I was with her for about a year and a half. We loved each other so much, and still do. I feel like it will help to talk about my story with her so just bare with me.

We started in march of 2008, we really hit it off. We had so much in common, and where different enough to really make it interesting to be around her.

We fell for each other quickly, but she always had close male friends and it bothered me at times, but I trusted her and never let it get in the way. We kept on dating and around the 6 month mark she went away on a vacation for two weeks. I tell you this because it was a turning point or changing point I should say in our relationship.

She went away, promised to call, and I needed that. She was my first love and when she went I got lonely and I needed her. She never called. And she was out until 4 at clubs on the weekends because "she wanted to know what clubbing in another country was like" even though she had gone a few years before.

I felt totally rejected and pathetic, and simply was to hurt to hold it together. When she got back it started a downward spiral that lead to me and her almost being depressed. I was angry with her, she made me feel like I was replaceable, interchangeable, and unimportant.

She even lied to me, she had this picture she took of herself on the trip where she was all dolled up and looking sexy, she said that wasn't the night she went to the club, it was to go out to dinner with her family...

I was devastated, I started treating her bad, I wanted her to feel my pain, to know how she made me feel to understand how unimportant she made me feel.

Anyway, that lasted for to long, months. The fighting turned into a monster and before long we where fighting about how much we fought.

After a month or two she started seeing male friends again, something that she hadn't done in a long time. I knew it was a bad sign, I knew it could lead to something bad but I trusted her and I expressed my opinion saying that it is a bad time to hang out with guys alone like you use to, we are in trouble and something unintended might happen.

Well we started working things out and slowly we actually overcame it. I promised myself not to fight with her for a month. Not matter what. And I did. I was proud of myself and proud of her again.

Over the next 5 months we feel madly in love, taking a vacation together, making love for the first time, being happy and there for each other in ways none of us had ever known.

But in June about a year and 2 months after we started dating I got a letter from one of the guys she had been hanging out with back hurting the fighting. The letter broke my heart into so many pieces that I felt like I couldn't breathe. She told me of her and him, and how the talked about "liking" each other, and how the made fun of me and she would tell him about my insecurities and how "immature and pathetic" she thought they where.

I was broken and from that day forward so was our relationship. I hated her for it, betrayal of that kind is one of my biggest fears and the woman that had my heart made me come face to face with it. I got angry, so very angry. I cried, I tried to forgive her, to forget it but I had not idea how. It eat at me and made me want to explode.

She wrote me a letter a wonderful letter explaining everything and it helped, I could tell her loved me. But I still couldn't forgive her.

But she genuinely loved me, and I her. She was my second half, the woman that helped me so much. I tried for months for make it work. And eventually it was time for her to go back to school. She had taken a year off so she really hadn't been in school since we started dating.

And so quickly she started up with the male friends again. And me in my anger and fear tried to hold her back, stop her from being with other men again, I couldn't take it. I was so afraid and so scared. Thinking about it makes my stomach flip.

This caused so many problems, it made her distant from me and made her feel trapped and "sofficated" (something she told me about months after it started, to late to undo what had been done)

The men kept coming, kept becoming more and more important to her, and days came where I caught her in lies. That lead me to do something I swore I would never do, be the sole person to fix the relationship, let go of everything I believe should happen, (her waiting to make male friends, me having to fix everything by myself when it was her fault it was broken)

But nothing worked she stayed cold and still wasn't trying anymore. So it got the point where talking a break was in order. She cried and told me she understood but wanted it to not be to long

So we decided to take a few weeks off and see what happened.

Well 2 days into the break I found out that she invited 2 guys over her house alone when her parents where out of town of vacation. It crushed me all over again, made me fear her loyalty, because I wasn't sure of anything anymore. So I broke up with her. She told me not to find any other girls and that she didn't want me to forget about her, how she will always love me and will miss me so much.

I wanted her more than anything but simply couldn't handle how she was treating me. So two months ago was the last time I was dating her.

We talked a few times during the first month, I needed my time apart, and honestly was waiting for an apology from her, I felt she should be the one to try to pursue me after everything she did.

Not its starting our third month apart and she is confusing me. She says she loves me and misses me and I can tell she does. But she is still so cold and distant, she has since our breakup made many many more male friends and hangs out with them alone all the time.

I want to get back together with her because when we where right it was the greatest time in my life.

What should I do, I try to talk to her but she is cold, SHE is the one that wants to stay friends no matter what and she is very persistent about that. But if she wants a friendship so bad why does she treat me like this, why isn't she being nice to make me want to come back to her. Its not like I want her to beg, but she has shown almost zero initiative.

And if we did what should I do about all her new male friends, I'm sure they will hate me for anything she might had said about me, any pain I put her through and just for being a guy taking away from there hot new girl that they I'm sure love hanging outwith.

Your post screams insecurity,low self esteem,no self confidence,needy and just a little desperate...

And I'm a complete stranger,I can see this in a post...

You have to stop right now, this once good relationship is over,and you need to let go.

No 'lets be friends' you can't handle that,you have a script in your head... waiting on her to come back,I'm betting you even have the scenario worked out,and it all ends happy ever after... its not going to happen.

Wipe the slate clean,give yourself a chance to grow and heal and learn from this...

Your not ready for a relationship,go no contact,seriously,no contact,get healthy,get busy in your life and start enjoying your life again.

I am insecure, the woman I love, the woman that was great to me, broke my heart. I'm not that the stage in my life to where I can go "o well, thats life"

I know I'm not ready for a relationship, but that doesn't matter, I love her. That can't be reasoned or persuaded out of my head. Not yet anyway.

