Well I met him 6 months ago and we've been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later I get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married I guess I was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer he's giving me anything I ask for the only thing is is that we don't get to spend as much time together as I would like. Now I find myself racking my brains out on what I should do now I've heard someone else state he was married so I finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if I wanted him to stop calling me but I told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed because now I'm in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well that's what he tells me )but I kind of believe him. So what shall I do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

I Hate To Say It But How Dumb Can You Be... I Mean I Was In This Position As Well But I Didn't Talk To His Wife... but You Did And You Still Want To Pursue This... that Is Called A Home Wrecker And If You Read My Post And Listen To What Everyone Said To Me It Makes Sense. Its In The Relationships Section And It Called my Ex Never Told Me He Was Married... but You Need To Nip This In The But Right Now And Get Rid Of Him

Be prepared for the answers you are going to get here. Have you read the others about being with married men?

No, he is not going to leave his wife, and if he did what makes you think that he will not cheat on yoy? What do you do? Drop him like this scumbag he is.

I really hope they don't have any children.

He is using you for sex and that is all. Yeah, right, he tells you he loves you, he gives you things. You are basically an unpaid call girl. He calls you and you say come over. He has family obligations and you are put aside.

Give it up, you know this is wrong. You know in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is wrong. How would you feel if you were married to the man you love and find out he is screwing some other girl when he is not in bed with you?

Sorry, that was a little harsh, but probably mild compared to the other answers you will get.

yes, I do think he'll leave his wife, or she'll leave him eventually. However -you don't want to be there when that happens, its going to be very very messy. He's not ready to leave his wife now, and because he's not ready to leave now it means he values her and all that comes with it, such as family, friends, shared finances etc -over you. So you have to move on. I know you don't want to hear that, really I do. But I can only be honest.

this website is great I think so keep using it when the questions are in your head while its finishing.

good luck and be strong

I can understand how at first you can start dating someone and not know they are married, I myself was guilty of that for a few weeks, but the minute I found out they were married, there is no question of what to do.

First they are cheating on their spouse, so if they will cheat that easy on them, they will on you also

And of course he is not going to leave his wife, he is having his family and fun sex on the side, what more can men that live like dogs want in life.
Remember when he leaves your bed, where he is going, and think about what he tells her he is doing??

If you want to sleep with married men, at least charge for it, then after 5 years you would have something to show for it.

He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

So, does this mean he tells you that he and his wife are having problems?

HA!! His way of just playing you for a fool. He is using you, he won't leave his wife.

Are you confusing your feelings of Love for Lust?

Why would you love someone that cheats on his wife, chances are he would do the same to you too if he were with you.

Sorry, but you need to hear the truth.

Walk Away, I'm sure there is someone better for you out there who has the qualities that make a person worth spending your valuable time with.

Take Care and good luck with whatever you decide to do here!

Just thought,

Could it be that the very fact that he is married is driving you to want him more?

I mean if he were suddenly not married, would the challenge not be there anymore?

Therefore would the situation be different.

Think about it!

He's married. He wants to use you.

IF you ever want to get close to him he MUST be divorced.

I bet $1 million he will never leave his wife.

You will be the mistress only and have to sneak around and lie - wha tI life!!

Many married guys WILL lie cheat and steal to sleep with you - you're being set up for a huge fall.

Women who fall into this dumb position are genrally insecure, low self asteem and need the attention. Go buy a dog or something.

Do not contact this guy until he is 100% divorced and has his own place. It will never happen though. He'll always have some grea tstory why it hasn't.

Only do something you can tell your parents or his wife - then it would be OK.

HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK THE WIFE WOULD FEEL??

Again - he has ALREADY lied to you - he will lie more. Quite a guy you have there.

He will cheat on his wife - he will eventually cheat on you - no question.

WHY do so many women have a problem with this??

I know, I know - they rely o ntheir feelings too much.

So what shall I do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?
Instead of going through the whole mess of why and whatnot, I'll just answer your questions.
The thing to do is leave him alone period. The next thing is find out why you fall so hard for the lies he feeds you. And finally learn the difference between fools' GOLD and real GOLD.
As to whether he will leave his wife? Not voluntarily, She may find out about his cheating ways and give him the boot, but I doubt he leaves on his own. Why should he? He has a life with house and family, and when he gets horny for something different , he has you. His life is perfect. Why would he change anything? I can bet he knows the difference between fools' Gold and real GOLD!!

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you already know what to do. If you browsed the responses to the many similar posts here on this subject, you knew what kind of responses you would get. And yet, you posted, so you must be willing to hear it, on some level at least. Please, don't just listen and vacillate. Act on what you know. The sooner you give it up, the sooner you can put yourself back together and find a real relationship.

