dihydrogenoxide
Jan 2, 2010, 01:53 PM
I'm dating a recovering sex addict, and I need to know what to do.
I'm an eighteen year-old, extremely intelligent freshman in college, studying to be a chemist, and I am a lesbian. I am completely comfortable with my sexuality, but the girl I am dating is bi and not completely sure. However, she tells me she loves me for what's in my heart, not my pants. I'm the type who lives for the moment, and in this moment I know I love her. She makes me so extremely happy, so I really want to make our relationship work. We have a great deal in common, and though we both have our issues, we have both been very supportive with each other. I am a scientist, and somewhat emotionally retarded and I have a hard time expressing myself, but this girl makes me want to be better, and work harder on this.
We were good friends before we started dating, and she had expressed to me that she had an addiction to sex, that she had been sexually abused, and that she had been with many men because of her addiction. I did not take it seriously at first because I did not understand entirely, but after researching, I now understand how serious the problem is. Her last relationship was with a man for over two years, and he was emotionally abusive. She had only been with one woman before me, and that was not a serious monogamous relationship.
The problem: after about a month of dating, she and I had what I thought was a healthy sexual relationship. However, I soon realized something was not right. She would go out of her way to not touch me or have sex with me. After about a month of us both pretending nothing was wrong, a friend sat us down and told us to cut the . What it boiled down to was I still had trust issues after she had cheated on me with two men, and she was having issues with our sexual relationship. She said she was having problems figuring out her sexuality, and she was working on overcoming her sexual addiction. The solution we came up with that night was that I am not supposed to initiate any physical contact, and we would not have sex until she was sure she was in a good place with her addiction. But I am concerned; she still spend hours upon hours looking at porn and masturbating. She will tell me afterward, and say she did poorly and will try harder. I don't know what I should be doing to help, and quite frankly, the whole not having sex thing is really hard on me. I'm trying really hard to make this work, because at the end of the day she makes me really happy, and I know she loves me. She had been drunk and upset when she cheated on me, and she was petrified of losing me. It had been only about a month into our relationship, and since then we have worked on the trust issues that resulted. But I don't know how to help her with her porn addiction, especially since I want her so bad myself. I just really need what to do to help us both. Any advice would be appreciated so much.
I'm an eighteen year-old, extremely intelligent freshman in college, studying to be a chemist, and I am a lesbian. I am completely comfortable with my sexuality, but the girl I am dating is bi and not completely sure. However, she tells me she loves me for what's in my heart, not my pants. I'm the type who lives for the moment, and in this moment I know I love her. She makes me so extremely happy, so I really want to make our relationship work. We have a great deal in common, and though we both have our issues, we have both been very supportive with each other. I am a scientist, and somewhat emotionally retarded and I have a hard time expressing myself, but this girl makes me want to be better, and work harder on this.
We were good friends before we started dating, and she had expressed to me that she had an addiction to sex, that she had been sexually abused, and that she had been with many men because of her addiction. I did not take it seriously at first because I did not understand entirely, but after researching, I now understand how serious the problem is. Her last relationship was with a man for over two years, and he was emotionally abusive. She had only been with one woman before me, and that was not a serious monogamous relationship.
The problem: after about a month of dating, she and I had what I thought was a healthy sexual relationship. However, I soon realized something was not right. She would go out of her way to not touch me or have sex with me. After about a month of us both pretending nothing was wrong, a friend sat us down and told us to cut the . What it boiled down to was I still had trust issues after she had cheated on me with two men, and she was having issues with our sexual relationship. She said she was having problems figuring out her sexuality, and she was working on overcoming her sexual addiction. The solution we came up with that night was that I am not supposed to initiate any physical contact, and we would not have sex until she was sure she was in a good place with her addiction. But I am concerned; she still spend hours upon hours looking at porn and masturbating. She will tell me afterward, and say she did poorly and will try harder. I don't know what I should be doing to help, and quite frankly, the whole not having sex thing is really hard on me. I'm trying really hard to make this work, because at the end of the day she makes me really happy, and I know she loves me. She had been drunk and upset when she cheated on me, and she was petrified of losing me. It had been only about a month into our relationship, and since then we have worked on the trust issues that resulted. But I don't know how to help her with her porn addiction, especially since I want her so bad myself. I just really need what to do to help us both. Any advice would be appreciated so much.