Hi all,
A few months ago I began dating a man a few years older than myself, (I'm 20, in college, no idea what I'm doing with my life) and at first it was your typically perfect, love bird relationship. I found myself saying "This is too good to be true," on a daily basis, because I have been through a lot before with relationships, and I know there are almost always skeletons or hidden agendas somewhere in the mix.
He was the one who suggested that we date, although at the time I was pretty content with being single. I was madly attracted to him physically, so of course, I jumped at the idea. We began to spend every single day together and I began to realize what a problem he was having with heroin. He was placed on probation a few weeks into the relationship, so I used that as a crutch to stay with him, because I believed if he was "under the radar" that he wouldn't be able to use.
Lo and behold, I began using heroin alongside him. I'm the idiot who wanted to try it; and watching him shoot up was enough interest for me because I have always experimented with drugs... just nothing THIS hard. At first he was completely against the idea, but as the weeks flew by, we were both using as if it were a normal couple's activity.
He had been addicted for many years, and had relationship problems in the past due to it, while I had only just begun my horrible heroin journey.
Soon enough, the kissing/love making stopped, the loving compliments ceased, even eye contact became something unheard of. Since I tend to take "control" in relationships, I began questioning him as to why he was becoming so despondent. He had little to say and things just became a little too overwhelming for me.
I broke up with him recently because he was no longer treating me that kindly and with little respect. I basically felt as if we were just friends, so we might as well just be friends if that's how he's going to be.
I also came to find out that he's still "in love" with his ex of many years, after he had made me believe that I was the one and I was the only one he wanted. Another lovely bit of information that I forced out of him; because I'd rather be hit by the truth than led on.
After I dumped him, he confirmed that he still loves me and wants to get better so we can be together again. I can easily say that I myself am a heroin addict now; and although neither of us have used for about a month; the cravings are still there. So I'm dealing with being completely broke after finally being financially stable, depression from the way he's been treating me, stress from taking care of him and his probation, meetings, etc, and a damned heroin addiction. My life has turned completely upside down because he turned me on to the idea of being with him. I was fine being single. Essentially, I am just a hopelessly romantic idiot.
Even though we're not together, I still see him almost every day; we attend meetings together, he *sometimes* shows affection and respect, but no matter how many times I've discussed it with him, I feel like he really could care less about my feelings.
He basically drew me in, chewed me up, and spat me out; and now I'm madly in love and am unable to stop.
I blame myself for most of it because I'm the one who made the conscious yet jaded decisions to use drugs and fall for an attractive man.
We're trying to work things out; he says he doesn't want to be with *her* just wants to get over her and I can relate, but it really just irks me to even think that he still has feelings for someone else, after all he put me through and after all I've done for him. I really do take care of him, and am trying as hard as I can to help him through this recovery, although I know it is ultimately his choice to get better. I won't even use, nor do I feel comfortable talking to other men because I feel it would be an injustice to him... even though we're not dating!
I'm always trying my hardest to make him feel better i.e making dinners, massages, buying him gifts, but I don't know how to get that respectable man who I first met back.

What I'm basically asking is:
How can I get him to show me more respect and a little more affection like he used to?
Why do you think he randomly stopped doing these things for me (before we even stopped dating?)
And what are ways for me to express how I feel about his ex, his attitude, etc without sounding like a complete nag or broken record?

Any other suggestions or feedback are appreciated.
Thanks,
Hoboken

You're smart enough to know that this is called a 'co-dependent' relationship.

This is not what you want to do with your life - you're 20 - and the relationship is only a few months old.

You need to be friends with this guy like you need a hole in the head. You actually need to get away from this guy because he continues to suck you in, even though he virtually ignores you. You're addicted to him now, not just the heroin. This is your choice and you can't blame him for this.

Do yourself a favor and walk away. (Fast!) Find yourself something else to do - something healthy which won't ruin your emotional and spiritual health.

There is no joy EVER in loving junkies. Trust me. I know.

He is not there for you and he will not be there for you even though he is straight because you can take the heroin out of the junkie but the junkie mindset takes time and therapy and work to change.

It may be years before he is whole enough as a person to commit to any relationship.

The junkie mindset is me me me.You can be in recovery but it takes more than the drug being out of your system to change the emotional habit of not caring for others.

You are replacing one dependency with another and doing yourself no good by attending meetings with him or being his friend.It will not work out now and it may never work out.

Go to meetings at a different time and if you can afford it I would suggest therapy as well.

Meetings are great to maintain long term sobriety but I think you need to get drug counseling ,one on one to have it be most effective. To begin your course of treatment.

Call your local department of mental health and see what programs are available to you for free or on a sliding scale based on income.

You have ONE thing you need to concentrate on now and that is sobriety!

I have been there and I know of what I speak.
Now is not the time to be involved with anyone but yourself.

Continued success with your journey toward health.

Are you crazy or something? You can't expect anything but misery, and pain, from a junkie.

Work on your own issues, not his. Leave him alone, and love your own freaking self. Your in more danger than he is, and you should do something about it, without him, as for sure two junkies only double the misery.

Thank you all for your responses. I think it's going to take me some time to "ween myself" off him.
As for the drugs... I think I'm going to go cold turkey.

Thank you all for your responses. I think it's gonna take me some time to "ween myself" off him.
As for the drugs...I think I'm going to go cold turkey.

I thought you were already in recovery.

You need to wean yourself off the drugs and get rid of him cold turkey.

I know you don't want to believe that you are in a very bad place with this man but you are and no amount of denial is going to change that.

You are young and you are wasting your precious years when life should be great on a worthless venture.
Time waits for no one and one day you will rue wasting the years you did.