I love your honestly but it hurts. Can someone give me a few questions to ask her to get some sort of closure, I need that.

I'm not saying 'oh well that's life',I'm saying your not broken your broken hearted,and you can't trust your emotions right now.

If a couple can't work on the problems together,taking a break is not going to solve those problems,there still there.

It over,that's the closure.

I'm not trying to hurt your feelings,but trying to help you see clearly.

No contact will give you a better perspective on the whole thing,staying in contact will only prolong the hurt and confusion.

I'll write something because I can relate to about 10% of the feelings you had. I say 10% because my friend, this level of desperation is dangerous. Everyone can relate to feeling a little insecure when their significant other receives so much attention from others (and likes it). That in of itself doesn't make you any different than anyone else. However, your unwavering devotion, coupled with drastic insecurities is where redhead's comment about your neediness comes in. No one likes needy. Needy is a burden to bear, not a voluntary partnership. If you want closure, look no further than your own behavior. I'm sure she was far from perfect, but that's her problem now, just as your problems are your's, not her's. That's your closure man.

The problem is actually you and your jealousy and insecurities. Have you considered that your girlfriend’s male friends may be just that - friends, not your competition? I’m sure you feel really left out sometimes when she spends time with them, but to be fair she may have known them for years and they may be more like brothers.

Women need someone that trusts them, not someone that tries to control everything they do. They need someone to be equal partners with them, not someone so needy that it wears them out.

Go No Contact and quit focusing on your girlfriend. Focus on yourself because nothing can get better until you sort “you” out first. If you can’t get a grip and change your attitude, you might want to talk to a counselor to help you sort out the reasons for the jealousy and insecurity. Good luck!

My reasons for my jealousy is because she cheated on me. I was never like this before

May be like brothers... maybe. It would be so much better for all relationships if people could admit to their partner that some of their opposite sex friends wish there was something more. I'm a relatively centered guy and can tell the difference between brotherly friendship and "I would hit that in a second if she let me". It's insulting when girls have denied it. That's when you question their honesty. To be honest myself, every friendship I've had with a girl (unless it was my bud's gf) had a small dose of sexual tension on one or more sides. Don't you watch stand up? One of the oldest jokes is "he's just a friend" guys are one of the first guys girls go to after a breakup. I've seen it with my own eyes on several occasions. (In my more immature days, I have gladly been that friend).

Cheating for me is a deal breaker. If you really think she slept with another man and you can't get over it, then it's time for you to move on.

That first break up sucks, but pull yourself together here, buddy. While your crying, and miserable, she is having a great time. Not to be mean, but she has always had a great time, with or without you, and if you had been less needy, insecure, or desperate maybe she would still be there. Your feeling were much more intense than hers, and you got hooked, and carried away, but now you really do need to leave her alone, and pull your act together, as there is nothing more pathetic than a whiny girlie man. We all get dumped, some of us many times, so when the shock wears off, and the reality sets in, get it together.

Your closure is accepting that its over. Man up!

what should I do, I try to talk to her but she is cold, SHE is the one that wants to stay friends no matter what and she is very persistent about that. But if she wants a friendship so bad why does she treat me like this, why isn't she being nice to make me want to come back to her. Its not like I want her to beg, but she has shown almost zero initiative.

She never said she wanted to go back with you ,she said she wanted to be friends.

The reason she is cold is because if she were to do anything else it would give you false hope about the relationship.

There is no relationship,it is over and you need to accept that or wallow in misery.

I know it hurts,we all do ,we are not kids on here and we have all experienced heartache and unrequited love.

Bottom line ,you can't make someone want you or love you.

Be glad you had what you did and move on and have a life.

She is having one,don't you think you deserve one as well?

You will never heal if you continue to cling to this false hope.

There are other women and there is one who will love you unconditionally but you will never find her if you are sitting home pining away for "what could have been".

Get a life my friend,you will survive this but you must put forth an effort!
You are your best friend so take care of yourself!

We broke up, and she says she needs to be alone aka she needs space, time to think.

But at the same time she wants to hang out with me ever week or so and stay friends because I'm to important to lose from her life..

What does this mean, just fyi we went through a lot before breaking up, last few months where hard.

She wants to keep you around until or if she finds someone she likes more.
She wants the benefits of your friendship without any of the hassles of a relationship.

She is using you... honor yourself and don't allow it.

Cut off all contact but first tell her to call you if she ever makes up her mind ,let her know you MIGHT be available but you are not putting your life on hold ,while she decides.
She is not respecting you,don't accept that!

Making more threads about the same thing, will not get you different answers. Giving thoughts, input, and your questions here will.

we broke up, and she says she needs to be alone aka she needs space, time to think.
It means her feelings have changed. And so has what she wants to do with her time. She likes you as a friend and buddy, but not for romance and kissing, and making out with.
but at the same time she wants to hang out with me ever week or so and stay friends because I'm to important to lose from her life..
She still likes you but not for romance, pals is great, until she gets the hots for someone else.
what does this mean, just FYI we went through alot before breaking up, last few months where hard.
Hey guy, couples break up all the time when the feelings of one partner changes. That's just life. You will understand better when one day your feelings will change from romance to just friendship, with a future partner. That's just the way it is but its always hard on the one that finds out last. That would be you, she already knew that her feelings were changing.

Don't waste your time with her! I do agree with Tal, you came across very needy and insecure. It pushed her away further. That's just you, and she saw a part of that she didn't like. Sorry, I think you have to move on and stop thinking of her. The relationship is over, she only considers you a friend. Breakups suck, but we all have been through them. You learn from your mistakes. Next time give them breathing space. You can't control someone the way you want them to be, everyone is different.