I know that pain! It is devastating.

But, you MUST take that first step - it's a literal step toward the door.

Google gyms in your area. Find a YMCA, something that you can DO. When you find it, GO.

No gyms? Sign off the computer, get your sweats and sneakers on, and go take a run.

I don't think it is but I don't got msn anyway. But it will be kind of tough to stay clean because it makes me feel so much better and I feel it would make it easier and help me sleep also. I'm kind of limited to physical stuff because I got a torn tendon in my ankle. Maybe ill just go drive around since I love to drive.

i dont think it is but i dont got msn anyways. but it will be kinda tough to stay clean because it makes me feel so much better and i feel it would make it easier and help me sleep also. im kinda limited to physical stuff because i got a torn tendon in my ankle. maybe ill just go drive around since i love to drive.

There you go. Go drive. Take your camera with you and take a few pictures. You can upload them onto this thread. Show us what you found!

Its little and silly, but its something.

Shoot us a picture! :)

And about the weed. It's destroying your brain and is dreadfully bad for your health. You should stop. Period. Both of you (LJDK), actually! :)

This might sound dumb but I've also been chillen with my cat lol he is my best buddy I've had him since I was 8 but he makes me feel better. So maybe ill go volunteer at a pet shelter to keep my mind of her. I don't know I guess your right I got to just try new things.

this might sound dumb but ive also been chillen with my cat lol he is my best buddy ive had him since i was 8 but he makes me feel better. so maybe ill go volunteer at a pet shelter to keep my mind of her. i dunno i guess your right i gotta just try new things.

That's an AWESOME idea!! Wow! What a cool thing to do.

I completely understand though. My cat is my buddy. They know just what to do when we're upset, don't they! :)

I'd Google shelters in the area and sign up! That's a great thought.

New things = Best way to meet new people.

Yea ill try all the things you guys told me so far I think I'm going to see a therapist to once I get the money because I think I have a lot of stuffed build up in me right now and I need someone to talk to that will listen.

Just remember a therapist is going to ask you if you smoke spliff. Be truthful as it does have an effect on our moods.

The link I am giving you is for a site called meetup.Maybe you have heard of it.
Different events are posted throughout the U.S. and I believe Canada as well.
It just where people meet for various clubs, support groups volunteer projects ,hobbyist's and collectors.All kinds of things.And it's a cool way to meet like minded people who share your interest.
Check it out.
http://www.meetup.com/

yea ill try all the things you guys told me so far i think im goin to see a therapist to once i get the money because i think i have alot of stuffed build up in me right now and i need someone to talk to that will listen.

Most cities have a sliding scale mental health program.
Call your local department of mental health and ask them what ,if any programs are available for you because of your lack of income.

There is also pastoral counseling and often you do not have to be a parishioner.A small donation of 10 dollars to the church is acceptable.Call your local churches.

There are resources out there if you are asking for mental health treatment.You can also apply for state funded medical coverage.Medicaid.

Sometimes its just the matter of finding the right person to listen to you to get you help.
Many mens shelters also offer pastoral counseling.

There is always someone at Alcoholics Anonymous to guide you in the right direction. She has a problem also, so drop the guilt, and self pity, and get busy getting facts, to get solutions.

Update... I'm still talking to my ex but I am not hurting as much tonight as I was yesturday. I finnaly slept but I still feel really tired so I might try to sleep a little more to let my body recover. We decided that we need to go her own way but she is upset and keeps thinking I am talking to other girls and starts insulting me. I am not talking to any girls but she doesn't beleave me. She says she crys every night because she says I am sleeping with other people already. I don't know what to do I don't want to cause her any pain but she is kind of bringing her own pain on since she won't beleave me

You really need to stop talking to her, since you have decided to go your own way.

Read the stickies, they will give you some good ideas about how to get through a break up. There is a link in my signature.

Ice, its time for NC.
Stop talking to the ex,its not going to make any of you feel better. Time to live your own life

I want to be there for her though after what I did if I did nc I think it would just make the break up harder for her to get through.

Right now, you have to worry about you. You have to get yourself back on track.

She needs to do the same.

I recommend NC, as well... and that's a lot coming from me.

K I'm sure it will be hard but I'm going to start nc today I got so much tension built up I did 200 push ups so far I think I'm going to do some sit ups as well. I actually think NC will help me get over her quicker.

Good choice-time to look after you and your own needs now.

So I had a little set back she just txted me telling me that she just got done having sex with this guy she is with and she said that he was a lot better then I was. This sets me so far back and I'm not even out of day one of no nc. I feel sick to my stomach any advice on how to not let this bother me?

The thing about NC is that it is both ways: you don't contact her, nor do you open/receive/listen to contacts from her.

That was a low blow for her to text that to you. Down right mean, actually. I'm sorry that you had to read it.

You have to put this girl out of your life.

I recommend going for a drive. You said that you enjoy driving - so go. Go find something new and interesting.

You've got to start taking steps to actively fill the hole that she left when you guys split. You must.

