My Ex and I lived together for 2 years. I'm 22 and she's 21. We are exactly 6 months apart in age, to the day. Okay, here goes:
My Ex and I started dating when we were 15. We liked each other, and we dated spearate people, but one day we just dated. We were seriously in love. I can't explain it but it was perfect. Like being a better person to everyone kind of love. Anyway, one day she flipped on her parents, they called the cops, the cops took her to the hospital, where they threw her in the psych ward. 10 days, they took her from me. I dealt with it like a death. By the time she got out, I didn't feel the same way towards her. She was all medicated, and different. I also felt like I was too young and there were way hotter girls I could be hooking up with (yeah, I was a real class act). So it ended. She told me she would love me forever, no matter what. Then began 3 years of no contact.
During that time, she started dating someone else. This guy forbade her from talking to me. He also talked all kinds of smack about me. He hated me, and I didn't even know him. They lived together and were going on 2 years. One day, 3 years later, I ran into her at a party. She offered to give me a ride home. When she dropped me off, I told her that after all these years, no woman came close to her. That I still thought about her all the time. I asked her if I could kiss her, just to be sure my feelings were real, or if I was just delusional. She kissed me. I still had feelings for her.
I later found out that she still loved me before I even kissed her. All of a sudden she stopped going home. She ignored all of his calls. We avoided everyone who knew anyone who would tell him anything. She would spend the night at my father's house. We were 19 then. We were happy, I moved in with her, and she kicked him out of course. We were happy, but during this time we fought. She would throw punches then. But we always made up. Life was good. Last fall she started going to school full-time. She told me this was going to put a LOT of stress on our relationship. Around this time, I was stressed about money and would try to escape reality to forget my problems. She would come home from working full-time and going to school full-time and wanted to vent about her day, but I was always "in my cave" trying to forget my day, so I was useless for listening. She came to resent that. I never told her I loved her. I was afraid to show my feelings. I always showed it, though. She knew I did.
I needed to go to europe to start on my career. I had been putting that on hold for a good while. Early in our relationship, I told her I had to do this. She begged me not to go, and because I loved her, I didn't. I worked a dead-end job for another few years. I then decided I had to go. I wanted her to come, but she had to work. I bought tickets. A few weeks later, She stopped talking to me. I decided she was mad, so I gave her space. One day she exploded on me. Even her co-worker whom I didn't know took the phone from her and started talking down to me, telling me she was busy having sex with someone, so she couldn't come to the phone. I could hear her laughing in the background.
She came home that night and said to me "your going to run off to Europe and cheat on me!" We started to fight. She told me I never told her I loved her. She told me we were broken up. She told me to move out. I went to the bar, and after a few drinks, I knew I had to tell her how I felt. I felt terrible without her. I went home and told her how I felt. She let me sleep there. I'm the morning, she was back on it. Her work friend called her that night and the next morning. Great friend. She kept it up, and I went to drinking heavily. I didn't know what I had done wrong.
She came home and I was drunk, and started a fight. She took my key and told me to get out. She called my friend and screamed about me for an hour. She said "hes scum, pathetic, but I still wanna be his friend" She stopped answering my calls after that point.
She called me a few days later and told me to get my stuff, or it was going out on the lawn. I came by, and she was extremely nice. She even let me leave some of my stuff there cause I couldn't get it all. A few days later, I came for the rest of it. She was crying. "i dont want you out of my life forever" I said, "isnt this what you wanted" "she said, I'm so confused" I walked right up to her, and grabbed the back of her head and kissed her. It was very passionate and she didn't fight me. I said "your heart still loves me" We talked for 6 hours. She told me how at work they found someone to replace her. Her grandmother was on her deathbed. Even with me there, she couldn't afford the bills. She told me she couldn't afford food, and wasn't eating. I told her how much I loved her. She all of a sudden because cold again. We even messed around. I spent the night! In the morning though, she said I don't think I want you in my life.
I went home and sent her an email. "i can't let you play with my heart, I love you but if this is how it is, just leave me alone I dont need these games" 6 days later, I found some of her things in my belongings she packed. She packed all of my stuff. I went over there and I brought her some groceries. She said "I dont get it, why are you being nice to me?" I said "i wanted to make sure you would eat while I was gone" "she said, "you broke up with me online!" I didnt fight with her. I left. Everyone at this point was telling me she cheated on me. After a while, you start to believe it. I posted a note online that stated what I believed happened, and how I thought she cheated on me. I deleted it a few hours later.
I went to europe. while I was there, I bought her a few things. I also posted pictures of my trip on facebook. the day I put them up, she immediately started going out to parties and posting pictures of her at these parties.
I got home and I called her. She answered. She said "I'm not ready to talk to you yet." "she also asked me why I wrote that note online, and how everyone read it. She claimed that everyone said "good for you, you deseve better". Great. Mob mentality. The next day was my birthday.She told me that she could see me the day after my birthday, but before she went to work, because that was the only time she could see me. She never did call or text me on my birthday. The next morning I woke up a little late, and she called me twice. When I got there, she told me she called to tell me she can't talk for long because she had to work. I gave her the things I bought for her. She smiled. She liked them, but immediately hid her smile. I asked to come in, she said okay. Inside looked different. She erased any sign that I lived there before. I talked to her, and she was very cold. I listened to her for once, to show her I cared. She noticed the difference. She yelled at me for the note. I didn't argue, she was right. I told her no matter what, I'll always care about her. I hugged her and she hugged me back. She walked me out. She stood at the door. She had a look like she didn't want me to leave. She closed the door very slowly as I walked away. She even locked it slowly.
I called her 5 days later. No answer. 3 days later was christmas. I bought her a gift card, even thought I knew she wasn't going to call. 7 weeks ago she broke up with me, but the days never got easier. I still love her. I know she's the one. She told her friends that she was in relationships for the past 5 years without a break, and she lost who she was. After that last time I was there, she called my friend and told him she saw the change in me, but how long would it last? She said "i don't know If I could do it again", and "It hurts that I had to throw him out and go thru all this for him to realize how important I am". My friends say I haven't given her a chance to miss me, that I kept chasing her. After that day, I started NO CONTACT. Its been hard. Her friends tell me she isn't looking for another guy. That she doesn't know what she wants right now. That there is no one else, and to give her a chance to miss me. That's what everyone says. Give her space. She's loved me for over 7 years. I've loved her for the same amount of time. People tell me this is just a bump in the road that will make up stronger. Where do I go from here? I would give her all the time in the world if she needed it. My friend bet me if I left her alone for a month, she would call me. She said that I'm in good position, and that I don't even know it cause I'm focusing on the negative. HELP?

