olann877
Jan 4, 2010, 05:19 PM
I had been dating my ex for over 3 years, in that time I clouded my mind with unimportant priorities, those of which did not match that of hers. We began have problems a year and a half ago when she started suggesting that I turn to God and encouraged me have a desire to learn his word. I didn't have a clear mind at the time and I couldn't see the obvious connection between our problems and religion. I loved her more she ever knew, but the problems in our relationship never improved, causing cycles of good and bad times that never changed over the year and a half. I have always had and shared strong moral values with her and I try to treat others in the way I know is right, but I have never been a very devout follower of Jesus. While my ex girlfriend and her family follow non-denominational Christian beliefs, I grew up Catholic and went to a Catholic elementary school, but did not feel the need to come back to religion in such a way as I was taught. I gave up my Catholic religion and began following my own morals and values as a guide for my life, while still believing in God.
When I began dating her, I saw the effect religion had on her and her family, but I did not allow it to come to me so easily. I resisted her suggestions and attempts at bringing me to Church. I would go occasionally, but I never wanted to, and I even made stupid excuses and put off other things to have reasons to avoid it. I did like her church and what they taught, but I just didn't have the desire to learn. Looking back, this resistance was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
The by-product of this resistance to her desire to make me the man she could see herself with for the rest of her life was much frustration on her part. Because of this frustration, she became bitter at things I would say or do, without myself knowing the cause of it. I soon became frustrated with her as well, and we started the cycle of making each other feel bad for many things. I broke up with her 3 times prior, twice related to my resistance to learn and share with her my thoughts on God and religion. Every time, I realized that I really loved her and I was making a mistake in leaving what meant so much to me, but I could not figure out how to fix the situation.
A little over a week ago, I ignored her request to go to Church and her grandmother's because I was planning on seeing her early in the week anyway. I believe this was the last straw and she stopped talking to me for days, until she finally broke up with me 5 days ago, telling me it was over and that she could not try to fix our problems anymore. Things just weren't going to work about between us. I was distraught, heartbroken, and I couldn't let the thought of being with her forever out of my head. She is a wonderful girl and the kind I could see myself having a family with. Even through all of the problems, I still loved her like nothing was wrong, and I still daydreamed about how I would ask her to marry me someday.
She never mentioned that our problems were related to religion, but I soon figured it out on my own. I realized that this man she was looking for could be myself, but I was too stubborn to change my priorities and make learning from her, her family, and the church important for myself. I was stuck in the "I love you, and that's all that matters zone." I lost my senses to what I needed to do and what was the right thing to do. She thought that If I really loved her, I would understand the importance of faith, and make it my desire to learn. I know this post could attract a lot of comments on being yourself, but I do not feel like I am changing my personality or myself in wanting to learn about God and making myself stronger in my faith. I let the love of my life slip away, and I realized too late what was required of me.
It didn't take long for God to give me the strength to want to be this man, even if it might be too late to save anything between her and I. I want to become that man she wanted, not only for her, but especially for myself. I want to be the man who wants to pray with his family, the man who wants to take his children to church and teach them the way to Jesus, and the man who uses all temptations as fuel for strengthening my faith. I have started attending church on my own, with the intention of getting involved in the young adults (I'm 21) groups, so that I can get connected with others like myself.
I believe that her and I could be right for each other and we could make each other stronger, with the help of religion as a bond, instead of a barrier. While I know what I have to do for myself, I do not know if it is too late to save what we had. I do not know how to approach her, as I have tried to stay NC this week, with the exception of her texting me asking why I was at church alone. I tried to keep my response short and truthful but I don't know if she believes me.
I really want to convey my true intentions, but I don't know how long I should wait to avoid pushing her further away from me, due to past feelings of anger and frustration. I want to forget the past arguments and misunderstandings so that we can share our life once again, with nothing between our shared thoughts, moments, and realities. I just don't know HOW I can possibly do this.
Is there still hope, or should I be asking God to help me get through this time and move on with my life. I'm sorry for the long post, but there is no quick way to describe these feelings I have.
Thank you,
Sorry and Heartbroken
When I began dating her, I saw the effect religion had on her and her family, but I did not allow it to come to me so easily. I resisted her suggestions and attempts at bringing me to Church. I would go occasionally, but I never wanted to, and I even made stupid excuses and put off other things to have reasons to avoid it. I did like her church and what they taught, but I just didn't have the desire to learn. Looking back, this resistance was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
The by-product of this resistance to her desire to make me the man she could see herself with for the rest of her life was much frustration on her part. Because of this frustration, she became bitter at things I would say or do, without myself knowing the cause of it. I soon became frustrated with her as well, and we started the cycle of making each other feel bad for many things. I broke up with her 3 times prior, twice related to my resistance to learn and share with her my thoughts on God and religion. Every time, I realized that I really loved her and I was making a mistake in leaving what meant so much to me, but I could not figure out how to fix the situation.
A little over a week ago, I ignored her request to go to Church and her grandmother's because I was planning on seeing her early in the week anyway. I believe this was the last straw and she stopped talking to me for days, until she finally broke up with me 5 days ago, telling me it was over and that she could not try to fix our problems anymore. Things just weren't going to work about between us. I was distraught, heartbroken, and I couldn't let the thought of being with her forever out of my head. She is a wonderful girl and the kind I could see myself having a family with. Even through all of the problems, I still loved her like nothing was wrong, and I still daydreamed about how I would ask her to marry me someday.
She never mentioned that our problems were related to religion, but I soon figured it out on my own. I realized that this man she was looking for could be myself, but I was too stubborn to change my priorities and make learning from her, her family, and the church important for myself. I was stuck in the "I love you, and that's all that matters zone." I lost my senses to what I needed to do and what was the right thing to do. She thought that If I really loved her, I would understand the importance of faith, and make it my desire to learn. I know this post could attract a lot of comments on being yourself, but I do not feel like I am changing my personality or myself in wanting to learn about God and making myself stronger in my faith. I let the love of my life slip away, and I realized too late what was required of me.
It didn't take long for God to give me the strength to want to be this man, even if it might be too late to save anything between her and I. I want to become that man she wanted, not only for her, but especially for myself. I want to be the man who wants to pray with his family, the man who wants to take his children to church and teach them the way to Jesus, and the man who uses all temptations as fuel for strengthening my faith. I have started attending church on my own, with the intention of getting involved in the young adults (I'm 21) groups, so that I can get connected with others like myself.
I believe that her and I could be right for each other and we could make each other stronger, with the help of religion as a bond, instead of a barrier. While I know what I have to do for myself, I do not know if it is too late to save what we had. I do not know how to approach her, as I have tried to stay NC this week, with the exception of her texting me asking why I was at church alone. I tried to keep my response short and truthful but I don't know if she believes me.
I really want to convey my true intentions, but I don't know how long I should wait to avoid pushing her further away from me, due to past feelings of anger and frustration. I want to forget the past arguments and misunderstandings so that we can share our life once again, with nothing between our shared thoughts, moments, and realities. I just don't know HOW I can possibly do this.
Is there still hope, or should I be asking God to help me get through this time and move on with my life. I'm sorry for the long post, but there is no quick way to describe these feelings I have.
Thank you,
Sorry and Heartbroken