Here is what I know of becoming involved with a married man from having done it once. I was very messed up at the time. It took me a long time to see that-- time, hard work in therapy and healing. What I did was wrong, frankly inexcusable, and I have atoned for it as much as is humanly possible but at the time it worked, strangely enough, for how messed up I was. He was messed up too and so was his wife. I don't think you can do stuff like that and not be-- whether you own up to it or not. There was a huge gift in it though. He went back to his wife, from what I know of it, and I hoped for them as much or more healing than what I received. It was the blackest hours of my life from lots of things that had occurred long before I met him, and real life being stranger than fiction-- it was he, the married fellow, who literally got me into the therapy which I credit with saving me from dying of untreated ptsd. He was a combat veteran and knew about ptsd and found for me one of the top teams in the country. His wife was just like me (untreated ptsd) and the day he "left" me, I had a scheduled session with my therapist. She noted that I was strangely all right about it and inquired more because that isn't exactly the "norm" but I claimed I knew what he had done. I told her that since he "saved" me and learned that it actually could be done, he went back to "save" her and I couldn't blame him. He loved her too. She nodded and smiled. And I really was okay. She went on to say it was doubtful that he could save her, but they both may get saved together. I didn't understand that for a looooooooooong time.

And yes, we did love each other.

There is an old saying...

What he will do with you... He will do to you...

Think about it.

Wish you the best.

What he will do with you... He will do to you...
He has already done it.

No. He will never leave his wife. He'll string you along for as long as you let him.

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?
I know someone who was dating a married man, and he promised he would leave his wife. He never did. This was years ago. So this person was heartbroken but went on with her life-which was the best thing. Then here recently, they hooked up again and told her the same story "he loved her, and he was going to leave his wife. Which he hasn't and has no plan to. He was using her for one thing only! Be smart, get out of it now. Suppose you do get together, you'll always have in the back of your mind is he cheating on you!

He will never get divorced.

Sounds like his wife knows, obviously she isn't going to let him go! You will never have a life with him.

There are many more fish in the sea. Dump this loser.

Besides, if he cheats on his wife... he will cheat on you...

Manny married men WILL lie, cheat and steal to sleep with you. Only thing they want. He could careless about your feelings.

Women like this have very low selfesteem... insecure.

I do not agree with the statement that women involved with married men have low self esteem and are insecure. It is much more complex than that. Have you ever heard a saying "Love is blind?". From my experience, what usually happens is the married dude does whatever it is to make you fall in love with him. And once you are there, it is pretty difficult to let go.

You are allowing this man to have his way with you with no attachment. Do you feel good being the woman on the side? Interesting he can come be with you and release himself on you when and if he feels like it and leave you and go home. It's like a dog who lifts his leg and pees on a tree or whatever things he can find to relieve himself. If he ever does leave his wife the only thing you will ever have to worry about is when he will start cheating on you

I do not agree with the statement that women involved with married men have low self esteem and are insecure. It is much more complex than that. Have you ever heard a saying "Love is blind?". From my experience, what usually happens is the married dude does whatever it is to make you fall in love with him. And once you are there, it is pretty difficult to let go.
How can a man make you fall in love with him unless you have major problems to begin with? Do you think healthy women fall for the BS? I doubt it, and love isn't blind but people who think they are in love are.

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

No he will never leave his wife, cheaters never do and why should they? He has been lying to you a long time yet you still believe what he says so how dumb does that make you? And why should your feelings be considered over anyone else's? The wife for instance. Look he has made a fool of you and a mockery of your feelings, so you just keep it going and putting out for him and see how much he cares. How can you confuse being used for SEX with love? Maybe I should ask a box of rocks, because you sure don't have a clue.

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?
Do you think he loves you back

Don't be a sucka.

I understand how you feel BUT he is never going to leave his wife! I was in the same position as you. He never left her. He always saying they are having problems BUT he was having "fun" with her to. So you have to leave him and move on! It will be rough but well worth it!

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?
I've been there... twice... I'm sorry hon, but I think you need to protect yourself, and just walk away. Unless you see definite action on his part, odds are he will keep you in limbo...

They NEVER leave the wife. You're the mistress nothing more.

They will tell you anything gto sleep with you.

+ if he cheaqted on his wife - he would cheat on you eventually.

There is nothing you can do but forget about this man. The moment you found out he is married you should have cut off all contact. Do you want to be branded a homewrecker? Because that is what people will call you. HE IS MARRIED! If he wanted to be with you he would be, he would leave his wife and you would live in happiness, truth is he doesn't want that because he wants to have his wife and his bit on the side, which is clearly all you are to him. And say he did leave his wife and you two made a go of things, he has proven himself to be a cheater, why on earth would you trust him?

I would love an update from this gal. It has been 4 months since she posted, so I don't think we will hear back from her.

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?
It is so crazy, but I am Also 23 and dating a 33 year old married man. We are also in love and him and his wife are having problems. He gives me anything I ask for, and it has been a year. I don't know if he will leave his wife, I wouldn't care if he does or if he doesn't, I believe that he would probably treat me the same, if he was my husband. It is becoming so common, our situation, but unfortunately you can't control love. I say live life, but don't sell yourself short. If you had your own man, then some other woman would do the same to you. Maybe he is a good man, or maybe not, He's human, and you have to let a man be a man. My only problem is that I am also alone majority of the time. You are not alone, but only you can live your life no one else, so if you love him, despite the fact that he is married, obviously he cares for you, but he is confused just like you and I. Just do like I do, and keep yourself prepared for heartbreak. If you train your heart now, it may not hurt as much. People hate us for allowing ourselves to fall for a man that is married, but we have feelings too. Who says you can't love more than one person?