By the way, I forgot to mention, when I went over there and she was crying, she said she didn't mean a single word she said to my friend and me being scum. She also has borderline anorexia, and I can gauge her self esteem by her weight. That by I went there she was showing me how much weight she lost. It was scary, but her grandmother was also dying. The final time I went over there, she told me how stressed she was at work. I told her is was winter break and I want her to be happy, so go out and have fun. She snapped at me, saying "oh, I fully intend to". I smiled and said "good, im glad. I just want you to be happy" she glared at me as if that comment was supposed to hurt me, and she was upset that it didn't.

... just to be sure my feelings were real, or if I was just delusional. She kissed me. I still had feelings for her...

You threw around the word "love" so many times in your post. Love is more than just feelings for another person. It is trust, choice, commitment, action. Love is a verb, not a romantic feeling. Did you truly LOVE this girl? Did she truly LOVE you?? You shouldn't have kissed her while she was interested in someone else. That is extremely disrespectful to her and her relationship. Leave her alone. Don't contact her. She is your ex, and you both have and have had a seriously unhealthy relationship. Unless you two get some serious couple's counseling, I don't see how it can work out.

It is possible to love somebody very deeply, but not be able to have a relationship with them. Love itself, is just not enough to base a relationship on.

The hardest part of letting someone go, is realizing that, while you love someone, it is just not going to work out.

I think you should take her seriously when you realized that she doesn't know who she is because she's always been in a relationship.

Let her be, and allow her to find her footing, and figure out what she wants to do. When she can stand on her own to feet and make decisions with confidence, and without doubt, only then will she be ready for any relationship.

Just an observation, but aren't you both very young for such drama and intensity?? I'm not underestimating your feelings or intentions, but it sounds like a break from each other is definitely worthwhile. You both need some sort of therapy, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. Your relationship is toxic at the moment, for both of you.