Delete all texts from her without reading them.
If need be,change your number.

Update... Ive been feeling a lot better and been hooking up with old friends that I haven't chilled with for a long time. I've been in contact with my ex and she said she was sorry for what she said. I told her that it was all right. She asked me if we could still be friends and I told her that I would think about it. What do you guys think I should do?

I think the healing process is going to take very long if you remain friends.

I think that would open a virtual Pandora's box on your emotions right now.

I would tell her that, for now, you need to be able to heal. You can't deal with contact from her because it hurts you so much/sets you off/etc.

I don't think it is wise to "be friends" because it leaves you with the hope that "something may happen." Now is the time for healing and dealing with your own issues, not trying to make her feel better.

No,don't try to be friends;you need to heal from the breakup and sort out your own issues now.
No contact is the best way to go.
I'm glad you're feeling better.

K thank you guys so much for the advise. You guys helped me a lot to get through this.

You're very welcome.
Keep posting. :-)

No don't be friends, and honestly, why would you want to be friends with someone who texted you something like that? I mean, I'd never talk to that person again.

K update time I guess.. I've taken your guys advice and deleted her from myspace and Facebook. I don't feel any better yet and I might even feel worse then what I did. I'm hoping that I will feel better in a few days.

You will feel better-as you get on with your own life and get your own routines going.

OK well I'm already feeling a little better I'm thinking I miss her more then being sad. It really sucks when you know the one that you loved a lot is out of your life for good. I think it's the worst feeling I've ever had to deal with. This is my first break up before her I was more of a party kid. I'm already starting to talk to some other girls and they seem interrested in me but they both have kids lol. Not something that I'm really looking for right now. You guys will probably be seeing me a lot because I want to keep my nc going so ill be on here to vent :)

Vent on Ice-it usually helps!
Don't go looking for a new relationship until you are completely over the ex-rebounds are not a good thing.
Make new friends and enjoy life.

Well my friend are all telling me just to go to a party and get drunk and have sex with a chick and that will make me move on and forget about the feelings I have for her what is your thoughts on this.

Nope-bad idea you don't get over someone by bedhopping. That's like booze, only a temporary relief and you'll feel worse for it.
Never mind that you might pick up an STD so not a smart move.

Lol yea I guess your right that its not a good idea to go after the easy women I'm just trying to think of a way to put her out of my mind for good. I may go to the box gym today and hit the bag for a couple hours.

Now THAT'S a GOOD idea!
Go for it.

How am I going to know when it's a good time to date again? This keeps going through my head because I've been out of the game for 4 years.

You'll know. It's not something that you can set a time limit on... it will happen when it happens.

Sorry that that is rather nebulous, but believe me, you'll know. :)

K update... I've been feeling up and down. I don't know why but I think I just miss the comfort of being with someone or maybe I'm scared that I won't ever be able to make a relationship work. But another side of me tells me that I'm better off being single so I can improve myself. I have a lot of stuff that I need to work on... being social is one of them because I'm really really shy lol. I've been being threating by her friends on a normal basis and I pretty much tell them if you got a problem with me then come fix it. They haven't done anything they just keep txting me and calling me like some 8 yr olds or something. I have started to talk to one of my ex's from like 6th grade and we may be hanging out this weekend to catch up on stuff. So I'm guessing life is starting to look up but I still have those down times that I really really hate. I still dream about her which I really wish I could make myself not to but I guess I can't help that.

Ignore the stupid texts-just delete them.
We do anything about the dreams of the exes-getting out of bed and having a coffee and a shower works for me.

Get to know new people,don't start dating until you are completely over the ex.

I'm no sure if ill ever be completely over my ex. I don't see me not ever being able to not think of her. Even after all she did to me I still love her. I mean don't get me wrong I'm making progress I'm starting to hurt less and less everyday. Its just really hard to not think of her at times.

That's normal,but you'll find as the days go by, you'll think about her less and less.
You're getting better and that's the main thing.

K so I had this girl come over and hang out with me tonight and she seemed pretty into me. So now I'm wondering should I pursue this and try to make something out of it or do you guys think its to soon. I mean me and her gets along really really good. I just don't want to rush into things

It's too soon to get romantically involved with anyone as you need to heal from your breakup.

Be friends if you think you can handle it,but going for a rebound relationship is not a good idea.
You don't get over someone by replaing them with somebody else.

Its not fair on them,and its not good for you.

We are just friends she is just getting over a hard break up to so we been comforting each other. But yea I'm pretty much completely over my ex. Still dream about her sometimes but it doesn't bother me as much as it use to. I've been going to partys a lot and just been enjoying the single life. Ill keep you guys updated

Good.
Stick to the friendship and keep enjoying being single.
Best of luck.

Reread some of the post, keep working on you. Its hard to do the work needed when you are young,life is so fastpaced now. You must get your head together so this won't happen again,think how you will feel the next time and she is the one? A hard bump in the road of life, won't be the last but its up to you if it the roughest. The better you "fix" yourself, the easier the next fall will be. You my find"her" and not fall?