People hate us for allowing ourselves to fall for a man that is married, but we have feelings too. Who says you can't love more than one person?

I don't think that the ability to love more than one person is the issue at all. I think the issue is letting a guy who you know is married , and out of bounds, sell you a load of goods and you fall for it. Like a predator and prey. I know you maybe can't see how unhealthy this is, or that you may have an issue or two to address, and your maybe satisfied, but are you happy and fulfilled? Be honest why not get your own man and have a real life? I just want to know.

I understand where you are coming from. I've been in a similar situation. Only I am not seeing him anymore. I am totally miserable. I love him. I will always love him I think. But I refuse to be his whore anymore. Honestly, he did not think of me that way, but I thought of myself that way. My true opinion is he will be leaving the relationship he is in when their daughter goes to college. Which is probably 4 years away. I decided I did not want to have any bearing on what he decides to do with his life. When he leaves her, if I have not found anyone else... Hopefully I will be able to get past him someday. He hurt me severely. I know he did not mean to, but sadly enough this is how things like this usually wind up. What we both did was totally against our character. He is suffering too. Maybe we can both heal. I am as much to blame as him. He love me. I love him. Time is just going to have to heal us both I guess. A selfish part of me wants him to leave and be with me. But the part of me that sees reality hopes he is able to make it with her and that I can pull myself together and move on.

Oh SW - sure wish you would change your name, not stupid at all. You found yourself in a spot, you probably never thought you would be in and were wise enough to pull yourself out. Many who come here never see that reality that you not only saw, but accepted. Very good for you. Give yourself, some well earned credit.

"He hurt me severely" - Well good for you again - as you will no longer allow that to happen.

I am so sorry you are hurting and in pain but on your sadess day - (and Diva this goes for you as well), stop... and think... if you feel this sad, if you feel this devastated, how would you feel, if the married man did leave his wife for you, and all you can picture in your heart and head, is his wife, alone, crying and hurting more than anyone could ever imagine.

I often wonder how true happiness could ever be achieved at the expense of someone else's.

SW - you will heal. Just take it one day at a time and be relieved that the only pain you have to recover from is yours and not have to deal with the guilt and utter devestation, I think would come, knowing you had caused another person's heartache. I think that thought alone should keep you on this healthier road that you have chosen.

No one knows if he will leave him wife or not. But I was and still am in the same situation. He told me he was going to leave but everyone said do not believe him and to move on. So I finally listened to everyone else and not my heart and told him I did not love him anymore and quit talking to him. But the bad thing was that I still loved him with all my heart. Abt 1 1/2 months after we quit talking he did leave her but I had told him I did not love him anymore so now he is dating someone else. I have now told him that I do still love him, but it is too late. So do what you think you should and do not listen to anyone else. Be honest to him and yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

Tell Him! Then you will know for sure if he ever loved you. Then maybe you will actually be ready to move on without him. He will have proven himself to you one way or another. Will you be more lonely or sad than you are right now if you don't hear what you want?

I have told him, but it was to late. He is already dating someone else. I told him I was over him, I did not love him and did not want to talk to him. So when he left he wife, he went on and met someone else. I thought if I told him all that then I could get over him. But was I wrong.

I thought if I told him all that then I could get over him. But was I wrong.
You are not wrong! YOU CAN AND WILL GET OVER HIM AND FIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.

Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk free. You are letting him use you. You need to ask him what is his plans for you two. Are just a piece or what. Because it sounds like he is getting what he wants. I dated a married man for almost two yrs but he and his wife were ONLY married on paper. There was no sex or closeness. It was kind of like room mates except she paid nothing and got all she wanted. She knew there was probs but refused to do something about it. So he finally found out from a good friend that I thought he was awesome. Then we soon got serious and I gave him two options me or her but not both. Just be careful and don't get hurt. The other woman could go psycho on you too.

You are an ADULTRESS plain and simple. You have no moral fiber and have no shame.
You need to forget about your own feelings, and grow up. The penalty for adultery is being cast into the pit.
Here is what God's Word has to say... Revelation 21:8... But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Your solution is very simple... call on the name of the Lord. Ask him to forgive you and save you. Find a Bible believing, Bible preaching Church, and study and pray.
The Lord turned my life around, and He will yours too.
The first part of my reply may sound "hard" to you. It is only intended to snap you back into reality. This wrong yo are in is very serious business.
I AM PRAYING FOR YOU THE MAKE THE ONLY WISE DECISION. Please remember that Jesus loves you, and died for our sins. God Bless!

What I can't understand is how you are able to go with this man knowing how you are hurting his spouse. Where are your morals? If you continue this you are no better than he. How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot? You are only 23. Get a single boyfriend.

One other thing. This man has no respect for you. He cannot have a good opinion of you because you know about his wife and you are continuing this.

AMEN!

What I can't understand is how you are able to go with this man knowing how you are hurting his spouse. Where are your morals? If you continue this you are no better than he. How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot? You are only 23. Get a single boyfriend.

HEY CRAZYBIRD......YOU AIN'T CRAZY!!!