Good luck...

Honestly, I agree with all of you. I've spoken to people she talks to who are also my friends. They said no matter how mad she was, she never stated that it was over and she was moving on. I do believe true love endures all obstacles. That day after my birthday, I told her that my birthday wish was to spend some time with her. She told me she thought I wanted to be alone with friends, and why didn't I call her? When she walked me out, she gave me this look like she didn't want me to go. My friend went through something similar and she says my ex is playing games. That she misses me, but she can't show any weakness. Why are all the women in my life telling me that If I just stop talking to her and her friends, that she'll call me within a month? How is everyone so certain? And yes, I am seeing a therapist for this, and we have made several breakthroughs. My ex and I had terrible communication that caused a lot of unneeded friction. I'm sticking to my no contact. How is everyone else who knows the 2 of us so sure that she'll call? They aren't just agreeing with me. I just don't get it.

Sublimeload... you need to breathe... This has totally taken over your whole thought process, and you will drive yourself insane... It's not easy... but you have to give it time...

Take care...

Unfortunately, I see a no win situation here.

From what you've said, this girl is physically abusive to the people that she cares about, physically abusive to her own body (anorexia), mentally unstable, and an emotional rollercoaster.

Love gets through things. When two people are in a committed relationship, they can make it through anything... but the relationship has to be between two committed people... two people who don't physically abuse each other.

I don't know about this. If you were my little brother (I have a brother your age :) ), I would tell him to stay away from this girl. Like Jake2008 said above, there are some people that you can love but can't be in a relationship with. I would be afraid for your safety with this girl.

It sounds like you have a possibility in front of you with this "european career move"... she isn't supporting you in that, rather, she accused you of "going to Europe to cheat" on her. That is not a trusting, sane, committed half of a relationship.

I'm sorry, but if you were my brother, I'd tell you to move on. True love is kind, committed, wrapped-up-in-one-another, shout-it-from-the-rooftops, all-consuming, best friends, Everything kind of experience.

You're worth that. Best of luck.

Well, I haven't talked to her or her friends for 20 days now. Sometime after the 1 week mark, she hid her relationship status from me, and only me, on Facebook.

Believe me, I'm not keeping tabs on her. We have some 75 mutual friends on FB, and my sister (a mutual friend on FB) told me that she could see her relationship status. I hid my relationship status over a month ago cause I was sick of seeing the word 'single' next to my name.
Tit for tat?

There are still pictures of us kissing, amongst other things, that are still in her photo albums, both of us tagged. I can still access her photos, and she has not untagged herself in my photos of us together. She has not blocked me from searching for her profile, nor has she blocked me from messaging her.

Anyway, no contact is not easy. I feel that venting this to others is helpful.

I took her for granted at the end, and she picked up on it. Before I left for europe, I went to the library to find a relationship book. The librarian kept trying to stick this one book down my throat. I refused to read it. I went to europe, and while I was there, I went into St. James Cathedral (yes, the Guinness brewery one). I said "I dont know if I'm supposed to be with her the rest of my life or not, but could you please give me a sign? and could you please remove these burdens from me? they are not mine to bear"

Well, a few days later, the couple that hosted us in Brussels gave me something. It was the same book the librarian tried to give me, only I was 4000 miles away from home. My host told me, I want you to have this. Keep it.

There was my sign. It was "men/mars women/venus". I have read that book some 6 times, and I learned how most of this would have been avoidable, and a lot of friction was caused by a lack of communication. I also was a very selfish and apathetic individual before I left for europe. I had no phone, no map, and a taste for adventure while I was there. Somewhere along the way, my cold/bitter self was left behind. That was my burden. Armed with this new sense of self, and understanding I came home.

I believe everything happens for a reason. Sure, IF I would have started no contact the day she broke up with me, I would have her back right now. BUT, I would have never learned anything.

No contact. The odds of the book coming back to me are something like 10,000:1. I do not believe its coincidence. I was destined to read it. I also read another book recently. This book taught me that Fear makes you believe in lies that your imagination created. You have to remove belief in imaginary fears to see the full picture. I believed she cheated, and I informed the whole world of this as if it were truth. That's why she's so mad.

