momof2cuties
Dec 31, 2009, 11:50 AM
To give you a little background of our relationship my husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have 2 children. We've been together for over 10 years. I thought I knew the man I married, but over the years he has turned into a different person. When we first started dating, I was a controlling person. I had to make every decision and was impossible. I don't know why he stayed with me. I was molested as a child, so I always told myself that I would never allow another man to run my life. If I was in control of my life, I couldn't be hurt by another man. My husband helped me learn what a relationship and life were supposed to be about. He supported me in every way possible. And I did the same with him. We really grew as a couple.
Then he started to party all the time. We split up for about a month, and he said he realized that he wasn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. We got back together and he immediately started talking about marriage. We got married and I was pregnant with my daughter. Then the nonsense started again. He would disappear after work and not be home to 1, 2, 3 o'clock in the morning. I went into preterm labor on 2 separate occasions and couldn't get in touch with him. He was supposed to be at work, but wasn't there. I was alone not knowing what would happen to my baby. I don't know how, contraception was being used, but I got pregnant with my son 5 months after she was born. I still had to put up with the same nonsense plus more. He was doing drugs and drinking and not helping me at all. Then he quit his job. And didn't tell me for 2 weeks. He would leave like he was going to work, but would go sleep in his truck. Crazy right? I knew something was going on so I called his "work" and the manager told me he just stopped coming in a few weeks before to avoid a drug test. They had noticed the behavior too. We lost our home, our car, everything. I had to move in with my parents with two babies. I told him to straighten his life out if he wanted to be a part of our family.
About two months later, we started talking reconciliation. He wanted to move to a different city to avoid the people he had been around. Said it would help him quit drugs. I did it. Moved 3 hours away from my family to try and save my marriage. It worked, for 2 years.
He starts working with this girl. I walk in to find them in his office with the door closed, supposedly doing a deposit slip. Why the need for the door to be closed? I asked, but he said I was a jealous freak. Then I find a receipt for a pregnancy test in his wallet. I knew I didn't need it. He said she must have given to him by accident. Then she requests to be moved to a different store (I wonder why?) and another girl comes in. He calls me freaking out saying she put his arms around her saying "everyone already thinks we're having sex, why not do it and get it over with?" I never accused them, so where were the accusations coming from? I believed him in all my ignorance. I couldn't understand. He is not a brad pitt. No where near. So why is it that every girl around him wants him, he doesn't even have to chase? I have let myself forget all of it and moved on thinking it was the best thing for my family.
All this time, verbal abuse has become more common. It started after we moved about 4 years ago and has only gotten worse. He tells me I ruined his life by getting pregnant. He can't have a life, friends, anything. I'm worthless. I'm fat. I'm ugly. The list goes on. Then on Christmas, I told him that I was glad we stayed home for Christmas instead of going to my parents. He says "Yeah I don't want to be around trailer trash". In turn calling me trailer trash. What brought this on? I don't know! A few days ago, I found a pack of cigarettes in the car while cleaning it out. He supposedly quit last Feb. When I confronted him about it (I was not attacking him, I was very calm and asked why he had been lying) he freaked! Lost control and started screaming at me. It was my fault. He even kicked my foot when walking by me, and I mean he was trying to kick a field goal. It hurt! And the kids started crying. What could I say? I told him to leave. The next day, I pick up his new phone to see how the internet works and he starts screaming at me. It's his phone, his business. Did I not trust him? Well that gave me reason not to. I checked his emails when he left and found that he had been trying to contact one of the girls he used to work with. The email was NOT innocent. "Are you mad at me? Do you not want to talk to me? I hope not. Just let me know." When I ask him about it, he asks me how I got it! Then he says they are just friends and he has to hide it from me because I am a jealous freak. I am a little jealous. But I do not accuse or ask questions until I am given a reason to. I really don't!
I have no where to go. I mean it, no where. My parents have their hands full, my brother too. So I've decided to make nice until I figure out what to do. What should I do? I have a part time job where I can earn only about $600-900 per month depending on how much I do. I'm lost! Please help!
Then he started to party all the time. We split up for about a month, and he said he realized that he wasn't treating me the way I deserve to be treated. We got back together and he immediately started talking about marriage. We got married and I was pregnant with my daughter. Then the nonsense started again. He would disappear after work and not be home to 1, 2, 3 o'clock in the morning. I went into preterm labor on 2 separate occasions and couldn't get in touch with him. He was supposed to be at work, but wasn't there. I was alone not knowing what would happen to my baby. I don't know how, contraception was being used, but I got pregnant with my son 5 months after she was born. I still had to put up with the same nonsense plus more. He was doing drugs and drinking and not helping me at all. Then he quit his job. And didn't tell me for 2 weeks. He would leave like he was going to work, but would go sleep in his truck. Crazy right? I knew something was going on so I called his "work" and the manager told me he just stopped coming in a few weeks before to avoid a drug test. They had noticed the behavior too. We lost our home, our car, everything. I had to move in with my parents with two babies. I told him to straighten his life out if he wanted to be a part of our family.
About two months later, we started talking reconciliation. He wanted to move to a different city to avoid the people he had been around. Said it would help him quit drugs. I did it. Moved 3 hours away from my family to try and save my marriage. It worked, for 2 years.
He starts working with this girl. I walk in to find them in his office with the door closed, supposedly doing a deposit slip. Why the need for the door to be closed? I asked, but he said I was a jealous freak. Then I find a receipt for a pregnancy test in his wallet. I knew I didn't need it. He said she must have given to him by accident. Then she requests to be moved to a different store (I wonder why?) and another girl comes in. He calls me freaking out saying she put his arms around her saying "everyone already thinks we're having sex, why not do it and get it over with?" I never accused them, so where were the accusations coming from? I believed him in all my ignorance. I couldn't understand. He is not a brad pitt. No where near. So why is it that every girl around him wants him, he doesn't even have to chase? I have let myself forget all of it and moved on thinking it was the best thing for my family.
All this time, verbal abuse has become more common. It started after we moved about 4 years ago and has only gotten worse. He tells me I ruined his life by getting pregnant. He can't have a life, friends, anything. I'm worthless. I'm fat. I'm ugly. The list goes on. Then on Christmas, I told him that I was glad we stayed home for Christmas instead of going to my parents. He says "Yeah I don't want to be around trailer trash". In turn calling me trailer trash. What brought this on? I don't know! A few days ago, I found a pack of cigarettes in the car while cleaning it out. He supposedly quit last Feb. When I confronted him about it (I was not attacking him, I was very calm and asked why he had been lying) he freaked! Lost control and started screaming at me. It was my fault. He even kicked my foot when walking by me, and I mean he was trying to kick a field goal. It hurt! And the kids started crying. What could I say? I told him to leave. The next day, I pick up his new phone to see how the internet works and he starts screaming at me. It's his phone, his business. Did I not trust him? Well that gave me reason not to. I checked his emails when he left and found that he had been trying to contact one of the girls he used to work with. The email was NOT innocent. "Are you mad at me? Do you not want to talk to me? I hope not. Just let me know." When I ask him about it, he asks me how I got it! Then he says they are just friends and he has to hide it from me because I am a jealous freak. I am a little jealous. But I do not accuse or ask questions until I am given a reason to. I really don't!
I have no where to go. I mean it, no where. My parents have their hands full, my brother too. So I've decided to make nice until I figure out what to do. What should I do? I have a part time job where I can earn only about $600-900 per month depending on how much I do. I'm lost! Please help!