I have grown so much since this break up.

I know she is hurting just as much as I am. I know were not together right now, but she's still my baby. I want her to be happy, even if that means with someone else.

I'm staying positive; She misses me; she loves me; she thinks about me.
Those are 3 things I know to be true.

I heard our song, and I couldn't help but get depressed. I looked through a photo album, and just her face made me smile, even though the song was still playing. She may be one mixed up individual, but she still sets my body ablaze.

It's good you're learning about yourself and feel you're growing as a person. I would advice you to stay away from FB. True NC means not keeping tabs on them in any way.

I am very impressed that you have gained so much insight and confidence in yourself. I believe too that book happened for a reason.

The more confidence you have in yourself, the more clearly you can observe the behaviour in others. You are in a position to better judge how their behaviour is affecting you, as opposed to reacting to their behaviour without understanding.

From a bit of a distance, this insight will guide you in finding what you need in a relationship. It is hard to be critical of someone you love because we tend to overlook the obvious simply because we are blind to it.

But I can tell you that the effort you are making now in figuring this all out, will only benefit you in the long run.

I really hope you keep up with the healing and moving forward as you have.

Don't be the moth attracted to the flame. You'll only get burned.

Would it be safe to say that at this point she doesn't know what she wants? Or would it be safe to say there is no chance she wants to be with me?

That is something nobody but her knows. Only she is aware of what goes on in her mind.

That is something nobody but her knows. Only she is aware of what goes on in her mind.

Your absolutely right, amicon. I guess I was just asking for an opinion of the matter.

As of right now, I know for a fact that when she left her last boyfriend for me, she changed the locks, changed her phone number, blocked him on Facebook, changed all of her passwords, etc..

As of late, she has not changed her phone number, blocked me in any way on Facebook, and still has pictures of us together up on her profile. There are pictures of us kissing, etc. and I can still access these photos.

I believe that any rational person who was over and done with a relationship and was pursuing someone else would want to delete images of them kissing their ex, as to not offend the new boyfriend. I would also imagine the pictures to be a painful reminder, just in case she's not yet ready to find someone new. To my knowledge, young women love to look at photos. I would wager she knows they are there.

The last time I saw her, she had this look in her eyes. She loves me deeply. About 2 weeks after no contact started, she blocked me from being able to see her relationship status. I feel the opposite of love is indifference. You might think differently

Before my sister left for france, she said something to me: "stay strong and don't give up hope." Would it seem to the outsider that its too soon to abandon all hope?

You're asking the wrong person as when I'm out of a relationship, I don't look back. Never mind how much it hurts.

I think you're living in false hope-that's my opinion-again,nobody can know what's going on in her head.

I hope you're living your life and not just overthinking the past.

I am living life, but I am just now realizing that the real reason she broke up with me is cause we had a 3some some 7 weeks before she broke up with me and she felt like I cheated on her in front of her. And now that I'm in the 'no contact' phase, I can't even tell her anything. So yeah, I'm just running on hopes and dreams. Yeah, believe me, I am living life to the fullest, but I'm not looking for sex at the moment

Most often fantasies should remain just that.

Heal from this before getting into a relationship again.

And I wouldn't break NC for any reason.

Okay, so out of nowhere, My closest friend tells me she called him. "what time do you ride the train in the morning?"

He works downtown, and she goes to school downtown. So they ride the train together. She knows darn well he's one of my closest friends. I'm sticking to no contact, but she is giving him her schedule (not that I care), and she showed him the gift card I mailed her for coffee, plus the coffee she bought with it that day.

This friend has been supporting me through the entire breakup and the aftermath. He is one of my best friends. He won't tell her anything. He's 'the vault'. I'm not worried for one second. If it was anyone else, I would be worried.

She contacted him, yet he says he can tell she doesn't trust him. But she's talking to him. He said she isn't adamant about being on her own, that she is very confused. He said her mind is going 5 directions at once. So I guess its true, maybe she is mixed up in her head.

School starts next week for me, so I'm going to be very busy, which is a good thing. I'm going to stay positive. Wish me luck, it looks like everything just may work itself out.

Best of luck to you-take good care of yourself! :-)

Thanks, mate!